true life stories.

[A-S warrior]

this is the place to share true life storys, i,ll be posting here often with mine.

 

im going to start with a nice gruesome one, so if your easily grossed out please dont read this, you wont like it.

 

 

 

ok just after i lost my virginity i was having a very tickley throat, my girlfriend at the time had the same problem. i was like uh oh spagetti o,s! she went down with tonsilitus and a couple of days later so did i. 3 days later she was over it, but me? haha nooooooo way, ive never been so ill. i thought i know! i,ll go to the gym and do some nice heavy lifting, i felt fine that night but when i woke up the pain in my thorat was just ridiculous. it was like my tonsils were being renched like a bolt about to sheer off. i had a very high fever and to make it worse my mother who is a nurse and the only one that could help me was in a caravan in france with no reception. now i never need my mum, but at this point i really did! i was in the house completely alone.

 

another day went by and the pain was just stupid, it was like swallowing bowling balls with needles stuck to them, and my tempreture was worse too. i was like ok lets find a shop open and get some throat lozengers (lol futile but i was desperate) i walked 5 miles to the shop and when i came back i rember watching a jet li movie and that made the pain worse, i was lying on the sofa thinking this is it, im not going to make it.

 

next day my girlfrend and i went for a walk round the woods to make me feel better, my tonsills were hurting so much i couldnt even feel them anymore and i had this weird slime on my tounge, my lymth nodes were swollen also. i was like im no doctor but i need medical attention right now, mum came home that night finally! and she booked me in for the doctors that morning.

 

that morning the pain had gone, i was like yay! i dont have to go to the doctors, then i looked at my throat. my tonsills were like two mutton joints and my uvula (that dangley but at the back of the throat) had tripled in size and was half way down my neck. i was swallowing my own uvula and my tonsils were chokoing me. got to the doctor and she diagnosed me with severe tonsilitus, uvulaitus and glandular fever. i had a 3 in 1 infection. she said ive never seen a throat so bad. i felt kind of special. she said if you left it another day you would of contracted quincy and you would of been in hospital on a drip, in short i could of died. i was on 1000mg of antibiotics a day for 10 days. i had to take them 4 times a day.

 

so the lesson here is if you have a slight tickle in your throat, dont ignore it!

 

 

hope you enjoyed my first installment of true life storys, please do share yours!

 

peace out.

Edited March 31, 2012 by A-S warrior

[darkshine]

I'm honestly pml at the first line of your story - oh my god what a way to start (that lol is not big enough as an emoticon to describe how much I'm laughing).

 

Cool story though - I might post one later

[A-S warrior]

I'm honestly pml at the first line of your story - oh my god what a way to start (that lol is not big enough as an emoticon to describe how much I'm laughing).

 

Cool story though - I might post one later

 

well i have to keep my audience intrested, i thought about not mentioning it but then i thought ha! lets get down and dirty. wouldnt be a true life story otherwise.

[darkshine]

Honestly, it was so funny, its still making me smile again now that I'm replying here again - a good hook line

 

I got a story...

 

Ok, just after I lost my virginity.... just joking sorry - its still f****ng funny!!!

 

Once, I was about 8 I think, and I was waiting in the car with my mum for my dad to get back to the car, and it was taking forever. I was sitting in the back behind the passenger seat and I was getting really agitated so I was putting the electric windows up and down, and kicking the back of the seat and moaning so my mum told me off, and then I got angry and decided to put my head between the poles on the head rest.

 

Obviously it got stuck and made me panic and start howling, my mum was peeing herself laughing and had to get a passer-by to help get it off, he did and was quite nice about it. I didn't speak to my parents for the rest of the day because the rest of the time we waited my mum laughed and then she was laughing so much she couldn't drive so my dad had to.

 

It's so funny now but it really wasn't at the time - I did that sort of thing quite a lot

Edited March 31, 2012 by darkshine

[A-S warrior]

I got a story...

 

Ok, just after I lost my virginity....

