She's getting independent!

[Sammysnake]

My daughter is 10 in October. We've always tend to do things together because she's my only child and I work part time which means I'm always available. We walk to school and home together because I work at her school so it makes sense and I've previously not been convinced she would know what to do if she took a wrong turning when going somewhere else. We live in a village which is a really safe environment but when I let her walk ahead of me to somewhere like Cubs, she always ends up taking a wrong turn even though we've been going the same way for over a year. Recently she mentioned she wants to start doing some things on her own so I've taken the plunge. She walked alone to her nan's the other day - a five minute walk with two roads to cross including a zebra crossing. No problem!

 

Yesterday we were in the local shop and she left a book there accidentally. I was going to go back for it then suddenly realised she could do it herself and it might help her in future to remember to check she has all her items with her. Well, off she trotted around the corner (no roads to cross and going back the way we'd just come). She was gone for a while but returned hot, sweaty but trimphant with book in hand. Today she mentioned that she'd actually gone to the wrong shop first (although she did use the zebra crossing carefully!) She said she was really confused and stood outside for 10 minutes trying to work out where she should be before she remembered, got to the correct shop and found her book. I asked her what she would have done if she hadn't remembered where she needed to go and she said 'I suppose I would have come back home'. I was so proud that she'd managed to solve her own problem and had a safe plan for what to do if she couldn't resolve it. My little angel all grown up!

 

 

[baddad]

 

I think another big factor to consider here is that if our kids don't pick up or notice the 'route' they're taking to local shops or school etc, it's also partly because they have no need to... If we're always holding their hands, or they're just walking beside us with us in their peripheral vision they can just concentrate on other stuff - like not stepping on cracks, or daydreaming about what they'll do in school later or whatever. It always comes as a surprise, then, when they pick it up with just one or two practise runs when we are 'training' them or trailing them rather than leading the way!

The walk to the local shops or whatever is a huge boost to their self esteem (and while it's a nail-biting twenty minutes or so it's an equally big/important learning curve for us too) and independence.

 

So well done DD for doin' the do, and well done to you too for taking that equally big step back and letting her do it!

 

L&P

 

BD

[trekster]

WTG kiddo, i used to get distressed as a kid because i couldn't get lost. i remembered the roads so well during the day, in the dark my sense of direction goes to pot, then i need a map.

[oxgirl]

Well done to you and to your daughter Sammysnake, important steps.

 

I've been working on independence with my lad for two years now. Unlike your daughter, the desire doesn't come from him and I have to push every step onto him. We've been working towards him walking into town on his own for a while now, bits at a time. Well, on Saturday he walked all the way home on his own and let himself in with his key! On Monday we reversed it and he left the house, locked up and walked to town on his own and met me at a pre-arranged spot. He was quite anxious when he got to town, said he'd been very jumpy and jittery, probably because he was coming away from the safety of home rather than to it, but he did it nonetheless.

 

So keep it up, keep coming up with opportunities to ask her to pop to the shop for you, etc. Sounds like she's doing very well though anyway.

 

~ Mel ~

[Sammysnake]

Thanks everyone for the encouragement. Baddad, everything you said is completely right and it had just occurred to me that Beth wasn't spotting landmarks because she knows she doesn't have to. I loved your description which was spot on for Beth -

with us in their peripheral vision they can just concentrate on other stuff - like not stepping on cracks, or daydreaming about what they'll do in school later or whatever.

 

We soooo do the cracks in the pavement thing! This goes alongside the continual list of 'did you know....' facts from Horrible Histories and the oh look there's a leaf/bug/snail/pretty stone and oh I must take this branch with me because it might come in handy and 'mum, how would you feel if I was a werewolf?' etc etc etc. When you think about all that's going on in her head it's a wonder she's able to put one foot in front of the other

 

Well done Oxgirl and son for the trips to town and keeping his key safe too. Beth mentioned getting the bus into town alone the other day - I think I'm a good few years away from that yet (getting heart palpatations just thinking about it!) but I can see now that I need to be giving her as many opportunities as possible from now on to have a go at things and correct her own mistakes, whilst monitoring from a safe distance. A cheap mobile phone may be the way forward soon but I'll have to train her not to lose her possessions first, or glue it to her leg (kidding!).

[oxgirl]

The fact that she WANTS to do these things is the biggest asset, imo. My lad is terrified of any steps like this and has to be pushed and pushed, absolutely none of it comes from him, so you're at least three quarters of the way there already.

 

~ Mel ~

[justine1]

Well done to both of you <'>

[spottydog]

fantastic achievement, you must be so proud. I too am trying to foster independence in my 10yr old son, he wants to be more independent and i feel like we have a year to push him so that hes ready for secondary school, but he really worries me - its ok if everything going fine, but if something out of the blue happens i have no idea how he'll cope. as as example - i thought he had showering independently sorted until i found him trying to dry himself with saturated towel, because it fell into shower - it did not enter his head to find a different one!

[Sammysnake]

There doesn't seem to be any stopping her now. We've just come back from camping at one of those big holiday parks and she made friends with a girl in a nearby tent who asked if she wanted to go up to the amusements with her - with no parents. Beth insisted she knew the way and would be able to get back and was able to describe the route to me so I let her go, fretting all the time! I emptied her wallet of most of her cash just in case she left it somewhere but she did fine. For the rest of the holiday she came and went as she pleased, sometimes going off to the amusements or the playpark with her new friend and sometimes heading off alone. She even arranged to meet us in different places and got the right place each time, even finding me in a dark and crowded bar/entertainment venue. I was amazed! A few months ago she showed no indication of being ready to do something like that but I guess now she's decided to be independent, she's paying more attention to things around her. She even coped with an incident in the playpark. She said she stumbled and bumped a boy and although she apologised he was being nasty to her so she said she decided to leave as he wouldn't listen. She was really calm and matter of fact about it whereas previously she would have just stayed there getting louder and louder and more and more upset that he couldn't see things from her point of view until eventually I would hear her. I can't believe how grown up she's getting .

[Kathryn]

Really encouraging news.

 

My daughter used to be the same. Now as a young adult she thinks nothing of taking herself off on long train journeys and even staying in hotels and youth hostels overnight.

 

K x

[trekster]

Really encouraging news.

 

My daughter used to be the same. Now as a young adult she thinks nothing of taking herself off on long train journeys and even staying in hotels and youth hostels overnight.

 

K x

 

Wow i couldn't do that at such a young age. Im only just getting used to being away from home. Hard when you go away to escape stress and come back to more stress.