Little one so distressed

[Mishmash]

My little one is 8 , he is so distressed at the moment. he was in his room sobbing and calling for me. I went up and he said he was so frightened and stupid and a wuss. when I asked him what was wrong he said he didn't want to say the words, so I asked him if he could write it down. he wrote "drains" on one piece of paper and "reflection" on another. I asked him about the drains one first, and as I started to say "what are you scared of? that'll you'll" he started screaming at tme not to say it. He's terrified of the drains in the street and that he'll fall down them. I noticed today that in town he's holding on to me more and walking around with his eyes closed and doing his "funny" breathing.

 

the reflections one is that he is afraid to look at himself in the mirror as he's scared he might go to the other side of the world!

 

I did eventually manage to calm him down by double pinky swearing that it wasn't going to happen. But before he went to sleep he told me he doesn't want to leave the house, he wants to stay in the house and "be calm". I hope to all the Gods he's forgotten about that one by tomorrow - or tomorrow is going to be a fun day! :

I just feel so sad for him, he hates having these thoughts and being like this - and I think because all of this fear thing has really started to come out in the last few months it's freaked him out as well. I just wish I could do more to help him, or to just take it all away for him. I know I can't.

 

Has anyone else had experience with similar things? Any help/ideas appreciated. I'm going to my first support meeting on Wednesday - looking forward to it - hoping to get soem help/advice and just be with people who are on the same page as me, my family are not very supportive at the moment so it's scary for me too.

 

Thanks as always for "listening", somehow it feels less scary when you've "talked" about it

 

Mishmash

[smiley1590]

this to me sounds like fear /phobic reaction response this may need investigating further by professional help and support maybe pyschologist as this sounds like troubling stressing out alot this is anxiety distressing him ....

[smiley1590]

can you explain his 'funny breathing' abit more detail? as this may be panic attack forming?

[smiley1590]

i would bring this situation up on wednesday support meeting as maybe they have ideas/tips to help understand why this happening?! as he had these reactions long?

 

XKLX

[Mishmash]

Smiley Hi, it's definnitely high anxiety - wasn't sure whether to take him to Dr or wait until the school assessment thing kicks in, he's already seen S&L and she has said he is one of those who can "slip through the net" because he appears fine if a bit strange at school., etc, he doesn't act out or let people at school know what's in his head, it's only when hee gets home that all hell breaks lose.

His breathing thing is that he suddenly will only breath in through his nose, then does really loud sort of huffing noises through his mouth when he gets distressed - like really hard expelling of air. he says this is the only way the things woun't happen and he really hates doing it and breathing through his nose as his nose gets blocked and then he thinks he can't breathe.

 

Actually, writing it down like that does sound (at least the end bit) like panic attackl. The huffing though I have no idea.

 

Thank you Smiley, for taking the time I really appreciate it.

 

Mishmash

[Mishmash]

He's only had them like this since we moved house and school in September. Up until then he had funny little habits if you like, but nothing like this. To the extent his 10 year old brother keeps saying to me, I want the old Roo back:( I hadn't even been aware of or thinkg AS as the Dr all said he was fine and I was just imagining it all. However, it's the first thing they noticed at his new school and they are already in the process of implementing things to help him. I wish I'd known though (or believed in myself) I would have made the move etc so very differetn, prepared him more etc.

[trekster]

Have you tried using Social Stories to explain how drains and mirrors work? For now the term drains

could be replaced with a different word until he is used to the fact that drains are safe. You could explain

that drains are there so the water goes safely underground without getting anyone wet. Also introduce the

water cycle maybe to him?

 

The mirrors part could possibly be explained using a social story as well. mention they are helpful so you

can comb your hair in the morning and mum can put on her make-up.

 

Not sure what to do about the general anxiety issues your son has. i guess cahms are rubbish in your area?

 

im also experiencing increasing anxiety in certain areas due to stuff overloading me when i least expect it.

 

My family only support me when i dont display autistic behaviours, so i cant be literal around them or overload

or do other autistic things, this increases at Xmas.

[trekster]

He's only had them like this since we moved house and school in September. Up until then he had funny little habits if you like, but nothing like this. To the extent his 10 year old brother keeps saying to me, I want the old Roo back:( I hadn't even been aware of or thinking AS as the Dr all said he was fine and I was just imagining it all. However, it's the first thing they noticed at his new school and they are already in the process of implementing things to help him. I wish I'd known though (or believed in myself) I would have made the move etc so very different, prepared him more etc.

 

He could be transitioning into his new school, it can be very unsettling for autistics. i was unable to pass the 1st piece of work at uni

because it took me 4 months to settle into uni life. For his brother there is a book called "my brother is different" or "why does sam do that?"

