Am I an alien, or do I have Asperger's?

[Pyramyd]

I struggled with severe depression from the age of 12. I'm now 23 and have had 4 lots of counseling, which haven't worked. I recently had an extremely suicidal spell and went to the mental health team in my area. They asked if I had any family history of mental illness and said I didn't know. So I did some research. My great grandfather, grandmother and 3 of my cousins had Aspergers syndrome, and my aunt (who works with people with disabilities/learning difficulties such as Aspergers) said she was convinced my father and brother have it, in fact she said most of my family display Asperger symptoms, though she has never told them. I had heard about Aspergers years ago and suspected my brother had it. But then she also said she recognised some Aspergers symptoms in me, particularly that I take everything literally, am socially awkward, anger at little things and panic at new situations or unforeseen events.

 

I didn't really agree, but became obsessed with finding out what was wrong with me and began researching excessively (this is what I do quite often) all day and all night teaching myself about the various mental disorders. It was all I'd speak about for weeks. Everything that happened, I could link back to psychology. My friends got a bit annoyed. The more research I did, the more the same thing kept coming back to me – Aspergers. I have other existing health conditions that also connect to Asperger's and the amygdala (part of the brain).

 

Interestingly, my husband also has a lot of Asperger's in his family, and he said I should mention it to my G.P. because the symptoms sounded a lot like me. So I did. My G.P. said he would be very surprised if I had it, as I communicate well (???) I really don't think I do – I rarely listen to people and just nod along, laughing when they laugh etc. I tend to mimic other people, but honestly, I don't know what they are babbling on about most of the time. I often don't understand jokes or why something is funny. Sometimes it's like others are speaking an other language and I can't actually make out what they are saying. Mimicking other people has got me by ok so far, though people have been angry with me in the past because I've laughed or smiled when I obviously wasn't meant to. But I think I'm getting better at this.

 

Anyway, I told the mental health team my suspicions also, and they agreed and have referred me to a psychiatrist for assessment. I'm nervous I'll be treated like a hypochondriac. My G.P. has said AGAIN he doesn't think I's Aspergers, so I'm confused now. I know there is something not right with me, I hate people, I hate going out and I struggle to learn things as quickly as other people. I often misunderstand instructions. I recently tried going to college and it was a nightmare - so much noise and so many people trying to speak to me, and I didn't understand what the teachers were saying. It was horrible and made me realise something needs to be done. I have an I.Q. Of around 130 yet I can't perform in a classroom or in any group situation. I've felt like an alien my whole life and this depression is consuming me. I'm bored all the time and every day life is so mundane, I hate that I'm forced to conform to society, it's all such a farce. I just want some answers...

 

So I ask you, do you think I might have Aspergers, or am I just a severe misfit?

 

[jb1964]

Hi,

 

To be honest the only person who can tell you is someone who is in the profession of diagnosing Aspergers. Quite a few threads on the forum that I've read recently mention that gp's/consultants etc fear there is an 'asperger fashion' is going on.

 

I've also read in some articles in the papers also about people who say they have Aspergers but are only self diagnosed - and I think that is also a problem.

 

You mention you now have a referral and I think that's a good starting point and take it from there.

 

Take care,

Jb

 

PS - I did note you mention your great grandfather and grandmother had Aspergers? - I didn't realise it was something diagnosed at that time?

 

 

[KezT]

My great grandfather, grandmother and 3 of my cousins had Aspergers syndrome

 

The term Aspergers syndrome was not used as a diagnosis until the mid 1980's and Hans Asperger started researching children with similar symptoms in 1944 - I rather doubt your great grandfather could possibly have had a dx of AS!

 

This is not to say he didn't show AS syptoms, or that you do not, but that you have not got the facts correct. If he had a dx, it must have been for something else.

