Difficulties in friendships

[Special_talent123]

I am confused, i have 4 Neurotypical friends, 3 of them arent being very nice any more. They have deleted me of there friends list and i added them back they accept me then i send a nice message and even happy new year and they go and delete them. When even tried to arrange to meet up with them they say they are busy, if that is the case why do i see so many photos that are recent meeting up with there friends but dont have the time to see me. I dont think they are or want to be my friend i feel quite hurt. i dont know what to do feel they have taken or are taking advantage of me.

[justine1]

I am confused, i have 4 Neurotypical friends, 3 of them arent being very nice any more. They have deleted me of there friends list and i added them back they accept me then i send a nice message and even happy new year and they go and delete them. When even tried to arrange to meet up with them they say they are busy, if that is the case why do i see so many photos that are recent meeting up with there friends but dont have the time to see me. I dont think they are or want to be my friend i feel quite hurt. i dont know what to do feel they have taken or are taking advantage of me.

Hi sorry you having a hard time.I have just had the very same experience,I had made friends with a mum who has a son with AS and now she isnt on my friends list,dont know if this can happen automatically or if she has done so deliberatley,I am also confused told her some really personal stuff!

 

I notice you say 3 of them are behaing this way,just continue to be with the one that isnt she may be your true friend.Better to have one good friend then 50 fake friends!Ignore the others they may come round again but just make sure their motives are right and that they not using you.

[NobbyNobbs]

i dont think it would be fair to say they have taken advantage of you unless they have been getting something from the relationship without giving anything back. perhaps its best to view that you are better off without them if they are behaving in such a way. are you talking about facebook? it might be a good idea to just delete them as friends, or ignore postings from them so that they dont upset you. they might feel the messages you have posted (i presume on their wall) are inappropriate for other people they have as friends to see for whatever reason and that is why they deleted them. or they could just be not very nice people in which case you're better off without them.

[Special_talent123]

i dont think it would be fair to say they have taken advantage of you unless they have been getting something from the relationship without giving anything back. perhaps its best to view that you are better off without them if they are behaving in such a way. are you talking about facebook? it might be a good idea to just delete them as friends, or ignore postings from them so that they dont upset you. they might feel the messages you have posted (i presume on their wall) are inappropriate for other people they have as friends to see for whatever reason and that is why they deleted them. or they could just be not very nice people in which case you're better off without them.

 

well i dont know what other word to use. i feel they arent the real friends- think im beginning to realise they were being only friends in training provider so they dont get kicked off course, but i have issues with them when im feeling down. but i dont even post anything inappropriate i try to be as positie as i am but i dont think they really are my friends. who has a friend who just spends time with there other friends and never with u, well thats what there doing to me.

[Gordie]

I recently posted something totally innocent on a Facebook friend of mine's Wall, only to find she later deleted the post and didn't bother telling me why. Okay - I haven't seen or spoken to her at all really, since we finished working at the same place about 4 years ago (a cyber-café), and even then I didn't really speak to her much. But she accepted me as a Facebook friend when I sent her a friend request, so I can see no reason why she would have a problem with me making a light-hearted comment about how a recent Deal or No Deal contestant was a spitting image of her. Totally baffling. People are just strange sometimes. I was only trying to "break the ice", thinking she might've appreciated the fact I still remembered who she was. Still, maybe I should be grateful she didn't delete me as a friend while she was at it.

 

Not that that hasn't happened with other people - I've seen many Facebook friends disappear over the years, much to my surprise. I mean why would you want to lose friends? If it's a privacy issue, why not just restrict some of the things you're putting on display for only certain people to see? No - they'd rather just upset people by wiping them off their friends list like dirt on their shoes, just because that's easier.

 

they might feel the messages you have posted (i presume on their wall) are inappropriate for other people they have as friends to see for whatever reason and that is why they deleted them.

I'm always doing that, totally unintentionally of course, but people fly off the handle too easily, as if you've deliberately tried to humiliate them. Makes being a loner seem quite attractive sometimes.

 

James

[Jannih]

Sorry to hear about the problems you are having on Facebook.

 

Sometimes we can have two extremes. On one hand there are those who "gather" friends like notches on the bed post because the more friends, better their social image. Alternatively, and I put myself in this category, are those who just want to be in touch with those they love, like and care about. I have deleted some people or not acepted them in the first place as they are just people I know as acqaintances and nothing more.

 

You said they were pally with you on a training course. Has that course ended and could it now be case of "out of sight of mind." There is probably no animosity, but sometimes people move on.

