living with aspergers series (episode 3) motivation

[A-S warrior]

i had to wait for a time when my motivation level was charged up to post this one, welcome everybody to episode 3, this topic was kind of a group consensus, so i decided to give the pepole (all 2 of them) what they want.

 

this topic is on motivation, im going to try and turn you into machines that cant be stopped, machines that put the fear of god into all that try and compete with you, im going to try and weed out your strenghs and help you expoit them.

 

first of all i,ll try and teach you how to fish (if i catch the fish for you your going to be forever hungry and unfurfilled)

 

techinques for optimum motivation levels,

 

1. spend time in the day, day dreaming about what you want to achieve in life, really zone in and fantisise about it, i did this when i was fat and out of shape, i visualised the ideal version of myself, and actully ended up with a simular look to the one i day dreamed in my head. the mind is more powerfull that you will ever know.

 

there are two types of pepole:

 

day dreamers and night dreamers.

 

night dreamers dream during the night in the dark, and wake up when the sun rises and realise it was just a fantasy.

 

day dreamers dream with open eyes, and with that, they have the abillity to be able to make there dreams become reality.

 

which one is it going to be? motivation cant be forced its up to you.

 

 

2. listen to music that gets you geared up while day dreaming, this is a potent tactic that really, really brings in the goods. with music, i find i can fantisise in greater detail and it becomes more coluorfull and has more clarity.

 

3. think of all the things you dont like in your life now, immagine you beating those things and achiveing more than you antiscipated, right now, im 22 and still live with my mother, im terrified that im never going to get my own place, so im determined to make sure, damn sure i make this possible. like you would with any of your hobbies, develop an obsession, an obsession for progression.

 

4. when you see the low hanging fruit reach for it! dont just sit there and let an oppertunity pass you by, immagion grabbing that oppertunity and changing your life for the better, then on the flip side, immagion yourself being so angry and dissapointed with yourself, and then comming onto the forum and posting a topic moaning about it. which one is it going to be? motivation cant be forced its up to you.

 

 

5. "dont stop, dont look back" - A-S warrior.

dont be haunted by your past, dont stall in the present, only move in one direction, forward! and dont let me catch you looking back. the past is done, it cant hurt you, (only pcychologically if you let it) and the present is soon going to be out dated, tomorrow is the place to be. i,ll see you there, i,ll be expecting you, dont stand me up.

 

 

6. failure does happen, we werent designed perfect. rember a man is not judged by how the thrives during succsess, its how he bounces back from defeat that matters. so if you get knocked out, get back up and come out swinging, life is too short to dwell on a set back. life will pass you by if your not on your toes.

 

7. if it hurts its a good sign, it means your breaking through a pain barrier, trust me, once you break through and achieve your goal, the reward will be endless. you just have to have the guts to go on, and say i dont care what happens, if you cant break though the pain barrier then forget it. the pain barrier is the hardest thing, but stick it out and you will be so happy with yourself, and you will be unstoppable to go through again. rember each time you pass this pain barrier it gets easier and easier. if your doubting yourself, post on this topic and i will help you, i,ll reply via pm if you prefer.

 

i,ll leave it to my usual suspects to add to this topic, i feel my enthusiasm could run away with me at any point, so i,ll just make this my intro post, and i will add to this topic later.

 

 

 

 

motivation cant be forced, its up to you.......

[A-S warrior]

series link so far:

 

http://www.asd-forum...ting-that-girl/ episode 1

 

http://www.asd-forum...ke-and-mirrors/ episode 2

 

 

i will add this episode was quite a difficult one to write, theres no cookie cutter solution as everybody is different. i hope ive helped a little bit.

Edited June 30, 2012 by A-S warrior

[Lyndalou]

3. think of all the things you dont like in your life now, immagine you beating those things and achiveing more than you antiscipated, right now, im 22 and still live with my mother, im terrified that im never going to get my own place, so im determined to make sure, damn sure i make this possible. like you would with any of your hobbies, develop an obsession, an obsession for progression.

 

4. when you see the low hanging fruit reach for it! dont just sit there and let an oppertunity pass you by, immagion grabbing that oppertunity and changing your life for the better, then on the flip side, immagion yourself being so angry and dissapointed with yourself, and then comming onto the forum and posting a topic moaning about it. which one is it going to be? motivation cant be forced its up to you.

