shas Report post Posted November 27, 2011 Hi Well an sure i have aspergers, why am I fed up with being this way, i always read people wrong and then feel guilty,I am not interested in others, other than they have a use to me, ie, they are 2 friends who stop me being isolated and we go out together on trips etc. I often wish there was not two of me, the aspie person as the person who has to be differant in society . I work from home, so i do not have to cope with an office full of people, when i do have to go to our head office it is such a sham, I dislike, parties, family functions. Cannot be me. Cannot tell adult children, how can i tell them, i am not interested in them or theere children Advise would be great on coping. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
trekster Report post Posted November 28, 2011 i recommend the books 'the asperger personal guide' and 'how to be yourself in a world thats different'. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darkshine Report post Posted November 28, 2011 I have no useful answers, no dead certs at happiness, only ones that add to misery - but hope you find some (answers not misery). As far as I can tell there is no quick fix for these issues, its all about how you think it seems... Some therapies advocate kinda pretending things aren't an issue and then maybe one day they won't be... The word I love is incongruent Example I am talking to my neighbour, listening while they go on and on and on, they get upset and I stand there and say nice things, things to make them feel better, I pretend that I am so interested in whatever it is they are drivelling on about - they stop crying and thank me for being so kind and listening to them, and off they go smiling and continue their day. I am thinking "god I hate you, I don't care if I never see you again" and I'm also screaming inside my head... If I'm honest to them - the neighbour would be suicidal and angry. If I lie - the neighbour feels better. I don't think this an all round answer but acting, lying, faking it seems to be the part of the answer - doesn't take away the feelings inside though.... Oh and I believe acceptance is key too - having particular difficulty with this myself Best Darkshine Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shas Report post Posted November 29, 2011 i recommend the books 'the asperger personal guide' and 'how to be yourself in a world thats different'. Thanks for that Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shas Report post Posted November 29, 2011 I have no useful answers, no dead certs at happiness, only ones that add to misery - but hope you find some (answers not misery). As far as I can tell there is no quick fix for these issues, its all about how you think it seems... Some therapies advocate kinda pretending things aren't an issue and then maybe one day they won't be... The word I love is incongruent Example I am talking to my neighbour, listening while they go on and on and on, they get upset and I stand there and say nice things, things to make them feel better, I pretend that I am so interested in whatever it is they are drivelling on about - they stop crying and thank me for being so kind and listening to them, and off they go smiling and continue their day. I am thinking "god I hate you, I don't care if I never see you again" and I'm also screaming inside my head... If I'm honest to them - the neighbour would be suicidal and angry. If I lie - the neighbour feels better. I don't think this an all round answer but acting, lying, faking it seems to be the part of the answer - doesn't take away the feelings inside though.... Oh and I believe acceptance is key too - having particular difficulty with this myself Best Darkshine Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shas Report post Posted November 29, 2011 I do this, and its so terribly tiring Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darkshine Report post Posted November 29, 2011 I do this, and its so terribly tiring Very tiring isn't it? It used to be much worse for me, I still have these feelings quite strongly but years ago (teens and early 20's) I found it unbearable - I just could not understand what to do, say, how to be, how to cope with the difference between what is in my head and what comes out my mouth - the hardest lesson is learning what not to say, and I still mess up on this one quite regularly - maybe in another ten years it'll be almost easy and the feelings will have reduced I hope you find something that works for you or maybe people on here will come up with better coping strategies... could use some myself Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
butterfly73 Report post Posted December 14, 2011 I'm trying to redefine myself also.. For the world is more difficult to make sense of with AS, we learn thru the eyes of others and combine with our perception (thus also misconceptions!) my perception of myself is also coloured by the outside world.. not by me.. I am now trying to break loose of those view, which is highly difficult and draining.. I've noticed that listening to that inner voice (your intuition) is key in this! extra difficult for I tend to be analytical and...well, intuition has no reason at times.. just listen to it and dó! but I most definitly do not regret following my own path for a change! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darkshine Report post Posted December 14, 2011 I'm the other way around - I have to ignore my inner voice/intuition - or I never get anywhere Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
butterfly73 Report post Posted December 14, 2011 (edited) I'm the other way around - I have to ignore my inner voice/intuition - or I never get anywhere I don't mean my thoughts.. for my head is all over the place.. Edited December 14, 2011 by butterfly73 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darkshine Report post Posted December 15, 2011 Do you mean like a "gut instinct" or something? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
butterfly73 Report post Posted December 15, 2011 (edited) Do you mean like a "gut instinct" or something?Bingo.. also described as "that faint voice in the back of your head" or "I had an incling/hunch/feeling/..etc" thus not justifiable by reason, but you dó know.. In my eyes it has to do with the fact "we" are more sensitive to reading into stimuly others don't perceive as relevant, thus dismiss.. My best friend always knows a collegue is pregnant before anyone has told, without the morning visits to the toilet She really picks up on it somehow! I've been reading up on it.. and there are even several types of instinct/intuition, fitting with the senses.. (and no, I'm not talking paranormal stuff! though some people with AS might be even more susceptible to that..) Edited December 15, 2011 by butterfly73 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
trekster Report post Posted December 15, 2011 Thanks for that Thats OK and i hope it helps. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darkshine Report post Posted December 15, 2011 For me there's only very particular occasions where this is the case (inner voice or whatever) the rest of the time I ignore it as much as possible Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shas Report post Posted January 9, 2012 I used to ignore instinct and that special six sense and now i listen to it and it works for me, leaving me less stressed and less anxious. after all we are unique Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aeolienne Report post Posted April 22, 2012 (edited) Any excuse to show this awesome video, any excuse... Edited April 22, 2012 by Aeolienne Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