 

 

oh please do tell lol,

 

if that was me i would of really had a go at my mother, im pissed of and now my head is stuck. dont laugh at me!

 

btw i would go into deep detail on the first line of my story but the moderating team would have an epileptic fit.

[darkshine]

I did have a go at my mum - but she just laughed more!!!

 

I must have looked very angry, indignant and stupid - it was my fault so I did forgive her the next day - and I would have laughed too if someone else had done it

 

I think your pre-tonsilitus sex would be great reading (could you even breathe?) but probably best not to... I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be appropriate for some of the younger members of the forum... (I'm so responsible)

[A-S warrior]

ok i have another story to share,

 

entry no 2. the football match,

 

 

ok so its 2001, im an 11 year old boy and i finally get a place on my school football team. now i was quite a good little footballer, i hit awsome free kicks and long range crosses. always a handy team player.

 

except today.....

 

 

in the first 5 minutes of the match, a cross came in and i had a striker marked. the ball came in hit me in the face and went into the back of my own net. so only 5 mins played and ive scored an own goal already.

 

then i had a chance to bring it back to 1 all, i had a shot at goal but i got under it too much and went 50 feet over the bar, seriously you could of stacked 4 goals on top of that one and i still would of missed.

 

i had a chance when we were awarded a free kick just outside the box, i hit it well but i put a bit too much spin on it and curled just past the post.

 

apart from a few corners that was as good as it got for me, i took a throw in and put too much nervous energy behind it and ended up throwing it to the other side of the pitch.

 

this was a disastrous maiden match for me.

 

i then went in for a bad tackle and gave away a penalty, we then went 4-0 down and i just wanted to cry.

 

i then had another wild shot at goal that went 40 feet wide and that was it, final whistle and i was crushed, so crushed i never really played football again.

[A-S warrior]

I did have a go at my mum - but she just laughed more!!!

 

I must have looked very angry, indignant and stupid - it was my fault so I did forgive her the next day - and I would have laughed too if someone else had done it

 

I think your pre-tonsilitus sex would be great reading (could you even breathe?) but probably best not to... I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be appropriate for some of the younger members of the forum... (I'm so responsible)

 

 

the day i went to get my antibiotics i couldnt even talk, my voice had gone and my breathing was in danger, all that from a sweet inocent girl.

[darkshine]

not that sweet

 

Shame about your match when you were a kid, I had a similar thing happen when I played kwik cricket - can't wait to see if anyone else posts some more stories too

[A-S warrior]

not that sweet

 

Shame about your match when you were a kid, I had a similar thing happen when I played kwik cricket - can't wait to see if anyone else posts some more stories too

 

 

hopefully, but this forum is full of shy pepole, i swear me and you could run this place. were the only ones that follow every topic we post on.

[darkshine]

hopefully, but this forum is full of shy pepole, i swear me and you could run this place. were the only ones that follow every topic we post on.

I wouldn't want to run anything lol

 

It's been quiet on here the last couple of months, but I guess there's only so much people can say or they'd repeat themselves a lot - I hadn't noticed about who follows what though, I set mine that way in the options cuz otherwise I would have to manually check for replies and I'd keep losing stuff.

 

I have noticed that there's often high numbers of guests but never that many logged in - don't know why - I don't give it much thought about why.

 

But since you brought it up I am now wondering why.....

[A-S warrior]

i follow anonymously, so i can tell if pepole are talking smack about me or not, then i can come in and destroy them lol.

 

also yeah i could be in deep debate and forget the topic i was on.

[darkshine]

How did you follow anonymously? (I didn't know I could)

[A-S warrior]

How did you follow anonymously? (I didn't know I could)

 

theres a box you can click on in the pop up when you click the follow this topic icon. its the bottom one that says follow anonymously click it and your identity is secret

[darkshine]

Clever unfortunately I never realise these things til later - I just live obliviously most of the time with new stuff and then later on I'm like "oh yeah - you can do things different!" and I'm totally surprised and stuff

 

I might as well keep it like it is now - but at least I know I have other options!!

