What if it's not Asperger's?

[Tally]

I've been seeing a counsellor to help me with anxiety that is causing all sort of physical health problems. I think I do have an anxiety problem, but I don't really know how I'm feeling most of the time and it's only recently (and because other people have told me) that I've realised and come to accept it's anxiety.

 

My counsellor was surprised when I said I was going to an event for people with autism and Asperger's, and asked me why I thought I had Asperger's. I told him about some of the things I struggled with. In the next session he asked me again, and he said that he thinks that I only perceive that I have these difficulties because of low self esteem, and also that I am nothing like any of the other Asperger's people he has come across as I seem to have a very good insight into relationships and am capable of making eye contact.

 

I told him that I frequently get into situations in a shop or on the phone where I end up with someone shouting at me and that I have been accused of behaving in a threatening way. He said he could not imagine me behaving in a threatening way, and that people who work in shops might just have been upset that I asked them to find something out for me at a time when they could not be bothered to do any work. He thinks that I might come across as vulnerable and they think I might stop bothering them if they shout at me, and that maybe my confident, assertive persona gets their backs up because they realise they are going to have to do some work.

 

If it was something that happened just once or twice I could accept that he might be right, I might have caught someone on a bad day or just been unlucky in coming across a very lazy person. However, I am not talking about a one-off bad experience, this is something that happens frequently. If he is right then there must be a lot of shop assistants who are lazy and shout at customers, and I'm not sure if that is scarier than the possibility that I might just be the cause for these reactions due to being very bad at knowing the right things to say.

 

What if he's right and I have just dreamed this all up? I know that when I first raised the possibility of Asperger's, it was thought that I wanted to have a lifelong condition so that I could absolve myself of responsibility for my difficulties. It was me that pushed for a diagnosis even though I was discouraged by the mental health team. I know that I do have a long history of depression dating back to childhood. Maybe it just feels lifelong because it's just been such a long time. Maybe it's severe social anxiety that has stunted my social skills because of shying away from social situations at a young age where I could have developed social skills if I'd given myself the opportunity.

 

I've had situations where I've ended up being shouted at on the phone until I've been crying, and my mum or dad has phoned them back and said exactly the same as what I think I said, and instead of being shouted at they have got apologies and promises to resolve it as a priority, etc. Why do other people get such a different response if I am actually saying the right things and only believe I'm not? Could a shop assistant or a person on the phone tell that I lack confidence talking to them and play on that deliberately to upset me? That's quite a spiteful thing to do and you would have to really hate someone quite a lot to do that. Why would someone who's only just met me feel so strongly about me? How can I come across as simultaneously confident, assertive and vulnerable?

 

I'm starting to wonder if maybe I have made all this up as an excuse. So many doctors and counsellors, my ex-husband and my previous employer, have all said this. Can so many people be wrong?

[justine1]

Hi Tally

 

I dont know you so it is very hard to comment on this,I most definatley cant say whether you have AS or not.I think some conditions like anxiety and depression can overshadow other conditions such as AS,making it hard to diagnosis the AS or hard to diagnose depression separately from the AS(if that makes sense )

 

If my son learnt to cope with his AS and one day was told by a psych or counsellor that they dont think he has AS,I would be very upset,its not because I want him to have AS but its because from when he was a baby it is been as clear as day that there is something "wrong."

So my only thoughts would be if you think of your childhood you would have more stronger "symptoms" and if your parents or other family members think there has always been something amiss then its likely you do have AS.

Even though parents are not always right about these things,and persue dx for reasons that are a bit silly,generally parents are honest about how their child is.I for one would not make up even a 1/4 of what Sam does on a daily basis!!!

 

I dont know what else to suggest so I am sorry <'> <'>

[Karen A]

Hi Tally.

I just wanted to offer some support.I am very much an advocate of counselling and psychotherapy.I have been with one therapist for ten years.Ben also saw a CAMHS psychotherapist for three years.Both therapists have helped in many ways.However the CAMHS psychotherapist still insisted that Ben did not have AS even when his colleague had diagnosed Ben with AS.He discharged us still insisting Ben did not have AS.

My psychotherapist told me just on Friday that Ben has difficulties because of my parenting. :rolleyes She has never seen Ben.

They are not always right.A little knowledge can be unhelpful.There is little or no information on AS in most counselling courses.Even if a therapist has come across a few clients they could be very different people. <'> <'>

Karen.

