Am I employable ?Or best working for myself?

[philipo]

I can't count the week ,have problems with numbers'reading letters with 'boxes' in them and can't read music.I flicnh at sertain high frequency sounds and while my brain has a surplus of visual and audio space running through it most of the day I find it really hard to relax so I can express my creativity.Internal visualisation of text gets in the way of concentrayting.

 

Go to youtube/ERASMUS320 to see some scraps.......Parrys mountain vid is the nearest I can get to expressing my 'autism/asd/aspergers

[darkshine]

I can't count the week ,have problems with numbers'reading letters with 'boxes' in them and can't read music.I flicnh at sertain high frequency sounds and while my brain has a surplus of visual and audio space running through it most of the day I find it really hard to relax so I can express my creativity.Internal visualisation of text gets in the way of concentrayting.

 

Go to youtube/ERASMUS320 to see some scraps.......Parrys mountain vid is the nearest I can get to expressing my 'autism/asd/aspergers

Hello philipo

 

You've done well at listing a few of the negative things that would make some work difficult, but I don't see why you would be unemployable because of them, then again I guess it would depend on the job and the boss. You got a list of positives too? I wouldn't normally ask but am feeling pretty low and maybe you are too, maybe some good stuff would help you think about it in a balanced way.

 

I liked your youtube vid (apart from the talking bit at about 3mins in which again made my head hurt - sorry but it does) but maybe that's the point? The start was almost serene and stuff and I liked the music at the end, it felt endless (if you know what I mean - not as a bad thing, like an eternity thing).

 

What job would you want if you were employed by someone else?

 

What would you do if you employed yourself?

 

Darkshine

[philipo]

What job would you want if you were employed by someone else?

 

What would you do if you employed yourself?

 

Darkshine

 

I'd like to be a music producer,not so much pop but music that expresses 'feeling'...resonance.But only have a basic laptop/studio and minimul equipment.

 

Of left to myself i'd like to make pewter sculpchure.horses birds and animals.and write 'nice' songs,instead of satirising sexist rock n roll and politics.I've just got to find my fiath in things after motorbike accidant,its easier not worrying about money,and support/affection helps with gentile creative stuff.

[darkshine]

Well both sound nice (not nice patronising - actual nice) maybe you could so the self-employed things while seeing if the being employed things can happen? If you see what I mean

 

Maybe I'm being too simple but it sounds sort of do-able to be doing the creative things and if you get a job in the mean-time then bonus

 

So your not the sort for 9-5 living in a box then?

[ScienceGeek]

My brother in law wants to write music for film and television and has a masters in it. For now he is having to take any employment that will take him while also doing his music in his free time. Maybe if you want to go into music you could do a similar thing, and keep sending off examples of your work to potential employers or if money isn't an issue maybe try going for an internship? By getting yourself in there and getting your work known, from what I can gather it seems to be a lot about who you know and if people don't get to see your stuff then how will they see your potential?

 

Working for an employer doesn't necessarily have to be that bad and you can always ask for reasonable adjustments and get advice and help from access to work

[philipo]

I was a sound mixer for years,there is a lot of 'not what you know but who' in the music bizz but as i was not into doing coke and E's I missed the boat as I found the social side of it hard.

It used to be like when i was a chef,long hours,no weekends and punters full of alchohol who did'nt appreciate the work and concentration involed.

Certainly not a 9 to 5 er,when it comes to creativity its steam engine time when its steam engine time and i compulsivly go with the flow.

Edited July 17, 2011 by philipo

[leeds_demon]

I can't count the week ,have problems with numbers'reading letters with 'boxes' in them and can't read music.I flicnh at sertain high frequency sounds and while my brain has a surplus of visual and audio space running through it most of the day I find it really hard to relax so I can express my creativity.Internal visualisation of text gets in the way of concentrayting.

 

Go to youtube/ERASMUS320 to see some scraps.......Parrys mountain vid is the nearest I can get to expressing my 'autism/asd/aspergers

How old are you philipo? If you're under 30, then try appling to the Prince's Trust, who will be able to either offer you a loan or grant to buy the audio equipment you need. Also, maybe you could try the Bright Ideas Trust. If you want to sculpt, then why not take a college course? The fact you have Asperger's might mean you get extra support at college.

