How to get a social worker

[justine1]

Hi everyone

 

I am really feeling depressed right now. Thing have become so bad with Sam, I guess its been going on for awhile but I thought it was under control and its not. I am not coping with him and not sure what to do or where to turn.

 

I am considering something like a foster placement for him as my other two are suffering.In two weeks he has ripped three new soft toys(his own) broken two sky tv remotes(trying to re-programme them according to him) the sky box and lastly my laptop,I had to buy a new one yesterday. He strangles Eli and no matter how many times he gets snactions its not working. He threatens me alot though he has not done anything.Josh is always cleaning up after him and his teacher said it seems he has alot of pressure at home.

 

I have spoken to their dad as he already has Dan so thought if he took Sam as well it would be easier but he doesnt wnat to know at all. If he goes to a foster carer could I see him on weekends? How does it all work??

 

I know this all sounds harsh I dont want to give him away but really cant look after him anymore.

[Mumble]

Hi Justine <'> <'>

 

I'm sorry to hear things are difficult right now, it must be tough with the three kids, trying to sort out Sam's schooling and being a student. Any one of those would be a full-time job within itself.

 

I don't know how it works with children/families, but for adults there are two options in getting a social worker (well getting an assessment, then they decide what to do, whether to allocate a social worker, etc.) - self-referral or referral through a professional (e.g. GP). I don't know if it's the same for every council but where I live you can get the forms from the council website or you can ring up and ask for them. You could self-refer, but maybe it would be helpful to you to see your GP (if you have an understanding GP) as they may know of other options.

 

Things must be difficult and unsettling for Sam right now with anxieties over his new placements. Starting one new school is tough, but he's starting two and, especially with the mainstream, going to have to deal with being different as he won't be there all the time. Perhaps rather than a longterm option, you may be able to get some respite care to get through this difficult period? Would Sam's dad help out if it was for a defined short period of time, just until he's settled at his new schools and to give you and your other children some breathing space?

[JsMum]

Your son meets the Child in need criteria due to him having a Disability so I would request an assessment of his needs also as you are his carer you can also have an assessment of your needs.

 

I had to fight and fight to get an assessment for J and to be honest its gone drastically wrong so I would say be very careful but I still dont regret requesting the assessment as we now have four days respite a week in the holidays at a special needs respite residential childrens home as J can not be fostered as Foster parents wouldnt be able to keep J safe and J has had negative experience with Foster care in his infancy.

 

I would try and get your son with the Childrens Disability Team as these have more specific support for children with additional needs though your local authority may say your son may not meet the criteria as it is a really tuff one, one Ive never even seen in my area as they refused to give me copy of thier criteria!"

 

Anyway you could contact your local authority council and request a referral, or a gp, Senco, Teacher can.

 

I have family support service for J I find them infuriating at times because they have no knowledge of special needs and some of Js behaviour has been described inacurately. so be careful.

 

For foster placements there are two routes.

 

Immediate, urgent placements are called Section 20 where a parent voluntarily places a child in the care of the local Authority and the child is ACCOMADATED.

 

This may not be suitable to the childs needs so it can be quite traumatic for the child.

 

The other is going throw the lengthy Assessment (anything from a month to six months, there are tight dead lines but rearely kept,) to determine the Childs Needs and the Carers Needs where continued Social worker is involved, Sessional work maybe offered and residential or foster care respite, which can be tailored to the childs needs as they have time to look for the match.

 

In our area they have specialist Foster placements for children with special needs but the process can take a long time.

 

A section 20 the minimum is 14 days and the child does not go home, they stay with the foster carer though regular visits can be arranged.

 

This is to minimise the changes eliment for the child to prevent disruption to thier routine.

 

Foster care caused J additional emotional and psychological problems as the FP didnt meet his needs of which where not dx at the time, which is why it led us to look at residential special school for J.

 

It is very brave of you to recognise that you need urgent help so do not feel bad that for me is the best thing a parent can do is ask for help when there stuggling, instead of burying thier head in sands and insist on coping when there just too exhausted to.

 

I am very sorry to hear that things have got really hard again for Sam and that it is effecting the other children.

 

I would contact your local social services as soon as you can, and request assessments as soon as possible to determine the support sam needs.

 

Maybe also look at getting a proper assessment of your Depression and treatment for that also but some of your symptoms could be been made worse by the very fact your a carer of boy with ASD needs which at the moment are not been met.