[Tally]

I don't really know what to think at the moment. It's not just the AS, it's all the other problems I am having at the moment. Different people are telling me different things and pressuring me to accept treatments I am concerned about and attend groups I don't know if I can manage all at once. No one seems to believe me about the symptoms I am reporting and are attributing my belief in the symptoms to a mental health issue. If you can't trust the doctors, who can you trust?

 

I have been trying to make plans for my future. I have been thinking about going to university. I actually believed I could do that. I should not really be thinking about this kind of thing. I know it always sends me into a big black hole to make plans more than a couple of months ahead.

[mossgrove]

Hi Tally

 

Your counsellor may have met some people with AS but does he have any professional experience.

 

Both of his reasons for thinking you may not have AS seem to be based on a kind of received wisdom rather than understanding.

 

There are people on the Autism Spectrum who can make god eye contact and your counsellor should have known this.

 

Similarly people with Autism/Asperger's can often understand very complex relationships given space and processing time to sit and work it all out, accessing this insight in the heat of the moment can be all but impossible, hence the impression of insensitivity that can be created sometimes.

 

If you are concerned about your diagnosis you need to discuss this with a real autism expert not a self-appointed one!

 

 

Simon

[baddad]

Hi Tally -

 

I think the advice you've been given so far is good - don't let this one person's opinion worry you unduly. That said, though, it does seem like a good idea to explore some of what has been said further, especially as it seems to 'tally' (sorry!) in some areas with what you've been told in the past by the mental health team.

 

Regardless of whether you are on the spectrum or not, your psychological wellbeing would be a key factor in determining how you would interact, be able to interact, and 'cope' with interacting with others. If there were issues there, a diagnosis of AS could cloud the issue further rather than resolving them.

 

There are lots of flaws in the interpretation of events the counsellor seems to be offering you, especially the very casual assumptions about what might be motivating the reactions of shop assistants and people you find yourself arguing with over the phone. AS traits - the wrong tone, poor eye contact etc - would seem far more realistic explanations for negative responses than 'fear of work' or bullying based on a perceived vulnerability. Those assumptions seem more a case of the tail wagging the dog (i.e. your counsellor making the facts 'fit' his/her theory rather than a theory that has evolved from the facts), so I wouldn't take them too seriously unless other things he/she suggested seem to back them up.

 

FWIW my own views on couselling per se are very mixed. I think a 'good' counsellor can help someone to reach an understanding of themselves that might otherwise be more difficult for them, but I think there are an awful lot of counsellors out there who are equally capable of leading - and sometimes even pushing - those they are trying to help up blind alleys. Counsellors have issues too (those with 'saviour' complexes - particularly where coupled with strong religious convictions come to mind!)... Equally, some people who go for counselling do so purely to gain reinforcement for their existing perspectives, so 'take' whatever the counsellor offers that fits while rejecting everything that doesn't. In that case, their perspectives become even more entrenched because they claim the bits they have 'taken' as proof (often using that 'proof' to further force their delusions on others), while casually disregarding what may be even more compelling evidence that they are barking up the wrong tree. I think this happens much more often than counsellors (or those they counsel) care to admit.

 

Sorry if that's more general than practical, iyswim, but in a nutshell I'm agreeing with what's already been said: Don't take the counsellors interpretation as 'gospel', but if there are areas that strike a chord or seem relevant from your past experiences do follow those up. Likewise, don't let the dx of AS blind you to other areas of your psychological profile and emotional wellbeing.

 

One thing that did seem very relevant was:

 

It was me that pushed for a diagnosis even though I was discouraged by the mental health team

 

I think it would be very worthwhile to take a step back and look at the reasons why they were discouraging you. It may be less to do with the fact that they thought you were 'not AS' but more to do with the fact that this could, as I suggested above, cloud or get in the way of an equally or even more important 'wider view'...

 

Anyhoo. Hope you can find some answers (or at least a direction). As for Uni etc I don't see any reason why AS or mental health issues or even both in tandem should absolutely debar you from pursuing your goals. There might be some extra hurdles, but equally there will probably be ways and means of negotiating them, even if it means a delayed start to reassess the situation.

