Adult Aspergers ?

[Sa Skimrande]

Why is there very little in terms of communication, web forums and such for adults who strangely have Asperger's Syndrome ?

 

Because we are out here alone and often unrecognised with no help from anyone let alone the medical services who tell us there is not the funding so there I take it, not the interest .

 

Does it not occur adult aspies are being let down badly by this attitude and so many of us struggle daily with depressive illnesses caused by our total lack of understanding of the world we live in, because there is not the behavioural therapy to change our ways of attempting to cope with living and it is with many adult aspies, well adult aspies feature as a worryingly high statistic in suicide instances.

 

Yes, many of us received diagnosis of asperger's syndrome in later life, a bitter sweet episode in our existence, sweet because it gives reason to all those failures, but bitter is that no one can or will help us, we are condemned.

 

And if we are unemployed to start with the diagnosis does not help at all and even the job centre usually so keen to smash square pegs into round holes loses interest.

 

So what of it, are other adults with this curse feeling the same and can anyone answer my question with less cynicism ?

 

 

( Of course I do understand there are many an aspie that has gone on to live fulfilling lives and even excelled far above all others, but they are the lucky ones in that they found their niche where they thrived, but how many of them compared to the one's that failed )

Edited June 20, 2012 by Sa Skimrande

[robert7111a]

Hello Sa Skimrande

 

I had the same thoughts as you and was so pleased when I found this forum. There are a lot of interesting, knowledgable people on here all at different positions on the spectrum

 

Read through the topics that interest you and as one famous member on this forum puts it, "AS should not be seen as a curse but rather as a gift" (you know who you are... :lol:)

 

I myself have not sought a diagnosis for reasons I shall not disclose due to irrelevance to this thread but AS is a relatively "new" diagnosis and sadly, there are many professionals that put it down to "hysteria" or whatever: i.e. AS is just not taken seriously. This may be because for some, people can live relatively normal lives and hold down jobs etc, but for others, normal living is just a complete nightmare and proper help is just not forthcoming.

 

But then it is the same all round in the healthcare and caring professions.

 

Hope you can find solice from this forum

I love this forum and have got to know a few people on here through regular posting etc

[Sa Skimrande]

I agree AS can be a gift, people have been telling me for years what I can do, my special interest, I am gifted at it and indeed the rdos aspie test had me as gifted in that special interest, but the trouble is I don't believe it or perhaps because of what I do is so easy to me I see it as mundane.

 

And this is the cruxt of my present difficulties, pronounced unemployable by the Joke centre I am stuck on benefits and feeling very threatened by what governs this country, a threat which actually manifests at times as raw panic, so now I keep myself away from media to save myself the unwelcome stimulus to fly off the handle, no tv, I smashed the decoder one day in a fit of anger and no radio or newspapers.

 

It is also because of the threat from government and the manipulated public hatred for scroungers I have been ideating suicide, but I have but one hope left, the hope I can somehow get out of my cyclic reactionary thinking and actually believe in my abilities to start my own business.

 

Start my own business yes, because I am constantly being asked to make all sorts of things not available in the shops and repair items that industry finds it uneconomical to repair, but I am not in business, I am a lazy scrounger I can't get moving.

 

The Job centre is impressed I keep getting inquiries from people who want me to create again and repair stuff and so offer the business help, but what I need is the emotional help which is so far not forthcoming because adults with asperger's syndrome don't exist as far as the medical profession is concerned in the UK.

 

How many more people are there like me in this country, how many gifted people are wasting their gifts to society because society doesn't care or perhaps it does, but it is all a question of money because only money motivates the majority, care is just an ideal and a vehicle to obtain money.

[trekster]

As DSM-V is likely to replace 'asperger syndrome/aspergers disorder" with Autism Spectrum (unsure if it is going to be Disorder or Condition but prefer Disorder or disability personally), then i prefer to use autism and autistic as umbrella terms for both. After all this is the Asperger and ASD UK online forum.

 

About 8 years after my diagnosis i got so lonely and depressed (despite having RL autistic friends) that from my university room i looked up "autism + university". i came across the 'Autuniv' list (now sadly gone but was replaced by another 2) which was for past, present and future autistic students. From that list i discovered 'autscape chat', 'gfcfrecipies yahoo forum' (now a moderator), this forum via a friend and a few other forums for some time now.

 

Aspergers/autism forums do exist on a variety of subjects. I've even been a member of 'aspie village'.

 

https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=aspergers+%2B+forums&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-GB:official&client=firefox-a

Google search results on Aspergers + forums.

[robert7111a]

Sa Skimrande, have you received an "official" diagnosis? Is this the reason you are on benefits because you cannot get employment due to having a diagnosis of AS?

