Bedtime help needed

[Carolynrg]

Hi I'm new to the Forum but could really do with some advice.

 

My Son Harvey who is Three has just been Diagnosed Aspergers

 

MY main concern is Bedtime as I have an 18 month Daughter as well only 2 bedrooms so they have to share and he really is disturbing her sleep. He will constantly get out of bed and into her cot and bvounce all over her I put him back into his bed and tell him he must not get in there but as soon as I leave the room he is back in there!! Other things he does is Plugs is TV in to put Videos on or he will get out of bed to play with his toys I swear we go up about 10-15 times per night. He was always a Great Sleeper and once he is asleep we have no problems most of the time.

 

Can anyone suggest anything I'm at a loss oh he is also confrontational and will really back chat as well and argue with us. Please help

[baddad]

Hi I'm new to the Forum but could really do with some advice.

 

My Son Harvey who is Three has just been Diagnosed Aspergers

 

MY main concern is Bedtime as I have an 18 month Daughter as well only 2 bedrooms so they have to share and he really is disturbing her sleep. He will constantly get out of bed and into her cot and bvounce all over her I put him back into his bed and tell him he must not get in there but as soon as I leave the room he is back in there!! Other things he does is Plugs is TV in to put Videos on or he will get out of bed to play with his toys I swear we go up about 10-15 times per night. He was always a Great Sleeper and once he is asleep we have no problems most of the time.

 

Can anyone suggest anything I'm at a loss oh he is also confrontational and will really back chat as well and argue with us. Please help

 

I think it's just a case of 'camping out' on the landing until he learns that as soon as he gets out of bed he'll get (silently, with no verbal exchange whatsoever) put back in.

You could also get one of those bed guards that tuck under the mattress and put an extra barrier there (assuming his bed's against a wall on the other side, otherwise you'll need two). That way, it'll take him three times longer to get out and with you standing by to put him straight back in he'll soon realise it's a lost cause.

for most 'NT' kids they'll give up the ghost in about a week. You'll be looking at a bit longer than that, but if you stick to it rigidly you'll get there.

 

L&P

 

BD

[Carolynrg]

Thanks for the advice BD

[call me jaded]

Take the TV out of the room for a while? DS has a distraction-free room.

[baddad]

Thanks for the advice BD

 

No worries

When I was going through the process I found the camping on the landing quite restful... Not at first, because you'll be getting up every minute or so, but by the time it get's to 10 minute intervals the spaces in between are nice.

One thing I forgot - for the first few nights I stayed by the bed, stroking son's hand and gently pushing him back every time he tried to get up. I timed this for ten minutes, then decamped to 'base' at the top of the stairs! That may not be quite so easy in a shared room, but if he's waking the baby up anyway, better he's waking the baby up with you in control rather than under his. perhaps your partner can be in chardge of 'baby' while you attend son.

Another important factor is that Harvey know what to expect; so tell him in the simplest terms possible what you are going to be doing and why. If you can, get him to agree to the 'idea' in daylight, even if he's less convinced when it comes to the crunch. Make it a 'mutual' target, even if you have to be a bit creative/subjective about the 'mutual'. Involving/telling the child wouldn't be possible in all cases, but I'm assuming with the AS diagnosis that Harvey is verbal and able to process (even if he doesn't want to follow! ) simple instructions.

Oh - just thought of one other thing... If you can. make bed part of a very rigid routine, maybe including a timetable or pecs chart.

 

something like: have tea/play and DVD time/bath (always a good sleep inducer)/clean teeth/into bed/story time/SLEEP or whatever routine works in your house...

 

Happy camping!

[Karen A]

Hi.I think that my all time favourite person in the practice of sleep training has to be Dr Tanya Byron.I don't know if you have come across her.She is the psychologist who worked on a couple of series of The House Of Tiny Tearaways.The programme covered sleep difficuties for many toddlers who were having great difficuties staying in bed.Whilst none of the children covered had AS the routine used was the one suggested by BD.It always took a while and things got worse before they got better.However for parents with the stammina and determination to stick at it the success rate was very high.

I don't know if any of the series are available any where.However there is a book that accompanied the series that is in my library. Karen.

