College problems - to intervene or not?

[Kathryn]

This is a college issue - I know most parents here aren't at that stage but I'd like to just run a situation past you guys because I need other opinions - any opinions as I'm not sure what to do.

 

In brief my daughter L, 22, is in the final stages of finishing an Access to Higher Education course which will gain her direct entry to uni next year. She was at the same stage last year but directly due to unreasonable last minute requirements placed on her by the college, she had a bit of a breakdown, and needed medical help. She couldn't finish the course so came back last year to do the rest of the units, having got 45 of the necessary 60.

 

The academic year started in September 2010, right? College took until November to meet with her and issue her with a provisional timetable, until January to set her up with a support worker and until - er last week end of March 2010 to actually formally enrol her. She has been waiting since September for clear direction as to what she needs to do and when she actually needs to go in and has tried to phone and email them and been repeatedly fobbed off. She has still not been to any classes so has had no peer group or the support that comes from going in every day to an educational institution.

 

At a meeting last week with the Access coordinators she was completely set up and actually blamed for not going to classes (classes she didn't even know about??)and it feels like they are setting her up to take all the blame again for their incompetence. I can see the stress piling up and I really don't want a repeat of last year.

 

I've threatened to intervene - she really doesn't want me to but I feel what's going on is blatantly unfair and I think if I don't do it before things go pear shaped then it will be too late after the event. I would also like to set the record straight about the lack of communication - when the college say they have been trying to ring and write to her I know it ain't true because I've been at home and I would know!

 

It's so frustrating. She's riding high after having negotiated the whole UCAS process and received 5 (yes 5 - i.e. no rejections!!) conditional offers for uni and having got through a tough interview for one of them - a prestigious course too. So she feels really optimistic and confident about the next phase of her education and she just wants to get on with the work but it's almost like this miserable shower at the FE college are working to sabotage her and cover up for their own chronic lack of organisation. At the very least it appears they are indifferent to her. Do you know, apart from the support tutor, not one of them has congratulated her on her achievements. Not one. In fact she's almost been discouraged from setting her sights too high, when you think they ought to be almost falling over themselves to get her through and into university.

 

Same old story too that probably many of you are familiar with, academically bright person whose need for support with organisation, social stuff and timekeeping is overlooked completely - and even turned into a (metaphorical) stick to beat her with..

 

Questions:

Do I now write a letter to the Access coordinators and put a warning shot across their bows about failure to make reasonable adjustments etc?

Do I take the softly softly approach and just write to the support tutor who is on her side and ask for her help in letting the other tutors know that she is getting stressed?

Or do I just act like the parent of any other adult and do nothing and cross fingers it all turns out ok? L does not want me to contact them and at this level, believe me - parental intervention is not welcomed or encouraged by the college.

 

Heelp! Any opinions welcome because I am SO TIRED of battling this ###### education system which lets our kids down from the age of 4 upwards.

 

All my daughter has ever wanted to do is to learn and all she's ever had is barriers put in her way.

 

K x (holding on to sanity - but only just!)

Edited April 4, 2011 by Kathryn

[cmuir]

Hi Kathyrn

 

I think in this case, given your daughter has had a breakdown and that there's so much (unreasonable and unnecessary) pressure being put on her, I'd be inclined to intervene. She's obviously done really well to get this far, but often it's the last hurdle that's difficult. I used to work in a college for 13 years and had quite close links with the Additional Needs Department. I think it's reasonable to make staff aware of how stressed your daughter is and the reasons for that, outlining the timescales that you've outlined in your post. I'd be inclined to try the softly softly approach (phone call followed by a letter or email), and then if there's no improvement, try something a bit more direct i.e. make noises about a formal complaint. All sorts can be done to help, e.g. it may be that your daughter could do the bulk of work at home (if that's easier for her), or a 'buddy' could be allocated, etc. Even having someone that she knows she can go to every day if necessary should be allocated (even if that's a pre-arranged appointment at the beginning or end of the day). It's sad that often people on the spectrum (who can be highly intelligent individuals) aren't always given the support they need in order to succeed. The College needs reminding what an accolade it is for them to help people with disabilities/disorders succeed.

 

Best wishes.

 

Caroline.

[bid]

OK, the same college failed my son twice. The last time I suddenly got phone calls saying he was going to have a disciplinary meeting for not attending lectures...only to find on closer questioning that NONE of his tutors had been told that he had AS, etc, and had come from a residential special college!!

 

He never has been able to complete his A levels, having been completely set up to fail by this mainstream college in my opinion (and then a second...). Luckily he has succeeded in full-time employment, but that's not the point...

 

So, my personal opinion would be to interevene, and not to be too gentle about it!! I'm afraid sometimes you have to be upfront and assertive (doesn't mean aggressive).

 

Good luck, and keep us posted!

 

Bid <'>

[Grace]

Hi Kathryn,

 

Here are some random thoughts; please ignore if they are totally wide of the mark!

 

Is your daughter now on the right road? Is she now attending classes or will be next week and is she on target to get the necessary points she needs to get into uni? If not, then something needs to happen fast; we are in April!

 

Is there support she can access other than from you? When you say support tutor, is that like an ordinary tutor? I'm just wondering if your role could be to guide her in how to get the help she needs herself i.e. empower her? Perhaps guide her to get help from outside college e.g. an advocate to attend meetings with her? Maybe she could contact NYAS for help? They might be able to give her some ideas? Does the college itself have any kind of counselling service?

 

It might be that you do need to step in, but I think if you can, it would be better if you could help your daughter understand how to seek the help for herself. I only say that, as it will an invaluable tool when she goes to Uni as many Uni's have excellent support people/groups but she will need to know how to access them and understand their worth to her.

