Wont go on school trips

[peaches]

R aged 6 changed schools this summer, had plenty of visits etc, settled in reasonably well, a few outbursts but nothing unusual. He is happy to go to school in the mornings and has made a friend. He was pleased to find out that the school were going on a trip to Flamborough Head. He knows Flamborough because his great grandma and grandad live there. School has done a lot of work around the lighthouse/the coast etc including all the lighthouse keeper stories.

 

This morning DH got him up for trip and he didnt want to go. He said he was scared of falling off the cliff. Got upset and went back to bed. When I asked him, he was scared of seeing someone he didnt know. Im getting the feeling he has a fear of this change in his routine and cant put a name to it so he is saying the first thing that occurs to him. He also refused to go on a trip to Skegness in the summer with his playscheme, similar circumstances, just got up in the morning and wouldnt go. He has been on school trips in the past, to a couple of farm type places and was OK then.

 

Obviously I didnt force him to go, and Im just not sure what to do on this one. Any ideas?

[Karen A]

Hi peaches .

.I do not have any ideas as it appears that the school and yourself have already done most of the things I would have suggested.

However I did want to let you know that you are not alone.We had similar situations whilst on holiday.Even though Ben had been positive about trips and we had prepared he was very anxious at the last minute.It feels very sad when I know the activity is something Ben would enjoy.

Karen.

[caci]

Hello - Our 11 yr old son is the same. he will be Ok about the trip until the actual day, or in one case, the moment of getting onto the coach !!

 

I am now taking the view that we will do all the background work, social story etc but if he doesn't want to go then he won't go. Nothing will make him change his mind.

 

He used to be fine with trips, but thinking back that was when parents were encouraged to go too and I always took a day off work to go with him. Now he is older, parents are not invited so he hasn't been on a trip since yr 3 (now yr 7).

 

Sorry, not much help, but you are definately not the only one in this situation

 

Carol

 

 

[trekster]

A few ideas

 

"Social Stories" by Carol Grey.

 

A pictorial or written timetable of how the school trip is going to happen?

 

That a teaching assistant accompanies him on the school trip.

 

That he can ring you if there is a problem with the school trip.

 

Possibility of going to get him if the trip gets too much.

 

Possibility of taking him to the place hes visiting the week before and let him ask questions about the place.

Then you can write it all down for him so he can refer to it if he gets stuck.

 

Definitely a routine thing, with me the sensory overload was a bit much but i just about managed a trip in maths

about 2 years ago age 28! So it affects us older folk as well.

 

Alexis

[trekster]

Hi peaches .

.I do not have any ideas as it appears that the school and yourself have already done most of the things I would have suggested.

However I did want to let you know that you are not alone.We had similar situations whilst on holiday.Even though Ben had been positive about trips and we had prepared he was very anxious at the last minute.It feels very sad when I know the activity is something Ben would enjoy.

Karen.

 

i wish i could get over this issue as some of our social club members tend to back out at the last minute for the holidays i organise.

[peaches]

We discussed this at his review meeting last week in the presence of the lady from the Autism Service and the Ed Psych. School want to help him get over this and are going to do a lot of preparatory work with him prior to the next trip, not just talking about it, but having visual prompts/timetables regarding his trip. The autism service thought it was significant that the preparatory work was mostly in the form of a discussion, and it would be more helpful to have pictorial cues detailing what would happen on the visit. The work would also focus on the fact that when he got up in a morning his routine would be different. I was given the impression that they dont expect to conquer this problem all in one go, but see it as a gradual thing over his next few years in school.

[JsMum]

He said he was scared of falling off the cliff. Got upset and went back to bed. When I asked him, he was scared of seeing someone he didnt know. Im getting the feeling he has a fear of this change in his routine.

 

 

I think this needs to be the forefront of his needs, high anxieties, get him to list his fears and then with help and assistance a solution side, he was scared he would fall off a cliff, talk about this, why did he feel this, was the cliff a place they were going to walk, what could be the solution for this, that they dont walk too close to the cliffe, that he holds on to something, a wrist strap, or a teacher hand, or a childs hand he feels comfortable with.

 

So it goes something like this.

 

Fear. Solution

 

I will fall off a cliff walk away from the cliff,

Hold onto a wrist strap or someones hand.

 

 

I miss Gmum Take a photo of Gmum

Take something of Gmums to feel close to her.

 

I get scared Relaxation and breathing exersices.

Feelings cards,

 

I want to hide in my bed Find a place at the school visit base that will give your son a chill out zone.

 

Ect.....

 

Try and get him to be part of it as much as possible if he as the motivation he could draw some of the feelings he has and make it a creative as possible.

 

As much there is a real need to get him to be able to cope with the visits if he does become totally terrified there has to be an agreed level to where someone says this is not working, and terminates the plan of trying to get him to go on a school visit, forcing this issue when he is not ready will cause significant pyschological problems in later life.

 

I know as adults and even myself have forced J into situations he was just not ready to do even with preparations and visual equiptment, sometimes you just have to try another day.

 

JsMumxxxx

 

[jb1964]

Hi Peaches,

 

My daughter has always been the same - she can be really looking forward to something particularly if it's something she absolutely loved but the anxieties and worry beforehand can overtake that exitement and and the night before or even the very last moment she will pull out and get upset.

 

This year she actually went on a school trip to see Blood Brothers in London which I was so glad for her because she had the most fantastic day of her life and I kept saying that she must remember that she overcame her fears.

 

The CPN did some work with her prior to the trip - she arranged to take her out to McDonalds but the week beforehand sat her down and went through every possibility that my daughter thought could happen - good and bad things and wrote it all down on a list. She then went through each item and said what they'd do if that problem happened (and it would be from the simplest things like feeling sick to having the wrong food or even a car accident) - she then put a line through each one they'd gone over - this is something we've used since and definitely helps but doesn't take it all away - but it did help to get her to London for that trip.

 

Take care,

Jb

[Sally44]

It may well be the level of anxiety it causes him. The not knowing what might or might not happen. So far I haven't had a school trip refusal from my son. But it took alot to get him to the football club, eventhough it is something he likes. And on the first day his TA said he had been anxious all day saying "I don't know if i'm ready for it."

When we finally got him to football club, the coach said he does a multi sports club on a Wednesday dinnertime. Again my son wanted to go. But he has been taken the last 3 Wednesdays and has refused every time. The first occasion he was anxious about what clothes he should wear; the second occasion was being anxious about which other children were there; the third occasion they were playing hockey and he did not know what that was and refused. And it is very frustrating because I know once he gets involved he will like it. School are going to continue taking him with a TA and hopefully he will have a go eventually.

Some schools do let parents go on trips once they have been CRB(?) checked. I have been on trips with my son when he was younger.

I have also found that my son can be more willing to try something new for the first time, compared with the second time when there might be anxieties or expectations connected with the first visit.

But it sounds like you are doing all the right things. Try to address any anxieties he has without dwelling on them and point out lots of things he would like about the trip - but make sure you don't say anything that isn't actually going to happen on the trip.

But I think anxiety is all part of the bag of tricks that comes with an ASD. My own son is frightened to go into another room in our house without an adult with him regardless of whether it is day or night!