[philipo]

Thanks forn your reply Leeds_Demon,

I only accepted my problem last autumn,i'm 48.I was accepted at Uni a few years ago to do an art degree,with no qualifications and no secondary education.Did'nt know I was 'bonkers' with it the.Kept getting lost going to uni and pesterd the staff for ten minutes help a week to help me with a weekly rota and was ignored.Went to the disability services who were rubbish and missed my asd,said i was dyslexic but praised me for being the only student who knew who Catherine the great was in the disabilities 'assesment.After that they treated me as an unspecified mental case/idiot so I left after 2 years learning nothing except art = establishment painting .Baddad wrote a while back 'Those who can do,those that can't teach' or words to that effect.The low quality/bland art students were there qualify as 'art teachers' and the good students wanted to work for themselves or were just too odd to do either but produced fantastic art.

Whats really weird is last night I was dreaming I was in 'art' class back at Uni!The only time I've ever dreamt about it.Do you beleive in telepathy?

Before i went to uni I'd done my own art as a creative compulsion/unconcious theraphy,taught myself to do music and sculpchure.I learnt to start writing and very basic internet at uni but not by staff.i left after 2 years because they were obviously just screwing me for money and thought the 'course' was just a box ticking exercise.Some tutours resented that I was more skilled than them in film/sound and I was always asking deeper questions about 'art'.WHY WHY WHY?I always asked.

I worked self employed for a while doing adverts and community filming but had a motorbike accident last year and am doubting wether to carry on with 'arty' stuff since now I know I'm an asd job and understand myself alot more I'm thinking of taking the 'neurotypical' approach ,i.e. produce somthing contoversial and shocking to make MONEY.

I've turned down offers of work from right wing political parties and freinds from the Asian community,I'm so sick of doing films for motorbike clubs ,rockmusic is a timewarp.

getting a steady wage is great but ,like many,I feel this is just peeing in the wind thinking I will ever be accepted as 'normal',working for myself is just as hard because I have difficulties staying on track and focus,made worse by spinal/head injuries.

[Lyndalou]

I worked self employed for a while doing adverts and community filming but had a motorbike accident last year and am doubting wether to carry on with 'arty' stuff since now I know I'm an asd job and understand myself alot more I'm thinking of taking the 'neurotypical' approach ,i.e. produce somthing contoversial and shocking to make MONEY.

I've turned down offers of work from right wing political parties and freinds from the Asian community,I'm so sick of doing films for motorbike clubs ,rockmusic is a timewarp.

getting a steady wage is great but ,like many,I feel this is just peeing in the wind thinking I will ever be accepted as 'normal',working for myself is just as hard because I have difficulties staying on track and focus,made worse by spinal/head injuries.

 

Hi Philipo

 

How did you get on when you worked for yourself before and do you still retain contacts with people you have worked for/with? It sounds like you may have got something out of this type of work - though perhaps not money? - and maybe if you've had a break for a while to recover from your accident and go to college you should build on what you have done well/enjoyed before before you jump into the unknown doing 'controversial' stuff. The only difference seems to be now that you know you have an ASD. You always had it and if it fed into how you approached your work in the past or caused you certain difficulties you can now acknowledge, those will be the strength and weaknesses you will still have in any job you pursue.

 

Personally, I think the 'art' world can be both fickle and incestuous so you need to go into it with your eyes wide open. There is pretense all through it - some work is 'controversial' only because certain people endorse it, making it high-end and beyond the reach (and understanding) of joe public (lots of money changing hands / air kissing etc). I get the impression this wouldn't really sit well with you? Or do you mean 'controversial' politically or 'of the people/for the people' stuff? In which case you would still need to create lots of self-publicity or have someone to back you who will spread about how great your stuff is (still WHO you know). I think it all requires a fair amount of 'spin', speaking as someone who saw that the people who talked the talk were the people who appeared to do the best (commercially)when I went to Art College.

 

Hope you make the right decision.

 

Lynda

[philipo]

Thanks LyndaLou,

I 'm trying to work hard on being superficial and shallow since i found out I was an asd/asp/autiy job ,but can't really live the lie that I'm 'normal',for want of a better word.i only managed the self employment because the ex did the books for me,but I dumped her and my family/most of feinds becasue I did'nt know I had the 'curse' then,and was misdiagnosed by a private shrink as Chronic Post traumatic Stress Disorder ten years ago.

The art world is really a self regurgatating monkey seee,monkey do mess although the creative/expressive aspects for individual self knowledge are extremly positive.

Thats one of the amazing things about crative expression,self awareness.I did some darkroom photograms of my skull x rays 8 ish years ago .basically it was a skull x ray superimposed with electrical wiring and computer chips.i had NO IDEA about autisim/asd/aspy brain at the time.Looking back it was clear as a bell,trying artistically to express my 'problems'.It was there staring me in the face all the time,but thats hindsight.I often wonder if art could be used to help diagnose peoples mental disabilitys/illness.Uni lecturers were terrified when I anaylsed art from the pshycological perspective,they are still digesting Freud and 'modernism'!