 

I say all this and I have to admit that personally I'd be going in all guns blazing! However, I don't have a young adult yet but I do have a teenager (NT admittedly)and I am having to learn to step back a bit and your daughter seems to be wanting this.

 

I guess you could give her some ideas, give her a chance to sort it herself with help, but make it clear that if it is not sorted in X weeks, because you love her and are worried about her and desperately want her to get her place at Uni, then at that stage you will have to intervene?

 

An alternative could be to ask if you could talk to her support tutor so that she can reassure you that everything is okay - say it is for your benefit and you'd really appreciate it, if she would allow you to, so you can sleep at night!Perhaps then the support tutor could discretely have a word with the necessary people?

 

Just some thoughts. It must be a big worry and I think if you see things are going the same way as last year, you'll have no choice but to step in - she will thank you when she gets started at Uni.x

[JsMum]

If you do not intervene how likely is it that L is going to achieve her targets and meet her conditions to get into uni.

 

If you do not intervene what state do you vision L to be in by the time she gets to Uni could all this situation now be detrimental to her ulimate goal of finally getting to uni.

 

Is this her only stepping stone into uni?

 

How is her behaviour, mood, anxiety at the moment, if you intervened now could it raise her needs? or could it in the long run support her?

 

When I have a lot of things I want to say to someone that will not listen is I write to them, so what about writing to the college anyway ok she doesnt want you intervening but what about writing a letter to her college but not actually send it at least that way youve vented your emotions and feelings, in time, later in a few weeks you could show it to L and show her what kind of things you are concerned about if her moods, anxiety, behaviour deteriate.

 

I find it almost impossible to stay put when intervening is essenstial so your stronger than me.

 

JsMumxxx

Edited April 4, 2011 by JsMum

[Suze]

Hi hun..if you don,t let them know in the strongest term how flippin useless they,ve been they,re gonna do this again to someone else...I,d be well hacked off and you,ve every right to feel they,ve failed L cos they have....

 

..................on a plus note bl88dy well done on those uni places ................that is fantastic and you must be so so pleased and proud of her

 

..............bit of a quick post...sorry as I,m off on the school run but I hope you got the gist

[baddad]

Hi kathryn -

 

The two problems you have are that 1 - the college isn't going to like you intervening and 2 - L isn't going to. I think the second is the only one you need to worry about; the first can 'lump it', and if they have an issue with disabled students having advocates to help them negotiate difficulties they might encounter they should put that in writing so you can consult some legislation

That doesn't, however, resolve the second problem

 

L&P

 

BD

[Tally]

I wonder if you can contact the support tutor without your daughter knowing and explain what's going on. She might be able to put your concerns to the college on your behalf.

 

At 22 it's really difficult to let your parents help you out. But maybe you can get your daughter to see that you stepping in now could help her do what she wants to do (get on with the work) and lead to greater independence in the future if it can help her get into university.

 

Do you think you could persuade her to write a letter?

[dm2010]

Hmm. . . .

 

Schools do try and sabotage people's futures. Headmaster of my secondary school made sure I had a very poor university reference. It was so bad that I got told about it at a university interview, they had never seen anything like it. When back at school I complained, and the headmaster rang the university up to tell them off for revealing the contents of a confidential reference !

 

I knew I had done well at A level despite the dire predictions of the school because I got a 3 unconditional offers on the day of the results, before I actually had the results in my hand.

 

A few days later I went into school to pick up my last odds and ends and ran into the headmaster. A very frosty conversation ensued, which after about 30 seconds turned into a physical fight which he started. I was sensible enough not to do anything more than walk away, being taller and stronger than he was.

 

But his power ended at the school gate, which is the last thing I ever said to him as I left.

[Kathryn]

Wow thanks all for taking the trouble to write such thoughtful replies. All really helpful and it's good to have different perspectives.

 

Mostly she copes really well and has not needed my direct intervention in anything for 3 or 4 years now, although I often talk things through and help to draft the occasional email or letter for her. She has coped with the whole UCAS application process twice over now, this has included lots of emails and phonecalls to strangers. It's been tough but she can do it and although she hates it, and finds it difficult she no longer avoids it. Next year she is going to have to cope so it's good that she does as much as possible for herself - it's the only way to learn. The problem is that dealing with people takes immense energy which she should be putting into her work. The college don't realise when they say "just speak to x to find out what work you have to do" that this in itself is an immense task and one which will cause a major worry. How must she speak to x - call? email? face to face? When is the best time? What must she say? How will x react? etc. She can't just take this stuff in her stride. What she is able to do is dash off brilliant essays at 3 am so if they just took the other pressure off her she would be doing fine.

 

I'm still debating what to do. I think as you've all said, it's important to do something. I've drafted my first "angry" version which I will tone down and then I have to decide who to send it to, the access coordinators and support tutor, or just the support tutor. I think it's essential to correct the misconception that she has just not been bothered to come into classes. There does seem to have been a fair bit of passive aggression going on towards her. I'm wondering if part of the problem is resentment because she lodged a formal appeal against last year's result.

 

She is also stressed because one of her top 2 choices has conditions which she will probably not be able to meet because of the limitations of the course - no fault of her own. The college staff are being completely unhelpful and just shrugging their shoulders and saying that she shouldn't go for a course with such high requirements! How very encouraging and supportive - not.

 

By complete contrast all the unis have been really forthcoming and helpful and she has even been invited to go and discuss her support needs - this is before she has even made her final choices! Bodes well I hope.

 

K x

[bid]

I would cc. everyone in to your letter...I found this to be a particularly effective way of concentrating minds

 

Bid