not sure what to call this.. :(

[latmaz]

from what my son says he has had a lot of kids stealing but as u say my son didnt leave the shop etc

 

now have a solicitor who is going to come with us and have given him all the info, he is hopeful the charges may get dropped but i will let u all know what happens when we have been to the station

 

oh and the advice at the police station is covered and if he has to go to court that is also covered as he is under 18 so thats one worry off the list

 

thankyou all for helping me get thru the week

 

 

 

 

[Feather]

sorry to hear about what has happened. Have you got any police officers in your area that are trained in ASD? I was at an autism conference last year, and they were starting to train officers and make them aware of coming across people with ASD. When I was at a local autism group meeting as well, we had a police officer, and a community support officer that were trained to deal with ASD people involved in incidents. They were very understanding, and gave us their cards and said we could ring or email them anytime, and they would help us. Even if your son is not diagnosed, he is going through the process, and should be offered this support. They will be able to see it from both points of view, and hopefully help you. If you don't ask about it, you will not be aware if they have these ASD officers or not. I hope they do have for you and your son. We have peace of mind now knowing that we have these contact details for our son if he is ever in trouble. Hope everything gets sorted soon. Believe me we have been there with our son at times, and I know how you and your son are feeling right now.

[latmaz]

feather we are so remote we hardly have any police officers as we are so remote let alone any trained in asd.

 

we are to go back tonight to see the police and give statements etc but we do have a solicitor going with us now

 

thanks to you guys . i will let u all know what happens tonight

 

 

 

 

[latmaz]

thought i would let u all know what happened last night when we went to police station

 

. was quite scary ds had to have his fingerprints, photo and DNA taken and a tape recorded interview. he handled it pretty well tho did get upset when the officer kept pressing him about the theft. anyway in the end they dropped the theft but not the criminal damage which he had to admit to.. so he is to be given a final warning by the police and we have to go back in a few weeks for that

 

the solicitor said that u cannot use provocation as a defence (except in cases like murder etc) so even if we pressed to take it to court it was likely he would have recieved a conviction tho we could of used what the shopkeeper did as mitigation, it would still have been a conviction on his record tho. the solicitor said he had acted for ADD kids before and that the same had happened for them and sometimes the law is an ass but thats the way it was so he advised us to take the warning which is obviously not as serious as having a record

 

not quite the outcome we had hoped for but i guess better than it could have been. have told Ds that we cannot risk him going out and about on his own and he agrees (at the moment anyways!!!). in fact it was horrible cos he sat there sobbing saying please dont let me go out on my own mummy i dont want this to happen again

 

just wanted to thank all of you for your continued support over the last week. umade me see things more clearly and also the suggestions were of such help when i was in a turmoil of what to do and how to do it

 

many many thanks

 

 

[KezT]

Sounds an OK outcome really. A Warning is not anything too much to worry about (from a police PoV it is the minimum penalty and is wiped off his record quicker than anything else, from an employer PoV it is usually regarded as teenage "high jinks" and disregarded).

 

Hopefully the local police are both a little more aware of ASD and of the shopkeeper!

 

And your DS can look at what he can/can't do and learn some new management techniques once the shock has passed. use it as a learning process;) Hopefully you will never have to go through anything similar again!

[Sally44]

Are you still pushing for a diagnosis?

 

Have you spoken with the NAS, because their recent videos about autism definately showed a man being arrested at the train station because he got anxious and started hitting/kicking the train because the doors had shut and he needed to get on. He was arrested by police. So the NAS should be very aware of these issues. Infact I have seen on other web forums discussions from adults saying they are terrified of being out and having a meltdown because if they were approached by someone there is a possibility they would lash out at them and get arrested etc. So I would follow it up for advice on what to do if it happens. Your child should not be scared to go out.

It maybe useful for him to wear a necklace or bracelet that says he has autism, and maybe a contact number?? But you would have to teach him explicitly how to use it. And at the times they need to use something like this, they can find it much harder than everyday because in the blind panic they forget what they need to do or say.

[Feather]

Glad that things have been sorted out for you and your son. You don't say how old he is, but we have been through this with our son. He got into trouble twice through no fault of his own, and had to go to the police station and have fingerprints, etc done. There were no charges, as the solicitor both times was really good. He is 15 now and it was a few years ago, and he was going through diagnosis. We also didin't find out about the ASD police trained near our area, until a while after, no-one told us. Thats how I know exactly how you are all feeling. My son got diagnosed, and he didn't go out for quite some time, as it really affected him, and we were terrified to let him out. He now has a couple of really good friends, that he goes out with if he feels up to it, and they know how to handle him and to ring us straight away if anythimg happens. You will get throgh this, and in time your son will be able to get out and about again, once he is diagnosed, and comes to terms with it all. My son has also matured just a little bit more, and is becoming more aware of prolems that can happen. It is other people that have the problems most of the time, and they don't understand ASD. Things do get better, so just remember that. Hope this helps.

