ASD traits in myself

[dekra]

As I am sure most of you with ASD or possible ASD children have done I have done a lot of research on ASD and how it related to my son's issues. There are a lot of things that seem to match him for his stage of development which is why he's awaiting his first assessement later this month.

 

All the research I am doing is obviously generalised and discusses areas of ASD that my son is not showing any issues with or at least not yet. However there are a lot of things that make me think of myself. I have now gone from believing I have some ASD trait to self-diagnosing myself with AS! Sometimes the internet is not a good thing.

 

Anyway I wanted to layout my own "issues" that I have either learnt to work around over the years ask for opinions on if you think I'm just nuts. Also if you don't think I'm completely imagining it all then should I bother doing anything about it? I've learnt to cope with my social ineptitude for almost 36 years and have things in a way I can manage BUT there is also the point that I am due to start at University to do Adult Nursing in Sept and obviously that is going to be stressful for me.

 

Anyway my main things that (I think) tick AS/ASD boxes :-

 

* have always been good with numbers - at 7 years old I was too lazy/bored to do long division at school so I taught myself short division. The school did not like this and told my family off for teaching me things the class wasn't on yet. Teachers called my mother a liar when she said she I did it myself.

* again at primary school I would not shut up and talked constantly in class - I was so bad I was frequently moved to a single desk and not allowed in a group. On a number of occasions I was actually made to sit alone behind the blackboard.

* for all my constant talking at primary school I didn't have friends, I was very isolated and couldn't mix well with other children. Adults I had no problems with although I was always over eagar to please.

* I had my first "crush" on a boy in primary 3 so age about 7. This was the first of many such obsessions. I cringe now when I think about it. But that first boy in Primary school was just in my head and was the only one I had during that next 4 years (it lasted the whole 4 years). After I went to High School it got bad however. From there it was a constant stream 4 different boys I was obsessed with over a 5 year period (2 were brothers one after the other). The scale of my obessions escalated so that I was pretty much stalking the last 2.

* High School was also marked by more and more social isolation. I just couldn't talk to other kids, I became introverted and depressed (took me years to realise that) and in the last year of school I only had a 60% attendence rate (still managed to pass my Highers with 2 B's and a C)

* Leaving High School I did learn some methods of social integration but basically I mostly hung around the pub with my parents and in the comfort zone of their local I was able to project a more confident persona. Inside I was still a mess but was learning to hide it.

* Developed an obsession with F1 racing. In the space of months I learnt all that was going on and history etc - over the next decade I went all over the UK and Europe watching F1 and other motorsports. Was finally able to make some friends that I had common interests with!

* Had a couple of "normal" boyfriends, but neither lasted as I was just so ackward.

* Family friend who was just a couple years old than me became the object of my misplaced affections. This was mildly complicated by the fact he did like me and find me attractive so flirted then backed off, flirted backed off.

* Moved a few hundred miles away at 21 to Uni and got a good social life and some friends! Also became super-obsessed and stalkerish with a guy I snogged one night in the Student Union.

* I am almost 36 years old and I still suck my thumb and play with my hair - I find smoothing a strand of hair into the edge of my right eye socket so soothing, also twist and rub it.

* As a small child I was a difficult and picky eater but at about 8 I suddenly started eating far too much, this went on and on and escalated, my obsession with food was uncontrolable. Finally a few years ago I got a new obsession - getting weightloss surgery - now losing weight is my new obsession.

* Met hubby in my late 20's - we get on like a house on fire - he has OCD lol and we just "get" each other.

* For a few years was able to focus my obsessive nature on things like buying a house, organising a wedding and having kids.

* I have wanted to become a midwife for about 4/5 years now but over the last year it has become an obsession too as I went through the application process this last year but when I beat almost 500 applicants to get down to last 60 that were interviewed I wasn't able to get the place as it was a group discussion and I ended up talking a load of rubbish on a subject that I actually know really well but I just came across as slightly hysterical and trying too hard. Was able to get accepted on nursing course instead at a different Uni in a 1 to 1 interview.

 

* Still socially inept but can get by with some basic small stilted small talk. I don't have eye contact issues (have always gave a good job interview as I am good at that) and I don't have personal space issues (I don't invade others PS as I hate mine being invaded with a passion).

 

Anyone care to comment - I won't take offence if it's harsh.

Edited August 1, 2011 by dekra

[Suze]

During my sons dx process as I read up and learnt more about ASD there were lots of traits that I found I could relate to myself.So much so that I saw a nurse at CAMHS.Iam very OCD, have had lots of problems with food especially as a child, there were sensory things that I could also relate too, and I realised my thought processes were quite different to the norm.However I felt they were all just elements of me as a whole that could be attributed to ASD but not necessarily wanted or worthy of a dx.My sons dx gave me a better insight into myself, and understanding of myself which has helped me alot as I have spent alot of time with low self esteem.I,m not sure if you are thinking about a DX or wether like me it has helped you to understand some elements of yourself , best wishes suzex.