 

Hope that's helpful

 

L&P

 

BD

 

 

[JsMum]

I wonder how many Adults out there that are DX with Anxiety Disorder/Depression but have an UNdiagnosed Autistic Spectrum Disorder because coucillors and Mental health teams dont understand enough about High functioning Autistic Spectrum Disorders, at the moment there is a campain from Nas to get more awareness of Mental health needs been addressed because many people with ASD also have very complex mental health problems also but there not accessing the correct support or it is either too late or not the right mental health care.

 

Anxiety is a very physical problem, it effects our sleep pattern, our appitite our reactions, our emotions and symptoms can be from headaches to stomache ache and it is essential to recieve support to cope with anxiety physical symptoms and councilling maybe raising memories/flashbacks that make you feel hurt/sorrow/pain, increasing the difficulties to cope with the symptoms of anxiety, but the memories/flashbacks could be of issues related to your AS that wasnt dx as a child or young person and the effects of not having it dx has caused you great distress or different choice patterns.

 

When J was admitted to hospital for Anxiety symptoms and later dx with Anxiety Disorder it is reported that it is contributed by his ASD needs and Sensory issues that are not always addressed or understood, his anxiety levels raise and lower all the time too, depending on mood, surroundings and people.

 

It sounds like your Anxiety (possibly Anxiety Disorder) is secondary to your AS and as Anxiety is more physical the issues are more apparent, it doesnt take away the fact you have AS.

 

You need to meet both needs, both AS needs and Anxiety Disorder needs.

 

Treatment for Anxiety Disorder can be also a vary, many need medication to reduce the physical feeling but sadly there is pretty herrendous side effects, so many chosse complimentary treatements such as herbal medicines, changes in diet so no caffine, sweeteners, late meals ect....also physiotherapy or reflexology but you may dislike been toutched but if you can start of very minimal at first and work towards extending it, both me and J recieve physiotherapy and it is a massive benefit.

 

There is some good Adult Educational courses for Management of Anxiety maybe look into these too, there is some good websites out there too that look at Management of Anxiety especially to those who are addicted to long term tranquillizers who want to now get off them but scared of the Anxiety symptoms.

 

Relaxation and meditation and breathing exercises is also a good treatment for Anxiety but takes time, practice and patience and at first really difficult because the anxiety may increase for a time, but thats because the nerves, muscles are finally been rested but once you go back to been anxious it feels worse again, but the more times you do it the more comfortable it goes.

 

I related to what a lot of what Baddad said about the councillor, it maybe that you need more a pshchologist or clinical phsychologist, someone with specialism and if its possible one with experience of dealing with AS.

 

I would ring NAS to see if there is any spersific services for mental health care and AS.

 

Do you get enough support too, work, independant living, social needs do you need more support?

 

If things get too over whelming then Anxiety spirals, so it maybe you need some care/social support which will require a Core Assessment, contact NAS who will give you details, as you may need to get legal support as having Aspergers Syndrome in some councils they say you do not meet their criteria because you are bright, it is not about intelligence but needs so basically you need to fight them,

 

There is a big stigma now adays with having a Mental health illness, maybe you are not quite ready to come to terms that you have both AS and a mental illness together, but one in four have a mental illness and anyone can have one too, at any time of thier life, so it is about time that society comes to term with problems like Anxiety and Depression but that doesnt then mean you then dont have Autism.

 

Tally it is abasloutly possible you could have both, AS and AD but AD is bringing you more distress as its more physical.

 

I would really advice you look into a more specialised psychologist to ensure both needs are met.

 

JsMumx

 

[Tally]

I don't know what's wrong with me at the moment. Of course I really do have Asperger's

 

I also have depression and anxiety, but neither of those explain everything on their own. Because I also have Asperger's!

 

It's been a tough year. I have moved house twice, started a new job, and lost my beloved cat in whom I invested a lot of time and effort to overcome his difficulties due to previous abuse. I'm studying and making big plans for the future. Settling in to my new home has not gone as smoothly as I hoped. There are problems between me and my mum and I am seeing my parents' relationship with each other deteriorate. All that is probably why I'm feeling so unsettled.

 

The counsellor's explanation about why things sometimes go so badly wrong in shops or on the phone really doesn't make sense. Yes, I do have excessive anxiety about these situations, but that stems from genuine difficulties that have resulted in them sometimes going very badly wrong. It doesn't make sense to believe it's all other people's fault, and it's not particularly encouraging to suggest that they are all out to get me because they can detect my anxiety and vulnerability!

