DD hating school.....need advice

[sarah2003]

Hi

I have a dd of 9yrs in Yr 4 who we are in the process of appealing for a statement of needs for her.

She has complex issues/needs-really struggles at school-has ADD, ASD, Dyspraxia-is on SA+ but for the past 2 months not a day goes by when she doesn't come out of school and the minute we get in to the car she bursts in to tears-always telling us the same-how kids in her class tease her, tell her she's weird, how she can't keep up with the work, or doesn't always hear what she has to do.

Tonight things with her were awful-this poor little girl was sobbing for about 2hrs-she has written a letter to the SENCO at school saying she is unhappy as people are horrible to her but she has only just fallen asleep after telling me she is "worthless, an idiot, ugly, wishes she'd never been born". My heart is breaking for her-I just don't know where to go from here-when I discuss anything with school they just tell me that they don't see anything wrong at school and that she appears happy??????

 

Any advice of where to go from here????

 

Thanks

x

 

 

[Sally44]

So you asked for an assessment towards a Statement and the LEA refused?

She is on SA+ so she should have been seen and assessed by a Speech Therapist (SALT) and an Educational Psychologist (EP). What did their reports say and what recommendations did they make?

Is the Autism Outreach Teacher seeing her? If not phone your Local Authority and ask to speak to them. They can go into school and give some advice.

As she has Dyspraxia is she seeing an OT? Is the dyspraxia preventing her from accessing learning (dyspraxia can affect ability to write, or can affect cognitive processes and also speech).

Is she having termly IEPs with relevent targets that are SMART? Are the Parent Partnership involved in coming along with you to school and helping ensure the IEPs are SMART?

 

As she is saying she does not hear alot of what is said do you think she could have auditory processing delays, or auditory processing disorder? Does she ever appear deaf and not respond to her name?

 

She is obviously self aware and her self esteem is suffering. She is vulnerable due to her SEN and because she is so self aware.

 

I presume she is currently in a local LEA maintained mainstream school? It maybe that if the school 'cannot see' what her difficulties are, then that will continue. Our children are individual and complex. It takes years of training and experience to understand our children and what they need and how they tick. This is not something a mainstream school can pick up in one training day per year. So be realistic and ask her current school 'what' are they capable of achieving regarding staff training? If the answer is very little or nothing then you may consider looking at other schools that can meet her needs. There maybe a mainstream school that has extra funding (enhanced resource status) for children on the spectrum. So ask your LEA to send you a list of all their maintained, independent and special schools. Go and visit some of them. Your daughter would need a Statement to get a place in any special school if there were a place available.

 

But you also need to get a Statement. Get it to be as strong as possible (have you got a copy of the Code of Practice for SEN?). Your child will get whatever is in the Statement. However, regarding placement, the PEOPLE carrying out the Statement are going to be those in the school (so are they capable of it) or any outside professionals specified in the Statement eg. 1:1 direct therapy with a qualified speech therapist.

 

As your daughter has written herself how unhappy she is, you can use that as part of your evidence when asking for a Statement. You can also speak directly or write to the SALT/EP/AOT and OT if you wish and you can tell them how she is not coping in school. You can video her at home and use that as evidence. You can go into school and observe her (and ask school not to tell her you are coming in). I used to walk down to my local school to see how my son was playing with other children. I found he wasn't. Most of the time he was walking up and down the playground on his own. You can include any private reports you have, as well as any written evidence you might collect from any clubs she goes to. For example I asked the coach from the trampoline and football club to write about my sons strengths and difficulties and social interaction. I submitted them as part of my evidence.

 

You would probably benefit from joining a local parent support group that has other families similar to your own. You will get alot of local advice from them.

 

Also involve your daughter in anything she is good at.

[Sally44]

As your daughter is in year 4, by the time you get a Statement she will probably be in year five. In Feb of year 5 they will decide which secondary school she is going to. So remember to look at primary and secondary as you might get an immediate transfer to a different primary (or you may voluntarily move her), and also go and visit secondary schools.

As she is a mainstream pupil who does not currently have a Statement. If there is another LEA maintained school that does have an autism unit attached (and therefore should have more experience and expertise in ASDs), then you could ask for a transfer to that school as a mainstream pupil. If she gets a Statement the school is legally bound to fulfill it. If you wait until she has a Statement that same school may say all their SEN places are taken up and say they are unable to place here there. That is how I managed to move my son. Once he had moved he received his Statement and we went to tribunal on sections 2, 3 and 4. Section 4 is the placement. I asked for SEN enhanced resource place to be on his Statement and for the LEA to fund transport. The LEA agreed to do this.

 

How is your daughter doing academically compared with her peers?

[justine1]

Hi

I dont know if I will be much help but just to let you know I know what both of you are going through <'> <'>

My son (6 AS)is also not happy at school,he has been excluded three times now and he also cries about how the other children are towards him.

It is sooooo awful as a mother to see him so unhappy but there is very little I can do.The school have finally got him 1:1 assistance,as of last week,which is working a little,but ultimatley I know mainstream is not for him.