 

Because ASDs are a spectrum, most people can pick out bits of their personality as being very ASD symptomatic. That does not mean everyone has an ASD. A referral to a psych is a good start - GP's are not particularly knowledgeable about ASDs But don't disregard the possibility that it could be something else. It sounds like you are determined for it to be AS......

 

Whatever the psych report comes back with, i am sure it will not say you are an alien <'> My advice is keep working with the MH team, go to the pysch, and keep an open mind.

[Tally]

Hello, and welcome to the forum.

 

There are things in your post that point to possible Asperger's. But they are not specific and might also relate to any number of conditions or peraonality traits.

 

I think it's worth you reading up a bit more about it to see if it continues to make sense. It might also help if your husband does the same, because he can see you as you appear to others - people with AS are often unaware of this.

 

Mental health teams are not normally the best people to diagnose Asperger's. Their knowledge of the condition is limited and they are generally trained to look for psychological causes for everything. It would be helpful to go to the psychiatrist with a clear list of reasons why you think you have AS - write them down if you think you might forget.

 

You may find that you just cannot get a proper assessment on the NHS, at which point you need to decide whether you want to pursue a formal diagnosis, or whether the self-knowledge is enough to help you. Given your mental health problems, it may well be important for getting the right treatment.

[Pyramyd]

My great grandfather didn't have a diagnosis, and I didn't say he did. But my family are pretty certain he had aspergers/some form of autism. Just because it wasn't formal doesn't mean I'm making it up! he was considered as having 'mental retardation' he also had epilepsy, was almost mute and had an obsession with taking clocks apart. Sorry for assuming he had aspergers, I just assumed it as his daughter and other descendants had a diagnosis later in life and given his severe difficulties. Maybe you're right, maybe I'm a stupid liar and I need to get my facts straight. You don't have to worry I won't be coming back here that's for sure. You've pretty much convinced me I am making a fuss over nothing so I guess that's it. Thanks for your opinions.

 

And I'm not determined for it to be aspergers, how dare you say that? I don't want to be like this, how dare you assume? you are accusing me of assuming and being narrow minded, yet you are assuming you know what I want? do you realise how ridiculous and hypocritical that is?!

 

I also have CFS (a neuro immune dysfunction syndrome) this is something that has many connections with autism and it took my 6 years to get a diagnosis, because everyone thought it was in my head, but I battled through their judgements every day and I still do, as many people don't believe it exists. I asked for your advice and was hoping you'd say you weren't sure or whatever, though thouht I'd feel better as I don't have friends to talk about this with. I feel worse now, thanks. I'm seriously regretting coming to this site.

 

Not that it is relevant, but my geat grandfather was still alive in the mid 80's. So perhaps you should know the facts before expressing your doubts about things being 'possible'.

[jb1964]

Maybe you're right, maybe I'm a stupid liar and I need to get my facts straight.

 

Hi Pyramyd,

 

I'm sorry that you've taken anything that was said offensively. In reading your post I never once thought that you were a liar or stupid. I think that it's difficult for anyone to say you have Aspergers until you've seen someone who understands Aspergers and can diagnose your difficulties appropriately - I thought that your referral was a good starting point.

 

Once again I apologise if anything I've said has upset you and hope you will return to the site to read this.

Take care,

Jb

[Kathryn]

Hi Pyramyd,

 

I'm sorry you feel upset by the replies. I can see that you feel health professionals haven't taken you seriously up to now and that may account for your reaction. Nobody here is accusing you of making anything up, and as far as I can see, people have taken the trouble to read your post carefully and give honest and helpful responses. They may not be exactly what you were hoping to hear, but nobody meant to offend you.

 

I wish you the best of luck in your search for answers and hope you'll give us another chance to see how supportive this site can be.

 

Kathryn

 

 

[Pyramyd]

I am very sorry, I overreacted. It is true I have been treated very negatively by doctors and such since I was a child and I am extremely over sensitive to anything I perceive to be criticism. I am very frustrated at the moment and I apologise for being so rash and rude. I have reread your replies and I see now you were only being honest, helpful and constructive. Thank you very much for your replies, and sorry again for flying off the handle.

