being bullied at work

[matzoball]

8 months ago I got made to sit beside an older guy at work - he knows how easily wound up I am and that I take things literally a lot. He constantly says racist, sexist and homophobic stuff(such as my Uncle deserved to die from HIV because he was gay or my best friend should go back to the jungle because she's black), and I know it's just to wind me up. I complain at least once a week to my manager who says I should just ignore it because he's an old man and he's doing it on purpose just to get a rise. Just because I am easily wound up doesn't mean that there's an open invitation to do so.

 

Yesterday he asked me to help him with his emails, I showed him what to do and because he didn't understand he started shouting at me so I walked away. When I walked away he started swearing at me so I told him to shut up. I had to go to the toilet to calm down because I started having a panic attack and when I came back he tried to apologise. I told him just to leave me alone for a while and he started swearing at me again and calling me names like retard and stupid. I had to go outside because I ended up having another panic attack.

 

I spoke to my manager who said he would talk to him about it - and when he did all he told him was to stop having fights with me. Nothing about my asd and how it affects me, nothing about the fact he is bullying me.

 

I told him the next step was me bringing in Prospects and he said nothing. I don't want him to lose his job but I really don't know what to do.

[baddad]

Hi matzoball -

I don't, honetly, see any advantage in getting your boss to tell him you have ASD, or any reason. The man knows it's 'winding you up' and has been told not to do it, and that should be the end of it... if it's not, then you complain to your manager again. If your thinking is that it is 'discrimination' because you have autism then the fact that he doesn't know you are autistic actually disproves that allegation. On the other hand, if he is informed now that you have AS, the fact that he has 'bullied' you in this way prior to knowing shows that any future occurrence wouldn't be discriminatory on that basis either.

Regardless of how offesnsive you find his views (and I totally agree that they are offensive, of course) 'freedom of speech' is unfortunately his right. There is, however, legislation to protect your rights too, and that applies regardless of any secondary issue like AS. Those are the 'rights' you need to discuss with your line manager, and if necessary, with his line manager etc etc. I'd look into that with the personnel manager (if there is one - most larger firms have one and smaller firms will have someone who performs that 'role' even if it's only part of their duties), and in the staff handbook/rules and conduct guidelines etc. It may mean they can move you away from him, move him away from you or possibly sanction some of his behaviour depending on whether the things he's saying contravene any legal definitions of discrimination and/or can be proven. As far as the stuff about your uncle 'deserving to die' etc that's personal, and as such may be constituted as verbal abuse or something(?) but you'll have to look into the why's and wherefores to know for sure.

 

Hope that's helpful

 

L&P

 

BD

[hsmum]

Hi,

 

The behaviour of this man is unacceptable. You have asked your manager for help, and the manager has not taken any action. Are there any other people in your office who have witnessed this behaviour? They could support you. Are you a member of a union? Unions offer good advice about how to tackle this sort of bullying. Has your company got an official grievance procedure that you could follow? I know you do not want to get anyone into trouble, but your colleague's behaviour is racist, sexist and blatantly abusive and no-one should have to put up with it.

 

 

 

[matzoball]

Hi matzoball -

I don't, honetly, see any advantage in getting your boss to tell him you have ASD, or any reason. The man knows it's 'winding you up' and has been told not to do it, and that should be the end of it... if it's not, then you complain to your manager again. If your thinking is that it is 'discrimination' because you have autism then the fact that he doesn't know you are autistic actually disproves that allegation. On the other hand, if he is informed now that you have AS, the fact that he has 'bullied' you in this way prior to knowing shows that any future occurrence wouldn't be discriminatory on that basis either.

Regardless of how offesnsive you find his views (and I totally agree that they are offensive, of course) 'freedom of speech' is unfortunately his right. There is, however, legislation to protect your rights too, and that applies regardless of any secondary issue like AS. Those are the 'rights' you need to discuss with your line manager, and if necessary, with his line manager etc etc. I'd look into that with the personnel manager (if there is one - most larger firms have one and smaller firms will have someone who performs that 'role' even if it's only part of their duties), and in the staff handbook/rules and conduct guidelines etc. It may mean they can move you away from him, move him away from you or possibly sanction some of his behaviour depending on whether the things he's saying contravene any legal definitions of discrimination and/or can be proven. As far as the stuff about your uncle 'deserving to die' etc that's personal, and as such may be constituted as verbal abuse or something(?) but you'll have to look into the why's and wherefores to know for sure.