 

God Bless, hugs,

 

JsMumxxxx

Edited March 20, 2011 by JsMum

[baddad]

Hi Justine -

 

Not really sure what to say here, but I would be very cautious about how you voice your concerns - make sure you talk to SS etc about respite, NOT foster care. Just as things looked like they were coming together with school too

Certainly it sounds as though things are pretty critical at home, so it would make good sense to talk to the Children with Disabilities Team (or local equiv) at your local SS and to see if you can get a case worker onboard. At the very least, SS and the CDT team will be able to advise regarding what kinds of support you may be able to access locally and how to access it. If regular repsite isn't available straight away (and TBH that's likely to be the case in most areas) then maybe there will be 'befriending schemes' that can offer support by taking him out occassionaly and enabling him to develop friendships and opportunities outside of your usual networks, or some sort of 'link' scheme (link is a local resource in my area, but I think it operates in other areas and / or similar schemes offering similar services do) that could either help keep him occupied so you can spend QT with the other kids or vice versa...

Pure speculation on my part, but I'd guess part of it could be that he is feeling very 'middle child' and confused right now. Not because of anything that you're doing 'wrong', but just the reality of a situation where a new(ish) younger child is naturally stealing the focus and an older, more able brother is making him feel a bit like an under-achiever (not that he is, just that the age gap is a critical one, iyswim). Dan moving in with dad could actually add to that 'middle kid' dilema rather than helping, because it effectively isolates him even more.

Having 'things' of his own (friends, social opportunities, etc) would probably really help him to find his own identity again, if that makes sense. I really think, however hard, you've really got to keep up those sanctions and stuff, because removing them might make him feel even more isolated - as if nobody notices anything, even the bad stuff - but you also need to be careful to ensure that he's not attention seeking and being 'rewarded'. Maybe you could make rewards for good behaviour more personally focussed - i.e. uninterrupted '1-1 Golden time' or whatever... Must be really hard trying to do that on your own with 3 of them, especially with Eli so young, but if you can find some space somewhere i'd put money on it paying dividends.

 

Sorry if there's not much in the way of 'practical' advice there... sometimes there aint, and all you can do is hang in there while you fight to get everything into place. I hope you can achieve that soon, and that the suggestions I have given about possible resources are useful.

 

L&P

 

BD

[JsMum]

I finally went to National Autistic Society for advise reguarding Js assessment process and so recommend the NAS, they have a specific support and adivise on this called Community care service.

 

http://www.autism.org.uk/our-services/advice-and-information-services/community-care-service.aspx

 

There is also this link for more specific on short breaks/respitexx

 

http://www.autism.org.uk/our-services/residential-community-and-social-support/parent-and-family-training-and-support/short-breaks-and-respite-services.aspx

 

 

There is also Contact A Family.

 

 

 

http://www.cafamily.org.uk/families/rightsandentitlements/shortbreaks.html

 

 

http://www.cafamily.org.uk/families/rightsandentitlements/disabledchildrensservices/index.html

 

http://www.cafamily.org.uk/pdfs/behaviour.pdf

 

JsMumxxx

[mygifts1306]

Dear Justine

 

sorry to hear that things are not so well with the children. I dont know what to say really, but i will repeat what BD has said, dont ask you foster care, instead ask for respite, Does Sam like stories, I read The red beast picture book with oldest when he used to hit a lot, this might help. I am sorry about this Justine, just hang in there and remember to look after your health too.

 

kind regards

 

Jax

[Kathryn]

No advice to add, just <'> <'> .

 

Hang in there, it's a time of change for him and I hope you can get some support to see you through it.

 

K x

[bid]

Really sorry things have become so hard.

 

There have been some huge changes for Dan recently. A house move, his brother moves in with dad, the problems at his old school, and now the prospect of two new schools.

 

All of this would be difficult for any child, but especially one with ASD.

 

Purely my personal opinion, but if it were me I would only go with one school placement (the ASD unit) in order to reduce at least one area of stress.

 

I don't know enough about the system, but others here may well be right to ask for respite rather than foster care.

 

Hang in there <'>

 

Bid

[Sally44]

This is a very frustrating situation trying to get SS input/respite.

I would suggest that you go to your GP and ask for an urgent referal because you are in crisis. Ask your GP to refer you to childrens services that can offer respite.

By law you should have your child's needs assessed and also yours as a carer. But getting that to happen is very patch from area to area.

I went to my GP and asked for an urgent referal and was seen by SS department to do with safeguarding. As there were no issues about whether I was going to harm him they said they had no input, and when I asked them to refer me to the right department for respite etc they said to go back to the GP or get the school SENCO to complete a CAF.

I have writen a letter of complaint to the Head of the SS Department about a month ago and have received no reply.

I have seriously been at the point of taking my son to the childrens hospital/Clinical Psychology and leaving him there - not recommended BTW.

I'm still trying to get something sorted. And I will eventually.

Like you my son has been at home with me 24/7 for the last few months and I had got to the stage where I thought that it would have been better if he had died at birth rather than to contemplate the future years.

However, things are getting better, slowly.