Edited May 2, 2009 by Karen A

[Karen A]

Hi.One other suggestion.Is there any way you could put the cot somewhere else for a few nights so that your daughter is not kept awake whilst you attempt to get worst of the work done.

Can you tell we have had the same problem ? I still remember it well although Ben is 10.Fortunately his elder brother sleeps through most things.Karen.

[Carolynrg]

Thanks so much everyone I will definately get onto it and see if we can crack this it really is very trying especially as he used to be such a good settler at bedtime. Will let you know how it goes

[Karen A]

Thanks so much everyone I will definately get onto it and see if we can crack this it really is very trying especially as he used to be such a good settler at bedtime. Will let you know how it goes

 

Hi.I missed the last post and am just wondering.

If he was a good settler before has there been a change in routine or something that has disrupted things or is it just that he is older ?

I am just interested.I was wondering if there has been a change in the day time routine like a later afternoon sleep,getting up later,napping in the car or change of bedroom arrangements that could have disrupted the good settling ? Karen.

[Paula]

Totaly different way of dealing with it but id remove the baby from the room and then id just let the lad get on with it .My way of thinking is hes probably not ready for sleep hence the reason hes wandering round or he likes to do these things before sleep as part of some type of routine hes got into.

 

I say all this because my son wanders around in his room always has done............he doesnt put the tv on but counts money out his money box rumages round in his wardrobe sometimes wanders about downstaires collecting stuff hes left he even for some unknown reason drags the washing basket into his bedroom.who knows why.........i found over the years that he settles quicker if left to get on with what ever hes doing because its over quicker than me interfearing with it all.

 

 

[Gem]

Hi I'm new to the Forum but could really do with some advice.

 

My Son Harvey who is Three has just been Diagnosed Aspergers

 

MY main concern is Bedtime as I have an 18 month Daughter as well only 2 bedrooms so they have to share and he really is disturbing her sleep. He will constantly get out of bed and into her cot and bvounce all over her I put him back into his bed and tell him he must not get in there but as soon as I leave the room he is back in there!! Other things he does is Plugs is TV in to put Videos on or he will get out of bed to play with his toys I swear we go up about 10-15 times per night. He was always a Great Sleeper and once he is asleep we have no problems most of the time.

 

Can anyone suggest anything I'm at a loss oh he is also confrontational and will really back chat as well and argue with us. Please help

 

Hi, My son Harvey is 4, and we have a very similar night time problem!!

Harvey is currently being assessed for possible Aspergers/ADHD, My eldest son was diagnosed with Aspergers last year.

We went through a nightmare with Harvey at bedtime, he would go crazy, and laugh hysterically at us if we told him off, which was awful. He just doesnt seem to ever be tired!! Like your Harvey, once he is asleep he is fine until morning. We bought some herbal/homeopathic drops called FOCUS ADHD. More recently we have been giving him Omega 3 syrup too. He has definately calmed down and settles down quicker, (we put him back to bed 2 or 3 times now instead of 15 or 20 times!!)

Its not a miracle cure, but has really helped.

Gemma

[Mookamoo]

DS has nothing in his bedroom apart from books which he can help himself to and read quietly. Having a TV and toys is just too much stimulation.

 

He is older now and we have bought him an iPod pillow so he can listen to music quietly. He shares with his brother and things on the whole are OK.

 

Good luck!

[cmuir]

Hi

 

Ooooh, I sympathise. You've perhaps already been down this route, but if not, have you've considered a visual timetable depicting the bedtime routine? Children on the spectrum are able to process visual information much better than verbal information. In addition, and again, you've perhaps already tried this, but by ensuring a rigid bedtime routine can help. After dinner, start the 'winding down' process. I know that people often think that exercise will wear out a child, but this has the opposite effect with my son! Rule out any energetic activities and opt for the more sedatory/relaxing activities such as playing with lego, reading a book together, etc. Setting time limits can be really helpful - I purchased Tikkit sand timers which are fairly large, robus, and colour coded (so even a young child can 'see' the time passing). Also, a relaxing bath can help.

 

Sorry, can't offer any other advice.

 

Best wishes with things

 

Caroline

[Carolynrg]

Hi Everyone,

Sorry been away with the family on a short break had a great time but Harvey was very exhausting!!!!