 

(Like I said before - I got mine set-up through the settings page so it does it automatically to every post I reply to - that way I never have to think about it - the wonderful forum just does it for me)

[LancsLad]

Will throw one in for embarrasment.

 

Whe I was 21 I was at teacher training college and shared a room with my girlfriend, who I am still with as a side point.

 

On a Sunday evening I finished doing my preperation work for the next day at school and put my bag down on the floor and next to a chair where my girlfriend was finishing off the ironing. The next morning following breakfast I threw my coat into my school bag and went to my teaching placement in Thamesmead, London a pretty rough area. The first lesson of the day I was with a year 10, 14/15 year olds mainly boys, in a design lesson and was being observed by my tutor from the college. About half way through me doing a demonstration with the group one of them asked me a couple of questions and I knew I had some examples which would be usefull in my teaching practice file. I went and got my school bag and pulled out my jacket so I could get to my file only to see two lace bras and about 4 pairs of knickers come out onto the table in front of the group. In hidsight they must have fell of the ironing pile on the chair and into my open bag back in my room.

 

What followed was a group discussion on whether these were my things or was it some sort of trophy collection from the weekend. I managed to convince the group that they were in fact too small to fit me with the support of the few girls in the group. My tutor said he wished he had had a camera as it was about the only time he had ever seen me phased by anything in the two years he had known me. The lesson finished more or less ok. When it came to dinner time I went into the school canteen to be met by a bank of wolf whistles which simply carried on for about another 5 weeks untill the end of the placement.

 

Would say this is one of the more embarassing things which has happened to me.

[A-S warrior]

one of those moments lancslad were you feel nothing but defeat, not even the coolest customer in the world could explain that. i would of just said im very popular and women throw themselves at me, would any of you students like a lesson on it?

[A-S warrior]

entry no. 3 my cousin and his love affair with the jager bombs.

 

 

ok june 2011 now,

 

me and my cousin jet off to spain for my uncles 40th birthday, so its me, the cuz and my uncle. we get there and we are greeted with 40 degree heat. anyway cut a long story short, my cousin the night before got very drunk and layed off the alchool for most of the day, he diddnt apply sun cream and was badly burnt. so we hit a bar, its early evening its getting nice and cool im feeling great, got an awsome tan and was wearing a white t shirt (witch made my tan look better) and my arms looked nice and pumped up, and had a nice haircut. (this was one of those times were everything about you flows together and your glad to be you) my cousin on the other hand was so so red he looked like postbox, and every move he made was agony. so dehydrated he orders a glass of water, good move so far. then the barman trys to tempt him into something stronger, im like oh here we go, but not even i was ready for what he was about to order, the barman says vodka and orange is good for sun burn, so we order the round, i say lime cider please, uncle orders somekind of beer then my cousin says jager bomb please, bear in mind this is what pepole drink after a few pints on a heavy night, and usually only 1 or 2. he downs that one then hes strait to the bar for another 1. downs that 1 and then another. so picture this, he,s sunburnt, severly dehydrated and now necking jager bombs. oh and he hasnt eaten all day, then to another bar and his jager bomb cruise continues, until the barmaid refuses to serve him. so now were calling it a night, cousin necked 15 jager bombs in total and is wasted, im half buzzed but i was eating like 4 times a day in resturants and cooking food at the villa as well. and uncle is so used to alchool consumption hes no different. we get back to the villa, and i shed a tear as i was missing my girlfriend at the time and it was so quiet at that time of day all you could here was crickets. but my tears soon turned to laughter, all of a sudden i hear BLAAAAAAAHHH!!!!! splat. i was like what was that? then i hear it again and i was like uh oh thats my cousin blowing chunks, my uncle is laughing histerically at him and so am i. it went on for hours blaaaaaaaaaaah! ahhhuurahhhh! splat. the sounds he was making was so funny. and it was all tile flooring so the splat of the chunks on the tiles echoed throughout the villa. this carryed on till 7am until he eventually collapsed by the toilet. i got up at 10 am and had to make my breakfast, and were not talking frosties and toast, i have epic bodybuilding breakfasts. i was making an egg white omlette 6 whites 4 whole, with 3 chicken breasts and 2 bowls of oatmeal. im eating all this on the dinning table, and about 2 foot away from me my cousin is lying in his collapesd state by the toilet, (the kitchen and the toilet were next to each other) and hes stairing at me not looking very happy, and i just say jager bomb?