 

Hope that's helpful

 

L&P

 

BD

 

 

Everyone at my work knows I have AS as my manager informed everyone right after I told him 10 months ago, the guy who winds me up knows as he sat and asked me all about it two days after he got moved to where I sit. He doesn't do it to anyone else so I know he is bullying me.

[matzoball]

Hi,

 

The behaviour of this man is unacceptable. You have asked your manager for help, and the manager has not taken any action. Are there any other people in your office who have witnessed this behaviour? They could support you. Are you a member of a union? Unions offer good advice about how to tackle this sort of bullying. Has your company got an official grievance procedure that you could follow? I know you do not want to get anyone into trouble, but your colleague's behaviour is racist, sexist and blatantly abusive and no-one should have to put up with it.

 

We both sit in a bay of desks with 4 other people, and when he says all this stuff they just groan and then laugh. He gets away with murder because he plays the 'old card', or the 'he comes from a different generation' thing - I was given a final warning for going outside the side door to have a panic attack so I know they just don't give a ###### and see me as more trouble than I'm worth.

[Tally]

Even if this man is old, that shouldn't stop him understanding what racism, sexism and homophobia are, and that they are not views you are allowed to air in the workplace. Your employer has a responsibility to protect employees from this type of bullying.

 

A trade union would be a good place to get advice. Most unions will advise even on matters which arose before you were a paid up member, so if you are not already a member, then joining now could still be helpful.

 

You have received a written warning for suffering a panic attack which resulted from another member of staff saying abusive things to you. This is also something a trade union might be able to help you appeal

[cmuir]

Hi

 

Having an ASD doesn't come into this, though for what it's worth, it does sound like this man pushes your buttons because he knows you react. This man's behaviour is completely unacceptable to anyone and you should go through formal HR/Personnel channels and make a formal complaint. The man's age is neither here nor there and shouldn't be excused by your manager or anyone else, specifically shouting and using offensive/abusive language. Also, the affect that this has on colleagues (namely you) must be taken into account also. It's not okay for someone to make someone else feel intimidated, etc. The right way to go is formally and through HR/Personnel. What you do need to do in the meantime is to take notes or keep a diary of how this man is behaving. You need to be able to show that isn't not just a one off. Also, note down the fact that you did on such and such a day/time discuss the matter with your boss.

 

Caroline.

[Jannih]

Hi Matzoball,

 

You don't have to put up with this behaviour. No matter how old this man is, he is subject to the law of the land like everyone else. It's not free speech, it is bullying and they probably know it. As others have said, if a union member, get advice from them or go to a Citizens Advice Bureau.

 

You have been right to make a complaint to your manager as the company have a duty of care to all their employees.If it continues take it higher, possibly to th Personnel / HR dept.

 

Keep a diary of this abuse. Dates, times, people present, those that joined in etc.

 

At anytime you can take your employer to an Employment Tribunal for disability discrimination - within 3 months of discrimination taking place. It's best to phone ACAS first and they will put you right as to whether they think the law may have been broken and advise whether you might have a case.

 

ACAS - tel. 08457 959 775

 

If you cannot stand it any longer and leave, you could add "constructive dismissal" because by their actions they have forced you out of the workplace. CAB will give you lots of assistance. The NAS might know of disability rights groups who might represent you at a Tribunal hearing.

 

You will need to bring the case against the individual and also the company.

 

If you leave, then find yourself having to claim Jobseekers Allowance; you will be asked why you left your previous job. Make sure that you provide every detail, including that you took your complaint higher in the company. This "evidence" would be submitted to a decision maker who will make the decsion as to whether you left in" Good Cause." The decision maker for JSA will also like to know if you did try to seek alternative employment.

 

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/DisabledPeople...ghts/DG_4001073

 

 

Jannih

 

 

 

[trekster]

We both sit in a bay of desks with 4 other people, and when he says all this stuff they just groan and then laugh. He gets away with murder because he plays the 'old card', or the 'he comes from a different generation' thing - I was given a final warning for going outside the side door to have a panic attack so I know they just don't give a ###### and see me as more trouble than I'm worth.

 

That doesn't make sense at all you were warned against panicking?