 

 

5. "dont stop, dont look back" - A-S warrior.

dont be haunted by your past, dont stall in the present, only move in one direction, forward! and dont let me catch you looking back. the past is done, it cant hurt you, (only pcychologically if you let it) and the present is soon going to be out dated, tomorrow is the place to be. i,ll see you there, i,ll be expecting you, dont stand me up.

 

 

6. failure does happen, we werent designed perfect. rember a man is not judged by how the thrives during succsess, its how he bounces back from defeat that matters. so if you get knocked out, get back up and come out swinging, life is too short to dwell on a set back. life will pass you by if your not on your toes.

 

7. if it hurts its a good sign, it means your breaking through a pain barrier, trust me, once you break through and achieve your goal, the reward will be endless. you just have to have the guts to go on, and say i dont care what happens, if you cant break though the pain barrier then forget it. the pain barrier is the hardest thing, but stick it out and you will be so happy with yourself, and you will be unstoppable to go through again. rember each time you pass this pain barrier it gets easier and easier. if your doubting yourself, post on this topic and i will help you, i,ll reply via pm if you prefer.

 

 

Agree Warrior!

 

It can be exremely hard. It can be extremely painful. The title of the famous book 'Feel the fear and do it anyway' rings true (that right?).

 

My motivation phrase is 'Don't limit your horizons' and it's true for absolutely anyone but what you want normally doesn't just land in your lap - if it's worth anything it often has to be fought for and that can be a pretty damn hard thing to do.

 

I like what you've said...very positive!

 

One thing I found that heped when I had next-to-no money and felt like the world was just out to get me was to plaster 'Affirmations' all around my room. 'I AM A WORTHWHILE PERSON', 'I WILL MAKE SOMETHING OF MYSELF' etc in massive letters so that I would wake up and see them and read them everytime I walked in the room.

 

[LancsLad]

I can remenber sitting in the NEC at Birmingham on the top tier about to listen to a speaker about a part time bussiness me and my partner were in. We had been told that he was really good but to be honest I was more interested in going to listen to the support act Ranulph Fiennes the explorer. It had been a hard decision to go because we had no money and the tickets were not cheap all our money had been spent on the fuel. I was glad that I had waited fore about 10 minutes in the interval to speak to Ranulph he had been very cool and I had a 5 minute conversation with him and he had signed two books I had taken down, it had made my day to shake his hand. I had sat down and been offered a sorry looking sandwich which I had declined fancied a burger to be honest but we were skint. I was looking at the inscriptions on the books, when the guy had walked out, everyone around me had stood up and given him a clap, I had stayed seated he might be really ###### lets just wait and see. Once the false hysteria had died down I closed the books and was putting them back in my bag under my seat when I heard one of his opening lines "I have something in my top pocket". That was enough for me.

 

I quiety stood up and polietly asked could I get past the people on the row we were on. I got to the end and went to the exit, at that point I regreted buying the cheapest tickets. As I went down the steps at a jog by now I could hear him "This thing in my top pocket........" Don't give them ###### clues, its hard enough having to work out how the hell to get to the stage from back here, but the clues kept coming. I got to the main floor of the auditorium and was running by now. There was a guy walking down the aisle half hearted he had no chance straight past him, sorry got to run mate, and then I saw him on the other side of the stage someone walking up the steps heading towards the speaker, ###### why couldn't he be on my side I might just be able to take him out before he got there, and the speaker he was waving a piece of paper in his hand just to get him there, talk about ###### carrots!

 

I was second on stage but there was not a second prize. To make things worse the paper was a £100 note. In my mind a tenner would have been worth it we were that broke. I paused on the steps at the side of the stage I had to see where this smug little ###### was going to sit down, knew it 5 ###### rows back from the stage 4 in from the end, and I thought lifes not ###### fair. The guy on stage was not ###### fair why had he given out clues, I was on my way didn't he know that. I looked at the winner in his smart suit with his nicely dressed wife and a smug group of friends, and thought I bet he doesn't ###### need the money, I bet if I follewed him out he has some kind of posh car, bet its a Mercedes or a BMW. I told my mind to shut up this sort of thinking never does me any good, it only ever winds me up. I came to the conclusion it was my fault I was too polite I should have pushed my way down the seating row, I was too soft I chould have run the first bit not jogged, I should have ###### checked out the floor plan thats what I should of done just in case. It was my fault, in some ways I was right of course but I was angry. I never thought at the time that the guy sat near the front had once had to sit near the back just like me and also had to learn lessons the hard way, and that life wasn't fair, but that it's how you think that makes the difference.

