Workplace Bullying

[bid]

Hi all,

 

Has anyone successfully gone to their line manager about workplace bullying? If you did, what was done...and what happened if you had to continue to work with the person in question?

 

Thanks guys,

 

Bid

[bid]

Oh dear, no experience of this?

 

That must be a first for the forum, no one pitching in with their pennorth!!

 

Maybe it would help if I explained a little more background, although I don't want to go into too much detail.

 

This is a situation that I have been struggling with for over 6 months, but it is rather complex because it doesn't just involve me. Other staff have been involved, for whom I have a professional responsibility, so I have been trying to support them. But equally, my line manager has asked me to support the particular individual too and I have tried my best to do this too.

 

Some of the things done have been what I believe to be actual bullying because they are designed to humiliate, others appear to be the result of poor people skills, but still have had a very negative impact on others. Somehow, as the months have gone on and I have tried to support everyone involved, I seem to have ended up the main target.

 

I have always taken a pride in never crying at work, not even when my dad was dying. But last night, to my absolute shame, I broke down all over one of my poor colleagues. I have almost constant raging indigestion (I have even taken to swigging gaviscon straight from the bottle ), bad eczema and on a number of nights I have spent the first half of my break in tears, and have now got to the stage that as I drive to work I find I'm on the verge of tears. I used to love my job, but I have never been so unhappy at work, at the moment I feel my job has been ruined.

 

I know I can't go on like this, but I feel sort of paralysed as I'm not sure what will happen if I go to my line manager. She is a really great line manager, whom I really respect and she has always been really supportive. I guess it's more the logistics of what might happen that I'm worried about, if that makes sense.

 

Bid

Edited May 7, 2011 by bid

[BuntyB]

Of the workplace bullying, yes. Going to the line manager, no. That was because it was the manager! I just left

My union contacted me and asked if I wanted to fight it. I said no. Silly, but at the time I was to worn down and didn't want to go back. With hindsight,and after doing employment law at Uni, I wish I'd have got her well and truely done!

[Tally]

I was going to reply and then I realised you wrote:

Has anyone successfully gone to their line manager about workplace bullying?

 

On the first occasion I went to my manager it was handled very badly and I was blamed. It was all very hurtful.

On the second (current) occasion I have not made a complaint because my manager has witnessed some of the worst of it and pretended to be asleep, so I don't feel terribly inspired about his ability to handle a complaint effectively. I could go over his head and make a complaint about him as well but after my last experience I am too scared to do that.

 

I don't quite understand. Are you the one being bullied, or are you trying to deal with a situation where one of your staff is bullying someone else and are being accused of doing so ineffectively?

 

Either way, it sounds like you have a good relationship with your line manager and that she is likely to be supportive. You could always approach it as asking for advice, rather than launching in with a formal complaint. You could always contact your trade union or ACAS for advice on how a formal complaint would be handled.

[bid]

 

I don't quite understand. Are you the one being bullied, or are you trying to deal with a situation where one of your staff is bullying someone else and are being accused of doing so ineffectively?

 

 

I have been trying to deal with a situation where colleagues I'm responsible for have been the target, and at the same time I have also been a target. Somehow I seem to have ended up the main target now. No one has said I have handled things ineffectively

 

I have done a number of very specific things (largely surrounding offering more practical support to the individual with our line manager's knowledge and encouragement) to try and sort out the problems. I have also made it very clear to the individual how and why their behaviour is having a very negative effect on others.

 

It's difficult, because I can't really put anymore details...just wrote long post, which I then felt I should delete!

 

Bid

Edited May 7, 2011 by bid

[Tally]

Oops, I misunderstood what you meant by you becoming the main target. I wasn't suggesting you had handled things ineffectively. There is nothing in your post to suggest that at all. I thought you meant the people getting bullied were starting to target you because they felt this way. Sorry!

 

I think you do need to ask your line manager to step in. It may appear inappropriate if you tried to handle it yourself since you are now involved as the victim. Your manager is likely to believe that he would behave this way because of the history.

[bid]

Oops, I misunderstood what you meant by you becoming the main target. I wasn't suggesting you had handled things ineffectively. There is nothing in your post to suggest that at all. I thought you meant the people getting bullied were starting to target you because they felt this way. Sorry!

 

I think you do need to ask your line manager to step in. It may appear inappropriate if you tried to handle it yourself since you are now involved as the victim. Your manager is likely to believe that he would behave this way because of the history.

 

Thanks Tally. When you went to your line manager, what happened next if you still have to work with the partuclar individual?