 

If so, then I cannot imagine what it must be like and for me, this is enough for me to "not" get a diagnosis. The world is very discriminary these days. But then if I am unfortunate enough to lose my job (which is certainly possible), then I will probably feel very, very vulnerable and let my AS traits get to me. Nobody would want to employ me at my age

 

But there are people on this forum in exactly your position (and worse) and therefore hope you can learn/find solice from them

 

This forum is a great sounding/listening board...

[Sa Skimrande]

Firstly the DSM exists for clinicians and drug companies it is of no use whatsoever for anyone else as it does not heal our circumstance and what do clinicians know, are they AS or just people who think they know what it is like with this kind of thinking ?

 

Yes, I have received an official diagnosis of mild aspergers or as a psychiatrist put it mild autism, but the latter what was he on, was he drunk , on drugs or what, because I simply fail to see how he came by anything, but he was there to prove the psychologist that diagnosed through observation and testing, unless what he did was a formality because NHS don't recognise private testing although the psychologist was a consultant to the NHS.

 

I have since received yet another indication from another psychiatrist who asked me why in an hour of conversation I failed to meet his eye to which I said I am more comfortable not to as I will stare and I know people find that offensive.

 

Unemployed yes and the joke centre admit it is unlikely for me to find satisfying work with that diagnosis unless an employer is specifically looking for what skills I have and does not mind how odd I can be. That is my ideal situation is a wage where I am not worrying all the time so I may focus and I am frugal with my living costs, so I am not asking much, but a situation where I have some control, not of people, but what I do and am free to experiment without affecting production. I have had such situations in the past and my claim to fame is managing to create an average of 35K profit over five years out of an area of business that previously was a loss, in fact it cost 10k a year to run, so in effect I covered the cost of that and still made profit in a place others before could not dream of and other areas of the business I enhanced to the position nothing we had broke down and if it did I could trace the fault to user error of which they paid for because I consider all angles of failure and guard against. Even training I went to lengths to train everyone to use the equipment properly, not the manufacturer stuff as I found that lacking, I trained people based on my own knowledge through understanding fully.

 

I know what I can do, I know what I am capable of but business loses as I do, their loss is mine, I am unemployed, a statistic and businesses fail through staff that are not committed, an employer makes me an important member of the team where my input is valued they get everything from me, but what businesses do that now what information can joke centres convey, they are clueless, just button pushers and form fillers, they have no idea.

 

I am 44 over the hill by many business mentalities, but they can have that mentality because it is an employers market.

 

But I am currently destroyed by generalised anxiety disorder and it's associated depression, I find it very hard to focus on anything other than self destruction, even my one outing per week to a class I enjoy has hit me hard recently to the point I again consider to quit because I am the wrong gender and social discrimination is permitted in the uk ( lower case because that is all it's worth), no laws in place to prevent, so nothing I can do about it except put up and shut up and live a life diminished.

 

Being single of course there is no sounding board that is why forums like this get the brunt of my built up negative thought.

 

You have my apologies for what they matter.

[trekster]

One of the best clinicians I've met is on the spectrum themselves. A different clinician diagnosed me but at the time 'delayed imitation' type autistics weren't recognised to an extent they still aren't recognised. Ordering the same meal in the same cafe at the same time but then standing there trying to think of an alternative when that same meal is unavaliable (before walking out after people rush you) is a simple example of 'delayed imitation'. Diagnosticians generally dont understand this spectrum subtype and so our 'apparent independence disguses our hidden disability'.

 

i also avoid eye contact so i dont accidentally stare.

 

i was told 'there is next to no chance of finding work in your situation' by the disability employment advisor in my job centre. i havent found a paid job in the past so im hoping volunteering work will help me for now.

 

i've had at least 1 breakdown and my mental health wouldnt be able to cope with working either. Considering there are 4 genders it is impossible to be the wrong gender. However having the body of one and wishing you were another does sound like transsexuality which is neither wrong nor right, there are transsexual communities and spectrummies attend those communities.

 

Have natural or prescribed anti anxiety remedies helped you in the past? Could self help books work? Would avoiding gluten and casein help? There are books on sexuality and autism out there as well.

[Mike_GX101]

I have found certain people to be of real help when it comes to Asperger's - they are really supportive and I feel they actually want to help.

 

However, out there in the real world, away from the Oasis created by those helpful people is something far less forgiving. When I found out about Asperger's because apparently I had asperger-like tendencies which I could not argue against, I felt elation at having a reason validating why I am the way I am. I felt at last I would be able to cope with the world.

 

Sadly it isn't all sweet roses and butterflies and I get the cold-shoulder a lot by many people who really should know better given the positions of Authority they're in. It is sad when people are like that, not to mention the put-downs and the general feeling that those people seem to want me to live a life in total solitude never getting the chance to actually getting into a relationship with anyone - that's perhaps the biggest frustration of all!!