 

A-S Warrior why are giving out ###### clues mate, it's what this other guy did to me once?

[A-S warrior]

lancs what are you on about?

[LancsLad]

As soon as you opened up with I am going to teach you how to fish, I had to find out if you would bite yourself, guess you are sniffing at the bait and are a bit wary of the hook.

 

There is a point in this, why is it one or two people might get up and make the effort when there are rewards out there but the vast majority simply can't be bothered. Personally I think everything you say rings true for me, but I am one of the ones who would get up, I am a day dreamer. Iwas anoyed that day at the NEC because I suspected the guy had some cash in his top pocket, I took the chance. Why did he have to try and help the non believers, believe, did he think no one would take the risk and simply go to find out.

 

My point is life is life why would you want to tip the balance in someone elses direction, do you believe with a few good tips they can make permanment changes in their lives. Is it not a case of if they can't be bothered then they can't be bothered. Is it not a truth of life if someone says they might do something that they really mean they won't? I am just playing devils advocate here, but why should individuals put effort in to try and motivate other people, isn't it a fact that we live in a 'what's in it for me' culture?

 

Just a few thoughts.

[A-S warrior]

isn't it a fact that we live in a 'what's in it for me' culture?

 

 

some men are buisness men, out to make as much money possible and do it all solo. and dont care who they step over on the way.

 

then there are men like me, were soilders, when theres a man down we dont leave him behind, we soilder on together and carry him the rest of the way, even if that means hindering our own succsess or putting ourselves in danger.

 

the point is im not a selfish person, nor a person trying to make as much money posible dispite everything and everybody else. i was put on this earth to help pepole, whats in it for me? knowing that im doing my bit to make the human race stronger.

 

i quess some of this mentallity comes down to my faith, but alot of it is just the way god made me.

[A-S warrior]

in theroy lancs your sticking it to me, thats fine, but i wont stop doing what i was sent here to do.

[LancsLad]

I am not sticking it to you at all. I personally think there is a natural running order to when it comes to motivation and the first part of that is the nature of the dream as you put it. We live in a culture where there are massive expectations for us to perform we are expected to be motivated, we are supposed to want to do better for ourselves, but the fact is most of us do not because we really don't believe in this type of stuff. The government want us all to got out and work harder risk our security in setting up new bussinesses to increase GDP, but we don't do we, the majoriy don't and neither do they.

 

I would always come back to this point, motivated for what?

 

I was touched this week when I saw a Lancaster bomber flying over London on the news dropping poppies. I was touched that so many people had lost their lives from all sides of that argument, but they were motived they were motivated to pay the ultimate price. The fact is people can be motivated but often they need a cause they need to have something in side of them a reason to cross over the line into the place where things might be difficult and uncomfortable.

 

I think there is a culture of what's in it for me, sometimes causes are so strong people pay the price not because there might be something in it for them but that there might be for their families. For a lot of people I think the first thing we should do is highlight whats in it for me. We have to really define what it is.

 

For example I am not particulary interested in loosing weight for loosing weights sake, for years I couldn't be bothered and I knew I couldn't so why pretend I was. When I decided I wanted to have a go at racing again in my sport I had a cause I had something to focus a what's in it for me. I have deep personal reasons as to why i want to race again and at what level. As such weight was something I needed to focus on, my dream however is not to loose weight that would be pointless, my dream is to put in a performance in a race to get me to my dream and I am not going to do that whilst overweight.

 

The point is I agree with you A-S Warrior the best dreams are the ones based on causes, when I first saw on the news the famine in Africa in the early 80's I was moved by the cause to send food and supplies out there, I didn't require motivation or pep talks to get off my backside and hand out leaflets and collect goods at a supermarket the target being to fill a lorry with boxes seemed obvious. When I lost my cousin at an early age to cancer, it wasn't too difficult to cycle the length of this country in trying to raise money for research. My point is often we do not have a problem when we believe strongly in a cause. I think the issue is that when we don't have a cause we struggle or when the cause is realated to ourselves.