 

He is on flexi schooling as he cant cope with long days and we are waiting for a statutory assesment and hopefully get a statement.Then we are going to apply to a specialist school.I know it is hard to see your daughter so unhappy but hopefully it wont be long before she gets a statement,I believe if you withdraw her from school it will be much tougher getting her the help she needs,whether at her current school or a new one.However if she is that unhappy maybe you can look at another school even if its just a temporary solution.For my son this is not an option as it would be horrible with the change and as I plan to get him into a specialist school I am just managing to hang in there,after all it is just approximatley 13 weeks of school left before summer. <'> <'>

[Suze]

Hi Sarah, my son went through a similar period at school when he was 7.The school picked up on it aswell, and he had an urgent referral to camhs which the school did.He was subsequently statemented for 25 hrs.He also has complex needs.Autism , dyspraxia, dyslexia ,auditory processing disorder , and sensory problems.We were initially looking at home education as Camhs felt he could,nt cope at school.However the school were very supportive and we managed to get him back.My son new of his dx and I think if your DD does,nt know she has autism etc now is the time to tell her.Also the school need to get the local autism advisor to schools in to advise.They will help impliment stratergies for your dd, and if you agree can talk to the class about dd,s dx and this may help stop the kids who are teasing her and making her life miserable.I,d get a meeting with the senco, head and class teacher arranged.As these probs need sorting asap before she becomes a school refuser.Best wishes suzex.

[Karen A]

As your daughter is in year 4, by the time you get a Statement she will probably be in year five. In Feb of year 5 they will decide which secondary school she is going to.

 

I don't think it will be February of year 5.Unless a child has a Statement applications regarding Secondary Schools are currently submitted via central application system for the LA at around October half-term of year 6.The decision is known in February of year 6.I admit that it may well be worth attempting to obtain a Statement.However even for children with Staements discussions regarding secondary school applications are usually undertaken at the year 5 AR rather than before any February deadline.

 

Karen.

Edited March 30, 2010 by Karen A

[Karen A]

Hi Sarah.

Have you applied for a Statement of needs yet ?

Where do you live ?

Sorry to ask questions to start with but it makes a difference as to what ideas might be helpful.

We have Ben who is 11 and has AS and dyspraxia.Ben has a Statement and in mainstream secondary school.

We have also had times when Ben has been very unhappy at school.He was asking earnestly to leave just a few days ago so I understand how difficult it feels. <'>

If the same pupils are saying unkind things on a repeated basis this may be verbal bullying.We have had similar issues.We have now started to record all incidents and have contacted the school to notify them that we are sufficiently concerned to do so.This was as per the advice of the CAMHS professional who worked with us.He regarded the case as low level bullying.

 

Even for pupils who do not have SEN the school should have an anti-bullying policy.Do consider asking for a copy and documenting your concerns.

ACE produce an excellent pack on bullying which details what bullying is and what options are open to parents.It explains much better than me.I will find a link for you.

Karen.

http://www.ace-ed.org.uk/advice-about-educ...ckling-bullying

Edited March 30, 2010 by Karen A

[sarah2003]

Hi Karen,

 

Yes we have applied for a statement and this was refused so we are now going to appeal.

We are in Hertfordshire.

 

I have parents evening tomorrow and plan to discuss some issues with her teacher but you know what time is like at these-they try and rush you in and out......

I have contacted the Paed she is under to ask her advice too.

 

What help does your son get being in MS school and statemented and did you apply or the school?

 

Thanks

 

Hi Sarah.

Have you applied for a Statement of needs yet ?

Where do you live ?

Sorry to ask questions to start with but it makes a difference as to what ideas might be helpful.

We have Ben who is 11 and has AS and dyspraxia.Ben has a Statement and in mainstream secondary school.

We have also had times when Ben has been very unhappy at school.He was asking earnestly to leave just a few days ago so I understand how difficult it feels. <'>

If the same pupils are saying unkind things on a repeated basis this may be verbal bullying.We have had similar issues.We have now started to record all incidents and have contacted the school to notify them that we are sufficiently concerned to do so.This was as per the advice of the CAMHS professional who worked with us.He regarded the case as low level bullying.

 

Even for pupils who do not have SEN the school should have an anti-bullying policy.Do consider asking for a copy and documenting your concerns.

ACE produce an excellent pack on bullying which details what bullying is and what options are open to parents.It explains much better than me.I will find a link for you.

Karen.

http://www.ace-ed.org.uk/advice-about-educ...ckling-bullying

 

[Karen A]

Hi Sarah.

We applied ourselves but it has been a long road.

When Ben started in year 3 at primary school he had never been picked up as having SEN.

He is very bright and previously school thought he was a bright boy who had had a lot of adult attention and had an attitude problem.

During year 2 Ben had become unhappy in school.He deteriorated very quickly and ended up hiding under tables and becoming very challenging.

Fortunately his new year 3 teacher [who is still a Forum member here ] has a son with AS.She talked to me and said she wondered if Ben might have AS.

We then started assessments with CAMHS and requested a Statutary Assessment ourselves.

 

Ben obtained a Statement with 15 hours support.The support mainly relates to difficulties with Social Interaction,planning,organisation and self-care.Ben has made an awful lot of progress.However he can still be challenging to teach if things do not go as he expects.He also needs a lot of support during unstructured times.

Ben was diagnosed with dyspraxia in 2005.He was diagnosed with AS only about a year ago.For some time it was thought that Ben had attachment disorder and so he also obtained a lot of individual support from CAMHS in psychotherapy which helped him a lot.However after all of the psychotherapy he was subsequently diagnosed by CAMHS as having AS.

 

As you may have gathered having a Statement although positive has not solved all of the problems.In fact to be honest far from helping solve the issue of bullying it draws attention to the fact that Ben is different which makes him more vulnerable.Hence my suggestions about also looking at the advice on the ACE web site.

 

Does your daughter have a current IEP ?

Karen.

[jollypig]

we have sucessfully appealed [sp] and our LEA are doing the asessment now ,ring your local parent partnership they are a fantastic support . they will help and point you in the right direction.