 

Hmmm thanks for all the suggestions and some of them I will definately take on board and try Some I'm not sure we can do like remove our daughter as there is no-where we can put her our room is too small to take her cotbed and to be honest I don't think Harvey would settle if she wasn't there. I am working on the visual timetables at the moment I know he uses them at school and it works really well. We always give him plenty of warning before things are going to happen and he's fine with that it's just when he gets into bed he wont stay there. I'm sure we will get there in the end.

 

Carolyn

[Karen A]

Hi Everyone,

Sorry been away with the family on a short break had a great time but Harvey was very exhausting!!!!

 

Hmmm thanks for all the suggestions and some of them I will definately take on board and try Some I'm not sure we can do like remove our daughter as there is no-where we can put her our room is too small to take her cotbed and to be honest I don't think Harvey would settle if she wasn't there. I am working on the visual timetables at the moment I know he uses them at school and it works really well. We always give him plenty of warning before things are going to happen and he's fine with that it's just when he gets into bed he wont stay there. I'm sure we will get there in the end.

 

Carolyn

 

Hope you recover from the break soon.

Good luck in the trial of the suggestions too.Karen.

 

[sandyn]

When my son was your age, I had exactly the same problem. I agree with the other posts - get rid of the tv/dvd. They are far too stimulating. TV is for daytime. Not to be associated with bedtime.

 

I ended up going to a sleep clinic in the end and this is what they suggested to me (If you can try and get your daughter to sleep before your son gets into his room. I can appreciate this will be difficult for you especially as your little ones are so close. )

 

 

Tell your little boy that as he has been such a good boy that day and he has let his let his sister go to sleep, he is allowed to read some books in bed, quietly on his own. But let him know that if he makes a noise, wakes his sister up or gets out of bed the treat will be removed. Leave him and see if he drops off. It worked for my son.

uu

If this doesn't work contact your health visitor and get referred to a sleep clinic. They are specialists and have lots of different techniques.

 

 

 

 

[Carolynrg]

I dont know wether I'm doing the right thing but I have taken to sitting with him on his bed until he asleep sometimes like last night it only took 5 minutes and Iknow If I had just let him try to settle himself he would still have been awake at 10pm. The tv is there for the mornings really and we have started removing it when he goes to bed and putting it back in before we go to bed so it's there for him in the morning.

 

I feel so useless as I cant seem to crack this

[Karen A]

I dont know wether I'm doing the right thing but I have taken to sitting with him on his bed until he asleep sometimes like last night it only took 5 minutes and Iknow If I had just let him try to settle himself he would still have been awake at 10pm. The tv is there for the mornings really and we have started removing it when he goes to bed and putting it back in before we go to bed so it's there for him in the morning.

 

I feel so useless as I cant seem to crack this

 

Hi.I think a bit of honesty is called for here.

 

I have a gap of two and a half years between my boys.

If staying in the bedroom until Ben was asleep would have worked I would have done that too.If it only takes five minutes stick with it thats what I say. Karen.

 

[Carolynrg]

Well it only took 5 minuets last night. The night before that it was nearly 30 but it's the only thing that's working atm so going to see how it goes and have been referred to lots of different things today by SENCO today

 

Early Bird

our local oppotunity centre

a support group for me (still finding it hard to adjust)

and a few others umm Portage was one of them but can't remember the rest

[Mum of 3]

I dont know wether I'm doing the right thing but I have taken to sitting with him on his bed until he asleep sometimes like last night it only took 5 minutes and Iknow If I had just let him try to settle himself he would still have been awake at 10pm. The tv is there for the mornings really and we have started removing it when he goes to bed and putting it back in before we go to bed so it's there for him in the morning.

