We did it, but i don't know how to feel..

[Andy]

We knew Ds had some differences, and as soon as he started Nursery, and watching him interact as party's we knew we these differences were starting to become difficulties.

 

I had a role; my job was to fight, and fight hard that DS would recieve all the support he was entitled to. We would all go to every meeting. We would read up, print off and attend every meeting well-informed and with printed evidence.

I researched this site, and that re-inforced the need to be assertive, and not be fobbed off.

 

My main goal was that DS would enter a school suited to his needs, with a statement, and at a pace that was right for him. The preparation was tiring and stressful, and i had never really imagined what would happen once we had succeeded.

 

DS is now at an ASD centre school with a statement, he started in sept doing mornings and has progressed to 4 whole days p/week already!

 

We were so relieved and so pleased that he would get the appropraite support for his needs.

 

 

But now, i feel slighlty lost. All this time i has this focus, this goal. I never really thought about the long term future. In my mind i think i somehow imagined that DS's difficulties would dissapear, as long as i did x,y and z.

 

I suppose this is the acceptance stage for me. Its very difficult. The 'fighting' made me this stronger more positive person, whereas the reality has somewhat burst that bubble.

 

I hope i don't appear as ungrateful, i am still thrilled that DS has been accepted into a ASD school.

 

I just never prepared myself for the handover

Edited November 30, 2009 by Andy

[sesley]

enjoy the time for yourself,find something that interests you,maybe a part time job to get you out and in the outside world, you need time for you. Retail thearapy,while, christmas shopping in peace.

[NickyB]

We knew Ds had some differences, and as soon as he started Nursery, and watching him interact as party's we knew we these differences were starting to become difficulties.

 

I had a role; my job was to fight, and fight hard that DS would recieve all the support he was entitled to. We would all go to every meeting. We would read up, print off and attend every meeting well-informed and with printed evidence.

I researched this site, and that re-inforced the need to be assertive, and not be fobbed off.

 

My main goal was that DS would enter mainstream school with a statement, at a school that was right for him. The preparation was tiring and stressful, and i had never really imagined what would happen once we had succeeded.

 

DS is now at an ASD centre school with a statement.

 

We were so relieved and so pleased that he would get the appropraite support for his needs.

 

 

But now, i feel slighlty lost. All this time i has this focus, this goal. I never really thought about the long term future. In my mind i think i somehow imagined that DS's difficulties would dissapear, as long as i did x,y and z.

 

I suppose this is the acceptance stage for me. Its very difficult. The 'fighting' made me this stronger more positive person, whereas the reality has somewhat burst that bubble.

 

I hope i don't appear as ungrateful, i am still thrilled that DS has been accepted into a ASD school.

 

I just never prepared myself for the handover

 

Having just managed to get our LA to carry out Statutory Assessment after 8 months of fighting, I can completely relate to what you are feeling. Even though we have many battles ahead, I still feel a bit 'empty' and lost. As sesley said, have some 'you' time and enjoy Christmas - you've certainly earnt it! Oh, and well done

 

[Kathryn]

I can relate to some of that, Andy. That's the trouble, isn't it, fighting the system makes parents obssessed and isolated - all we can see is the one goal ahead and we lose track of everything else in life. There is a sense of anti climax when the battle comes to an end and you then find that not all of the issues have gone away.

 

That's how I felt and what helped me was to rechannel my energy (and all the rage!!) and use the experience I'd gained to help other parents fight the system and get what they want for their child. It still doesn't make everything perfect, but it helps.

 

It's great to hear your son's doing well though, well done you!

 

K x

[bid]

I felt exactly the same after getting my DS a Statement and a place at a residential special school. I think it's probably perfectly normal!

 

Bid <'>

[Karen A]

Hi Andy.

Ben obtained an AS diagnosis about this time last year.

He started at Secondary School in September and is doing better than we could ever have hoped.

We thought he might be excluded in the first fortnight.

I still have days when I am all over the place.

I also know I should be pleased.Having got used to expecting calls from school every other day I feel a bit surplus to requirements.

But it has been nice to be able to go to the gym or meet my husband for a quick lunch.

