I'm leaving

[pingu]

I have decided to leave the group. i dont find that i get any support any more and no one with the exception of one person even bothers to reply. i have got to know lately where i'm not wanted so i wont make a huge fuss.

 

Thanks to those who have helped me with advice in the past.

 

shaz

[bid]

Really sorry you feel like that, Pingu. I think we have expressed a lot of support for you and your children, but certainly for myself I have felt very uncomfortable with other aspects of your situation.

 

I think if you joined back in with the forum you would still find lots of support. For example, I'm sure you would have got more replies if you had posted for home ed. ideas in the education section.

 

Hope you decide to stay.

 

Bid

Edited August 12, 2009 by bid

[julie1]

sorry you are leaving,

I dont get on the site much as i have 4 children all of them have special needs and require a lot of support throughout the day and even some nights, mind you 4 children anyway would require a lot of attension. I have always found support here but sometimes it can take a while as we are all busy parents. It does not mean no one cares or wants to support you, why dont yoy hang on in for a while.

[pingu]

Thanks bid and julie.

 

i didnt mean to offend anyone or sound selfish. i know you lot have been amazing support in the past and i really appriciate that. but like bid says, there are aspects of my life which make people feel uncomfortable and i am prohibited to speak about (in any thread) and since that aspect IS my life - i have nothing left to say.. I'm done with trying to hang on. its easier this way. now i drop.

 

 

P.S i didnt mean that in any sinister way. i just mean i've had enough of been restricted within my own feelings.

 

 

sorry you are leaving,

I dont get on the site much as i have 4 children all of them have special needs and require a lot of support throughout the day and even some nights, mind you 4 children anyway would require a lot of attension. I have always found support here but sometimes it can take a while as we are all busy parents. It does not mean no one cares or wants to support you, why dont yoy hang on in for a while.

Edited August 12, 2009 by pingu

[bid]

I still think there is plenty of support here for you with regard to autism and home edding

 

Bid

[Kathryn]

Hi Shaz,

 

Sorry you feel unsupported here. No replies to your thread doesn't necessarily mean no one cares or is judging you. Speaking for myself I was away during the time you posted in M&G and it was possibly the same for others who remember you. Many regular posters are new people who wouldn't know you that well as you only pop in occasionally.

 

Good to hear you're still keeping up with the home ed - you've probably got a lot of experience to share with others on the subject, as well as managing two children with ASD, if you want to stay or pop in in term time when it's busier here.

 

I hope you and the children are getting support to cope with the other aspects of your life which are difficult.

 

K x

 

[baddad]

Hi Pingu -

 

Maybe you're seeking the wrong support from the wrong people, IYKWIM? I totally agree that the things you sometimes try to broach on forum (or post discomforting messages suggesting you've been somehow unreasonably 'silenced' about) are not what i come here for. You've said that is your life now, and that's your choice, but it has nothing whatsoever to do with autism or home-edding and I for one do not want to support you with that aspect of your life, and I am sure many others feel the same way. Perhaps you could use this forum for support about things related to autism, and another forum (or local networks) for support about the other things in your life?

 

As the parent of an autistic child my main concerns are with supporting people who are regularly victimised within our society. That extends outside the boundaries of 'autism' to include others who are victimised in our society, and my sympathys do not generally extend to those who have made others victims by abusing them or those who would defend them.

 

Sorry if that sounds blunt. I have tried to make the point less bluntly by not responding to posts you have made that touch on those aspects of your life and only responding to those directly related to autism or other aspects of your life. Unfortunately, there haven't been any of the latter for a long time now. I really do wish you and your children well, but I will not be 'guilt tripped' into responding to posts that make me feel uncomfortable and - quite honestly - angry.

 

I hope you'll appreciate that this is not an 'attack' - it is merely a response to the goodbye post you have made explaining my POV. I wouldn't have said it six months ago because to do so would have been insensitive and I wouldn't have raised the issue now for the same reasons, but I do think enough time has passed for me to reply honestly when you reappear to make posts including references suggesting you're the victim of some sort of 'enforced silence'.

 

I do hope you find the support you are looking for on all apsects of your life, and if that includes using this forum to discuss aspects of autism/home edding etc that's great.

 

L&P

 

BD

Edited August 12, 2009 by baddad

[cmuir]

Hi

 

I think the forum is an invaluable source of support specifically relating to ASD matters, for anyone to access. However, I too became very uncomfortable with the information that you've provided relating to more personal matters (which granted undoubtedly have an affect on your children).

 

Rather than post what may have seemed like a personal attack on you, I chose on occasions not to post at all in order to avoid upset in what is obviously a very difficult situation for you - you posts were more often than not about the difficulties that you faced as a result of personal issues shall we say, rather than about ASDs. I can therefore see why you've perhaps felt unsupported (again, I'll reiterate that your posts were often about your personal situation, than about ASDs). I should stress, that I think it's a shame that you're leaving because as I've already said, the forum can be a great source of support on matters relating to ASDs.

 

Best wishes for the future.

 

C.