 

My ex-husband had a vested interest in making me appear crazy, twisted and manipulative. By my previous employer I actually mean one person; the Personnel Manager, who was friends with the person I claimed was bullying me. I'm not sure she was entirely unbiased either. I have not had similar problems in my new job or other previous ones, which suggests there was something about the job or the dynamic of the individuals in that workplace that was difficult for me.

 

The counsellor I was seeing when I was seeking a diagnosis was the one who discouraged me from doing so after a psychologist concluded I did not have Asperger's because I made eye contact once during our half-hour session. This does not fit with literature about Asperger's, which says nothing about people with Asperger's being totally incapable of making eye contact ever. I think the counsellor viewed me as non-co-operative because I failed to get better whilst seeing him. When I later saw a different counsellor from the same mental health team, she congratulated me on seeking diagnosis without support and said it was clear it had been beneficial to me. A therapist I saw more recently said she saw a lot of Asperger traits in me. My GP believes I have Asperger's and is willing to corroborate that on my DLA renewal application. So it's not everyone I see and all the doctors who are against me on it!

 

I am having a lot of problems being taken seriously at the moment about symptoms I am reporting. I am probably overreacting and feeling like nothing I say is believed, when it's really not that bad.

[trekster]

I've been seeing a counsellor to help me with anxiety that is causing all sort of physical health problems. I think I do have an anxiety problem, but I don't really know how I'm feeling most of the time and it's only recently (and because other people have told me) that I've realised and come to accept it's anxiety.

 

My counsellor was surprised when I said I was going to an event for people with autism and Asperger's, and asked me why I thought I had Asperger's. I told him about some of the things I struggled with. In the next session he asked me again, and he said that he thinks that I only perceive that I have these difficulties because of low self esteem, and also that I am nothing like any of the other Asperger's people he has come across as I seem to have a very good insight into relationships and am capable of making eye contact.

 

Sounds like he hasn't met very many autistics that blend into the background. i also have good insight into relationships mainly after the event and can make eye contact.

I told him that I frequently get into situations in a shop or on the phone where I end up with someone shouting at me and that I have been accused of behaving in a threatening way. He said he could not imagine me behaving in a threatening way, and that people who work in shops might just have been upset that I asked them to find something out for me at a time when they could not be bothered to do any work. He thinks that I might come across as vulnerable and they think I might stop bothering them if they shout at me, and that maybe my confident, assertive persona gets their backs up because they realise they are going to have to do some work.

 

i don't like your counsellors attitude at all. More like the shop workers cant understand what you are saying and are caught because the shop is very busy and understaffed.

If it was something that happened just once or twice I could accept that he might be right, I might have caught someone on a bad day or just been unlucky in coming across a very lazy person. However, I am not talking about a one-off bad experience, this is something that happens frequently. If he is right then there must be a lot of shop assistants who are lazy and shout at customers, and I'm not sure if that is scarier than the possibility that I might just be the cause for these reactions due to being very bad at knowing the right things to say.

 

Communication is a 2 way process. Normally i tell them i cant read or i dont know the shop and they direct me to the item. In certain circumstances i wouldnt be able to read and i find the constant changes in shops makes it hard to remember where things are.

What if he's right and I have just dreamed this all up? I know that when I first raised the possibility of Asperger's, it was thought that I wanted to have a lifelong condition so that I could absolve myself of responsibility for my difficulties. It was me that pushed for a diagnosis even though I was discouraged by the mental health team. I know that I do have a long history of depression dating back to childhood. Maybe it just feels lifelong because it's just been such a long time. Maybe it's severe social anxiety that has stunted my social skills because of shying away from social situations at a young age where I could have developed social skills if I'd given myself the opportunity.

 

Ive met you in person tally and i think we both identified things that could only be explained by aspergers. Literal thinking isn't a social anxiety issue, neither is not knowing how you sound to others. i think the counsellor needs some serious autism awareness training. Theres a saying, "when you've met one asperger you've met one asperger"

I've had situations where I've ended up being shouted at on the phone until I've been crying, and my mum or dad has phoned them back and said exactly the same as what I think I said, and instead of being shouted at they have got apologies and promises to resolve it as a priority, etc. Why do other people get such a different response if I am actually saying the right things and only believe I'm not? Could a shop assistant or a person on the phone tell that I lack confidence talking to them and play on that deliberately to upset me? That's quite a spiteful thing to do and you would have to really hate someone quite a lot to do that. Why would someone who's only just met me feel so strongly about me? How can I come across as simultaneously confident, assertive and vulnerable?