[littleplum]

I have now gone from believing I have some ASD trait to self-diagnosing myself with AS! Sometimes the internet is not a good thing.

Hi dekra,

 

Have you tried any of the online AS tests? The two I am familiar with are here:

http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php

http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html

 

Best wishes.

[dekra]

Thanks for those links. I got 116/200 Aspie and 95/200 NT on the first one - it said I show NT and Aspie traits and 34/50 on second which says over 32 is typical for AS but naturally isn't a dx tool.

 

I think I was stressed out when I wrote this post in the first place, I am what I am and I accepted my oddities a long time ago - don't really think it's worth pursuing but as Suze said, it is good to understand myself a bit more.

Edited August 3, 2011 by dekra

[philipo]

I did them tests to see,I got 45/50 and 180/200,but I remember before being dx'd that I 'd done the 200 one last autumn when my freinds put me up to it.

Whats very positive is that you understand yourself.obviously many of the answers/questions could apply to many other physical/mental health issues.

one question that I found spot on for me in the 50 point one(although everyone as/asd or not has their own tendencies)Is the one about a strong dislike for fiction,I find it physically revolting and wonder why people read untruths.But thats all part of it I suppose.I once read Joseph Conrad...Heart of darkness and liked it and was puzzled that I'd managed to find it relevant like,fact.A freind gave me a book analyzing Conrads books and then I relaised how much of his stuff was clearly based on his experiences.Its because his 'characters' are real people,not based on real people as they say.

 

You are aware of your tech obssesiveness and your obssesional side with relationships.Yhe midwife interveiw/discussion thing strikes a chord when it comes to 'social context/appropiatness'.I've learnt to shut up and be breif after a short while,as in group discussion I find that at first the 'group' listens intently because my observations/talk is not shallow but then realise that i can wander off the point very quickly.I used to think I was thick for years cos I could'nt do a lot of simple things ,now I relaise that most people don't have a 'depth of intellect' and are generally shallow and take little time to do any in depth study,so appear 'shallow'.

 

i am absoloutly ###### at numbers and time ,and was puzzled when I first looked at the subject of as/asd as there's a myth that asd'rs are mathematical geniuses,I'm great at resolving/discovering other relational values,like mechanics/electronics but numbers fail me.

 

Thanks for the links Littleplum

Edited August 3, 2011 by philipo

[bid]

I think it's very important to remember that certainly the AQ and EQ tests designed by Baron-Cohen and his team at Cambridge are not designed to be used in isolation. Used properly, they are only a small part of a detailed process that is based on an indepth clinical assessment, including parental involvement.

 

Bid

[littleplum]

Thanks for those links. I got 116/200 Aspie and 95/200 NT on the first one - it said I show NT and Aspie traits and 34/50 on second which says over 32 is typical for AS but naturally isn't a dx tool.

 

 

Your results are similar to mine although I was a little more aspie and a little less NT. I have never had a professional diagnosis but these results ring true for me. I tried to answer the questions honestly and objectively. However, I also believe that if I had done the test 30 years ago, my aspie rating would have been higher. That is because I believe I have learnt to adapt over the years through force of circumstances.

 

I wonder if that is generally true of AS as people get older? Do the traits become less pronounced?

[dekra]

I agree with you littleplum, 20 years ago this would have prob given me a higher score too. Things like basic social skills I have taught myself coping strategies so I can do it even if I don't want or like to do it. Maybe that's the difference though from having traits to actually definately having the condition - the ability to work around it comes easier. I do think the child I was would likely have been given in dx now whilst in the 80's when I was going through hell in school it was just unheard of. Now I'm just a social misfit that has come to terms with the fact. I have my hubby and my kids, who cares about the rest. I'm going to Uni to improve life for the family and for my own self-fulfillment not to make friends - so as long as I don't make enemies all is well!

[dekra]

Philipo - fiction is an area where I prob lost a lot of points. I have always loved books, and series books where you can follow a character again and again especially. How many of you knew that there are actually 10 books in the "Anne of Green Gables" series. I would and still do love to lose myself in a good book.

Edited August 3, 2011 by dekra

[bid]

Personally I think this discussion about fiction/fact illustrates exactly the dangers of such quizzes.

 

I have a formal dx of AS. But I love reading fiction, and avoid factual books. However, what is relevant is the fact that I can't picture any of the characters in a book, and neither do I see the whole book like a film in my head (as friends have told me they do). I only read the words, I don't see anything in my head. I also had a problem when I was younger of using behaviour in novels as a model for my own reactions to things in real life, and I still have to guard against referring to novels to decide what I should do/how I should behave.