[trekster]

The NAS say this about workplace bullying,

 

http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp...937&a=18962

 

Personally I would agree with the members that feel it is discrimination. I hope you find some help soon.

i realise this isn't your fault but one way to test how seriously your employers take your autism is to

ask to go on a Prospects course "anxiety in the workplace". If the manager isn't keen then get the union involved.

i would email the autism helpline as they might be able to get a prospects worker to advise on what you can do

about this situation.

 

An asperger friend of mine had to get his union involved when he had exhausted other forms of advancement in the

workplace. The manager wasn't happy but now he's on the training course to become a team leader. He had to wait

7 years for this to happen and we both know it was due to him being an asperger. The guys done loads of unpaid overtime

in the past.

 

Good luck

[matzoball]

I sat down with my manager again this afternoon, and he pretty much said 'well, what can you do?'.

 

I didn't feel the bullying was down to my AS until he started calling me retard, and has done a couple of times since in conversation to other colleagues. I'm going to request the prospects course, as I think that doing that alone will show them I am serious about involving someone in some kid of official capacity. If that doesn't have any effect, I'll be heading down the union route as has been suggested.

 

The final warning was classed as gross misconduct as I went awol(outside) - so they went straight to final warning. I just have to keep my head down for another 6 months til it drops off my record.

 

I've already started looking for another job as it's not a place I want to be anymore.

 

 

[trekster]

I sat down with my manager again this afternoon, and he pretty much said 'well, what can you do?'.

 

I didn't feel the bullying was down to my AS until he started calling me retard, and has done a couple of times since in conversation to other colleagues. I'm going to request the prospects course, as I think that doing that alone will show them I am serious about involving someone in some kid of official capacity. If that doesn't have any effect, I'll be heading down the union route as has been suggested.

 

The final warning was classed as gross misconduct as I went awol(outside) - so they went straight to final warning. I just have to keep my head down for another 6 months til it drops off my record.

 

I've already started looking for another job as it's not a place I want to be anymore.

 

Well done and keep us updated.

[Jannih]

The final warning was classed as gross misconduct as I went awol(outside) - so they went straight to final warning. I just have to keep my head down for another 6 months til it drops off my record.

 

I've already started looking for another job as it's not a place I want to be anymore.

 

 

When you say it is a final warning, are you saying that you have had a verbal warning and now this is a written warning ?

If they are going to sack you ,they will have to go through the correct procedure before they dismiss you.

 

What about this bully has he been disciplined in anyway? If not, why not ? Maybe you ought to ask this manager that question. It's no use, him saying, " what can I do" because he can do and should be ptotecting you from bullies !

 

Even if you leave the job, get legal advice ASAP .

[baranigirl]

deffo speak to ACAS I spoke to them when my company were giving me grief through my last pregnancy and I printed off loads of law stuff, went in armed witha 1/4 inch of papers and told them to read the law or else deal with the fact I was on crutches during pregnancy due to a pregnancy related condition and the only thing they could do about it was put me on full pay with medical suspension til my maternity leave kicked in

 

Their faces were a picture, had NO GRIEF after that in the slightest, funnily enough I was allowed to continue in my role too (they should have risk assessed me and given me an alternative role, but as long as I was left alone it was fine) The only issue I had after that was a customer complaining I wasn't demonstrating skills to her child on the trampoline errr hello I am 8 months pregnant and walking with sticks - what an idiot she was!

 

Stand up to the bullies xxx

[Sally44]

I sat down with my manager again this afternoon, and he pretty much said 'well, what can you do?'.

 

I didn't feel the bullying was down to my AS until he started calling me retard, and has done a couple of times since in conversation to other colleagues. I'm going to request the prospects course, as I think that doing that alone will show them I am serious about involving someone in some kid of official capacity. If that doesn't have any effect, I'll be heading down the union route as has been suggested.

 

The final warning was classed as gross misconduct as I went awol(outside) - so they went straight to final warning. I just have to keep my head down for another 6 months til it drops off my record.

 

I've already started looking for another job as it's not a place I want to be anymore.

 

 

I would speak to your Union representative now because if you went outside due to a panic attack last time, there is the possibility it could happen again due to what this man is doing/saying???

 

Speak to the Union rep and see what they have to say. Although I wouldn't mention it at this stage, there are some people who are harrassed out of the workplace and then claim damages against their employer. There are laws in place, and your employer should do something about this.

 

Can you be moved to another work station away from this man? And start logging every incident of what he says to you eg. day/time and what was said and who else was present.

