Refussing School

[Elouise]

Having had an absolutely awful week with Sam (supply teacher his teacher is off sick; the supply teacher is truly doing al he can but Sam and unexpected change do not go together very well) culminating in a complete aspergers meltdown tonight.

 

Sam has written a resignation from school after the most awful screaming howling and distressed state I have seen in him in a VERY long time.

He is absolutely refussing to go to school. He is 8.

 

His advocate knows he is at this stage but I could not call them.

To say communication has broken down with the current SENCO would be polite. I could strangle her for how she has asked him questins that she knows he will only automatically say yes to then written me a a piece in his home school diary.....funny have not seen that for a few months or an IEP......if she knows about ASD then I am the tooth fairy.

 

Long and short is this.

How do you stand with current legislation if your willing to take your child to school but they are refussing to get out the house...the car...remain like a limpit to any part of your body they can hang on to and make that funny high pitched whine from pure 100% anxiety?

 

If it was not for the new SENCO and his old headteacher taking over form Sept 2005 believe me I would be withdrawing him and home educating but I still have four weeks of this left to go and I am looking at the state he is in and asking myself if its worth the inevitable run in with the education social workers if I let him come home with me.

[oracle]

Long and short is this.

How do you stand with current legislation if your willing to take your child to school but they are refussing to get out the house...the car...remain like a limpit to any part of your body they can hang on to and make that funny high pitched whine from pure 100% anxiety?

 

 

We have a parent in our group who had this problem. Her son was so distressed that she was dragging him to school. She did not have a car. On the recommendation of the Head she rang the SS and got a buggy so that she could push him to school - still kicking and screaming and being physically ill. The Head then alerted the SS that there may be a care issue as Mum was bringing an 'able' child to school in a buggy!

 

I have no idea of the law about this but I know from my own experience that I have been told that it is 'MY' responsibility to make sure I produce the child. Now this was not just within a school setting this was health to.

 

Can you get the GP to issue you with a sick not for your son until the end of term? - This means he will not have to attend and he will have the chance to regain his inner strength.

 

Carole

[Elouise]

Thank you Carole.

 

I managed to get hold of his advocate from the VTS autism and communication disorders team after I has pointed out to Sam I would NOT make him go into school but we would go and find some people to help and listen.

 

Sam agreed that its not that he does not want to go to school its just he cannot stand anymore change or missed science lessons or sports day or any one of a hundred petty things that would not rquire rocket science to tweak and make it bearable. I got a whole years worth of frustration in one major blowout last night!

 

His VTS advocate told him he did not have to go in and he would sort out any comeback for him if he choose not to go in.

Sam knows I would insist on school work at home because Sam WANTS to learn... desperatly.

I took him into his sisters school and collered his old headteacher handed over the letter he had written and she made time from her hectic schedule to sit and listen to a VERY feed up little boy. She knows him so he listened whilst she helped him rehearse what he wants to say to his current headteacher as Sam gets wound up about 'appearing rude'.

 

She has promised him if he keeps trying to go in for the next 20 days she will ensure a VERY special treat as soon as he starts year 4 as she WILL be his headteacher then and can do this for him. She has also promised him a gifted and talented science ciriculumm bespoke for him.

He believed her. So do I.

 

She has told him if he gets really stressed out not to run away but to come to her office in his old school and talk to her and she will try and help him because she knows at home he would get bored. Sam agreed. In exchgange I will give Sam chance to experiment on his lift mechanisms and choose science and history programmes of his choice and Nathan wil just have to kick the doors off and scream and sulk for a change.

 

the VTS are talkiing with his supply teacher directly about managing his stress and keeping a very intelligent aspergers on track.

His teacher comes back monday *YIPPEE* and after the VTS explained things yet again Sam is looking after the newly hatched chicks today to make sure they do not get too hot or thirsty. If His teacher is unable to get back on Monday he will be told friday so I have a chance to schedule work at home for him liasing with VTS

 

But I have bruises on my shins and wrists from where he grabbed hold and kicked this morning and I have informed the education authority I am willing to take him to school but I cannot force him to go if he chooses NOT to but they also know I will ensure he gets an education whilst not attending school.

 

Turns out my local education authority make greater allowences for the problems encountered by ASD children refussing to attend school than some other groups and him already having a full diaognosis and full statement and having been through a special school all help back my case if any education social workers who have not bothered reading his files turn up.

I do not think this is applied by all education authorities.

 

I did not know any of this late last night and have spent all morning sorting it out....now for a nice hot cup of tea and an hour to myself before Nathan falls through the front door from school.

[nellie]

Well done Elouise, you are doing a great job.

 

You deserve that cup of tea!!

 

Nellie <'>

[Elouise]

Uggh make it a strong brandy...Nathan came home in Uber WANT NOW mode.

Do I want to go droll at argos electrical goods with wet hair in this heat. No.

 

Now All I need to crack is SS paying there share for Nathans 52 week placement at a special college and I will have truly earned my assertive with the statutory authority stripes.

 

I tend to use that aspie persistance of mine to get my kids what they need.

[Elouise]

*Quite Rant*

 

This monday Sams teacher came back.

Sam did NOT cope.

 

I knew trouble was brewing from the way I had to carry Sam into his class and showed him his teacher was back.

He clamped a Captain Underpants book over each ear collapsed on the floor and began to scream.

 

I opted for 'Ok he will be weird for a bit; calm down because this IS is fave teacher and settle back wuith a dose of science for the advanced student'

 

How wrong can you be....he slid on the floor and became a like a puddle of water. If anyone looked at him he screamed like his skin was being ripped off and then he crawled into a space and cried piteously for a very long time.

 

His teacher has NEVER witnessed anything like this nor did she realise that this is Sam the reason Sam started in an ASD specific special school.

She understood he did not like change....she did not know its almost a phobic response to change.

 

Guess who I had home today flapping spinning, blowing bubbles and giving me a hard time with endless questions on the laws of thermodynamics and what the square route of 0 could be in theory if we made it a negative.

 

Interventon form VTS means he is wiling to go back in and try again after I took him to see his teacher after school. He wanted to appologise for being a weird freakazoid and promise he will try and be more normal (according to his idea of normal not most peoples) and to check it was her who had come back NOT some other clone.

 

having wrestled with Nathan and his meds yesterday and Sam and his idea of questions that made my head hurt to try and find ways of making him consider possible answers I officially give up.

 

I ordered their dad to pick up fish and chips on the way home and when he gets back I shall leave him with them and have a hot bath try out my insane aspie friends suggestion of epsom salt baths help with stress and headaches with a chair rammed under the door handle to barricade them out (no locks because of Nathan)

 

Tomorrow had better be a nicer day.