 

And my adult son, who has had a formal dx since the age of 7 and went to a residesi school for AS, has an obsession with fictional films and film-making (very creative and fictional ).

 

So, as I tried to explain earlier, these quizzes shouldn't be used in isolation, and in my opinion can give people (more often) a false positive, or indeed (less often) a false negative.

 

Bid

Edited August 3, 2011 by bid

[dekra]

Too many variations to be useful in isolation yes, but an interesting exercise none the less. I have too much time on my hands at the moment lol!

[Eccentric]

Hi, Dekra.

 

Reading your original post, I don't think there are any obvious signs of AS. I'm no expert, but it sounds more like OCD to me.

 

It's not uncommon for people to read / hear about the symptoms of things like AS and say, well, I'm a bit like that - does that mean I have it?

 

I agree that those online tests aren't a reliable indication of whether you have AS or not, and I'm sceptical about what those tests indicate, especially if they were designed by Simon Baron Cohen, with whom I have issues over his assumptions about AS, such as his claim that AS people can't empathise.

 

Where did you hear / read about AS, anyway? It sounds to me like you've never had any major problems in your life, and the ones you do have don't sound any more serious than those of anyone else.

[dekra]

Eccentric, yes could be OCD traits too - husband has this dx and explained my constant counting (I pair walls ceilings windows edges of windows, the slats in the blinds on the windows etc etc etc, I pair cones in a road - I had to work very very hard to stop this when I started driving as for years I had tapped my foot to "jump" pairs of cones. Counting, pairing etc almost anything and pretty much constantly, I catch myself at it with out even realising) and also my intrusive thoughts. It's all about controlling my environment I think. As you say, you hear things and think "I am a bit like that".

 

I can't say where exactly I first heard of AS but I have been doing a lot of study recently on ASD in general as my 4 year old has some major issues and I am in the referal process for him so I have been exposed to a lot more imformation on AS than I've seen before now.

 

You say I've never had any major problems in my life, ok so I've not listed them here but yes I have had my issues - never fulfilled my acadedmic potential at school as I didn't mix and was bullied badly. I could not hold down a job, I have worked almost all my adult life (except and abortive attempt at Uni in my early 20's) but I my average stay in 1 job was 6 months. I have been in my current job for almost 4 years - but this is due to being able to work from home - I do not need to go out and be with people. This is where my anxiety about returning to Uni comes from - I am going to have to get used to being with and interacting with people. My social ineptitude and isolation made me deeply depressed and I had no understanding of why I couldn't just "fit in". I worry that my fear of being back "in the real world" and the stress of it will prove too much and I won't be able to cope. This is the only reason I have considered exploring reasons and if it would be worth exploring if it might be that is was AS, but then again if I was dx there is still the problem of what Uni could do for me. At the end of the day I have decided to do nursing - if I want to do this is MUST get out on the wards etc and meet patients and colleages. I have to get on with it or not do it. So I have decided I'm going to get on with it, doesn't mean it will be any less uncomfortable for me.

 

Maybe I was right as a child all long, I'm just not a person people like.

Edited August 3, 2011 by dekra

[Eccentric]

OK, you know about AS because of your child. That's different then - I was under the impression it was just something you'd read about in a magazine or something.

 

I've always had difficulty getting or keeping jobs, too, so I sympathise there. Do you get anxious about not being able to do the job properly, or is it the presence of other people that makes things difficult?

 

Good luck with university if that's what you want to do. One piece of advice: don't worry too much about difficulty making friends there. I've recently graduated, and I had few friends, partly because nearly all the students were so much younger than me - I'm in my forties. So I spent most of the time alone, but didn't let it worry me, and because I didn't let it worry me, it wasn't a problem. The stereotype image of university is having a great social life, but I met a lot of people there who, at least in the first year, knew only a handful of other students.

[dekra]

It's other people I have difficulty with, the constantly feeling an outsider and in ability to cope with the whole "office" interaction/environment.

 

Very nervous about this aspect with Uni as I have said, not that I mind not having friends - I just hate the feelings of isolation. I am 36 and have a lovely hubby and 2 young children, I'm not after a social life just an education

[darkshine]

Personally I think this discussion about fiction/fact illustrates exactly the dangers of such quizzes.

 

I have a formal dx of AS. But I love reading fiction, and avoid factual books. However, what is relevant is the fact that I can't picture any of the characters in a book, and neither do I see the whole book like a film in my head (as friends have told me they do). I only read the words, I don't see anything in my head. I also had a problem when I was younger of using behaviour in novels as a model for my own reactions to things in real life, and I still have to guard against referring to novels to decide what I should do/how I should behave.

 

And my adult son, who has had a formal dx since the age of 7 and went to a residesi school for AS, has an obsession with fictional films and film-making (very creative and fictional ).

