puberty difficulties

[musiq]

Hi.

 

New to forum.

My partners son is ten and has autism. My partner lives abroad with her son so i am not permanently with them. He does not have speech ability, so communication is sometimes difficult although he does understand speech and commands. He is well developed for his years and has recently started signs of puberty. (Apologies if i am being too graphic but i don't know how else to put it). About a year ago he started touching his genitals. In the last month my partner says he is doing this daily and has found him to have masturbated on occasions. My partner tries to deter him from doing so but he is becoming aggressive when she tries to stop him. Obviously all males go through this experience but we both feel he is too young to be participating in such activity. Further, my partner is worried that he will engage in such activity when they are in public and is worried about the consequences. I would appreciate hearing any other members experiences, tips, suggestions etc of effective measures to try and manage or stop such activity. I would also be interested in hearing of experiences of those parents who have gone through the whole of puberty/adulthood with their children and how they have dealt with this issue. Both myself and my partner are very concerned about this and the problems it presents and would appreciate your comments.

Many thanks.

[LancsLad]

Rather than repeat myself and to get other opinions have a look at the post;

 

Very sensitive, please help by Adamsmum it is in the advice and help section from a couple or so weeks ago.

[A-S warrior]

this is completley normal i dont get it, why would you try and prevent it? id get angry too lol

[oxgirl]

Hi musiq, this behaviour is, as you say, very normal in lads, but your partner's boy needs to learn that there is a time and a place. I don't think that 10 is too young, personally, it sounds as if he is just exploring his body and experimenting. What I would do if he were to start this behaviour, would be to gently but firmly guide him to his room where he can continue in private. Maybe if he is taken to his room enough times, then he will learn that his room is the place for doing this and nowhere else. Of course, you wouldn't want him to do this in public, but I think it will just lead to frustration if your partner tries to prevent him from doing it altogether.

 

~ Mel ~

[JeanneA]

I agree with everything Mel has said as that is what I did with my son Glen, I guided him to his room and it worked, never stop him from doing what is natural but there is a time and a place and his bedroom is definitely the best place. My son was only about 11 when puberty started.

[musiq]

Hi.

 

Thanks for your comments. I will check previous post. My partners mum has suggested as you mention. Obviously this is natural behavior but i was thinking he was slightly too young to be starting this but maybe not from your comments. I realize every child is different so maybe its time for him. As you say trying to stop this behavior like anything else he may do causes frustration so i will ask my partner to experiment with this course of action.

 

Many thanks.

[naelith]

Hi

 

I havent posted on the forum before but I have had this problem from a much younger age. I thought I'd let you know how we handled it.

 

My son did this everywhere as he 'liked the way it felt' and the best way we found of dealing with it was to explain to him that it was a natural thing to do but that it was also a private thing to do. Every time we saw it happening we just gently asked that he go and do it in the privacy of his bedroom as it wasnt an acceptable thing

to do in front of other people.

 

It took a while (about a year of constant reminders if i remember rightly) but he eventually stopped doing it in public. I have no idea if he still does it in private and if I'm honest I dont need to know that so as long as it isnt happening in public I am fine with that.

 

Also we did find out that some of it was caused because his underwear felt 'funny' and we changed the type he wore to snug boxer shorts. This seemed to help a bit.

[oxgirl]

Another thing to keep in mind is that when the pubic hair starts to come through and things start happening 'down there', then it can be extremely itchy and uncomfortable. I remember, actually, that before my lad actually starting showing any signs of puberty he would constantly grab his trousers and pull them away from him and was constantly wriggling around and was in obvious discomfort in that area. I was told it was a sign of puberty beginning. He just couldn't sit still around this time, was continually pulling at himself so it must have been very itchy.

 

~ Mel ~

[musiq]

Hi.

 

Thanks for your additional comments. The 'itchy' scenario makes sense - i think my partner has started using boxers as well. These would probably provide less irritation as well, particularly in a hot climate where they live. As you suggest, perseverance is the key and maybe as in your experience it will take time to effectively manage the situation.

 

Many thanks.