 

pretty pointless post that will mean nothing to the person reading it but it killed 10 mins for me and brought back some found memoerys.

 

will be back soon with more real life storys.

[darkshine]

That is simultaneously gross and hilarious

 

I have a sick phobia - if anyone's gonna puke you won't see me for dust...

[A-S warrior]

I have a sick phobia -

 

is that a real condition? lol

[darkshine]

Its a real phobia lol I checked once and there's even a name for it - this works on the assumption that something having a name makes it real

[darkshine]

A google search later...

 

Its called emetophobia

[A-S warrior]

entry 4 the beggining of the A-S.

 

so its 1996, and ive just finished my first year of school, i was a good boy, a sweet boy and i rember very clearly saying to myself, next year, im going to turn bad. and i did. i started hanging around in a mischiefious group, and we started stealing sweets from the teachers draws, brining in lighters to school and trying to set fire to trees, climbing over the school gate and running around in the streets, swearing at the head teacher, smashing windows, cloging up toilets with text books, vandilising stationary, not doing anywork, laughing when teachers shouted at us, throwing around tables and chairs, writing on the wall with perment marker pens, etc. all i can say is, it was fun at the time. it was like that until i left. i was kept locked up like a caged lion at break times, and had my own section of the class room. does any of this sound famillar? public schools just cant cope with a-s children.

[LancsLad]

I will throw in one of my school stories which had a bit of 'legendary' staus in my school. I know this because when I was an adult once and mentioned the school I went to to a group of people having a social drink I had only met through another individual, it was retold to me, which was a bit strange. It also has elements of my autistic side in it.

 

Firstly A-S Warrior our schools were somewhat different as I went to what was an old secondary modern in a pretty rough corner of a norther industrial town. All my schools have one thing in common they have all now been closed down, which might not be a bad thing.

 

The story starts on a winters lunch time with about a foot of snow on the school fields I am aged 13. About a dozen of me and my mates were linned up snow balls in hand looking at a battered green door some distance away. The game was simple next kid through the door gets it with a bombardment of snow balls and you get a point for a hit. As the game had progressed we had backed away to make it more difficult. At that point I was as I remember in a disputed second place, which I was not happy about because I played in the town cricket team and had a reputaion as a pretty good fielder, as a result I was focused very focused. The door opened and out stepped a teacher. Now there are teachers and there are teachers, this one happened to be the head of PE and in his other role a professional rugby leauge player who played second row for Great Britain. I simply let go and watched as two snow balls went towards the target. I glanced to my side thinking where the hell are all the other snow balls to see the majority of my mates running like hell towards the playground. I turned to see one hit him smack in the middle of his chest the other the best face shot I have ever witnessed. For some reason me and my scally mate and partner in crime just stood there. It is still disputed to this day who threw which snow ball, I still claim mine was the one to the chest because the head shot would have missed a regular kid and I would never have thrown that high.

 

The next stage of the story sees us linned outside the gym ready to go in for a slippering. This was a well known device the split golosha which had seen much service over the years. My mate asked who was going first I volountered to take the lead as per normal. Half way down the line the teacher half missed one miscreant and asked 'did that hurt son' to which there was a shreeked reply 'yes sir'. This conversation was repeated a few times and my mate said 'go on wind him up' I asked him was he in on it as well which he said 'yes'. I stepped forwards bent over and got a pretty hard whack across my backside 'did that hurt son', I paused and replied 'no not really'. A heavy hand pushed me back into position and I can hear the air being broken by said piece of footware even now 'no not too sure' was the next response this folowed for about half dozen more goes and I knew I had a ragging bull behind me. Eventually my name was recognised with a loud '######'. I stood which was not easy and winked at my mate thinking now your turn go for the kill. He bent over got hit and was asked 'did that hurt son' to which his answer was 'oh ye not arf it ###### kilt sir'. I could not believe it how could my best mate do this to me. His response once clear of the gym doors was 'you are a right dick head you are'.