 

You guys are saints.

xx

[KezT]

pyramyd, i also add my apologies - i didn't mean to contradict you in a nasty way, just to say that as one of the symptoms of ASD is a tendancy to fixate on a particular answer to something, and that it sounds like it is too early to make a sound dx of AS for you yet.

 

I am sorry I did not express myself very well - it has been a very stressful week for me, and I probably didn't think through what I was writing properly! But retrospectively self dx'ing other members of your family with any condition is not terribly helpful in most cases - it is good to be able to take the symptoms/personality types of your relatives to the pysch, but not to dwell too much on what that "means" about you.

 

An adult dx of AS is pretty rare on the NHS. there are places you can get it done privately if you want, but it is neither a quick nor cheap process:( However, if combined with other conditions you are more likely to get an NHS dx the psych will be looking for a variety of conditions, and I was trying to say, obviously ineptly, that other suggestions may be made, and may be helpful.

[Tally]

I'm really pleased to see you've decided to give us another chance

 

I hope you can get some definitive answers as to whether you have AS. In the meantime, do stick around and see if you can find any strategies that may help. Diagnosis or no, if something helps, it can only be a good thing!

[Mandapanda]

Hi Pyramyd!

 

Welcome, I hope you will find understanding and help here as I have - though I don't always agree with others on here!

 

My son is 13 and suffers from severe anxiety, depression and traits of autistic spectrum disorder. He also has very low self-esteem. It's a pretty miserable and limiting life for him and consequently to some extent for the rest of our family. So I sympathise with you and your family.

 

I know quite a lot about Aspergers as my eldest has it, and I have read up and researched it very well. On the whole I can often tell from somebody saying one sentence to me face-to-face if they have it - don't get offended everybody, I am very rarely wrong though I'm not sure how I do it, it's something about what they say, how they say it, their posture, demeanour, dress, facial expression etc. I believe and understand it is harder to diagnose in females generally. Females are more naturally 'social' than males, so if their sociability is 'impaired' they still have some sociability, whereas males start with less so may have very little, if you see what I mean. Obviously these are generalisations, but they are in the literature about autistic spectrum.

 

You could read 'Martian in the Playground' by Clare Sainsbury (off putting title but that is how the author felt) and there's a Liane Holliday Willey book as well 'Pretending to be normal' where she explains her difficulties talking to others, joining in with already started conversations etc. Perhaps you will identify with them, or perhaps not.

 

Diagnosis or not, you may well find others on this forum experiencing one or more of the same difficulties as you, and I hope this will help you feel better about yourself. If you can build your self-esteem, others will react better to you - my eldest son has taught me this, and I am desperately trying to find ways to build my youngest son's self-esteem.

 

Good luck to you and welcome. <'> <'> <'>

 

 

 

 

[Sally44]

From what you have posted, and the fact that you have a family history of ASDs, I think you are right to be seeking professional advice on whether you too have an ASD. Please ensure you are seen by someone who has experience of diagnosing ASDs because many professionals do not know anything, or know a little or even know incorrect information. Just because you can talk and 'appear' to socialise does not mean you do not have an ASD. As you say yourself, most of the time you are mimicking and trying to give what you perceive is the 'correct' response. But it isn't coming automatically and many times you get it wrong. That sounds very typical of an ASD. But only a professional can give a diagnosis.

I have seen other adults post that they had to pay to receive a diagnosis because they could not find anywhere within the NHS to assess them. You could also contact the National Autistic Society to see if there are any diagnosing centres for adults in your area.

[Pyramyd]

I have seen other adults post that they had to pay to receive a diagnosis because they could not find anywhere within the NHS to assess them. You could also contact the National Autistic Society to see if there are any diagnosing centres for adults in your area.

 

thank you I will do that

[Sally44]

let us know how you get on.