 

Do you feel your work colleagues would support you, or would they side with him?? Although it isn't really important, it is worth considering because any action you take against this man MAY cause others to chanage how they behave towards you. So just be prepared for that.

 

And I agree with BD, that people like this don't need any reason to do it. They just enjoy doing it. However if he knows you have AS and can see how to wind you up then he maybe enjoying doing that. Do the work colleagues every stand up for you, or do they let him get away with it?? Are you sure that your getting wound up is not the office entertainment??

 

Like most things a written complaint is worth more than any verbal ones. But speak to your Union representative first and see what the proper steps are.

 

 

[peaches]

Hi Matzoball,

 

You don't have to put up with this behaviour. No matter how old this man is, he is subject to the law of the land like everyone else. It's not free speech, it is bullying and they probably know it. As others have said, if a union member, get advice from them or go to a Citizens Advice Bureau.

 

You have been right to make a complaint to your manager as the company have a duty of care to all their employees.If it continues take it higher, possibly to th Personnel / HR dept.

 

Keep a diary of this abuse. Dates, times, people present, those that joined in etc.

 

At anytime you can take your employer to an Employment Tribunal for disability discrimination - within 3 months of discrimination taking place. It's best to phone ACAS first and they will put you right as to whether they think the law may have been broken and advise whether you might have a case.

 

ACAS - tel. 08457 959 775

 

If you cannot stand it any longer and leave, you could add "constructive dismissal" because by their actions they have forced you out of the workplace. CAB will give you lots of assistance. The NAS might know of disability rights groups who might represent you at a Tribunal hearing.

 

You will need to bring the case against the individual and also the company.

 

If you leave, then find yourself having to claim Jobseekers Allowance; you will be asked why you left your previous job. Make sure that you provide every detail, including that you took your complaint higher in the company. This "evidence" would be submitted to a decision maker who will make the decsion as to whether you left in" Good Cause." The decision maker for JSA will also like to know if you did try to seek alternative employment.

 

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/DisabledPeople...ghts/DG_4001073

 

 

Jannih

 

This is very sound advice. I have been a victim of workplace bullying and I dont have AS. I just left the job as it was ruining my life. I realise this isnt the best thing to do but it saved my sanity. The alternative would have taken too long. If you want to stick this job out, then make notes as detailed above and see the citizens advice. They know wht to do about workplace bullying.

[matzoball]

When you say it is a final warning, are you saying that you have had a verbal warning and now this is a written warning ?

If they are going to sack you ,they will have to go through the correct procedure before they dismiss you.

 

What about this bully has he been disciplined in anyway? If not, why not ? Maybe you ought to ask this manager that question. It's no use, him saying, " what can I do" because he can do and should be ptotecting you from bullies !

 

Even if you leave the job, get legal advice ASAP .

 

They didn't give me a verbal or written, they went straight to final warning as apparently gross misconduct goes straight to final warning or dismissal. The bully is mates with one of the directors so as I said he gets away with a lot.

 

But for now i'm going to do what i said earlier about prospects etc. and keep my head down xx

[matzoball]

This is very sound advice. I have been a victim of workplace bullying and I dont have AS. I just left the job as it was ruining my life. I realise this isnt the best thing to do but it saved my sanity. The alternative would have taken too long. If you want to stick this job out, then make notes as detailed above and see the citizens advice. They know wht to do about workplace bullying.

 

at the initial disciplinary i didn't have anyone in with me because they gave me a days notice with no paperwork, and they said all this stuff that i know i didn't do(and i later found enough proof that i didn't) - and said they had tolerated it until that point. then they handed me the final warning. then i appealed it with the union on board, the rep was nice enough but useless as a rep(basically told them to take pity on the poor disabled girl).

 

i've also got an appointment on tuesday to go to the cab as well - taken a whole day off so i'm sure that will please them haha

[Jannih]

They didn't give me a verbal or written, they went straight to final warning as apparently gross misconduct goes straight to final warning or dismissal. The bully is mates with one of the directors so as I said he gets away with a lot.

 

But for now i'm going to do what i said earlier about prospects etc. and keep my head down xx

 

 

So we are saying, " I went outside because I had a panic attack" and this is, " GROSS MISCONDUCT." I don't think so !

 

They are taking advantage of you, and it it time for them to be put in their place. Get advice NOW !!!