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hi my dd 9 has aspergers she is well behaved in school but soon as she comes out of school she is a nightmare and when she hased got school she dosed want to go out she shouts sreams swears hits it can take for hours to just go shoping any help please this is getting worse jill

[bikemad]

Not sure what to advise tbh but my son is the same...as he leaves school it is like a switch goes in his head n he is like the devils child. As for going out gawd dont ask........

[NickyB]

hi my dd 9 has aspergers she is well behaved in school but soon as she comes out of school she is a nightmare and when she hased got school she dosed want to go out she shouts sreams swears hits it can take for hours to just go shoping any help please this is getting worse jill

 

Hi Jill

 

My DS struggles when he's not at school, and I think it's due to the lack of routine. Do you think this might be the case with your DD? She might be getting anxious due to uncertainty about what's coming next. What strategies do they use in school for her - maybe you could do the same kind of thing at home?

We try to give DS an idea of what we are doing each day, even if it's just 'nothing'. If I'm going out I try to make a list of what we are going to do, and if possible which shops we are going to. Of course, life's not very predictable and so it doesn't always work, but generally I think it helps him to be a little more certain about what's happening.

 

 

Hope that's of some help

 

Nicky <'>

 

[Sally44]

If we are going out, and every time it is an absolute hassle and fight to the extent that you feel it would be easier to become a hermit , I go through the same routine.

I have to tell him when we are going, and it has to coincide with the end of whatever he is watching on TV. Or I don't let him have the TV on at all if we have to leave early. On School days I also do not turn the TV on, because once it is on he knows the TV schedules and even if I say when the next programme finishes, he has a good idea of what is coming next and it is always his 'favourite'.

Then he has to know exactly what we are going to do and where we are going. He is more flexible now, so I might tell him we have to go to 4 shops. And I will tell him which shops, and sometimes I have to tell him in which order we will go to them, and I have to give him some idea of how long we will be in each shop.

When we go into certain shops he expects certain things. Eg. if we go to the supermarket he expects to have a meal and drink in the cafe. If that isn't going to happen I have to explain that. But even then, sometimes, when he walks through the door he heads for the cafe as if he hasn't understood a word i've said, and when I remind him that we aren't going to the cafe, he might say 'I didn't know you meant on this day'. So 'when' things happen and the timing of them is very confusing to him.

Anyway, you can give more or less information depending on what your child needs. Some might need pictures, for others a written list. My son can take the information verbally if I keep reinforcing it.

Another thing I did with him as a child is I make sure he has a hoodie, or a cap to wear. He also has Irlen glasses, but sunglasses can also help. He used to wear DIY ear defenders but now he is much better, but I am thinking of getting something like an Ipod, so that he can be listening to music. Alot of his reluctance to going out was to do with sensory overload, and the things I have mentioned lessened the visual and auditory amount of sensory input. The glassess and cap also help him not to feel too exposed to other people looking at him.

We also used to have alot of fights about the clothes he was wearing prior to leaving the house. Again this was sensory based. So make sure her clothes are comfortable and that shoes and socks are not hurting her feet etc.

Try to get her to talk to you about what she is thinking when you say you are going out. As she is 9 and verbal she might be able to give you some ideas. If she says she is just worrying about it, then ask her if a list of where you are going would help etc.

[Mum of 3]

G also has big problems with going out. I've found that if he has too much warning (eg I tell him at breakfast time that 'today we'll be going to Grandma's', but I need to do jobs first,), he'll get really difficult as he waits to go. He can't standthe anticipation, so I've found it's beter to not do a 'visual timetable', since he just gets frustrated with te 'must do' things as he only wants to do the fun things.

I try to just 'potter' about until I'm ready to go, then tell him to get his shoes, quickly...I might have to coincide this with the end of a dvd, or a change in the game, but I find it much easier to keep him in the dark about our plans until the point of no return!

[Sally44]

I also have problems with my son having to 'wait' for things. Sometimes I will warn him about things that are happening the next day eg. if it is a non uniform day, because if I tell him in the morning he just won't have enough time to accept and understand what I am saying before he has to leave for school and he will get very distressed. Yet on other occasions I don't tell him things until they are about to happen because firstly he cannot wait, and secondly he has little understanding of 'when' things are going to happen and will keep asking questions about it until it actually happens. So if we were going to the cinema in the afternoon, but had to go shopping first; I wouldn't mention the cinema at all because he would want the cinema straight away and would not want to go shopping.

But even when he does get upset, angry or distressed I try to keep to the planned timetable as much as possible, because although he might be finding it hard to cope, or accept he still has to learn to deal with these things. So I might tell him to go to his room to calm down - not as a punishment. Then when he is calmer we can talk about how he felt at the time. And he does understand that how he reacted to the situation was due to his diagnosis because he gets very angry and frustrated with himself and asks things like 'why do I get so upset', 'why can't I control my brain', 'why can't I stop the feelings'. So I do explain to him that that is how he feels sometimes, and I encourage him etc. But he also knows and admits that that is how things have to be, and when he has got very angry and has shouted at me etc, he does apologise afterwards, and he does recognise that he has acted badly and he is genuinely sorry about it.

[morgan and alexandra]

Hi Jill

 

My DD 10 has trouble when she comes out of school. She tries so hard to hold her ASD in when she is there and then erupts when she comes out. I would have to let her run it off in a safe area and her school were quite accommodating in letting me do this with her. It was for her safety really as I never knew what direction she was going to run off in and how bad her temper was going to get. Once she had got the initial feelings over with she calmed down enough for me to either take her home or to the park.

 

Hope this helps

 

Helen

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thank you all for the advice i will try some of the things and see if this will help jill