[Special_talent123]

Hi

 

I think the forum is an invaluable source of support specifically relating to ASD matters, for anyone to access. However, I too became very uncomfortable with the information that you've provided relating to more personal matters (which granted undoubtedly have an affect on your children).

 

Rather than post what may have seemed like a personal attack on you, I chose on occasions not to post at all in order to avoid upset in what is obviously a very difficult situation for you - you posts were more often than not about the difficulties that you faced as a result of personal issues shall we say, rather than about ASDs. I can therefore see why you've perhaps felt unsupported (again, I'll reiterate that your posts were often about your personal situation, than about ASDs). I should stress, that I think it's a shame that you're leaving because as I've already said, the forum can be a great source of support on matters relating to ASDs.

 

Best wishes for the future.

 

C.

 

We will miss u if u do that. sorry i dont post much i have to be careful what i say

[pingu]

I hope you and the children are getting support to cope with the other aspects of your life which are difficult.

 

K x

 

Thats just it Kathryn - the children and i are not getting any support, though i can see why looking at what people have said here.. but quite rightly i dont deserve victim status. Thank you for your message i wish you all the best.

[bid]

Thats just it Kathryn - the children and i are not getting any support, though i can see why looking at what people have said here.. but quite rightly i dont deserve victim status. Thank you for your message i wish you all the best.

 

I think that's a bit unfair, Pingu.

 

This just isn't the right place to support certain aspects of your life. I've just googled and there are a number of links to sources of appropriate support for families in your situation.

 

We have all said that there will always be plenty of support for you here with regard to autism and home edding.

 

Bid

 

[pingu]

Ok Listen. I dont want this to turn into a huge argument, its not why i posted, so I'm just going to make a few replies and then if someone could tell me how to leave i'll go without another word.. But i think i deserve a chance to say this.. openly and honestly..

 

My AUTISTIC children are suffering with other peoples attitude towards them both because of the autism and because of what has happened. They ARE hated on this estate for having a father who commited a crime and a mother who dare stand by him. and thats where i am silenced, becasue im not allowed to defend the pack of lies which were broadcast all over the place. and whilst i appriciate that some of you are angered by my situation, i would like to emphasise that what appeared in public was not strictly true. so please dont judge a book by the back cover and expect to know the full story.

 

..When our entire world crashed around our ears i foolishly thought i could get a bit of emotional support on a personal level. i was wrong and for that i apologise I was stupid to think i could talk about my personal life and i shouldnt have done it, but it did originally start with a school matter in the education thread.

 

A mental breakdown has taught me a lot of things, so maybe I am seeking the wrong support from the wrong people, but you were the only people i could talk to, thats why i did talk about it (all be it wrongly)

 

Baddad is right It is my choice, but i disagree with it having nothing whatsoever to do with autism or home educating. It has everything to do with autism - thats why this mess exists at all.

 

Baddad goes on to say that

As the parent of an autistic child my main concerns are with supporting people who are regularly victimised within our society. That extends outside the boundaries of 'autism' to include others who are victimised in our society, and my sympathys do not generally extend to those who have made others victims by abusing them or those who would defend them.

and its a fair point. But my children are innocent and yet victimised all the same by people who dont understand. They have been punched kicked and beaten - is it any wonder they trust no one. ? Is that victimisation enough?

 

I was not trying to 'guilt trip' anyone into responding to my posts, i was merly saying what baddad stated ....i'm in the wrong place with the wrong people. and now i will go as i promised i would do. sorry if i have ever lowered the tone of the forum. it has not been intentional.

 

 

 

[bid]

Pingu, I think you are being extremely unfair. Reading through your old posts, people here have been unfailingly kind and offered support. The treatment of your children is wrong, but I'm sure I'm not the only person who has struggled to remain impartial over what is an extremely upsetting and disturbing situation with your husband. There could be members here who have been personally affected by similar crimes.

 

I don't think it's fair to make digs at the forum or the members because we can't give you what you want or need.

 

Bid

 

[Kathryn]

Pingu,

 

I really feel sympathy for your children who are the innocent victims in all of this and should not have to suffer the consequences of the actions of adults. Apart from that, you and they have the challenge of dealing with autism and I admire the way you've worked to create stability for them before and after the difficult situation developed. For that reason you're welcome on the forum, to continue to share ideas.

 

I remember having a pm conversation with you a while ago where we discussed that it was for your own protection that you should keep posts to issues involving you and the children or sooner or later you're going to get hurt by people's comments. You can't expect people - especially parents of vulnerable children, to see things your way or to believe what you do about the situation - or to understand why you have made the choices you have. The best we can do is to support you in the areas we feel we can share with you, i.e. bringing up children with ASD.

 

I don't know if you managed to check out the site Mossgrove found for you - there must be similar ones out there and people who are in a similar situation to you. I'm sorry, but I don't feel we're equipped to give you the personal support you need with this.

 

I'm closing this thread now because I feel if it continues, hurtful things might be said which won't be helpful to anyone.

 

K x

Edited August 12, 2009 by Kathryn