 

I'm starting to wonder if maybe I have made all this up as an excuse. So many doctors and counsellors, my ex-husband and my previous employer, have all said this. Can so many people be wrong?

 

It can be the volume and tone of voice that we aren't aware of that gets others backs up. If it helps i beleive you are an asperger and that the counsellor isn't aware of aspergers that "blend into the background".

 

[trekster]

Hi Tally.

I just wanted to offer some support.I am very much an advocate of counselling and psychotherapy.I have been with one therapist for ten years.Ben also saw a CAMHS psychotherapist for three years.Both therapists have helped in many ways.However the CAMHS psychotherapist still insisted that Ben did not have AS even when his colleague had diagnosed Ben with AS.He discharged us still insisting Ben did not have AS.

My psychotherapist told me just on Friday that Ben has difficulties because of my parenting. :rolleyes She has never seen Ben.

They are not always right.A little knowledge can be unhelpful.There is little or no information on AS in most counselling courses.Even if a therapist has come across a few clients they could be very different people. <'> <'>

Karen.

 

Totally agree with you there, in my area short term services tell me "you're in crisis and need long term counselling we cant help you", long term mental health support says "you're autistic go away"!

[Karen A]

I don't know what's wrong with me at the moment. Of course I really do have Asperger's

 

I also have depression and anxiety, but neither of those explain everything on their own. Because I also have Asperger's!

 

It's been a tough year. I have moved house twice, started a new job, and lost my beloved cat in whom I invested a lot of time and effort to overcome his difficulties due to previous abuse. I'm studying and making big plans for the future. Settling in to my new home has not gone as smoothly as I hoped. There are problems between me and my mum and I am seeing my parents' relationship with each other deteriorate. All that is probably why I'm feeling so unsettled.

 

The counsellor's explanation about why things sometimes go so badly wrong in shops or on the phone really doesn't make sense. Yes, I do have excessive anxiety about these situations, but that stems from genuine difficulties that have resulted in them sometimes going very badly wrong. It doesn't make sense to believe it's all other people's fault, and it's not particularly encouraging to suggest that they are all out to get me because they can detect my anxiety and vulnerability!

 

My ex-husband had a vested interest in making me appear crazy, twisted and manipulative. By my previous employer I actually mean one person; the Personnel Manager, who was friends with the person I claimed was bullying me. I'm not sure she was entirely unbiased either. I have not had similar problems in my new job or other previous ones, which suggests there was something about the job or the dynamic of the individuals in that workplace that was difficult for me.

 

The counsellor I was seeing when I was seeking a diagnosis was the one who discouraged me from doing so after a psychologist concluded I did not have Asperger's because I made eye contact once during our half-hour session. This does not fit with literature about Asperger's, which says nothing about people with Asperger's being totally incapable of making eye contact ever. I think the counsellor viewed me as non-co-operative because I failed to get better whilst seeing him. When I later saw a different counsellor from the same mental health team, she congratulated me on seeking diagnosis without support and said it was clear it had been beneficial to me. A therapist I saw more recently said she saw a lot of Asperger traits in me. My GP believes I have Asperger's and is willing to corroborate that on my DLA renewal application. So it's not everyone I see and all the doctors who are against me on it!

 

I am having a lot of problems being taken seriously at the moment about symptoms I am reporting. I am probably overreacting and feeling like nothing I say is believed, when it's really not that bad.

 

<'> <'> <'> <'>

I just wanted to say please do not feel there is anything wrong with you.It sounds like you have had a very difficult time.

I am very sorry your cat died.I have not been around much and did not know. <'>

Karen.

[Tally]

Mr Cat was 18 years old and had been ill for a long time. I knew he was on his way out, but it happened very quickly when it finally did happen. At the time it felt like a relief and I was nowhere near as upset as I thought I'd be. But I miss him now as he was friendly and cuddly and did funny things that made me laugh. My other cat Mitzi is very aloof and sometimes aggressive. I miss having a kitty to cuddle, but I could not get another cat because Mitzi would probably eat it.