 

Bid

[cmuir]

Hi

 

I've been in a position whereby I'e felt bullied, and left. I was 19 at the time (I'm 37 now!), and although at the time I felt that leaving was the right thing to do, I learnt a number of lessons. Firstly, some situations can make you a stronger person (life experience I guess i.e. I think generally people become more confident the older they become), and secondly, if I were in the same situation again, I'd stay put and insist that proper procedures/policies were actioned to put a stop to things. Often easier said than done, eh?

 

It sounds very much like you've been a super boss in supporting those involves (both parties), which could'n't have been easy. I don't know what kind of organisation you work for, or what kind of policies they have in place for this type of thing i.e. off-the-record warning, formal warning, final warning, ability to move staff to other department/s, disciplinary procedures i.e. suspension or dismissal, etc. As you feel you've now become the main target, it sounds like things are getting really serious. It sounds like your line manager has been encouraging, etc, but perhaps it may be time to keep him/or fully appraised so that you're supported (it maybe that as you've already spoken to the bully and are now the main target, that your boss has to take charge). Best of luck with things. I recall only too well how a situation like that can have a massive impact – I used to go home on the verge of tears and go to work on the verge of tears. Hopefully things will get easier (remember, I'm sure the staff working under you will fully appreciate your support). There's no easy way to resolve such situations, but hopefully there are measures in place that will help i.e. displinary policy.

 

Best wishes.

 

Caroline.

[Sally44]

I'm afraid my experience, from years ago - coincidentally when I was also around 19 - is not at all positive.

 

I had worked for a major UK company as a secretary/PA. I moved/was promoted to a different department. The manager of this department was very sexually suggestive to myself and alot of other females. Another secretary even asked her manager to talk to my manager about how inappropriate his behaviour was!

 

Anyway, I got fed up of it and put in a complaint to my union representative. All hell broken lose. Within 24 hours my boss has put in a counter complaint about me and my standard of work. The Union representative I wanted to support me became sick and was off work. His replacement turned out to be "best buddies" with my boss! So when we had a meeting, which I thought would be about his inappropriate behaviour, it was turned into a meeting about my standard of work and it was agreed that my boss would monitor my standard of work over the next 6 months! No other person in the department (or out of the department would confirm that he was being inappropriate with them as well). So I was left completely isolated, and my boss made my life hell. He used to time how long I took to go to the bathroom etc. So, in the end I just applied for another job and left. It was a horrible experience at the time. And it really opened my eyes to how spineless alot of other people are. I stood up to this man and everyone else just turned away. I really don't know why I bothered.

 

In your situation I presume it isn't someone who is managerially over you?

You should already have something on record about his behaviour towards the other member(s) of staff that he was targetting before you?

Companies have disciplinary procedures and conduct procedures. Does he meet the companies criteria for any of these procedures eg. inappropriate language, behaviour etc towards other members of staff that could be considered harassment etc?

If you are the manager over this person, then try to ensure that you are never alone with them - for evidence reasons. That should be standard procedure because otherwise he could accuse you of saying/doing things if you two are ever alone.

 

If you have a good manager, you could always broach the subject of this man's inappropriate behaviour to the other member of staff, to see what his response is, and then add on what you have done about that and how this person now seems to have decided to target you instead. I would keep a diary of events (dates and times and witnesses).

 

They should receive some kind of warning (which you may have already done as part of your procedures eg. verbal warning). But I think each incident is treated as new and from the start, and usually if there is a certain length of time between the warnings you go back to the beginning (I think it may depend on each companies procedures). But I remember my husband used to get very frustrated because an employee (that he would think was a waste of space), would get two verbal warnings, then behave for 6 months and be back to square one with the first verbal warning again.

 

Do you know what your companies procedures are? And do you trust your line manager? Could you have an "off the record" discussion with them to get their opinion before you followed any formal procedures?

[Kathryn]

Bid I think it's imperative you go to your line manager - can the consequences be worse than what's happening now? From what you've posted you've done everything you can in your role as a manager and now it's bigger than you can handle - through no fault of your own, and you're the one who need support. If it's got to the stage where it's causing severe stress and affecting your health, that's going to affect your ability to do the job and have a wider impact on you and your family as well.

 

It helps to have clear policies and procedures in place - as Sally says. I was victimised at my last job - which I walked out on. My boss had a degree in passive aggression and would show his displeasure by nit picking the slightest thing - the final straw was when I had worked at length on a document and he criticised the spacing of the bullet points. Unfortunately he owned and managed the small organisation and hired and fired at will - there was no one else to speak to - so I left.

 

My other half had a better experience recently: he was being repeatedly attacked verbally in meetings and by email from one individual and eventually went to his line manager who he didn't really trust. However it was dealt with effectively, the individual was made to reflect on what he was doing and it has stopped. They still work together.

 

Hope you can get the situation sorted out.

 

<'> <'>

 

K x

Edited May 7, 2011 by Kathryn
Forgot the hugs!