Biggest problem is I'm very shy so expressing is very hard,technically I'm brill but in terms of using a website/forum I'm a divvy.Until about a month ago I was wondering if most sites users had moved to the Norfolk Broads cos it seemed a nice quiet place to live if affected by asd/aspy/autyism.I started to consider moving there,but then someone on the site explained that it was a 'points' system,depending on how many posts made.That about sums it up,really bad with the simple things that many take for granted,especially time/calenders/rotas.

Knowing what I know now about my 'condition' I'm sure that if I went back self employed I'd easy get away with appearing unconventional/odd/eccentric by saying 'I'm an artist!' and no one would suspect what my problems are and forgive me loads of things.

thanks for reply. philipo x

[darkshine]

Biggest problem is I'm very shy so expressing is very hard,technically I'm brill but in terms of using a website/forum I'm a divvy.Until about a month ago I was wondering if most sites users had moved to the Norfolk Broads cos it seemed a nice quiet place to live if affected by asd/aspy/autyism.I started to consider moving there,but then someone on the site explained that it was a 'points' system,depending on how many posts made.That about sums it up,really bad with the simple things that many take for granted,especially time/calenders/rotas.

Well I wouldn't have envied the ones living in colder places!! At least the Norfolk broads is in England and relatively moderate - bit flat though... good for boating but easier for the shops than Snowdon or K2 or Everest (slightly inconvenient unless turning into a cave dwelling yeti)

 

I'm glad I wasn't the only one who thought silly things about the post status things - and there's something brill about sharing silliness my main silliness was similar but I changed my mind when I saw the mountains I thought they missed out on the beauty of the peaks, lakes, and dales though x

[philipo]

The ability to eat our hats and laugh at our absurdities allows us all to grow.I 'm still trying to understand 'emoticons', and all the 'lol' ' etc...its like heiroglyics to me,only had the confidence to start writing a few years ago thanks to computers,before that i could'nt read my own handwriting.thats a good thing about the computer typface ,the net and 'expression' ,for me much of the spoken word is useless as I'm mostly misinterpretedd and misquoted.

[darkshine]

dunno if this is of any use...

 

Forum Abbreviations

 

I'm fortunate as my housemate is good at computers and is nice enough to tell me what it all means - things still pop up that I don't know though - we all have to learn some time x

[Lyndalou]

Hi Philipo

 

I get what you are saying about the fear of returning to self-employment because of the financial side of things. I've only been putting off doing a little home business (for about 2 years!)because of my concerns about getting all the percentage of takings among other thing wrong. I've been so scared I would tie myself in knots doing all the difficult (for me) but essential parts of the business wrong, even though I know I would be good at the other parts of the job and I hate admitting that I find it so hard. Somebody has contacted me out of the blue this week and it has spurred me into action to get things off the ground and hubby has agreed to check over my calculations and do it if my brain switches off altogether.

 

Is there anyone who can help you with the finances again if you decide to go self-employed again? I've thought that if my business grew I would need to think about whether or not I would need to approach a book-keeper. It just so happens I know 2 people who LOVE book-keeping (???) and would quite like some extra income so it may be that you know someone who could do with a little extra cash in this financial climate?

 

Same goes for the web-design. There could be someone who needs to complete a college assignment or someone who just enjoys doing it for the sake of it (like my sister). I could probably do it but the technical expertise would allude and frustrate me!!!

 

Lynda

[philipo]

I only managed self employment because my family did the books for me .I've dumped my familiy.After a few months of understanding the implications of my life /Dx and realising how self serving/exploitative my family /freind(fiends?) have been and taking stock of the thousands££££ of free community film/music work I've done,I'll NEVER work for cheap/free again.

I am positive for the future now I understand whats been mentally crippling me for over 30 years and have loads of footage and ideas,Thanks for the bookkeeping help I'll just have to earn some money to bookkeep first!I do want to do a film on asd/asp/hfa/autisim .I have a few ideas but its staying on track,constnat reassesing that worries me with it and i'd like to include AUTISIM in its traditional sense and think that the film should be NON VERBAL,using text and audio sounds rather than the disfigured world of SCRIPTS.

Thanks for replys Lyndalou x

[darkshine]

I have a thought regarding your film ideas if you don't find it a huge presumption from me to comment?