 

I feel so useless as I cant seem to crack this

 

Hi Carolynrg, i've been following this topic with interest...with 3 boys aged between 20mths and 5.5, we often have evenings where we're like Jack in the Boxes-no sooner is one settled than another one's up again! I think if you got him to sleep calmly last night in 5 minutes, then you're doing really well ...when you first posted, 10 days ago, you were saying he was jumping on your DD's bed, getting up 10/15 times in the night....You've done a brilliant job to get it to this stage already! It sounds as though your DS is in need of the comfort of having you there when he goes to sleep. I think this is the age when little ones start to get worried about 'things that go bump in the night'. They also realise there is a whole world of stuff going on while they're asleep, and want to be part of it! I really think you're doing the right thing to sit with him and stroke him till he goes to sleep, provided it continues to work...you won't be doing it forever, and there will come a time when you long for the times when he'd let you! Relax and do what works...Supernanny's not about to come round and shout at you! <'>

[Karen A]

Well it only took 5 minuets last night. The night before that it was nearly 30 but it's the only thing that's working atm so going to see how it goes and have been referred to lots of different things today by SENCO today

 

Early Bird

our local oppotunity centre

a support group for me (still finding it hard to adjust)

and a few others umm Portage was one of them but can't remember the rest

 

 

Those are all very helpful things to be referred to.Sounds like the SENCO is on the ball.

We did the help course a few weeks ago. We thought it was excellent both in terms of information provided and the chance to meet other parents.Karen.

 

[Mum of 3]

Well it only took 5 minuets last night. The night before that it was nearly 30 but it's the only thing that's working atm so going to see how it goes and have been referred to lots of different things today by SENCO today

 

Early Bird

our local oppotunity centre

a support group for me (still finding it hard to adjust)

and a few others umm Portage was one of them but can't remember the rest

 

Sorry Carolynrg, I must have been typing as you posted this, so I didn't read the 30 minutes thing. I think 30 mins Mon, 5 mins Tues is very encouraging.

Remember, it's baby steps when you're trying anything new, so don't be disheartened if it takes longer tonight, or if he goes back to the old way of jumping around...he might try to test your resolve, but you just need to stand firm and keep it up!

We spent at least a year putting G to bed in our bed (often with me going to bed with him!), just so the other 2 could sleep in the room they shared. Now the middle one's the one who won't go to sleep....

 

Good luck with the support groups. This sounds like loads to get going with!

[Carolynrg]

Sorry Carolynrg, I must have been typing as you posted this, so I didn't read the 30 minutes thing. I think 30 mins Mon, 5 mins Tues is very encouraging.

Remember, it's baby steps when you're trying anything new, so don't be disheartened if it takes longer tonight, or if he goes back to the old way of jumping around...he might try to test your resolve, but you just need to stand firm and keep it up!

We spent at least a year putting G to bed in our bed (often with me going to bed with him!), just so the other 2 could sleep in the room they shared. Now the middle one's the one who won't go to sleep....

 

Good luck with the support groups. This sounds like loads to get going with!

 

Has bee awful since then so much so that I have squeezed the travel cot into our room so my 18m girly can get some sleep. Since then Harvey has been settling much better on his own still taking a while and many trips up there to put him back to bed this has just confirmed we need another Bedroom so will get onto the HA ASAP

[Karen A]

Has bee awful since then so much so that I have squeezed the travel cot into our room so my 18m girly can get some sleep. Since then Harvey has been settling much better on his own still taking a while and many trips up there to put him back to bed this has just confirmed we need another Bedroom so will get onto the HA ASAP

 

Hi.Just to say do let the HA know that Harvey has SEN. Also let the HA know Harvey has AS and it is making it difficult to settle him at night. The HA may make the case a higher priority.

I hope things improve re the sleep training soon.Karen.

Edited May 19, 2009 by Karen A

[Carolynrg]

Hi.Just to say do let the HA know that Harvey has SEN. Also let the HA know Harvey has AS and it is making it difficult to settle him at night. The HA may make the case a higher priority.

I hope things improve re the sleep training soon.Karen.

 

 

Hi Everyone,

Sorry it's been so long things got really bad for a while..

Harvey is still resisting a bedtime routine and some nights continually screams at the top of his voice and screeches it's awful. Aeryn is still in with us until Harvey is asleep but this is getting difficult as she is rapidly out growing the Travel cot. I have been onto the housing and they have moved us up the list into silver banding but because we have requested to stay in the village because H is settled into Pre School there I think it would be unfair and detrimental to his progress to uproot him to another school, it will take a bit longer than normal but hopefully not too long.