[latmaz]

he is 13 but a very young 13. feather sounds like u went thru exactly the same, lets hope we come out the other side as u have. its a scary thing seeing your boy fingerprinted etc isnt it.

 

sally yes am still pushing. the ed psych at school saw him yesterday and if they havent contact me by monday i will be onto them with a vengeance, will also chase dr and if none of them can help will go private and be done with. the card idea is good but i dnt think he could use it, he has one for getting out of class when he feels stressed but in the midst of a meltdown he forgets all about it unfortunately altho in theory he knows what to do he cant

 

kez it is a reasonable outcome as u say and we are still considering our options re the cmplaint about the shopkeeper as is the other boys mother

 

thanks

 

 

 

 

[shellz]

Hi Latmaz,

 

Your post brought back some really bad memories for me (theres some old posts on here when we were really going through it) and I felt I had to say something to you.

 

My eldest had always had anger issues and was in trouble at school virtually from day one. He was labeled naughty and I was made very much to feel that it was down to bad parenting. Back then we had no idea about AS or ADHD and the school were unwilling to pursue any kind of dx. Things got worse at secondary school and he was excluded so many times. We finally got a dx of Aspergers only after my youngest was dx'ed and the doctor who remembered AJ from primary school asked if she could look at him as well. We had no help from CAHMS, they refused to see AJ on a 1-1 basis cos they felt that he didn't want to change his pattern of behaviour. In the end we went privately to a psychiatrist who then dx'ed ADHD and it was off the scale. Around the same time AJ started going out and getting into trouble with the police, drug taking, anti social behaviour etc and we had him arrested several times for threatening behaviour towards us and our house, finding drugs in his room - we showed no mercy by this time.

 

The best help and support finally came from the Youth Justice who automatically get involved when youngsters are arrested. AJ had a counsellor and we had a parent support worker who was absolutely brilliant.

 

Since AJ has left school life is a lot better (nowhere near perfect!). He has calmed down and very rarely loses his temper. He has stopped smashing holes in walls etc and not been in trouble with the police for quite some time (still don't trust him so not sure whether he has just got better at evading them!). Unfortunately he is now unemployed, messed up his education, got a criminal record and not much hope of getting a job in the current climate.

 

But I think the point I wanted to get over is that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I don't know how old your boy is but I would certainly try and find a private psychiatrist and pursue the ADHD /ADD route. Also check your NHS hospitals as they have recently had NICE guidelines about dxing and supporting youngsters with ADHD. I am on the commitee for our hospital as a parent and things are beginning to happen.

 

Hope this helps in some small way.

 

Stella x

[shellz]

hiya there, i am new to this site and have your topic very realistic to my own situation. My son is almost 25..from starting school i went through all the usual it must be him "bad lad",,,or because father wasnt around from him being 4(divorced)...so i was unable to cope as they said( nothing of the sort)....i have another son 19months younger.(no issues)....other than perhaps felt my time spent with brother more...did my best ...they both work and have done since leaving school(good side). my eldest finally got diagnosed at 21yrs!!!( better late than never) but no help given at all. my problem is that his behaviour as always been irratic, took things wrong way,,,but last couple of years has been drinking more and taking drugs,,,smokes weed,cocain and "e"s occasionally say each 2 weeks but think more now,,,he not paying what supposed to, tax,ins,phone etc. he talks so sound when level headed and i really do think he means what says but than goes off it and tells me he dont care and only way he feels he normal is when drunk or otherwise....wont go to doctors...i am at witts end,,feel like throwing him out but i know his so called friends wont take him in but he cant see it....very black n white how he sees things....sorry for length...offloading...ta x

[shellz]

hiya again, am sorry only read last bits of the post.,,,,my head all over as just had probs early morning today....as far as i can see , i would say if that has been my lad, he had not left the shop, was wrongly accused to start with, and wasnt asked to empty pockets ,so assume wasnt seen actually taking anything. think i would as a 46 yr old female with no issues react similar without smashing anything up if i was locked in and accused...think shop keeper must have had a bad day maybe with other youngsters and assumed yours the same. perhaps go and talk alone or with friend to shop keeper calmly and see if maybe an apology from his side and your lads could resolve assuming your lad didnt take anything,,i would try that....i have taken my lad to a house to face the women once because a few lads had run round her car and snapped a wiper off, she called police identified one and they gave my sons name, other parents wanted it to go to court and i didnt so asked police if my lad could say sorry and agree to pay for it and split it between them all...it worked for me and police were happy...gud luck love xx