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      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   06/04/2017

      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   Depression and other mental health difficulties are common amongst people on the autistic spectrum and their carers.   People who are affected by general mental health difficulties are encouraged to receive and share information, support and advice with other forum members, though it is important to point out that this exchange of information is generally based on personal experience and opinions, and is not a substitute for professional medical help.   There is a list of sources of mental health support here: <a href="http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=18801" target="_blank">Mental Health Resources link</a>   People may experience a more serious crisis with their mental health and need urgent medical assistance and advice. However well intentioned, this is not an area of support that the forum can or should be attempting to offer and we would urge members who are feeling at risk of self-harm or suicide to contact either their own GP/health centre, or if out of hours contact NHS Direct on 0845 4647 or to call emergency services 999.   We want to reassure members that they have our full support in offering and seeking advice and information on general mental health issues. Members asking for information in order to help a person in their care are seeking to empower both themselves and those they represent, and we would naturally welcome any such dialogue on the forum.   However, any posts which are deemed to contain inference of personal intent to self-harm and/or suicide will be removed from the forum and that person will be contacted via the pm system with advice on where to seek appropriate help.   In addition to the post being removed, if a forum member is deemed to indicate an immediate risk to themselves, and are unable to be contacted via the pm system, the moderating team will take steps to ensure that person's safety. This may involve breaking previous confidentiality agreements and/or contacting the emergency services on that person's behalf.   Sometimes posts referring to self-harm do not indicate an immediate risk, but they may contain material which others find inappropriate or distressing. This type of post will also be removed from the public forum at the moderator's/administrator's discretion, considering the forum user base as a whole.   If any member receives a PM indicating an immediate risk and is not in a position (or does not want) to intervene, they should forward the PM to the moderating team, who will deal with the disclosure in accordance with the above guidelines.   We trust all members will appreciate the reasoning behind these guidelines, and our intention to urge any member struggling with suicidal feelings to seek and receive approproiate support from trained and experienced professional resources.   The forum guidelines have been updated to reflect the above.   Regards,   The mod/admin team
AdamJ

Unhappy Times

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AdamJ   

I guess Christmas is a hard time for a lot of us and I'm going through a really bad time at the moment. I was only diagnosed AS about a year ago but the dx prompted my ex-wife to decree that I must be accompanied by a relative whenever I have our two kids. I don't understand why - I'm the same person I was before, only now with a label. My 70 year-old mum has been a fantastic support and has ferried my children and me around almost every weekend (I still can't drive after seriously injuring my leg in a car crash last year). But the recent bad weather means she hasn't often been able to make the 90 mile round trip to see us, so my ex has only allowed me to see our children twice in the last six weeks. It's very upsetting for me and for the kids.

 

I feel like I'm being punished by my ex just for being AS. She is allowing me to visit them at her house between 9am and 10am on Christmas Day, to give them their presents. It doesn't seem fair to me or them. This time of year just heightens my feeling of isolation and loneliness.

 

I just wanted to share my feelings.

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Cat   

If the only reason that you wife has decided that you need to be supervised while you are seeing your children is because you have now have a diagnosis of AS then I think that she is being very harsh with you. There are lots of parents who have AS who do not need to be supervised while they care for their own children. Have you sought advice about your current situation from anyone? I also do not think that it is fair to use your diagnosis to punish you. I find that my 23 year old son who has AS takes any responsibilities that I give to him regarding his younger brother who is autistic very seriously. I know that I can trust him with the care of his brother. Just because you have AS does not make you a bad parent or a threat to your children.

 

Cat

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trekster   

I totally agree with Cat, in fact I was the one that noticed my 4 month old brother

crawling into a jacuzzi and I was only 12 at the time. Being aware of kids needs

can be a positive aspie trait. I spoke to my friends 4 year old on the phone tonight

for the 1st time. He was impressed with how I spoke to him. Have you asked for help from

other agencies such as advocacy or your local NAS group?

 

http://www.autism.org.uk/directory/search-results/pg=1/resources/10639.aspx

Is a social group for those on the spectrum and also a parents support group.

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AdamJ   

Thanks for your replies.

 

I've twice in the past been admitted to psychiatric hospital with episodes of acute anxiety and it is this together with the dx that seems to have led my ex to the conclusion that I'm some kind of loony. It's ignorance, basically. My psychologist has offered to write a report confirming I don't present any threat whatsoever to the kids or to anyone else. I'll take her up on that. My ex has refused to go with me to any kind of independent advisory or arbitration service, leaving only the legal route which I can't afford.