 

I like your ideas - and I don't think talking is necessary - but have you thought of doing a second version with text in it?

 

1. because it might be useful as an additional form of expression

2. because it might make what you are trying to say a bit clearer for some people (as I am not sure everyone gets it)

 

Kind of like how the bbc and such uses subtitles

 

best

Darkshine x

[philtfa]

For me the film definately shouldn't be scripted. Why not just let people speak for themselves. They will have real stories to tell. Real experience of what it's like to have AS etc

 

But I'm not making the film!

 

Do it your way, but do it!!

[philipo]

I have the idea of including ticker tape text just like the news as thats what happens with words when people speak them,i see em crossing in front of my head on my internal 'telly'/visual awareness.trying to get people to talk on film is relly hard anyway and i'm sure people affected by this (d)isability are even more shy.the day to day noises of things are important.if i can let people listen to all the crazy background sounds they might realise who incredibly noisy life is.This thing about it being a 'modern' (d)isability has much relevance.The sounds of peizo sounders ,as used in phones,alarms,laptops emit a harsh mettalic sound and the masses of traffic on our roads and sirens,all to do with a big rise in urban and countryside populations,and the near constant sound of aircraft overhead,i think has caused alot of distress to many people who would i think would have otherwise gone undiagnosed/aware.

While the 'medical' establishment seems to concentrate on the 'mind' as a major problem I really think that one big input is simple background noise levels.There was this thing years ago about people not sleeping because of hearing constant humming at night.Things that spin seem to be hard work.Most research on noise limits itself to the human hearing range 30hz to 17000hz(hz=cycles per second.low=bass,high =treble)but i think that ultraseound and resonance are just as important.Noise pollution maybe destructive to the amayglida bit in the brain.

A big area that i have so little understanding of is traditional 'Autisim' but how I could include this I don't know at the mo.While being homless last year I met a few homless who did'nt do drink/drugs,obssesivly read books and were super intelligent but loners and odd but not nutters/mental health jobs,i'm of the opinion that these people have the 'curse'.although theres obviously so many positives.

thanks for your replies and sorry if any generalisations have caused any ofeence.

[darkshine]

Although possibly completely irrelevant I'd like to add that I can't stand the noise of traffic lights for when you cross the road amongst many others

 

I played around with a decibel meter on my mobile phone for a while once, its amazing how opening a packet of crisps registered so loud (the noise of crisp packets also grates on me) I can't remember the reading now but I'd just checked loud snoring before opening the packet of crisps (and I mean LOUD snoring) and the crisp packet actually registered louder!

 

Rambling.... sorry

[philipo]

Many pet owners are aware that their pets come running when they open a choc bar or crisp packet.Its because of ultrasound.We hear as humans between about 30 to 18000 hz,i.e.low to high notes.Kids are much sharper and hear over 18000hz.Animals especially dogs,cats,birds n bats can hear ultrasound.Whenever we open crisps or move plastic it creates a lot of sounds above our hearing.Another property of sound is that low sounds,i.e. bass,require far more energy to create and high sounds are the opposite.Low sounds .i.e. low freuency travel more omnidirectional from the source like ripples in a pond.High sounds become increasingly directional.A bass guitar low note for instance may use a 100watts of energy to produce a certain volume, ahigh note say a flute would require a quarter to a third.Sounds also have 'harmonics'.i think this is a big problem with 'autisim' and a problem caused by the mass introduction of electrical appliances in our homes and the introduction of mobies and wireless routers for pc's.My hearing seems far less able to automatically adjust loud noises to make them quieter,and sems to have a tendency to lock on to quiet noises and amplify them.

Ultrasound is used to look at babes in the tummy.they use a 'transducer' to transmit the sound.As transducers became cheaper they started using the same tech to make speakers for mobiles,they are acoustically 'harsh' and produce alot of undesirable harmonics,but there cheaper to make than a true 'microspeaker.

The post where the poster is asking about light and colour comes to mind.....A lot of the anxiety/stress may be caused by our technological enviroment.It may be that HFA is a tendency to autisim thats triggerd by our man made enviroment,sharing many biological 'symptoms' but not affecting communication skills,except through noise and light.i.e.I postulate that much ASD?HFA? is a result of technical enviroment,'triggerd' off.Its down to the shrinks favourite bit of brain ,the amygladia.I met a christian volounterr at a soup kitchen when homeless,I asked him what his job wa and he said he was an architect who specialises in buildings for autistic people,designed to reduce resonance and harmonics/vibration.Thanks for your patience.

