A trouble with a new teacher

[dana]

Hi,

The school has started ,I met my son's new teacher only twice and I feel that for some reason she doesn't want to talk with me.

She was very rejectful and bearly anwered to my question if ds was ok. She is very young ,inexperianced ,this is her second year of teaching and I am worried how she will manage to handle my son's problems. I expected that she would be maybe nervous about it but I didn't expect hostility towards me. Now, I wouldn't be so much warried but the school applied for the statement this year and ,if LEA decides to procide, it will be very important to have a good relation with his teacher.

I don't know how to handle this since I don't know what have I done wrong. I just welcomed her last year on the parents meeting saying that this is a friendly school and that was it. Should I ask her if I offended her in any way? Would it be too pushy? Or to speak with SENCO about it, to ask for advise? Sorry about these daft questions but I feel that I am missing something.

I saw his teacher smiling and being friendly with other parents but to me she was not and I don't know why.

Does anybody have any idea what to do next? Maybe to wait and see or to clear the air now?

I had a very good relation with his former teacher and I am really sorry that she is not his teacher this year as well.

 

 

Danaxxx

Edited September 8, 2009 by dana

[JsMum]

 

 

The former year Teacher may be a good person to talk to, you have a good teacher/parent relationship already, if I saw a Teacher been friendly to other parents but was ignoring me, then yes I would feel like I had done something wrong, it is not very friendly either, and if you do need to aproach her in the near future it will be very difficult to communicate so I would say it is very important you sort this out, I personally dont think you will have done anything to have offended her, maybe she feels under a bit of pressure with the new term starting and preoccupied, but still you do need to deal with this so that you can build a rappour with the new teacher, sometimes its just clash of personalities, if that is the case then work with the senco, and maybe ask the former teacher if she can offer some support for the time being.

 

Been there, not nice.

 

JsMumx

 

[Mandapanda]

Hi,

The school has started ,I met my son's new teacher only twice and I feel that for some reason she doesn't want to talk with me.

She was very rejectful and bearly anwered to my question if ds was ok. She is very young ,inexperianced ,this is her second year of teaching and I am worried how she will manage to handle my son's problems. I expected that she would be maybe nervous about it but I didn't expect hostility towards me. Now, I wouldn't be so much warried but the school applied for the statement this year and ,if LEA decides to procide, it will be very important to have a good relation with his teacher.

I don't know how to handle this since I don't know what have I done wrong. I just welcomed her last year on the parents meeting saying that this is a friendly school and that was it. Should I ask her if I offended her in any way? Would it be too pushy? Or to speak with SENCO about it, to ask for advise? Sorry about these daft questions but I feel that I am missing something.

I saw his teacher smiling and being friendly with other parents but to me she was not and I don't know why.

Does anybody have any idea what to do next? Maybe to wait and see or to clear the air now?

I had a very good relation with his former teacher and I am really sorry that she is not his teacher this year as well.

 

 

Danaxxx

 

Hi dana

 

I really hate to be negative, but we had a really bad experience with my son's first teacher. At the visits before he started, he was looking at something hanging out of a drawer and putting it back properly, and she said "I've got my eye on him". Within 2 weeks of starting she was accusing him of 'starting' fights, which he had never ever done. She would say things like "all the other children comply, your son is the only one who doesn't". Things gradually deteriorated, he became unable to sleep or eat properly, he was scared of smoke alarms, he wouldn't use the toilets at school because there was an extractor fan in a skylight in the ceiling. Other children would throw books when she was out of the room, my son would copy them, the others would see the teacher coming and stop, he wouldn't and would be the one to get told off. My childminder was taking him to school one day and was just entering the grounds when she saw the teacher making an announcement. When they got to the class door the teacher told my son off for not doing what he was supposed to be doing, luckily the childminder heard and told the teacher very clearly that they hadn't been there when she was telling the others what to do.

 

When I used to go to the class I would see the teacher with other parents huddled round her and they would give me sideways looks and snigger at each other. It was a horrible experience.

 

I tried to sort it out through the headteacher, but she only defended the teacher. I moved him to a different school and 85% of his problems were gone overnight. He was very sensitive to whether a teacher liked him or not, and the new teacher explained everything to him very clearly.

 

I hope your headteacher can be more helpful but don't rule out moving your child if necessary (and if possible).

