Devastated :*(

[oxgirl]

My son is 15. He'd never had a friend in his entire life until last year he 'clicked' with another boy in his unit. He moved to another site (as he's older) in September but a few sessions per week for him to continue seeing this lad were timetabled in. He saw him today and he's told my son he doesn't want to be his friend anymore. He's crushed and devastated. He said to me "what am I going to do now, who can I turn to now?" He used to see this lad for an hour here and there per week and the rest of the time he's at school he is alone and isolated. Now it looks like he'll be alone and isolated the whole time he's at school.

 

~ Mel ~

[Karen A]

My son is 15. He'd never had a friend in his entire life until last year he 'clicked' with another boy in his unit. He moved to another site (as he's older) in September but a few sessions per week for him to continue seeing this lad were timetabled in. He saw him today and he's told my son he doesn't want to be his friend anymore. He's crushed and devastated. He said to me "what am I going to do now, who can I turn to now?" He used to see this lad for an hour here and there per week and the rest of the time he's at school he is alone and isolated. Now it looks like he'll be alone and isolated the whole time he's at school.

 

~ Mel ~

 

<'> <'> <'> I know from your previous posts how important that friendship was.

 

[pearl]

Really sorry Mel <'>

[NickyB]

Mel <'> <'> <'>

[Lisa40]

I am so sorry. <'> <'> Did the lad give a reason why he didn't want to be friends anymore with your son?

[bid]

Oh Mel

 

Bid <'>

[Mandapanda]

Hi Mel

 

I do feel for you, especially as your son actually had this friendship and has now lost it. I have observed changes in the friendship groups at this sort of age anyway though.

 

My son wanted to be friends with a boy a couple of years ago, but another friend of that boy didn't like my son and constantly told him not to be friendly to my son. At one point he did come round to our house and he was a nice lad but he had a very unsettled home life and spent half of his time living elsewhere. The visit seemed to go OK but he never came again. My son was very disappointed.

 

The friend of the other boy recently invited my son to go Go-Karting with him and his friends, but I made sure he forgot about it as I suspected they had invited him to pick on him. (I hope I wasn't wrong and blew his chance of a new friend )

 

Maybe other boys have said something to your son's friend about being friends with him? Teenagers can be extra critical of different people who don't fit in with their crowd. I have found my son gravitates towards the rock music/wargaming variety of boys and they seem to all be 'individuals' who don't follow the crowd.

 

My son's best friend moved to the other end of the country last October but he keeps in touch by MSN messenger and seems OK with that fortunately.

 

I imagine it's a shock for both of you at the moment, hopefully this will ease as time goes on. <'> <'> <'>

[oxgirl]

Did the lad give a reason why he didn't want to be friends anymore with your son?

 

Apparently my son is boring and has no imagination.

 

~ Mel ~

[baddad]

 

So sorry.

 

Do you know any more of the background to this? Possibly there are some fences that can be mended/bridges that can be built? Sometimes these things blow up from small niggles that can be handled to be big niggles that can't, and when the dust settles things look quite different?

 

Either way, very best

 

L&P

 

BD

[oxgirl]

Do you know any more of the background to this? Possibly there are some fences that can be mended/bridges that can be built? Sometimes these things blow up from small niggles that can be handled to be big niggles that can't, and when the dust settles things look quite different?

 

TBH, the friendship always was a bit tenuous. They didn't really talk to each other, they just had a few scheduled-in sessions when they'd sit and play with Lego together, side by side, like very young children (this lad is 12). Jay considered him a 'friend' because he was so desperate to have someone to interract with, but the friendship never really did progress any further really. I think this other lad has moved on, he has friends in the mainstream classes he attends, he has friends who live near him who come over to play and sleepover, he just outgrew Jay and left him behind. Unfortunately for Jay, that also leaves him totally alone ............. again.

I'm so devastated for him, there's not a thing I can say to him to make him feel any better.

 

~ Mel ~

[baddad]

TBH, the friendship always was a bit tenuous. They didn't really talk to each other, they just had a few scheduled-in sessions when they'd sit and play with Lego together, side by side, like very young children (this lad is 12). Jay considered him a 'friend' because he was so desperate to have someone to interract with, but the friendship never really did progress any further really. I think this other lad has moved on, he has friends in the mainstream classes he attends, he has friends who live near him who come over to play and sleepover, he just outgrew Jay and left him behind. Unfortunately for Jay, that also leaves him totally alone ............. again.

I'm so devastated for him, there's not a thing I can say to him to make him feel any better.

 

~ Mel ~

 

 

I don't know if this would be viable, but i've occassionally seen PM's come through from the local equiv of the local NAS where people have done a 'round robin' of people on the mailing list to see if other kids would be interested in a meet up? i know it all seems a bit 'set up' etc, but it could be an option if your local NAS runs a group or anything?

 

L&P

 

BD

[Sally44]

Do you go to a parent support group or some other kind of gathering where the children can get together to socialise or play? It is really good and positive that he wants to be friends. Can you set up any playdates through other children at his school? I usually speak with the TA who spends the most time with my son, and ask her who he tends to have any positive social interaction with and invite them round for a play date - with varying success I might add!! The support group I go to is at a community college and they set up all the gym equipment, bouncy castle and trampoline for the kids as well as lego, drawing stuff etc. What I like about the club is that it is for those with an ASD, their siblings, and they can also invite friends along as well. So there is always a really good mixture of kids there. There might be something like that in your area?

But lots of <'> <'> <'> to you and your son.

[Canopus]

My son is 15. He'd never had a friend in his entire life until last year he 'clicked' with another boy in his unit. He moved to another site (as he's older) in September but a few sessions per week for him to continue seeing this lad were timetabled in. He saw him today and he's told my son he doesn't want to be his friend anymore. He's crushed and devastated. He said to me "what am I going to do now, who can I turn to now?" He used to see this lad for an hour here and there per week and the rest of the time he's at school he is alone and isolated. Now it looks like he'll be alone and isolated the whole time he's at school.

 

~ Mel ~

 

What a black day.

 

I really hate it when friendships get broken like this.

 

[szxmum]

Mel, I am so, so sorry <'> >< <'>

 

I can so relate to this. It is horrible watching your son want to be friends but be unable to relate to others, to watch potential companions come and invariably go, to watch the dawning realisation when they realise they are "different" to their peers. It breaks your heart knowing you cannot stop their pain.

 

The support groups that BD and Sally suggest seem a good idea. I'm also going to see if there are any in our area for my own ds.

 

Anyway, I'll be thinking of you both <'>

Edited April 28, 2009 by szxmum

[oxgirl]

What a black day.

 

Yes, that's exactly what it feels like.

 

~ Mel ~

[Emma_74]

I can totally relate to this situation and i really am very sorry that you are haveing to deal with it

 

Emma

[Sally44]

TBH, the friendship always was a bit tenuous. They didn't really talk to each other, they just had a few scheduled-in sessions when they'd sit and play with Lego together, side by side, like very young children (this lad is 12). Jay considered him a 'friend' because he was so desperate to have someone to interract with, but the friendship never really did progress any further really. I think this other lad has moved on, he has friends in the mainstream classes he attends, he has friends who live near him who come over to play and sleepover, he just outgrew Jay and left him behind. Unfortunately for Jay, that also leaves him totally alone ............. again.

I'm so devastated for him, there's not a thing I can say to him to make him feel any better.

 

~ Mel ~

 

 

TBH my son would love someone to play lego with (especially Star Wars lego). So follow the interest, there will be children out there.