 

The next point was going to get an afternoon registration mark and wanting to go to the toilets to check the damage. I was reminded that was not a good idea as we had maths and the teacher the head of department who had taken our set because no one else could handle us was a right little facsist. I went into the lesson and was stood behind my desk. It was one of those times when everyone was excited because they knew what had been happening but when the staff havn't got a clue. The class is told to sit down and I remain standing. The teacher tells me dirrectly to sit down, my response was 'if you don't mind sir can I do the lesson standing up', I get told sit down. This goes on a few times, then the urge to see how much damage has ben done I do the inevitable, I truned around dropped my pants with the call 'you want to see my ###### ######'. Once the screams of hysteria die down I find myself outside the headmasters office.

 

The good thing now is I am allowed to stand, what follows was about a 20 minute discussion with myself over do I get my ###### out agin or not, what's the best strategy. I draw my own conclusion and when the green light comes on outside the door I crash through and get in the first words in 'do you want me to get my ###### out or not headmaster'. In honouring the values of justice we have in this country I get canned once for 'removing my trousers in a lesson' as is written in the school record book. This is of course a complete lie they only got as far as my knees. The concesion was granted to me that I was canned across my right hand, the headmaster recognising my plea as a left hander 'its been one of those days I don't want to come back agin for not doing my work'.

 

Justice was served of course on the way home as I was mobbed in the park for my antics. These days I would be back in the headmasters office the next day because pictures of my bruised ###### would have been all over face book. Fortunatly they were not.

 

Me and the head of PE had our run ins forever after that incident, we had a few before it to be honest. Some he won others I came out on top memorably hitting him for 20 runs in an over in the staff pupil cricket match, the last six going through the window of the head of Geographys classroom with a massive crash, doesn't get much better than that to be honest.

 

When I was about 28 I was sitting at a cricket ground watching a match when I saw the same man on the other side of the boundary and I though 'oh ######'. He walked around and I thought he did not recognise me but he came and sat down besides me and my partner. He said hi using my first name and asked me about why i was not playing. He then talked about how good he thought I had been at sport and that he felt I always had the temprement and attitude to really make it with my cycling which he knew about. I told him I had given up on it whilst away at college and was getting too old now, he seemed disapointed in my response. He asked me did I fancy a pint, I said no thanks and he shook my hand and walked away. My partner asked who was he, he seemed really nice.

 

I saw him again this year on TV in a Legends parade at the opening of a new stadium. He looked an old man, somewhat out of sorts and even a bit frail. In all honesty I was concerned for his health.

 

The headteacher and me always had a love hate relationship throughout school, I was in trouble for truancy a lot between the ages of 14 and 16 and some teachers refused to teach me. Despite this he convinced me to join in with his pet project a sixth form which was in its infancy and as a result despite continuing issues I was the first person from the school to go to university. He changed jobs whilst I was away at university and a job in his new school became available. I was not too sure about applying the only reason not to because he knew all about where I had come from and what I was like in many ways. As I was out of work and doing supply I thought what the hell. When I walked into the room for the interview his words were 'can you please take a seat Mr ........., but if you prefare to stand for any reason thats fine as well' I smilled and said 'no sitting will be ok this time', I knew I had the job even before the first question came. Funny how things come around in life.

