Advice needed

[lucyemma]

Hi, i'm new to this site and i apologise now but i think this first post might be a long one!! My 6 year old son is being assessed for ADHD and Aspergers. My husband and I are tearing our hair out with his behaviour since we moved house at the beginning of the year and he had to change schools.

His old school had less than 50 pupils and initially he played up - was disruptive, didn't make friends, teased the other children, couldn't handle group work etc. Academically his reading and maths skills are way ahead of the other children just socially he is miles behind. Unbeknown to us after 7 months of this the headteacher let him do maths and literacy with years 2 and 3 in the afternoons. Guess what....after a month or so he starts to calm down. The other children are approaching him asking what he does in the other class and he feels so proud to tell them. The school found that by promoting what he could do made him feel good and the other children warmed to him a bit. Don't get me wrong he still had his moments but he was doing so much better. Then we moved.....

His new school has over 50 in his year group so I think it was a bit of a shock for him. From the start I was called in several times a week as he had been disrespectful to staff, children. He had hit, kicked, rubbed mud in kids hair, been disruptive, punched kids, thrown things etc. etc. We thought he would settle but no. His teacher would come and inform me of his behaviour on the playground in front of the other parents to the point that I used to turn up late to avoid the embarassment. He is a regular in the headteachers office. It was at this point that we went to the drs. Son regularly complains work is to easy so went to see teacher and explained what other school had done....to be told "we don't do that here". Have since seen headteacher and his current teacher and been told the same. It's so frustrating when you know what will help improve his behavior cos it worked before but no-one will listen. My son has no friends at the school and often says"why does no-one play with me". I think it has reached the point where the only way he gets attention off the other kids is to tease them so it's a vicious circle. I've heard other parents tell their kids to keep away from him. He's in yr 2 now and no improvement, his teacher is the SENCO and is hopeless. I help out in his class 1 day a week and when son is clearly not paying attention and rocking himself on the mat for 5 mins teacher doesn't even notice. Had a meeting with him last week to be told that until son starts doing as he is told and following rules they won't be doing anything else for him. We feel our son is going backwards, his reading is on level 12 and they won't let him have yr5 books. Numeracy and literacy work he did a year ago at his other school. He's bored, no friends.....of course he's not going to follow rules and improve unless the school do something!!!!

For me the final straw came when the school didn't bother to fix a 1.5m by 50cm hole in the playing field fence and guess who got out and had people searching for him one lunchtime?!? And the school (despite other children getting out the previous week!!) tore shreds off him, embarrased him in front of his class and then took 6 weeks to fix it.

Now, people on this site seem to have a pretty good knowledge of how schools treat kids like this. So, my question is, is it worth fighting the school? I get the impression that because he's ahead of the other kinds (and I know that many kids in his class can't even read) that they're not bothered. Can we force the school to change their attitude or is it likely that the more pushy you get the more the school will push him to one side? We are looking at another school tomorrow (7 miles away only 100 pupils and an outstanding Ofsted report) but I'm scared of moving him in case we go from the frying pan into the fire?!?! Soooooooo sorry to waffle but can anyone give me advice.....no-one I know seems to understand what it's like having a child who plays with nothing, can't socialise and has massive meltdowns everyday.

 

Thank you so much for reading this.

[justine1]

Hi there

My son is the same age and I just posted something similar yesterday and got great advice and I am sure you will get more.I have moved my son to a differnet schools three times so know what you going through,he has problems settling in after weekends and holidays as well and like your son can take a month or even two months to settle,it is hard,he is lovely at home but does cry as he gets upset at the prospect of going to school.I think you should tell the school you are planning on leaving maybe they will offer more support,I did this once with my older son but they said it is my choice if I want to leave I can so not helpful,but each school id different.Go and see the other school and explain about everything your son goes through at his current school and put to them how they will react or treat him and whether they can give him more challenging work etc. its no good if you like the school and then discover you are back where you started.Also if you do move he will take time to settle anyway but if you know its the right school it is worth the initial drama and the school will be understanding(hopefully)I have read that if he is statemented more action will be taken to help him,I am waiting for my sons second assesment now seems like forever!Nightmare!I wish I could afford a private school that specialises in Aspergers I would definatley take that route especailly cause other parents would be more understanding right now I feel like an outcast!Good luck.

[JsMum]

Hi, it sounds like your son could be either very inteligent or what they call gifted, the school need to address otherwise your son could become DISENGAGED in education all because he finds it too easy, the School should also be addressing his SOCIAL impairments, when he transferred from his previous school there could be evidence to prove that when he was in a higher set for his maths and english his behaviour improved and there was progress, what also needs to be addressed is the constant humilation, from teachers and parents, that is not showing a positive role models and they are the adults.

 

Are the school aware of his ADHD and Aspergers Syndrome assessments, if he has outside agencies involved then they can apply for school action plus and place him on the special needs register and your son should recieve a Individual Educational Plan this also includes, Social, behavioural, mental, emotional needs.

 

I would also consider a full assessment from a Educational Psychologist, either privately or from your LEA.

 

It also would be intersting to have a Full IQ and verbal and non verbal to get a reflection of his impairments and abilities.

 

My son had a

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wechsler_Inte...le_for_Children

 

J had significant discrepancies making it much harder for him to learn and socialise.

 

Your school are clearly not making reasonable ajustments and it is only going to get worse as the informaiton you have given will start to erode his self esteem, confidence and only increase behavioural problems.

 

ADHD alone is a real struggle for children with additional co morbids such as Aspergers and intelligence will be very difficult to understand what your son needs, it is important to get support in all areas of his development.

 

I really do recommend you write a letter to your local special educational needs department manager of your local authority, as well as cc it to the schools senco, GP, CAMHS to ensure that your sons school help your son and put into place support for your son.

 

Good Luck.

 

for more information on statementing and assessments look throw the SEN TOOL KIT

 

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=20381

 

Good luck

 

JsMumxxx

Edited October 1, 2009 by JsMum

[cmuir]

Hi

 

I truly sympathise - I've been there! If the school is a good school, they should be trying to be positive. Instead of being negative towards him, they should be encouraging good behaviour, but putting management strategies in place to help kiddo. Don't get me wrong, the school are right to tell a child off if it's warranted, but it's more about the way it's done (rather than in front of an audience). I guess the main issue may be that your son doesn't have a diagnosis. I wonder if he did, if the school would be proactive in supporting him, for example, an educational psychologist should be assigned to assess your son (initiated by the school usually) irrespective of whether he has a diagnosis or not. There are lots of behaviour management strategies that could/should be implemented by the school. So, if the school are doing that, then alarm bells would start ringing for me too. First and foremost is that it's good to keep lines of communication open. I don't know how far you've got with that ie meeting with the HT, etc, but do try and remain calm. Wherever possible document things ie put everything in writing. It sounds to me very much like your son isn't coping whether he is, so it would certainly be worth looking at other schools - it is worth speaking frankly to the school in the first instance.

 

Caroline.

[lucyemma]

Thank you everybody for your great advice. It makes a world of difference just knowing that I'm not the only one going through this.

 

His current school are well aware of the situation, he is on the special needs register and they have a special reward chart in place for him (although have tried to explain that they don't work very well as he has a major tantrum if he doesn't get the reward). The best thing for him is being positive and upbeat and encouraging him in a way that makes him feel special. At his old school the teacher could read him perfectly, now all we get is "hello A I hope we are going to have a better day today", really sets him up for a good start!!!!

 

My son doesn't have a statement yet but will certainly look into it. We look at the new school tomorrow and have a big list of questions poor headteacher isn't going to know what hit her!!!!!

 

Thanks again everyone.