So take it day by day and go see your GP.

It maybe better to go with the Unit when you consider the daily difficulties you are having at home. Because he could have those same difficulties mainstream - which is what happened before.

Ask the SENCO of the school with the unit to do a CAF (if SS say that is how you access provision). And if you cannot get into the school ask the SENCO to come to the home to do it.

If you have any family/friends you can rely on in the meantime, try to get them to sit with him for a bit just to keep your sanity.

[Sally44]

This is a very frustrating situation trying to get SS input/respite.

I would suggest that you go to your GP and ask for an urgent referal because you are in crisis. Ask your GP to refer you to childrens services that can offer respite.

By law you should have your child's needs assessed and also yours as a carer. But getting that to happen is very patchy from area to area. But SS do have a legal duty to assess.

I went to my GP and asked for an urgent referal and was seen by SS department to do with safeguarding. As there were no issues about whether I was going to harm him they said they had no input, and when I asked them to refer me to the right department for respite etc they said to go back to the GP or get the school SENCO to complete a CAF.

I have writen a letter of complaint to the Head of the SS Department about a month ago and have received no reply.

I have seriously been at the point of taking my son to the childrens hospital/Clinical Psychology and leaving him there - not recommended BTW.

I'm still trying to get something sorted. And I will eventually.

Like you my son has been at home with me 24/7 for the last few months and I had got to the stage where I thought that it would have been better if he had died at birth rather than to contemplate the future years.

However, things are getting better, slowly.

So take it day by day and go see your GP.

It maybe better to go with the Unit when you consider the daily difficulties you are having at home. Because he could have those same difficulties mainstream - which is what happened before.

Ask the SENCO of the school with the unit to do a CAF (if SS say that is how you access provision). And if you cannot get into the school ask the SENCO to come to the home to do it.

If you have any family/friends you can rely on in the meantime, try to get them to sit with him for a bit just to keep your sanity.

[justine1]

Thank you everyone <'> You are right there is alot going on for him and I cant entirely blame him for the way he acts, saying that all the hard work I put in seems to now have been wasted. For a year(dec'09-dec'10) he was making such good progress, alot of hiccups along the way,but I really felt we were getting somewhere.

 

I do think me at uni is a factor,my course is not the average course in that I don't have a day off and sometimes at uni 9-5 everyday and when I am on placements the shifts are 7am-4pm or 1pm-10pm. When I do get home all I want to do is relax.

 

Baddad your points are quite spot on to be honest. My eldest is taking alot of my time because his 11+ is in october, he also needs constant praise for him to do well,I know most kids do but with Josh its to the extreme. Even their dad who ignores Josh is buying him books and taking an intrest cause he wants him to go to grammer school. Then of course Eli is the youngest and he is always with me so I can see how upsetting it must be for Sam. I do make 1:1 time for him but he has become so distant now,can barely have a conversation with him. On the plus side he is more and more independent now,something that even the babysitter has commented on.

 

My brother feels residential school will be best,he says he can see that I am not coping and he even said he is'nt there 24/7 so has no idea how hard it is. I decided I will go speak to the GP first,not been to the GP's here before so don't know how they are or anything but I will see how it goes.

 

Their dad is not interested and says everything is my fault so I shouldnt even phone him,if I hadnt left him Sam would not be this way

[bid]

Sorry Justine, I see in my post above I got your son's name muddled up...I called him Dan instead of Sam

 

Bid

Edited March 21, 2011 by bid

[Sally44]

I was also in a similar situation to you some years back.

I had completed a university Access Course and had started a degree course in Occupational Therapy. It was during my first year placement that things became impossible, because like you it was 11-14 weeks full time working in a hospital. I had to take my son to a breakfast club, then on to school, then an after school club. He was climbing the walls (and wasn't diagnosed then).

Unfortunately I ended up leaving the course because the situation was impossible.

My husband also ended up leaving his management level job to work part time as a school cook!

So you are not alone in having to make some very big life changes.

But once he is in school and he is settled, it will be much less for you to worry about.

Check and see if you can do the course on a P/T basis, and ask about placements. As you are the parent of a disabled child they maybe able to make adjustments ie. doing a placement for longer, but less daily hours.

And I think there is some law about having to make reasonable adjustments for parents of disabled children.

Edited March 21, 2011 by Sally44

[bid]

 

Their dad is not interested and says everything is my fault so I shouldnt even phone him,if I hadnt left him Sam would not be this way

 

Oh Justine, this comment really stuck out for me <'>

 

If your younger son with ASD is living with your ex, do you think that he is supporting his special needs, especially with school, or does he refuse to talk to you about this too? Does he 'blame' you for Dan's ASD too?

 

Bid <'>

Edited March 21, 2011 by bid