Independance, adulthood

[JsMum]

Me and Jay where filling in a transition plan ready for his school move, so the new school have information about J from his perspective, it asked a question about his future and what support he may need, he put without hesitation that he wants to marry his presant girlfriend and live independantly.

 

The answer scared me because the way J presents now there is no way he would be able to live independantly without NO SUPPORT at all.

 

I am thinking supported housing with care support as at present he requires supervision in his needs.

 

It does scare me too with the funding cuts that J wont get the support he needs because by then he will be a ABLE LOOKING ADULT and more importantly he doesnt want the support, but what if he actually needs it to keep him and others safe?

 

 

Does anyone else worry about what support thier adult Children will recieve and though J say he doesnt want support what if he actually does need it and I have to start making plans NOW because he has a transition meeting this year also added is Social services due to the care orders and potentially J becoming then a Care leaver in the near future.

 

JsMumx

[bid]

Just to reassure you, when my son went to residesi at 15 he was not capable of independent living at all, he couldn't even use public transport. By the time he left at 18, he had developed more life skills, but still would not have been able to live independently, although we both felt he had made enough progress to no longer qualify for DLA.

 

However, he changed so much bwteeen 18 and 21 you would not believe it. He gradually devloped the necessary skills, hugely helped by starting off with a part-time job before moving onto full-time employment a year or so later.

 

By 21 he was ready to move out, and has been living and working independently for nearly the last year. He has coped brilliantly with various problems, including being mugged at the end of last month.

 

Try not to look too far ahead, 4 years is a long time in which to develop and progress...you will hopefully be surprised in a good way with the progress J makes, especially once he goes to the right school for him.

 

Hope that's a bit reassuring! <'>

 

Bid

Edited May 23, 2011 by bid

[Enid]

oh yes, am soooo worried about this, your J may fare better as a care leaver now, I dont know, but my J, like yours, wants to marry his girlfriend and have babies

at 18, dear god!!!! They both go to the same special school, and whilst he has not been as bad lately, hence we lowered his meds, he is still on 3 mg of resperidone, that is the reduced rate, when we tried to lower it further, well it was just to scary, the strange/violent/odd behaviours all returned, so what if he is living independantly and dosnt take his meds????? will he be a risk to others??? it IS a worry, a real one. thats probably not what you wanted to hear!!! hope things are a bit better your end, much love to you both. xxx

[lizj]

I totally agree with Bid. Great progress can be made in the late teens. There's no need to panic just yet, although thinking about the future is very frightening.

My son is 19. When he left school at 16 he still needed an escorted taxi to go to college. But in the past year he has learned to use public transport on his own. He can have a go at preparing a meal for himself and has a voluntary job in a local charity shop, where he arrives on time with a little bit of prompting.

We still have a long way to go - he hasn't a clue how to manage money yet and would never ever remember to wash his hair or clothes, but it's good to see how much progress towards independence he has made.

And the same is true for most of his friends, who also have complex special needs.

[Tally]

Try not to panic yet! From what I know of myself and other adults with AS, we often mature more slowly. It can take a little longer, but we get there in the end.

 

I finished school at 19 and was too scared of living away from home that I could not face university at that age, even though going to university is not really quite independent living and you can come home quite often with your dirty washing.

 

18 months later I did leave home and have largely made a success of it.

[bid]

Also JM, I would try very hard not to convey your worries to J. I think it's good to talk about the future/adult life as something positive, exciting and most of all 'do-able'. I believe in positive self-fulfilling prophecies

 

Bid

Edited May 24, 2011 by bid

[Kathryn]

Agree with Bid Tally and lizj.

 

It's hard to see into the future but a lot will change in the next few years. L is hardly the same person as she was even at 16 when my biggest ambition for her was that she would one day be able to walk to the corner shops and buy an icecream on her own. Couldn't see it happening.

 

Now 5 years later she cooks for herself, does her washing, organised and went on long train journeys to Manchester and Aberystwith on her own and back, regularly goes to London to see friends and last weekend looked after her younger brother (13) while we went away for the night.

 

It's hard to see into the future and envisage our children as growing up. I have similar fears about my son (same age as your J) even though he doesn't have any additional needs and is mature for his age.

 

Getting married and living independently (maybe not in that order )are normal healthy dreams to have, so see that as a positive sign that he wants to take his place in society, even if it doesn't turn out exactly like that!

 

K x

[JsMum]

Hi thanks for all your support and today I got another shock, he wants to go mainstream college! as he wants to be a chef and said there is better kitchens, so you never know with the right support he could well even be going to mainstream college too, if he gets in the school Ive nominated that could happen with additional support from the school staff themselves, so its even feasable.

 

Im beginning to see the bigger picture now, Ive never really acepted Jay growing up, mostly because he resisted also when younger but as he is getting older he does want more freedom and independance, its a worry only because he cant cross a road without getting half killed just about or read independantly thats all, but if he gets in the schools were fighting for he will recieve intensive support to hopefully get him to be a level where he can manage some independance.

 

I have to let go, I know, Ive only learnt today to say it the doing is going to take courage.

 

JsMumxxx

[Kathryn]

<'> ><

 

It does take courage - we're all going to need it. I know when L goes off to University in September (we hope!) I'll be a complete wobbly jellyfish and will miss her so much - and worry each day about her!

 

K x

Edited May 25, 2011 by Kathryn