[justine1]

Hi

I have had this alot over the past 18 months,I sparated from my partner and while my boys went to a Catholic school I seemed to constantly get the cold shoulder from teachers and parents,for other reasons I moved to a village where my kids were the target of racist attacks (my kids are mixed race) by other pupils whenever I complained the headteacher would say "oh well they just kids and your kids also say harmful things" how could she justify it , both my children were punished numerous times while other kids got away with evrything.We had to move in the end because the comments became to hurtful.Now the new school keep pushing parenting lessons on me when my son has AS does this make sense?Anyway before my son saw a GP I did think it was my parenting and went through action for children for help in Dec last year so I got help but the lady said evrything I do is perfect and I should even help other parents as I seem to have lots of solutions.I know I am going off the topic but it does seem like teachers often gossip about children and most of them are very mis informed it is hard but you should speak to either the previous teacher or the HEAD and see what they say.Like you said it is important to have a good relationship with the teacher,hope it works out.

[dana]

Thank you for your replies. <'>

I have been thinking, maybe she is offended that I didn't tell her on the first meeting that I am glad that she will be my son's teacher (which she probably expected), I was so much disapointed that she was so young and inexperianced that I simply forgot to tell her that. Would it be a good idea to write her a short, welcoming card now also with a kind of appology I haven't done it earlier? I am not sure if that will help? I am really sorry about these daft questions but this is my son's first transition (he was home educated before last year) and I am not good in easy, 'sweet' talk like some other parents did on the first meeting.

 

Danaxxx

[Kathryn]

Hi Dana,

 

It's your son's relationship with the teacher that matters most, I think. She should be focusing more on your son than on you and as long as she behaves in a polite and professional way towards you, and you are able to approach her when there is a problem, don't worry too much whether she likes you or not.

 

There could be several reasons why she came across as unfriendly. She could just be nervous of parents, busy at the start of term, or perhaps slightly defensive in case parents are approaching her to complain. None of which would be your fault.

 

My daughter's best ever teacher was in her 2nd year of teaching and looked about 15! My son's best teacher was also quite young and new and both of them came across as nervous when talking to parents, but in the classroom they certainly knew what they were doing and were completely at ease with the children.

 

I wouldn't make a big deal of it if I were you. The teacher may not realise she's given this impression. Unless you feel there is something you really need to talk about soon, maybe it would be good to give her time to get to know your son - the start of the new year is quite busy and stressful for teachers. Maybe you can wait until an opportunity naturally arises: perhaps you could volunteer to help in the classroom regularly, or wait until there's a school event, and just have a quick word with her then. Sometimes it takes time to build a relationship and both teachers and parents like to know that they are being supported and encouraged in what they are doing.

 

Hope that helps

 

K x

[puffin]

You say that you were "disappointed" that she was so young - do you think it's posible that she picked up on this and thinks that YOU don't like HER? TBH I don't think age has much to do with it - my DD AS/ADHD had her worst school experience with "experienced" teachers - the worst was one who regarded herslf as an autism expert!

 

Why not ask her for a meeting to discuss the situation

- perhaps she doen't know what she can say in front of other parents

- perhaps she hasn't actually read the paperwork on your child

 

Talk to your child - is he happy/or unhappy?

 

Perhaps she feels a little out of her depth if she does not know much about ASDs - you could perhaps offer to give her information about your son if she needs any

 

If your son seems OK at school - then I would wait and see

[dana]

Thank you, Kathryn and Puffin for your advice. <'>

Today I came to pick up my son from school. I saw his teacher and at first she gave me a kind of angry look which confirmed that something was wrong ( apart from she being busy and nervous about meeting with parents, which I certainly understand). However, I did have a quick word with her, welcoming her as my son's new teacher and saying sorry I didn't manage to talk to her properly on the first parent meeting. That was a good move because after that I finally got a smile from her and I have a feeling that contact with her might be easier now. I understand her and that it is not easy to deal with all kind of parents, many of them much older than her. I realised I might be wrong about linking the age of the teacher and her abilities to handle difficult problems regarding ASD. We'll just wait and see. I feel more positive now. I know that the most important thing is that she is good for my son and if she is good for him then she is good for me too.

 

Danaxxx

[Kathryn]

I started teaching when I was just 23 and facing parents can be scary. (Not that you're scary, Dana, I've met you and I know you're not. )

 

I hope the relationship is easier now and that your son gets on well with his new teacher.

 

K x

[dana]

I started teaching when I was just 23 and facing parents can be scary. (Not that you're scary, Dana, I've met you and I know you're not. )

 

I hope the relationship is easier now and that your son gets on well with his new teacher.

 

K x

 

Well, I am not so sure if I am scary now! I 've changed my glasses and I am still getting used to my new look.

I spoke with my son's teacher a bit more about his problems. She wasn't aware of them yet(she didn't do her pperwork yet,it is just the beginning) but she said she would try to help, which is nice.

By the way, I started teaching when I was 20 in the Music school and when my first student saw me first time she asked me where was OUR teacher?! She was only 3 years younger than me and she thought that I was a student too!

 

Danaxxx