 

I might be generalising here but I think people with ASD value their friendships more because they had to put a lot of effort in forming that friendship in the beginning. It is not easy to go off and make new friends. I think we have all been there at some point. I was dumped by a couple of very close friends. I know I offended one, in all innocence, and she refused my apologies but the other one's motives still baffles me to this day !

 

Has anyone thought about forming a Facebook Group for the people on this forum. That would be fun !

 

 

[Special_talent123]

I recently posted something totally innocent on a Facebook friend of mine's Wall, only to find she later deleted the post and didn't bother telling me why. Okay - I haven't seen or spoken to her at all really, since we finished working at the same place about 4 years ago (a cyber-café), and even then I didn't really speak to her much. But she accepted me as a Facebook friend when I sent her a friend request, so I can see no reason why she would have a problem with me making a light-hearted comment about how a recent Deal or No Deal contestant was a spitting image of her. Totally baffling. People are just strange sometimes. I was only trying to "break the ice", thinking she might've appreciated the fact I still remembered who she was. Still, maybe I should be grateful she didn't delete me as a friend while she was at it.

 

Not that that hasn't happened with other people - I've seen many Facebook friends disappear over the years, much to my surprise. I mean why would you want to lose friends? If it's a privacy issue, why not just restrict some of the things you're putting on display for only certain people to see? No - they'd rather just upset people by wiping them off their friends list like dirt on their shoes, just because that's easier.

 

 

I'm always doing that, totally unintentionally of course, but people fly off the handle too easily, as if you've deliberately tried to humiliate them. Makes being a loner seem quite attractive sometimes.

 

James

 

there nothing to do with that. we hadnt spoken in ages and alls i left were happy new year she deleted my message i sent her but none of my friends are responding to me when i talk to them so its quite obvious

[Special_talent123]

Sorry to hear about the problems you are having on Facebook.

 

Sometimes we can have two extremes. On one hand there are those who "gather" friends like notches on the bed post because the more friends, better their social image. Alternatively, and I put myself in this category, are those who just want to be in touch with those they love, like and care about. I have deleted some people or not acepted them in the first place as they are just people I know as acqaintances and nothing more.

 

You said they were pally with you on a training course. Has that course ended and could it now be case of "out of sight of mind." There is probably no animosity, but sometimes people move on.

 

I might be generalising here but I think people with ASD value their friendships more because they had to put a lot of effort in forming that friendship in the beginning. It is not easy to go off and make new friends. I think we have all been there at some point. I was dumped by a couple of very close friends. I know I offended one, in all innocence, and she refused my apologies but the other one's motives still baffles me to this day !

 

Has anyone thought about forming a Facebook Group for the people on this forum. That would be fun !

 

I left the course 2 weeks later because it never benefited me , they asked me to leave. But i don't understand why now there not talking to me. I mean it were a NT course which i know i found it hard but thought i really had some NT friends but now im beginning to think they arent my friends if there treating me like this.

 

I don't like just to be friends with Non NT's, because i will i know by NT's get taken the mick out of but i wanted to mix with Non NT's and NT's. My suspicion has been going for a while because anything i invite them too they decline the interest. They have time for there friends which have seen recent photos but decline me because they say they are busy but now i seen the recent photos i now realise they have no interest in me.

[matzoball]

I left the course 2 weeks later because it never benefited me , they asked me to leave. But i don't understand why now there not talking to me. I mean it were a NT course which i know i found it hard but thought i really had some NT friends but now im beginning to think they arent my friends if there treating me like this.

 

I don't like just to be friends with Non NT's, because i will i know by NT's get taken the mick out of but i wanted to mix with Non NT's and NT's. My suspicion has been going for a while because anything i invite them too they decline the interest. They have time for there friends which have seen recent photos but decline me because they say they are busy but now i seen the recent photos i now realise they have no interest in me.

 

you should talk to the people who run the place where this course is held, as i'm pretty sure asking someone with AS to leave a course is breaking the disabilities discrimination act.

 

i don't have many NT friends)or many friends at all), the ones i have took ages to bond with, but they understand why i am the way i am and have been very patient with me. these people sound like they are not worth your time. it hurts to lose people you consider friends, but as other people have said by the way they are acting they don't deserver your friendship. i've had that done to me before(saying they are busy then finding out they have went out to the thing you wanted to go with them to) - and it hurt. but you are better than a bunch of people who could take the time to know you - they are losing out. we are loyal, and trustworthy and great friends to have - stuff them they aren't good enough for you.