[darkshine]

Sounds also have 'harmonics'.i think this is a big problem with 'autisim' and a problem caused by the mass introduction of electrical appliances in our homes and the introduction of mobies and wireless routers for pc's.My hearing seems far less able to automatically adjust loud noises to make them quieter,and sems to have a tendency to lock on to quiet noises and amplify them.

My hearing amplifies small sounds too, its one good thing about flat screen tv's they make barely any noise, but my housemates laptop drives me mad and he never notices it whirring and the fan inside straining to move air through.

 

Clocks are my biggest annoyance, they just tick louder and louder and louder, its like torture cuz it rises to such a level that it feels like the room is echoing with each tick and my brain is filled with the sound.

 

If I have a watch that ticks I can't have it in the bedroom at night because it ticks too loud to sleep

[philipo]

I'm the same with clocks,old type tele's .The newish flat screens buzz far less because they have'nt got loads of high frequency transformers in em that resonate alot,also flat screen use about a fifth of the power so their main power supplies 'hum' (@50HZ) alot quieter.

I've noticed a particular annoyance with things that spin and being a techie freak i've ben researching aero engines as planes really annoy me.i'm calculating the speeds of the front air compressor turbines at the mo.generally,to produce more fuel effecient and quieter aeroplane engines the size of the front fan is made much larger.i think theres a correlation between the turbine blade tips reaching just below the sound barrier.being further away from the central axis of the engine they need to travel a lot faster than older type engines.They may be 'quieter' in general hearing terms but I think they produce a lot more 'noise' outside the normal human hearing range.

I reccomend normal headphones,especially closed type over tinny transducer types that come with phones and mp3 players.

[darkshine]

Way over my head I'm afraid but it sounds impressive

 

So you don't fancy going into inventing then?

[philipo]

What I' saying is a 'sound' is'nt just one sound and harmonics are generally ignored as 'unwanted noise' because it does'nt affect most people.or does it?Higher levels of background enviroment noise have a direct effect in studies done on heart attacks and anxiety.

I've invented a few things when I was younger but laughed at by freinds/family.In the late eighties I proposed LED lights to save energy,1992 i proposed LED roadsigns that were solar powerd,laughed at.I did some engineering work on whats called a squashplate engine,laughed at,deisel motorbike,laughed at.Now LED lights are everywhere.the squahplate engine ins'nt except in refridgeration compressors.

Your right about harmonics.To make a bypass jet engine quiet,I strongly suspect that all they've done is shift the noise above the normal level of human hearing.This creates 'perceived' quietness but vastly increases the 'harmonic noise'.I've only found aeroplanes really annoying since the introduction of the later 'trent' engines which use a much wider front fan.

I have a few little inventions at the mo.One involves collecting radio frequency energy and converting it into samll amounts of electricity for charging small aplliances.

Our general understanding of sound is a bit like our understanding of radiation in the 30's,we are completly unaware of all the ultrasound and subsonic sound pollution around us.sames true of radio frequencys.people are also unaware that half of the electricity used tavels through the ground locally and thats another avenue of research into mains hum.

if you put a simple electrical testmeter on a human and checked for frequency the meter would show the human is acting as an electrical conductor at 50 hz ,i.e.the mains voltage causes humans to resonate at 50 cycles a second.Scientists say this is 'safe',yet like mobiles and wireless routers,hav'nt researched it and are not going to .The implications may cause a complete revaluation of our technologies.I think people with 'traditional' autisim suffer from it the most,especially unwanted harmonics.

[philtfa]

Clocks are my biggest annoyance, they just tick louder and louder and louder, its like torture cuz it rises to such a level that it feels like the room is echoing with each tick and my brain is filled with the sound.

 

If I have a watch that ticks I can't have it in the bedroom at night because it ticks too loud to sleep

 

Hey! I don't like clocks either, especially at night. I too have had to put watches and clocks outside the room because they bother me. I've been laughed at for this so it's good to hear of someone else with the same problem.

[darkshine]

Hey! I don't like clocks either, especially at night. I too have had to put watches and clocks outside the room because they bother me. I've been laughed at for this so it's good to hear of someone else with the same problem.

No problem the main reaction I get is disbelief (and then laughing at me)

 

The worst one I've heard so far was at my parents house when I visited earlier this year - they have a clock that does a double tick then goes tock, I found it really hard to talk or watch tv or anything cuz while everyone else couldn't hear it (I don't know how - the damn thing was so loud) all I could hear all the time was this clock - it makes me shudder just remembering!