 

We have joint custody so, as far as I know, she doesn't even have the right to impose preemptive, arbitrary restrictions like this. If she's got a dispute, I believe the onus is on her, not me, to apply to the courts! Of course, in reality it doesn't work like that. Our children live behind her front door so I can't change anything in practice unless I get a court order.

 

All the while, my children don't know what's going on so they probably think I'm uninterested in them. It's making me so sad. I don't know what to do.

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westie   

That sounds so hard for you, and your children.

I wonder if you could find a family law solicitor in your area who offers a short, free appointment that may help you with some basic advice about what options you could take to help. Others may suggest a helpline which will offer the same sort of advice. (I think someone has already posted some advice, and I think contacting the NAS helpline may also help as they may also be able to point you towards some advice.

I haven't been through similar so cannot offer more than that but I hope that you do find a way forward, for yourself and your children to be able to maintain a good relationship.

Take care

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You do need to get advice on how you can resolve the access issues, but in the meantime concentrate on what you can do to help your children.

 

Could you sometimes go and stay overnight in a local Travelodge/B&B so that you could visit them for a couple of days? (Travelodge often do very cheap rates if you book in advance). Can you keep in regular contact with the girls via text/e-mail/skype? They need to know that you are thinking about them even when you are not with them. Could you afford to get them a magazine subscription, so each month they get a reminder of you? Take photos of things that you do when you are not with them and get them to do the same, so you can keep up-to-date on what each other is doing. Send them a card/postcard/note in the week.

 

However tough it is on Xmas Day - make the most of the time you have with them. Maybe leave them a note to open on Boxing Day. If you know when you will next see them, maybe make charts - one for you and one for them - to cross off the days.

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AdamJ   

Kazzen, the issue isn't geography; I live less than a mile from my kids, for no other reason than to be less than a mile from my kids.

 

But most of your other advice makes sense. Thanks,

 

AJ

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my heart literally when out to you when i read this ....

 

sorry to hear your current situation must be frustrating annoying heartbreaking and upsetting for you to go through this after just recieving life changing news of your diagnosis comes as a blow a shock whirlwind and can bring up heap of emotions/feelings too . sounds like going through alot just lately!

 

all i can say to hopefully comfort you in small way is alot people without A.S are 'bad' parents but just because you have A.S like others have also said on here doesn't mean you fit that label whatsoever in fact can be opposite try make yourself go out of your way be 'too perfect' not let any cracks show however bad things are for you so you proving be strong and that always good characteristic to have on your side and when your children grow up they will see this for themselves with own eyes really bad of your ex wife put you through another stress anxiety etc tension you could quite clearly do without it!

 

ex wife being unfair and alot people without just rememeber you are doing all you possibly can at the moment you are fighting a hard battle/fight! keep going! prove your ex wife wrong! and lucky to have a mum in her 70's who understands A.S is etc and how affects you! though my nan did and she was in her 60's so older generation do start off lost and confused once explain details behind background ask questions GET IT!!!your mum's emotional support guidance will see you through keep you mentally strong to fight!

 

keep your chin up if poss i know hard!

 

seek professional legal action A.S.A.P get case set up! .....i go to citizen advice , see what they suggest on the matter too!!!

good luck

fingers crossed for you!

sorry going through such rough patch at the moment!

 

XKLX

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Tally   

I think you need to get some legal advice somehow. Your children have a right to see you.

 

I think the idea of sending postcards is a good one, as it will let them know you are thinking about them regularly.

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Hi Adam

 

I am sorry that you find yourself in this situation and the lack of understanding on the part of your ex-wife must me making thinsgs even harder for you.

 

You have certainly come to the right place to get support with coming to terms with your diagnosis. There are pleny of us here who who understand what you will be feeling.

 

That said we are not all that experienced on the specific legal aspects of what you are having to deal with. There is another forum (Not autism-related) where you may well have more luck on the legal aspects of getting unsupervised access to your daughter as well as some pointers on how you may be able to resolve the situation more amicably.

 

I suggest you post a question similar to your first posting on this thread on the forum at http://www.wikivorce.com as there will be people there who can help you.

 

 

Simon

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