 

To have a syndrome that puts up barriers and then having a system that deters you from ever overcoming those barriers and reaching out to someone you like is just plain wrong. Surely the system should be working with us to help us live proper normal lives and to integrate better with those around us instead of the other way around?!?

Edited July 1, 2012 by Mike_GX101

[Sa Skimrande]

One of the best clinicians I've met is on the spectrum themselves. A different clinician diagnosed me but at the time 'delayed imitation' type autistics weren't recognised to an extent they still aren't recognised. Ordering the same meal in the same cafe at the same time but then standing there trying to think of an alternative when that same meal is unavaliable (before walking out after people rush you) is a simple example of 'delayed imitation'. Diagnosticians generally dont understand this spectrum subtype and so our 'apparent independence disguses our hidden disability'.

 

i also avoid eye contact so i dont accidentally stare.

 

i was told 'there is next to no chance of finding work in your situation' by the disability employment advisor in my job centre. i havent found a paid job in the past so im hoping volunteering work will help me for now.

 

i've had at least 1 breakdown and my mental health wouldnt be able to cope with working either. Considering there are 4 genders it is impossible to be the wrong gender. However having the body of one and wishing you were another does sound like transsexuality which is neither wrong nor right, there are transsexual communities and spectrummies attend those communities.

 

Have natural or prescribed anti anxiety remedies helped you in the past? Could self help books work? Would avoiding gluten and casein help? There are books on sexuality and autism out there as well.

 

 

So much of what you have said rings true with me, and particularly the given a choice or it's not available scenario sends me into panic mode as I start weighing up the pros and cons of the situation which takes time and I annoy people with my indecisiveness and when I have finally chosen I am still not one hundred percent sure of my choice. It is hell sometimes and I did wonder if it was a left over of the institutionalisation that my short spell in the military was, but five years was that enough to become comfortable in the lack of choice, or is it something else.

 

Gender, I mentioned that because for most of my life I had the feeling I didn't fit into my gender completely, yes, I am male but with a few physical differences suggestive of a certain chromosomal abnormality, so I have put myself through the relevant testing for this to confirm as I desire to know what caused my total infertility as this when I was told twenty two years ago was the start of my depression, a depression which still aches for the very same reasons that have not healed.

 

It is with hope with a reason and myself being of a logical mind, I can put some issues to bed which might help alleviate the depression. But I don't do stuff which is gender typical and I do some things which are typical of the female gender or as someone once put it ; gay and I am not gay, as I have been down that road and found it was not for me, so at least I have tested that question to completion. As to what I am because of the failures in communication and a constant indecisiveness, I have been for the past seven years forced assexual and I understand that is the situation for many on the AS spectrum, which is a very unhappy existence to say the least.

 

But what causes me the most problems at the present with the gender issue, is the fact that I am learning to dance a cultural North African dance and I keep coming up against the '' Ladies Only '' scenario with classes and events where there is nothing for males on their own. I lost one class I had attended for three years by it suddenly becoming ''Ladies Only'' the misunderstanding the issue generated caused bridges to be burned and now with my new class, I had to jump through so many hoops to prove I was not a pervert, it was unreal in the UK's much vaunted equal opportunities society and still that class runs events that state; ''ladies only'', of which I have attended but one event on invitation, but found at ladies only events there are not many ladies when the drink is in and they resent a lone male being present. There is another male there as part of another class, but he is a gay transvestite burlesque dancer with it appears a thick skin.

 

So what it is I don't fit in anywhere, I feel unwanted by all most of the time and I understand the future isn't fab with this thinking and that is a major part of the negativity I dwell in and something no matter how hard I try I cannot rid the mind set and so live a life others cannot understand why and how, but one thing is for certain, as this gender stuff hits again due to a recent typical AS misunderstanding I am in very real danger of again trying to quit my dancing and with that dies many a dream and hope as well as increased reclusive tendencies.

 

I understand my problem is my thinking and with that years of negative thought generated by my exclusion via self destructive tendencies and the issue of an attempted murder upon myself ending up with the break up of my marriage and loss of interest in my work which the medics did say was a break down, have taken their toll and so understand what I need is something cognitive, CBT and Gestalt therapy seem to be something worthwhile, but so far my GP is not forth coming in this respect as a few times he has said the words; 'funding', 'not', 'available' and 'the' together.

 

So until I can learn something else to get out of my cyclic destructive thinking, I do believe I have less ability to function than I used to have. I used to be able to do so much, and now I live in so much self doubt total destruction is a daily consideration.

Edited July 2, 2012 by Sa Skimrande