smiley1590 Report post Posted September 4, 2011 i got into a car with someone who had been drinking don't know why i didn't say no in my head i wanted too but felt frozen to say anything i was really scared as he was driving fast it was my own fault i should have been more assertive my heart was in my mouth ! i don't know why i been so idiotic,stupid and foolish i am SO ANGRY upset with myself feel so ashamed don't get why couldn't be assertive and say NO it so easy to say! so why couldn't i JUST SAY IT! GRRRR.... not can't forget it! keep going over it in my head but learn't my lesson the hard way i learn't by this silly mistake! XKLX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cmuir Report post Posted September 4, 2011 Hi You've had a very close shave and thankfully you're still in one piece to tell the tale. I think you know that now and hopefully the feelings you had will resurface if you're ever in a similar situation again. The key is to learn from our mistakes (we all make them!). Caroline. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted September 4, 2011 i could cry about it just thinking about it! i can't understand why i did it! i was wreckless SO wrong! i feel sick to my stomach thinking about it! i was near enough having a panic attack in the car! i was shaking from head to toe! i WILL NEVER DO THIS AGAIN! don't know why i did in the first place was SO reckless and irresponsible! XKLX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tally Report post Posted September 4, 2011 Don't beat yourself up over this. Everyone makes mistakes and being assertive is extremely difficult. You did not get hurt. You have learned an important lesson. I don't think you will make the same mistake again after such a frightening experience. Maybe you could prepare in advance what you could say if a similar situation happens again. You might feel more confident if you know some things you can say. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted September 4, 2011 thanks for all your replies on this. it been brewing in my head since last night what if i'd said no situation but thing is i can't take it back or change what happened but suppose i know what to do in future why did i put myself in danger? i'm not excusing my irresponsibility and stupidity but could this be based about no sense of danger and impulse control ( A.S)? trying to find out why i didn't speak out i did say to him it be easier and quicker to walk there but he was insistent to drive but i shouldn't have been the passenger feel so guilty i'm battling with telling my parents but feel they can't make me feel as BAD guilty as much i already do i tripping over myself! i got a high buzz thrill from him driving fast in my head i was saying this is 'wrong' i shouldn't be in this car sitting here! i don't know if can easily forget or forgive myself why did i put myself in this dangerous position! i keep thinking what if we had crashed or hurt someone else on the road don't bear thinking about but all i can think about! yeah was frightening experience i wanted to scream 'STOP' why do i let myself be put in these situations i felt vulnerable but from start i should had SAID NO! the answer in simple staring me in the face now! i'm panicking as getting anxious/paranoid about the police coming to get me or finding out but it was one off mistake a mistake that i won't let happen again! i can't believe i let this happen freely! i feel such a BAD person i can't escape it always get caught in uncomfortable and awakard situations! being assertive more difficult/hard due to A.S? XKLX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted September 4, 2011 thanks for not judging me on this situation was scared panicking about posting on this but needed tell someone feel like all building up circling around in my head driving me mad crazy! thanks for your understanding and your helpful advice! XKLX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted September 4, 2011 why am i haunted by situations for so long which leaves a trail of destruction for ages like paranoia/anxiety feel like everyone after me ... out to get me! everything going to come crashing down upon me! i feel so depressed with myself over what happened last night! going take a long while to recover why did i put myself in firing line of harm,risk i can't make sense of it? isn't like me! i not good sense of character i ain't street wise and first time i met him through school friends mate now i'm worried! if someone got hurt by his driving don't know what i'd done i hadn't thought it through enough looking back did assess the situation fully but with me i jump all time isntead of taking my time to balancing up the situation first trying to predict situations is anyway this could be A.S related/connected? feel sick with worry /anxiety it making me ill as can't escape! feel like let my family down! feel like i enjoy destroying myself not in good way! all getting way too much! i'm sinking and fast! i can't justify my actions at all! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oxgirl Report post Posted September 4, 2011 At the end of the day, smiley, he was the one at fault for having driven after drinking. Yes, it was silly of you to get in the car with him, but you didn't commit a crime or anything and should let it go now. If he was insisting, it is hard to stand up to people and say no, especially when you are young, we've all been there. He was driving and was responsible for the safety of the vehicle and for you and he shouldn't have put you in that position. There's little to be gained from going over and over it now, it happened and you and he got away with it and all is well, so move on now and decide that you won't let it happen again, you'll stand firm and say no thanks, I'll walk. Perhaps you should talk to your parents about it, they might be able to reassure you and you might feel a weight off your mind if you do. ~ Mel ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tally Report post Posted September 4, 2011 I don't think you lack a sense of danger, because you did understand that it was dangerous. Your feelings all sounds completely normal. Many, many people make the same mistake. It is very difficult to be assertive. It doesn't make you a bad person. You have not committed a crime, so the police won't be after you. The driver did commit a crime, but if the police had seen him they would have pulled him over at the time. It might be a good idea to talk to your parents about what happened. Tell them you made a very silly decision and you feel really bad about it. If they know you already understand how dangerous it was, they might not give you a lecture about it. But sometimes that is what parents do anyway. They might be able to help you prepare things to say another time, so it could be very helpful to speak to them. There's no point going over and over it now because you can't change what happened. The best thing you can do is make sure it doesn't happen again. Then something positive will come from it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
littleplum Report post Posted September 5, 2011 trying to find out why i didn't speak out i did say to him it be easier and quicker to walk there but he was insistent to drive but i shouldn't have been the passenger feel so guilty i'm battling with telling my parents but feel they can't make me feel as BAD guilty as much i already do i tripping over myself! If it's any consolation, peer pressure eases as you get older. I can recall similar incidents from my younger days when I allowed myself to be bullied into uncomfortable situations simply because I could not stand up to the pressure. Everything changed when I learnt to use a very simple word more often. That word is 'No'. I got this from a self-help book - the only one I have ever found useful. It is called "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty" by Manuel Smith. Even if you never read it, the message is very simple. You are entitled to say 'no' to any suggestion, invitation, or command, without offering an explanation or justification. That is your right as a human being. It is our desire not to offend or be awkward that prevents us using it more often. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted September 7, 2011 i KNOW we didn't hurt anyone like run them over but keep THINKING we did why do i have these unreal thoughts? is it the guilt still eating me up? it keeps running through my head i feel like MURDERED someone! but know it ALL IN MY HEAD! XKLX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted September 7, 2011 do i keep reminding myself it ALL IN MY HEAD....??? and just my ANXIETY playing up?! XKLX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
littleplum Report post Posted September 9, 2011 ALL IN MY HEAD! That's the point smiley. It has no reality, but your mind keeps rewinding those events and you imagine what could have happened. But it did not. No one died. All is well. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
