dooday24 Report post Posted April 18, 2009 hi all im having a nitemare at the moment with reece biting i am covered in bruises and so is my poor mother.......... my mum had to go and hav a tetnus jab yesterday and a stronge course of antibiotics!!!! as her leg had become infected where he has bitten her...... and i feel awful DONT KNOW WAT TO DO!!!!!! LOVE DONNAXXXXX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NickyB Report post Posted April 18, 2009 blimey, donna, u r really going thru it at the mo What do you do in the way of punishment when he bites? We are sending DS to the 3rd step on the stairs for a certain time if he kicks or hits (it's the least interesting place we could think of for him!!) - he tries to use a different step, but we are sticking to our guns. He's really hating it, but that's the general idea!! We are trying to be really consistent with this, as he needs to have a clear punishment and to know that we are in charge. Also, do you think it could be linked to your housing situation - must be really unsettling for him (and all of you) Take care Nicky <'> <'> <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Enid Report post Posted April 18, 2009 What a nightmare, does he feel guilty? poor old mum! and you, there has to be a consequence. tell him he will have to go to the dentist to have his teeth taken out!! only joking before anyone has a go at me. Enid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dooday24 Report post Posted April 18, 2009 the thought did cross my mind too enid lol this is the first time hes actually said he was sorry for hurting us so think that is a brakthrough now got to think up clear consiquences for his actions its really hard as this only normally happens wen we goto apointments (we were seeing the phsychiatrist and phsychologist at the time ) he just dosnt handle appointments and also happens on the bus as he gets anxious im not making excuses for him and i want to help him channel his stress another way love donnaxxxxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bikemad Report post Posted April 18, 2009 No advice but didnt want to read n run.... <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dooday24 Report post Posted April 18, 2009 thanku bikemad xxxxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wasuup Report post Posted April 18, 2009 With my 2 year old the biting ect is instead of a tantrum and can be quite repetitive. Sometimes its a case of just holding him still until he is calm before anything else even so he can still manage the odd nip or head but as he is small for his age and wriggly. I am just trying to be firm, keep calm and not to give the bad behaviours too much attention. He can also be loving and sweet when not being like this. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dooday24 Report post Posted April 18, 2009 thats sounds exactly like reece wasuup thats wat i do with reece already but its getting harder as hes 8 now............. i av asked about control and restraint courses so i know im holding him safely but dont do one around here for parents which is disgusting...... love donnaxxxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wasuup Report post Posted April 18, 2009 thats sounds exactly like reece wasuup thats wat i do with reece already but its getting harder as hes 8 now............. i av asked about control and restraint courses so i know im holding him safely but dont do one around here for parents which is disgusting...... love donnaxxxx Yes I can imagine it is much tougher with a 8 year old as well <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
westie Report post Posted April 18, 2009 sorry no advice, both mine have bitten (eldest worse) but he grew out of it by about 5 or 6 and cant imagine how you would deal with an 8yr old esp if you have no training in how to restrain safely <'> <'> <'> for you and your mum. I hope someone can help Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dooday24 Report post Posted April 18, 2009 thanku wasupp and westie . it is very hard trying to hold a 8 yr old safetly and even harder as he has loose sockets and his wrists and elbows pop out and we av to go to hosp to av them put bak in... love donnaxxxxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wasuup Report post Posted April 18, 2009 thanku wasupp and westie . it is very hard trying to hold a 8 yr old safetly and even harder as he has loose sockets and his wrists and elbows pop out and we av to go to hosp to av them put bak in... love donnaxxxxx Blimey! <'> The 2 year old is really bendy-w position and that kind of thing so impossible to keep still in one position for long. I so hope he grows out of it soon........ Hope you get the support you need to help you very soon!