[bid]

Thank you everyone for your replies <'>

 

The situation is so difficult because I have tried so hard to avoid the official path as I don't want to cause trouble and I hoped I could sort out the situation on my own.

 

My line manager has been aware of certain difficulties for some time and has encouraged me to take a supportive approach which I have tried my absolute best to do, so in a way it would be easy to broach the subject. But equally, I feel as though I have let my line manager down by not being able to sort it out myself.

 

A further difficulty is that the nature of our work, and the long hours we work, mean that we have always had a very close team in the past. This particular individual is now the same grade as me, and it would also be impossible to not be alone together due to the nature of our work.

 

I did wonder about this as a possible next step. I need to speak to the individual about the last incident. I wondered about saying that if the situation doesn't change (giving specific examples), then I will go to our line manager and make a formal complaint.

 

What do people think about that as a next step? I just want the situation to stop. I don't think we will ever be able to regain the previous team spirit or camaraderie, but just professional politeness would be fine.

 

It also worries me that your experiences here haven't been hugely positive when you have gone to senior management with a problem like this, which is another reason why I have tried to sort things out myself

 

Bid

Edited May 7, 2011 by bid

[Kathryn]

Well S had a positive experience. There will always be horror stories but if you've known your manager to be supportive there's no reason to suppose she wouldn't be in this instance.

 

I think it's a good step to go to the individual if it's not going to cause too much stress for you, and if you think the person is capable of seeing what's going wrong and willing and able to do something about it. Giving her specific examples of what has to change and a time frame for it will help it not to appear personal.

 

But equally, I feel as though I have let my line manager down by not being able to sort it out myself.

 

If she's a good manager she shouldn't see it like that - it's part of her job to support you.

 

K x

[bid]

I think it's a good step to go to the individual if it's not going to cause too much stress for you, and if you think the person is capable of seeing what's going wrong and willing and able to do something about it. Giving her specific examples of what has to change and a time frame for it will help it not to appear personal.

 

 

I have actually done this on a number of occasions...I think this will be my last attempt!

 

Bid

Edited May 7, 2011 by bid

[Kazzen161]

I would agree with the others - you need to read the relevant procedures and follow them to the letter. Have all the incidents been recorded? Have you kept a record of the support you have offered? Was your line manager's request to you to deal with it, in writing?

 

I would speak to your line manager now - it will be difficult for you to remain detached when speaking to the "bully" now as you are now personaly involved.

 

"I wondered about saying that if the situation doesn't change (giving specific examples), then I will go to our line manager and make a formal complaint."

 

You need to be very careful that this is worded formally and impersonally, otherwise it sounds like a threat and she could then accuse you of bullying! If you have to speak to her, then I would just say that you have been happy to work with her to try to improve things, but that if you receive any further complaints they will have to be dealt with formally. I do think this wodul be better coming from your line manager at this stage though.

[bid]

I would agree with the others - you need to read the relevant procedures and follow them to the letter. Have all the incidents been recorded? Have you kept a record of the support you have offered? Was your line manager's request to you to deal with it, in writing?

 

I would speak to your line manager now - it will be difficult for you to remain detached when speaking to the "bully" now as you are now personaly involved.

 

"I wondered about saying that if the situation doesn't change (giving specific examples), then I will go to our line manager and make a formal complaint."

 

You need to be very careful that this is worded formally and impersonally, otherwise it sounds like a threat and she could then accuse you of bullying! If you have to speak to her, then I would just say that you have been happy to work with her to try to improve things, but that if you receive any further complaints they will have to be dealt with formally. I do think this wodul be better coming from your line manager at this stage though.

 

 

All these are such excellent points. I didn't record things, as I kept dealing with them and then thinking that was an end of it as the situation would improve, only for something else to then happen a couple of weeks later. Looking back now, I should have written things down from the beginning, but at the start you don't realise that there is going be a pattern, and as my team has always been a close group you want to try to sort things out informally. Nothing from my line manager in writing about how I should support the individual either. I have somethings in writing with regard to the last incident.

 

Thank you Kazzen for your suggestion of better wording.

 

It's when I look at the overall picture, I just end up thinking I will keep quiet and just plod on being scrupulously professional and polite myself, as I'm worried that things will be turned round against me...unless there are any further complaints to me from other staff.

 

I could use Kazzen's phrasing, and start keeping a record of any further incidents so that if I do go to my line manager I can at least show written records dating from now.

 

This is so awful, I feel so overwhelmed by it and worried that I am going to be the one who somehow ends up in trouble. I don't know what to do for the best now...I'm now loath to see my line manager without any written records, but I can't go on like this as it is making me quite unwell.