 

I think I'm going to look for a private counsellor. It did not work out very well last time I tried, but I live in a new area now.

[Karen A]

Mr Cat was 18 years old and had been ill for a long time. I knew he was on his way out, but it happened very quickly when it finally did happen. At the time it felt like a relief and I was nowhere near as upset as I thought I'd be. But I miss him now as he was friendly and cuddly and did funny things that made me laugh. My other cat Mitzi is very aloof and sometimes aggressive. I miss having a kitty to cuddle, but I could not get another cat because Mitzi would probably eat it.

 

I think I'm going to look for a private counsellor. It did not work out very well last time I tried, but I live in a new area now.

 

 

<'> <'> <'>

Please do think about looking again for a private counsellor.

It can take time to find the right person.

Thanks for your thread.I do not know how much it helped you.However having posted the earlier post I realised how cross I was with my therapist.

I was able to tell her last time I saw her which was very helpful.

Karen.

[puffin]

Does this counsellor have experience of women/girls with AS? Or is he basing these comments on male presentation AS?

 

It is well known that girls present with AS in a very different way to men and boys as they have developed coping strategies in order to fit in by copying others. Eye-contact and a greater appearance of social skills are two classic things that girls with AS do - however the difference with NT behviour is that girls with AS will have learned these more like a foreign langauge.

 

I would recommend tyring to find a counsellor with greater expertise in female autism/ASD/AS

[Sally44]

I think that when any person has co-morbid conditions or diagnosis that it becomes very difficult to pick the separate conditions apart.

My mother definately has depression and has attempted suicide a number of times. She also has social anxiety. And I think the two can feed off eachother.

On top of that I believe she also has Aspergers which may be the reason for the social difficulties that have caused her to become anxious around social issues and her 'insight' into all of this and how she is different is part of the depression. However the depression can come for no particular 'reason'.

 

[Tally]

I kind of feel a bit silly about this now.

 

I have my next appointment with the anxiety counsellor next week. For the moment I think I will just not mention Asperger's, since it's clear he is not able to help me with this. If he does raise it I will say that I do have a formal diagnosis from a well known consultant, and ask him to take it up with her if he thinks she has made a mistake.

[Eccentric]

While you may well have Asbergers, and this might contribute to your anxiety and depression (difficulty with coping with general day-to-day issues etc), it sounds like it is mostly recent events that are causing your current depression. Doctors generally agree that moving house causes more stress than most other things: only time can solve that problem.

 

I agree with what other people have said about your counsellor: a lot of people think they know about AS but don't really, and it's only recently that specialists have begun to realise that it affects women differently from men.

 

As for shop assistants shouting at you, I'm surprised to hear that. Customers shout at shop assistants sometimes (I used to be one), but not usually the other way round, and if I had ever shouted at a customer I should think the manager would have had a stern word with me. Quite right, too. I wouldn't like to be served by your shop assistants. Maybe you should shop somewhere where the staff have better manners?

 

[trekster]

I kind of feel a bit silly about this now.

 

I have my next appointment with the anxiety counsellor next week. For the moment I think I will just not mention Asperger's, since it's clear he is not able to help me with this. If he does raise it I will say that I do have a formal diagnosis from a well known consultant, and ask him to take it up with her if he thinks she has made a mistake.

 

 

Good idea or show them your diagnosis letter if you have one.

[trekster]

While you may well have Aspergers, and this might contribute to your anxiety and depression (difficulty with coping with general day-to-day issues etc), it sounds like it is mostly recent events that are causing your current depression. Doctors generally agree that moving house causes more stress than most other things: only time can solve that problem.

 

I agree with what other people have said about your counsellor: a lot of people think they know about AS but don't really, and it's only recently that specialists have begun to realise that it affects women differently from men.

 

As for shop assistants shouting at you, I'm surprised to hear that. Customers shout at shop assistants sometimes (I used to be one), but not usually the other way round, and if I had ever shouted at a customer I should think the manager would have had a stern word with me. Quite right, too. I wouldn't like to be served by your shop assistants. Maybe you should shop somewhere where the staff have better manners?

 

Problem is the stress is multiplied in autistics when they move house. i remember that i never passed my 1st piece of university work until i wasn't staying on campus. There were various reasons for that but mainly im unable to settle in new environments as quickly as other students would.