 

So, as I tried to explain earlier, these quizzes shouldn't be used in isolation, and in my opinion can give people (more often) a false positive, or indeed (less often) a false negative.

 

Bid

I have the same thing with books although I do read factual ones as well, but in the fiction I can't see the characters or the scenes in my head - sometimes feel like I'm missing out when people say they see it like a film in their head. And behaving like people in novels/or expecting people to behave like they do in novels definitely isn't a great guideline I've also found

 

The AQ test was (almost) identical to the one I did during dx (it might have been identical but I can't remember every question)

 

One thing that strikes me about this test is that I get different scores when I redo it - I tried this a month ago after someone mentioned it on here and got 39 then did it a week later and got 44 and in my dx report I think I got 42 or 43...

[bid]

And behaving like people in novels/or expecting people to behave like they do in novels definitely isn't a great guideline I've also found

 

 

Oh wow! Never found anyone else who did/does this...I guess it's quite a clever coping strategy for a child when you think about it, just not so useful as you get older!

 

Do you still find yourself thinking 'X character in Y novel did so-and-so, so it's OK for me to do the same...'??

 

Bid

[darkshine]

Oh wow! Never found anyone else who did/does this...I guess it's quite a clever coping strategy for a child when you think about it, just not so useful as you get older!

 

Do you still find yourself thinking 'X character in Y novel did so-and-so, so it's OK for me to do the same...'??

 

Bid

My brain works using a series of examples for situations - and that definitely includes what happens/happened in books and I still find myself saying things sometimes and in my head I'm like god I hope they don't realise that X character said that in Y novel

 

But yeah, I started doing this when I was very young, I used to read and read and read when I was a kid, but it doesn't work so well when grown up

 

The one thing that has been really useful is the knowledge gained from books - social, communication etc but especially ideas on things to do or ways to do things (especially since my other main thing of learning was by watching people do things) so it gave me somewhat more of an imagination in that way (when I was a kid - other kids never knew the things I suggested weren't my ideas - and that I'd just nicked or expanded most of them from books).

 

I could never understand why things couldn't get sorted out so easily in real life as they were in books either and many a time wished that daily life could have clearly set out chapters and a more linear pattern of working things out and people definitely don't talk like they do in books either!! In books so many more things get asked and answered and dealt with

[dekra]

For me books were the friends I didn't have.

[Linnet]

Oh wow! Never found anyone else who did/does this...I guess it's quite a clever coping strategy for a child when you think about it, just not so useful as you get older!

 

Do you still find yourself thinking 'X character in Y novel did so-and-so, so it's OK for me to do the same...'??

 

Bid

 

I do exactly that and I don't seem to be growing out of it (I'm 47).

 

L x

[littleplum]

 

Maybe I was right as a child all long, I'm just not a person people like.

 

It would be easy to become paranoid about this, but for me this is the big mystery about AS. Why do I have no friends? I even find it hard to get a tradesman to come back and do a job around the house after he has met me.

 

Like some of the comments above, I tried to model myself on characters from fiction. For me, Sherlock Holmes and Jeeves had the greatest appeal. So I tended to use convoluted sentences containing big words. I still do that a bit but I do try to be 'normal' when I am talking to someone. It's almost as if NTs hear an inner voice telling them: "He's a bit weird, keep your distance."

 

I know aspies can go on ad nauseam about their favourite obsessions and this puts other people off. I am prone to this sometimes, but even when I am engaging in small talk, the effect seems to be the same. I am reasonably presentable. I don't use bad language. I maintain eye contact, listen, smile, nod, etc. In other words, I do feel I have mastered the mechanics of social interaction, but something clearly is missing.

 

Quite frankly, I am not that bothered about having friends at this time of my life. But I remain puzzled at how none of the people I met and liked over the years became friends.

[philipo]

These tests are a very good indicator but the asd/as/autisim thing covers a much wider range of behavuoirs likes/dislikes/responses.Being aware of what particular mix makes an individuak helps.Theres a thing about social mimicking for instance,but thats true for everybody in how we learn social behaviour and understand the world.I feel that my late dx would have been a lot earlier if there was more a focus on physical symptoms/responses.i think that it might be a dangerous course to concentrate on the purely 'physcological',and in many ways this thing of ignoring physical symptoms could easily lead to as asd'r being misdiagnosed with a 'mental illness'.

I like Clint Eastwood although I have problems with most film television cos its a reflection,not truthfull ,as in real,Fly on the wall stuff tv ,although real,is a turn off because its not real ,as in cameras intereferig with real life,irony?

I like visual portrayal of the story and think heavier scripts are for thin stories and more undeveloped(as in unreal/more unbeleivable)characters.

Love cartoon as it doesnt pretend to be real,can't stand soaps.I can relate more to the characters in Southpark and the Simpsons than in Corrie and eastenders.