JeanneA Report post Posted October 6, 2009 A friend of mine is feeling extremely angry and upset at the moment. Her ASD child has been having behavior problems on and off for years. There has been professional meetings organized at the School. Anyway a report has been composed by a clinical psychologist with input from the School, social services, from my friend and her husband (her child's step dad). The school have said in the report that due to the child's extreme behavior over the years they have suspicions that the child may be being abused at home or elsewhere. My friend denies these accusations and is horrified that anyone could suggest that of her, her husband or anyone in her family. I know my friend and her husband really well and I know that they would never do anything like that. The school as far as I can see just can't cope with the child and are trying to put the blame on the 'home situation'. I do so feel for my friend, she is so distressed with this, I have never seen her so upset. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathryn Report post Posted October 6, 2009 I'm not surprised that she's feeling upset - it's devastating for any parent to be confronted by such an allegation. Hopefully she has enough professional evidence of the real source of her child's problems? K x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
trekster Report post Posted October 6, 2009 SAFE is Supporting Autistic Families in Essex. My friend lives in that area and he was also accused of child abuse towards his son. The lad has ADHD. social phobia and ODD and wasnt diagnosed until he was age 16. There is also the NAS advocacy for education service 0845 070 4002 HTH Alexis Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JeanneA Report post Posted October 6, 2009 Thanks trekster for your help. They seem to think the child suffers from mental health issues they want to send the child to a residential place along with my friend and her husband where they can be observed by psychiatrists, psychologists etc. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
justine1 Report post Posted October 6, 2009 Hi I was in a similar position last year,my eldest son made a comment about my husband spanking him for bad behaviour he made this comment at school when a PCO was visiting,as I had already left my husband my children were left in my care.I was five months pregnant at the time,we had to go for police interviews four times,hospital check ups to check for bruising etc,and social services banned my kids from seeing their father.It was really traumatic,I was even moved to a different area for safety purposes.I gave birth to my son alone and my husband only saw his new child when he was nearly three months old.The allegations were dropped there was no evidence and now my kids see their dad all the time with no problem,however it has caused a very painful memory and now my kids have that record for life of being seen by social services,and my AS sons behaviour was always put down to my husband alleged abuse.I always said my ex was innocent and always said my son was always different in fact my ex was abroad when I had him and only met him when he was one,and the problems were already there. All I can say is if there is no abuse she wont have anything to worry about,she should in fact insist they do an investigation to prove that her son is in no danger,which I am surprised has not started yet,it is painful and long process and as much as I am bitter over my experience I never doubted that all will work out in the end as I know my son would have mentiooned abuse to me if it were happening and I know my husband would never harm his kids.I think all will be fine for her. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
minerva Report post Posted October 6, 2009 I think the problem is that sometimes people go to college/university and they learn lots of things one lose one fundemental skill we are trained to have - the ability to think for yourself! Its all very good being taught that children who are abused often start playing up at school, or become withdrawn, or this or that but that doesnt mean that every child that plays up at school or goes quiet or finds some things difficult must be getting a beating! Its an easy explanation for an otherwise tricky situation. "I dont know whats wrong with him, therefore it must be the parents" It is devastating and infuriating when they assume things like this and far too common for my liking I feel for your friend <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Daisydot Report post Posted October 6, 2009 Jeanne, how absolutely horrible for your friend. She must be out of her mind with worry and upset. I suppose bad parenting is a possibility in any family, but I am always amazed in the job I do how many professionals "blame" parents for behaviour of children with special needs. I always think that those people should walk in our shoes for a few weeks before coming to that judgement. Your poor friend, send her a virtual <'> from me <'> and <'> well done you for being a supportive friend. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JsMum Report post Posted October 6, 2009 On No, I can see why your friend is deverstated, it is the worse possible news from proffessionals, has your friend got any legal support, a solisitor in this instance would be essential, I would get your friend to order private assessments so that the reports are not bias, the placement the proffessionals are thinking of sending your friend and her partner may not be specialised in any ASD's when my son was been assessed from the LEA Ed Psych they suggested Attatchment Disorder, which is fell flat on its feet when I was able to provide evidence of his social and communication impairments, I really do hope that your friend can get a centre that specialises in ASD. Send my prayers for your friend. JsMumxxxxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
trekster Report post Posted October 7, 2009 (edited) Thanks trekster for your help. They seem to think the child suffers from mental health issues they want to send the child to a residential place along with my friend and her husband where they can be observed by psychiatrists, psychologists etc. They should send him to Elliott house as that would confirm that his behaviour is autistic related. Edited October 7, 2009 by trekster Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
trekster Report post Posted October 7, 2009 justine1 Has your AS son been tested for severe ADHD or conduct disorder/ODD? This sort of behaviour is normally displayed by kids like your sons. i don't deny hes AS as those disorders can co-occur with AS. Just reminds me of Jackie Jacksons son Joe who told his mum in front of the teacher "my teacher didnt spank me once today". Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
trekster Report post Posted October 7, 2009 I think the problem is that sometimes people go to college/university and they learn lots of things one lose one fundemental skill we are trained to have - the ability to think for yourself! Its all very good being taught that children who are abused often start playing up at school, or become withdrawn, or this or that but that doesnt mean that every child that plays up at school or goes quiet or finds some things difficult must be getting a beating! Its an easy explanation for an otherwise tricky situation. "I dont know whats wrong with him, therefore it must be the parents" It is devastating and infuriating when they assume things like this and far too common for my liking I feel for your friend <'> Same here, unfortunately there are higher incidents of naive autistic kids being abused. Im sure the NAS young persons officer has some information on how to tell if an autistic kid is being abused or if they are displaying "challenging autistic behaviour". Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mandapanda Report post Posted October 7, 2009 Hi This is an awful situation and must be very worrying and frightening. I have read about this happening, that many autistic characteristics can be misinterpreted (by well meaning but unempathetic professionals) as signs of abuse - no eye contact, not wanting physical contact, appearing detached from other people, poor communication skills, anxiousness, etc. I have worried about this happening to us as my son doesn't attend school and will not agree to see CAMHS or anyone professional. I can see why it happens and can understand that the professionals want to make sure they are doing the right thing. It's just a shame that all too often they seem to do everything to a family like this and nothing to the families where the kids are really in danger due to parents/carers being on drink/drugs etc. I really hope everything can be sorted out quickly. As scary as it might be, I agree with Justine1 that your friend needs to push for all investigations to be done as quickly as possible to get this cleared up as quickly as possible before it has a long lasting effect on the family. <'> <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JeanneA Report post Posted October 8, 2009 Thanks for all the support. I do agree that the professionals seem to have forgotten that the child is Autistic, his behaviors have always been changeable. I know my friend is concerned about this residential placing for observing purposes. They seem to not be addressing that the child is obviously not happy at School and just blaming the parents. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