[A-S warrior]

noticed you wernt scared about getting your ass kicked, im an advocate for cricket myself, if my old p.e teacher approached me, i would bowl an over of snorting bouncers at him. when there was a batsman i diddnt like i would say to myself, 'aim for the heart'', or 'smash his teeth out'. i havent played cricket since early last year and that was just 2 matches, i have other commitments, and we all know what they are. i was nicknamed freddie actully by a former club, my father always said i have a bowling action like flintoff, so i assume that was the reason. i love cricket but my love for sweating it out in a torcher chamber creating a monster became stonger. i had a love hate relationship with my head teacher to, we were alot like topcat and officer dibble, it was nice at the end when i eventully left school for the last time he we had a gentlemanly handshake. must of been emotional for him to see me walk in as a 12 year old kid, with a skateboard long hair and a fluffy moustache, and see me leave on the verge of becoming a man. funny, i couldnt wait to get out of school, and all year ive been paying to attend a gcse maths course. funny how life does that too you.

[LancsLad]

I have played cricket with Andrew Flintoff. I played for the same club as his dad does and despite him dropping that famous six on the TV that his son hit straight at him he is a pretty reasonable cricketer. Andrew would come along to play in games to raise money for club funds sort of stuff and he would invariably end up keeping wicket and batting down the order in an attempt to try and save a few cricket balls. 'Freddie' off the pitch and away from the spotlight is one of the nicest guys youll ever come across. The funny thing is that Chris his brother was always thought to be the better player in their junior days. When Chris comes home and you get the two of them together on a pitch the level of competition between them is unbelievable.

 

Personally I havn't played cricket for some years now though I still watch the game on TV. The Lancashire team who won the County Championship last year contains some of the lads I coached when they were U13's and you could see the potential in them then. I guess as I have got older I will have gone past that stage now where you are loosing it and struggling to play at a previous standard and as such its something I might think about having a go at in the future for a bit of fun. I know the desire is still there as I have a hand made Andrew Kember bat the guy who owns the Salix bat making company, he makes a lot of bats for top players and the simply put brand stickers on them depending on their sponsorship deals. Each year I give it a gentle oiling to stop it gettting too dry and for a few minutes it feels like there are still a few runs in it yet.

 

I have come across a few bowlers with your attitude A-S Warrior in the past as a result I have a couple of missing teeth both from hooking a top edge into my face. The best fast bowler I have faced was Ian Bishop when I was at University and playing in the Kent cup for my club. Bishop was the new fast thing in the West Indies set up and had come across to play club cricket as an 19 year old to get accustomed to the conditions prior to touring the following year. I opened the batting against him basically because no one else would. As I took my guard I could not believe how far back the keeper was, I asked him are you sure you want to be that far back his reply told me everything 'i'm sure'. I didn't really see the first three balls as they whistled past me. The fourth one I managed to pick up from above the sight screen and got a bat behind it. The fith one I knicked off to third slip who took a brilliant catch. We ended up bowled out for 17. I think Bishop got 8 for 4 and that was an edged boundary. He came up to me and said I looked like the only one out there who could hold a bat and wasn't scared of him, I was unlucky as it had been a good catch. I told him I wasn't scared but it might help if I had seen the ball. The truth was I was glad to get out of there in one piece to be honest.

 

Happy memories.

[Special_talent123]

i got a funny story to tell ever since my mum told me i never forgotten it- when i was a toddler i would climb out of my cot and go and get the wet wipes and pulled out all the clothes in the wardrobe and smeared it all over the clothes now you got to laugh there!

[A-S warrior]

lancs your post makes me want to get back into my whites, i rember my father telling me about ian bishop. id love to play cricket in the caribbean, all those hard and cracked pitches oooo yes. the problem with my game was my batting was terrible, i couldnt even hold a bat, if i got runs it was by accident. the only reason i probably wouldnt want to go back was i dont like standing at backward point for 4 hours being sunburned, i would bowl my alotted 6 overs and then i would either be at 2nd slip or backward point, loved 2nd slip, hated backward point.

[A-S warrior]

oh and slightly jelous that you,ve met freddie, i have a framed picture of him from the 2005 ashes, and it has a piece of his shirt on it.