 

Tony Attwoods "the complete guide to asperger syndrome" has some tips on helping youngesters and adults with various aspects of their Aspergers.

Edited January 16, 2011 by trekster

[Mishmash]

Trekster - Thank you!! Social Stories - why didn't I think of that! I've been using them recently for other things - never thought of using them in that context, I'm still very new to all this - Thank you!

 

I really, really think the move etc was the thing that set him off. You have been so helpful - really appreciate it. This site is a life-saver for someone learning it all and trying to make things OK

 

Take care

Mishmash

[JsMum]

Have you tried using Social Stories to explain how drains and mirrors work? For now the term drains

could be replaced with a different word until he is used to the fact that drains are safe. You could explain

that drains are there so the water goes safely underground without getting anyone wet. Also introduce the

water cycle maybe to him?

 

The mirrors part could possibly be explained using a social story as well. mention they are helpful so you

can comb your hair in the morning and mum can put on her make-up.

 

Not sure what to do about the general anxiety issues your son has. i guess cahms are rubbish in your area?

 

im also experiencing increasing anxiety in certain areas due to stuff overloading me when i least expect it.

 

My family only support me when i dont display autistic behaviours, so i cant be literal around them or overload

or do other autistic things, this increases at Xmas.

 

 

what a Fab reply, really like it because its about rationalising the fears and helping the deal with the situation rather than avioding the situating which is what the little fellow is trying to do by staying in, if he stays in that fear will still exist until he confronts the issues head on.

 

What about aproaches that used similair to people who are afraid of spiders exct....

 

for example they start by looking at pictures, to then seeing one at long distance, then slowly progress to having it closer, then to toutching them.

 

 

Our drains sadly where blocked for years which contributed to the flooding a few years ago, so drains are definately vital part of the inferstructre of our water syste and liked your suggestion that the boy learns what drains do, how they work ect...

 

I would defo recommend meditation CD, guided relaxation CDs, a great guy is this bloke, he has hundreds but also specific phobia CDs.

 

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcome-Fears-Phobias-Glenn-Harrold/dp/1901923347/ref=pd_sim_b_27

 

I defo write down the issues your son has experienced and share this with a Doctor as your son may benefit from some CBT and also at least you have shared your concerns with a proffessional.

 

Good Luckx

[oxgirl]

Hi Mishmash, I can def. relate to your post. When my lad was little he was plagued by a variety of phobias and fears that seemed to crop up from nowhere, in fact that was the first thing that took us to seek help. One of his phobias was of mirrors. We never understood where it came from or why, but he suddenly became terrified of looking at himself in mirrors and it quickly escalated to include any shiny surface, including windows where it was dark outside and cutlery, etc. If we went into a shop and turned a corner and were confronted with a mirror he would become hysterical and run away screaming! His phobias did gradually fade, often to be replaced by other fears, but as he grew older they did become a lot more manageable and he would begin to respond to reassurance. He is currently not wanting to look in mirrors but it is different from when he was little, now he is 17 and has bad acne, so doesn't feel good about his appearance, that is a different thing from his phobia.

 

So, sorry, no advice really, but I do understand. All I can reassure you with is that, as your lad matures and develops more understanding of the world, his fears and phobias will fade and he'll cope better, but I know that doesn't help you at the moment. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[smiley1590]

the transition and change may have made this become more bigger problem what it was before hand as alot to process around dealing coping with chnage in manageable bitesize pieces i moved house in august from family home since i was born and found very hard stressful to deal with cope with and manage so different environment surroundings to adjust it may been same town different area but totally blew me away even though my parents tried to prepare me still struggled! it wouldn't hurt to make him docs appointment aswell to explain anxiety /panic /fear issues he finding challenging! i suffer with anxiety , panic attacks very common in A.S he probably 'holds in' his anxieties /panic at school all day 'lets loose' at home all his frustration etc comes out in one situation does he seem like he is compelled to breathe like this does it seem obsessive behaviour got out of control? as this could be turning into MH prob quick rapid! so i don't think any time should be wasted in waiting for school assessment from my own personal experiences i would take him along to docs to explain everything i would try relaxation techniques first like suggested on here or calm place room area where he can wind down chill with fav objects/toys etc but alot people with A.S have probs unwinding and letting body

mind chill relax properly i'm one of them! as doctors may come up with different ideas/suggestions before medication may be needed like anti-anxiety meds

 

XKLX

[Mishmash]

><Thank you all for your wonderful ideas, suggesetions and just making me feel I'm not alone in this, I have some wonderful ideas to try and help him. Really appreciate it <'>

 

Mishmash xx