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dooday24 Report post Posted April 18, 2009 thanku i hope sooo tooo love donnaxxxxxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sally44 Report post Posted April 18, 2009 I've not had this problem to that extent, so I'm just shooting in the dark here. Firstly, it is far easier to have any kind of structure for what happens with behaviour when you are at home. Out on the streets and in shops is something else!! I've had occasions when I've been standing in a queue whilst my son is writhing on the floor because the name of the food item he wants in the cafe has been changed on the menu!! I apologise, if i'm going over any stuff you have already done. But when you are going out do you talk about it before hand and use some kind of visual sequence of what will happen (if you think that would be helpful). With my son he also has alot of sensory issues, and going out of the house used to be a real problem. But I started using dark sunglasses (now my son has Irlen lenses), cap or hoodie, DIY ear defenders (which have now progressed to CD player), and something small to hold onto in his pocket or some small toy. That really worked wonders in my case because it reduced all the incoming sensory information and I think alot of my son's anxiety was about that. If he starts inappropriate behaviour at home I try to nip it as soon as I see it starting and tell him to go upstairs to his room to calm down. So his bedroom isn't a punishment area, it is a place he goes to calm down and to try to stop both him and I escalating the situation. And it is so easy to escalate it, because they go (from an emotional point of view) from zero to a hundred in a matter of seconds, causing us to feel we have to 'intervene' against this inappropriate behaviour. So I try not to be sucked into the cycle, and just tell him to go upstairs. Doesn't always work. Usually he is going upstairs shouting abuse or saying how rubbish I am or the family is etc. Can you also talk with your son about these episodes afterwards, and I mean a while afterwards when he is totally calm again? Sometimes working on this area can take a very long time (ie. years), but if your child is able to have simple conversations about what happened and how either he or you can make things easier next time, then slowly some changes can be made, and the child can become more aware of his behaviour. This isn't always possible whilst it is happening because that is just a totally overwhelming out of control feeling for them. And I don't have the answers to whether it is about being autistic or being naughty. Infact Donna Williams (autistic adult), herself termed the phrase nautie or autie. No parent wants to let their child off the hook when they need to learn and take some responsibility. But also I think many parents recognise that how their child is reacting in certain situations is not down to just being naughty. And if it is down to autistic thinking, or anxiety, or sensory overload etc it is hard to make a judgement sometimes about whether punishment is appropriate. And I know that sometimes I can be just so damn impatient and frustrated that he won't just do what I ask and DO IT NOW. When my son did used to bite, I did bite him back once, not really hard, but hard enough for it to hurt. And sometimes I have used his autistic behaviour and done it myself back to him for him to see a reflection of himself. That was interesting. He immediately recognised my behaviour as being the same as his and stopped doing the thing I had thrown the tantrum about. So, within limits, I think using their behaviour back at them can give both the child and parent some very useful insights. But I'm rambling again. Would your son understand if you explained to him about how biting can cause an infection? Sometimes they don't know the implication of what they do. For example I don't think my son understood that biting hurt other people until I bit him! And he is able to understand about germs and how they can get under your skin and cause an infection. But he would need it explaining to him, because he would not automatically understand the outcome of biting someone else. Would he also understand if you told him that grandma thinks he doesn't like her because he bit her? These are all things I could use with my son, but I know that every child is totally different. Having to restrain a child must be very hard when they start getting bigger! What would happen if they were not restrained? I know that when my son is very upset any attempt to talk to him or touch him only makes things worse. Because he is experiencing sensory overload, any additional sensory information through talking or touching only adds to the problem. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dooday24 Report post Posted April 19, 2009 thanku ever so much sally think u av hit the nail on the head with yr post i dont think the restraining thing helps as he gets more upset bein held but if i dont hold him he continues to hit kick and bite and if we r on a bus he ends up running around the bus so i have to hold on to him for his safety and the safety of others around him he has got betta at home if things r getting to him or hes had enough he usually takes himself off and lays on my bed but wen we r out and about as u know its just totally different ive spent hrs sitting on a grass verge with him ,wen hes had a major meltdown wen he goes off hes like a bomb iykwim, and he will scream kick bite ect for hrs and hrs we av even been reported to the nspcc by our neighbours bcause of his screaming !!!!! and this can just start with someone touching his pokemon cards as they av walked passed by accident i dont think he wud understand about the infection.... but i cud try thanku for all the advice its really apreciated love donnaxxxxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