 

Bid

 

I also wanted to say thank you all for replying...just writing it down and then reading over it again has helped, although I'm frustrated that I didn't record things now. But then it is very complicated when it is a close team, as your instinct is to sort things out informally.

Edited May 8, 2011 by bid

[Sally44]

Please remember this is not a failure on your part. This person obviously does not want to take on board what a number of people have said to them. You can't make another person change. They have to be motivated to do so. Sometimes that takes the possibility of losing their job to bring them to their senses.

I hope it all gets resolved positively. You can't live with this situation because it can slowly suck away your confidence and self esteem. So summon up the strength to go to your line manager and approach it from the angle "This is what happened - this is what I did about it - the person does not want to take on board what they have been told - this is what they have continued to do.

[Kazzen161]

Please do talk to your line manager. Tell her what you have done so far and ask for her advice. It is her job and she will have more experience/training in dealing with such things. It is obvious that the person is not taking on board what is being said (and in fact is just getting worse). It would be difficult for you to make a complaint against her while you are supporting her, so it would be best if your line manager took over. If you want to deal with the last incident, perhaps ask your line manager to sit in on the meeting?

 

I was in a horrible situation at work 18 months ago, which involved my boss. Luckily I was able to get my Union to support me and it was resolved as best as it could be. I still work with her, but at least she knows I will not just take whatever she gives out. It has had a really bad effect on me - my confidence is zero.

[cmuir]

Hi

 

I think the next step very much depends upon what type of measures are in place for HR type issues. Is there a staff handbook? Are there disciplinary guidelines? I think you've done your best, but the unofficial approach isn't working (as you now feel you're the main target). I think it's time for official steps to be taken. Don't think you've let yourself down where your own boss is concerned, but I do think you need to take the initiative and take official steps (if there are any - if not, then you need to turn to your boss).

 

Best wishes.

 

Caroline.

[bid]

Thank you everyone for your replies!

 

I'm still deciding what to do, but one thing that has made a big difference has been reading all your comments, as I realise part of my stress has been worrying that I haven't tried hard enough, and that I was letting my team and my line manager down. I've spent the last 6 months feeling that if I could just do/say the right thing, the behaviour would stop, but I now realise that it isn't my fault, and I have done a good job as at least the negative behaviour towards the other staff appears to have stopped.

 

I will let you all know what I decide to do, and thank you again, it really has helped clarify things for me <'>

 

Bid

[millymouse]

I hope you get it sorted satisfactorily <'>

 

I keep a diary of things that happen at work (do it on a spreadsheet so I can type things that are said/happen while it's fresh in my mind). I may never use it, but if and when I decide to do anything about a certain situation, then I have the evidence to support it. I record the date, time, persons present, who said what, etc.

[bid]

Right, I have decided to raise this in my supervision, which is coming up. That way, I'm not going to my line manager with a 'formal' complaint, but can bring it up as something that I'm having problems with.

 

Thank you all again for replying. It really helped me to sort of take back control of the situation...haven't had raging indigestion for days now, and even the eczema is looking better!

 

Things also seem to have quietened down too: a few 'normal' moans from the team about the indiviual, but nothing serious. And after the last incident involving me, when I have to confess I did tell them they had gone too far this time, I have had no problems either!

 

Bid

[Tally]

I really think that is the best way to handle it. I'm glad you are feeling more positive about it now

[Kathryn]

Good move. Glad things are a bit more settled now.

 

<'>

 

K x

[Hughey]

Nah, our line manager is the one who does the bullying.

 

Well, I say he does the bullying but what he really does is make do a ###### job and when we call him on it, he hides behind the upper management because he is the only person who will suck up to them.

 

Makes me sick to my stomach.

[baddad]

Nah, our line manager is the one who does the bullying.

 

Well, I say he does the bullying but what he really does is make do a ###### job and when we call him on it, he hides behind the upper management because he is the only person who will suck up to them.

 

Makes me sick to my stomach.

 

Hi Hughey - If your line manager is a bully I'd speak to someone further up the line about it if I were you. If, however, you're saying the line manager is incompetent and you/others could do a better job then practical demonstration of that and some sucking up to the upper management sounds in order if you're in any way conscientious about the quality of your work. Or you could just do the job better than expected and have the personal satisfaction of knowing the job's well done.

 

Hope that's helpful and your upset tummy is better soon.

 

L&P

 

BD

Edited June 20, 2011 by baddad

[Mumble]

your upset tummy is better soon.

[dm2010]

Nah, our line manager is the one who does the bullying.

 

Well, I say he does the bullying but what he really does is make do a ###### job and when we call him on it, he hides behind the upper management because he is the only person who will suck up to them.

 

Makes me sick to my stomach.

 

This the the rule rather than the exception in my experience.

But I've found such people are quite vulnerable to a short but assertive "get your tanks off my lawn" speech.