Mumble Report post Posted April 23, 2009 I've got to go and see my hall manager tomorrow about an incident that happened today. I think it's unreasonable on the part of the other person but I'm also well aware that I'm under a heck of a lot of stress and it doesn't take much to set me off, so I could be to blame, hence I'd like some other opinions. A girl who lives on my corridor has always been a bit 'difficult' - giving me nasty looks, whispering things about me I can't hear etc. This has been happening since September and I have dealt with it by ignoring it, because my previous experience of reporting low level bullying made it worse. This student shouts at the dinner ladies so I've just thought she has a bit of an attitude problem. Today I went to the kitchen to heat up my pasta in the microwave at lunchtime. As it's the holidays we have to cook for ourselves which I find difficult anyway. This student was in the kitchen cooking something elaborate on the hob using all the rings (considering there are 30 students who use the kitchen I think that was rather thoughtless at lunchtime). I asked her politely as she was standing in front of it if she was using the microwave. She said no. I put my food in, then she said, can't you go and use another kitchen (not one we're supposed to use and I do rule following), I don't want to be irradiated. I said the microwave wouldn't irradiate here and I needed to heat up my food. I put the microwave on and went to my room as I had forgotten my plate. When I came back to the kitchen she had turned the microwave off and told me it couldn't be on whilst she was in there as she didn't want to get irradiated. I said sorry, but there are 30 students using this kitchen and you (her) can't tell others what they can and cannot do and proceeded to put my semi-ruined food back in the microwave. She started yelling at me, calling me a freaking weirdo and saying she had read research about people being irradiated by microwaves. I'm afraid that at that point I lost it and yelled back at her and swore and told her exactly what I thought of her. She then went and rounded up some of her equally nasty buddies to come and laugh at me in the kitchen, and reduced me to tears - I walked off with ruined food with them laughing down the corridor after me. Now, I know I shouldn't have shouted or sworn, but surely her behaviour is unreasonable and if she's that concerned she shouldn't be living in student halls (especially ones that don't have ovens so we have to use the microwave). Anyway, if if is irradiating the kitchen, that's probably a good thing and it kills off the germs growing in the mess!! I think I'm just going to have ice-cream for dinner Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pearl Report post Posted April 23, 2009 She sounds like a selfish idiot. I don't think you were being unreasonable at all. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted April 23, 2009 Yes, it does sound unreasonable, but it also sounds as though you 'played into her hands' when you lost it with her. Always hard, i know, but you would have been better off just ignoring her, quietly reheating your food while she ranted then (if you could) sitting and eating it in front of her or (if you couldn't) quietly taking it to your room and eating it there... For whatever reason, some people just live to upset other people. It says far more about them than it does the people they upset. If they see you are upset, they're happy, You cannot win with someone like that by reacting, you can only frustrate them by not reacting. It's hard, and it's unreasonable, but it is the best way if you possibly can. L&P BD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pearl Report post Posted April 23, 2009 *nods* yes, I'd agree with that. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted April 23, 2009 *nods* too... Wait a minute... This is very spooky... Have we entered the Twilight Zone?? Bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cmuir Report post Posted April 23, 2009 Hi Poor you. It rather sounds to me like she was being deliberately obstructive, especially because you've had issues with her before. She was also being incredibly selfish and showed a definite lack of consideration. You know yourself that you shouldn't have swore at her, etc, but don't beat yourself up. She put you in a difficult situation that stressed you out and she in turn reacted abominably by gathering a crowd. Baddad made a good point – sadly, some people thrive of seeing and/or causing others to be upset, miserable, embarrased, etc. Without doubt, best way to deal with those types of people is to give them no reaction (or as some would say, 'not add fuel to the fire'), ignore it or remove yourself from the situation by walking away. Best wishes for tomorrow with hall manager. Caroline. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Emma_74 Report post Posted April 24, 2009 i agree with all the others she is definatly being unreasonable Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pippin Report post Posted April 24, 2009 Hi Mumble, sorry you're having a rough time. Can I suggest that, as you're seing the hall manager today about it, that you print off your description of what happened from here. You have described it well and having it in writing may help you at your meeting. Good luck. Pippin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bikemad Report post Posted April 24, 2009 Totally unreasonable of her.....thats bullying!!!! <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
puffin Report post Posted April 24, 2009 Yes she sounds very unreasonale and nasty I would be sure to make it clear that she was the one that started the unreasonable behaviour: - taking up all the rings - being awkward and trying to stop you using your kitchen - turning off your food - and that it was this girl who started the conflict by verbally assaulting YOU - this girl made derogatory comments about your disability and encouraging others to bully you Therefore given that she started it I would demand a written apology from HER Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
puffin Report post Posted April 24, 2009 Yes she sounds very unreasonale and nasty I would be sure to make it clear that she was the one that started the unreasonable behaviour: - taking up all the rings - being awkward and trying to stop you using your kitchen - turning off your food - and that it was this girl who started the conflict by verbally assaulting YOU - this girl made derogatory comments about your disability and encouraging others to bully you Therefore given that she started it I would demand a written apology from HER Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mumble Report post Posted April 25, 2009 it also sounds as though you 'played into her hands' when you lost it with her. Yes, I know and I wish I hadn't - I've always contained it before (which has actually annoyed her more) - but this time too much other stress and I blew. She's been trying since with all sorts and I've just turned away from her and I can see her fuming that it's not working The only thing that's really upsetting me is her involvement of others as I got on with the other students on my floor (only on a saying hello basis, but that's good for me). I spoke to the hall managers and I have to go back on Monday to finish dealing with it, but they've made it clear that I am not to blame for anything and will not be held responsible (in fact, I'm a bit confused because one even congratulated me for shouting at her which I know was the wrong thing to do). What was interesting was that even though I didn't know this girl's name and I'm awful at describing people the managers knew exactly who she was. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted April 25, 2009 The only thing that's really upsetting me is her involvement of others as I got on with the other students on my floor (only on a saying hello basis, but that's good for me). Probably, as is often the case in situations like this, most of them just 'go along with it' to divert attention from themselves and 'fit in'... That doesn't help you any, but at least it's reassuring to think that they are doing it because of their own insecurity rather than out of any malice towards you. Good luck for Monday L&P BD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