I worked from when I was 18 and then had my boys.We have had very little support over the years.

So I tell people I am having a bit of a sabbatical.

If Ben is still doing well in the New Year I will start to think about the rest of my life.

Karen.

[JsMum]

deninatley relate to your post, and for me I just felt a great sence of viod, like what else am I when I am not in MUM mode.

 

The seperation was really hard because me and Jay spent 24 hours a day together, even in the same bedroom and at times due to J getting soo distressed in the same bed though we worked hard to get him back in his own bed, so litrately spending every waking and sleeping miniet together was so lonely when he went to residential school.

 

I had to use seperation anxiety stratagies to get use to it all.

 

Like you all I did was write reports, take J to assessments and proffessionals, including private ones, so it was terribly time consuming, even when I had a minuet for a cuppa it was met with tipple tails and tarzan in the living room there was never a time to really truely relax, so when it was quiet and J was settled finally in his residential special school, I raged and paced for hours, it was soo not what I was expecting.

 

I have councilling and this helps a lot and the time J is at school I do things that I enjoy which at first I was too scared to enjoy my time as there was guilt, shame included, that was the hardest for me.

 

Now I do a variety of great hobbies and Ive come to terms with the situation there is no more guilt or shame, just proud moments that both me and J share as we are both moving forward, were both achieving.

 

At home I have time to prepare the weekend, though sometimes it is hard because J insists on so much control and trys to rearrange the aggenda so it is exhausting but then we have moments where its relaxed and calm and things are oright.

 

You have faught hard to get your son where he is, the time is now yours, my suggestion is find a hobby that you like and do things that you couldnt do because you where too busy with getting your sons needs met.

 

What your going throw is absaloutly normal, it will lift soon I promise.

 

JsMumxxx

Edited November 30, 2009 by JsMum

[Daisydot]

Felt just the same after fighting for three years to get our son into an appropriate school, where his needs were understood.

 

For several months after we won our case, I just didnt want to know anything about school of any sort, but it was such a relief not having to WORRY about him all the time, knowing he was getting all the help and understanding he needed.

 

Dont worry about having nothing left to do - not sure how old he is but the way things are going in education at the moment, things are getting worse so there is bound to be more fighting to do further down the line.

 

 

In the meantime, relax and enjoy Christmas

[Cariad]

Andy it's one long fight... it never ends sadly which is totally wrong IMO. Our son is 14 next month still with no school after being put in a sham of a school who said they could cater his needs!

 

The amount of money (£5,000 for one tribunal) we have been through is wrong too, just enjoy the rest before the storm as things never seem to go in our favour and we even had to get the ombudsman onto the LEA as they were doing nothing to try to find a school for our son.

 

It sounds like you are a loving father who cares very deeply for your son, you are a credit <'>

[Andy]

Many thanks everyone.

 

I am so glad that these feelings aren't as odd as i first imagined.

 

There is something about the vunerability and innocence of an ASD child, that has turned me into this over-protective Dad, which i need to work on. Chilling out and relaxing is the best advice until the next hurdle presents!

 

t/y all!

Edited December 1, 2009 by Andy

[Karen A]

Many thanks everyone.

 

I am so glad that these feelings aren't as odd as i first imagined.

 

There is something about the vunerability and innocence of an ASD child, that has turned me into this over-protective Dad, which i need to work on. Chilling out and relaxing is the best advice until the next hurdle presents!

 

t/y all!

 

Hi Andy.

I know my husband has become more protective of Ben not just because of the AS diagnosis but also from having battled for three years for appropriate provision.

I think it a natural instinct to fight for you child.

Karen.

 

[JsMum]

Hi Andy.

I know my husband has become more protective of Ben not just because of the AS diagnosis but also from having battled for three years for appropriate provision.

I think it a natural instinct to fight for you child.

Karen.

 

 

If we were to go back to the cave days boys and fathers would of done the hunting and gathering and fathers would of had to protect their sons from preditors!

 

I think we would rather fight grizzly bears, roaring lions and buffalows! than go throw this fight in todays world of LEA's and LAs! but our instincts to fight are strong arnt they look at how hard it truely is! harder than the cave days for sure!

 

JsMumxxxx