 

When the cause is not that strong, or its personal then i do feel there is a very selfish level to a lot of this what's in it for me? That doesn't have to be about money or possesions by the way, but we need to have real tangiable reasons. If we don't identify what the benefits might be of taking certain actions what chance have we got when things get difficult. If I am out training on a cold, wet, windy day its all too easy to start to feel sorry for myself, but I have to think why am I doing this and I have to trun my mind onto the reason.

 

And I think that is the problem with a lot of people I come across they say they want to do something but if you put them on the spot they can't really tell you about it, rather its a healf hearted wish. I have lost count of the times I have asked kids why they are doing an examination to be told because that's what you are suposed to do or my parents tell me. When I ask them what's in it for you if you were to pass that exam they can't tell me, they havn't really thought about it. For example people might say they want to pass their driving test, if I asked them where is the first place you will go when you pass the test for a trip out, could they tell me?

 

Personally I do feel that there needs to be a selfish element in a lot of this. A lot of the time we have to find these buttons and press them ourselves, there are times however when I think we can kind of help press them in others. As I got older I had to drop down a couple of levels playing rugby and would captain a lower team. I would often be given players who were dropped from the first team and they would turn up thinking whats the point in playing for this lot. As a captain I had to convince them there was somethin in it for them, that I would go and tell the first team captain why the hell did you drop him he is one of the most powerfull and best ball handling players I have seen this year, I had to show them there was something in it for them if they played well. I would say exactly the same thing about leading a team when I was a head of department, I had to make sure everyone of my team had reasons for what they were doing on a daily basis, they had found the things which would feed their own levels of motivation. In my experience you can't drag people with you, if you do you take a few strides forwards and realise you are simply leaving them behind.

 

In my experience it doesn't take something complex to motivate people in fact some of the simplest things is all it needs. I have always been amazed at what can motivate people, but I am no different. I have on my computer a picture of a young girl chalking 'Go Daddy 1519' (the number is a race number) on Ali Drive, Kona, Hawaii at the World Championships, I simply want to swop that picture with one of my son doing the same one day, the medal you can keep that that doesn't motivate me at all. I do think it is about what's in it for me a lot of the time. When we work that out that's when I think a lot of the other things you have talked about A-S Warrior start to fall into place.

 

Just a few more thoughts.

[A-S warrior]

ok, whats in it for you? a sence of self satisfaction, the feeling of defeating your own doubts in your mind, breaking through a pain barrier so big you never thought it was possible. then taking a leap of faith and beliving in your own destiny and not looking back while doing so, becoming a human at peace in your own mind that you trust your own instincts and know that even if you fail you can bounce back.

 

motivated for what? the words of a person thats looking for an excuse to hide away from anything difficult? now i know thats not you, but in my opinion if you have to ask yourself that, then you have to take a long look at your life and ask yourself, am i content with what ive achieved? if no, what do i want in life? then think if you want it bad enough will you go through anything? as i said in one of my signtures a while ago "if it means alot to you, you,ll find a way, if not you,ll find an excuse" i cant spoon feed pepole motivation. maybe its selfish on my part trying to get everybody geared up to sucseed? whats in it for me?

[LancsLad]

A-S Warrior thats a big question that last one and one I had to ask myself when I was responsible for other people. Am I on some ego trip here or are my motives in the right place. And this is what I mean motivated for what? To be honest I think if you are coming from the right place the answer is a massive sense of satisfaction watching others achieve some of their own dream, but they have to be their dreams.

 

I think we need to sort this one out in our own minds. In many ways my motivation of my son seeing his daddy race is a very simple one I want him to be proud of his old man, I want to set a good example. Before I set out on my dream we had to have a team meeting in our household I had to explain why I wanted to do this thing why it was important for me. There are some other issues which act as a driving force in there a big one is not taking the opportunity to climb a mountain in the Himalayas when i was given 6 months leave of absence at work when i was 23. I thought that opportunity would come around again it took me untill I was 45 for that to happen in reality. So you are right in many ways I might not be content with what i have achieved in my life, why should I be? It was important however that my family agreed with what I was about to try and do otherwise it would be selfish.

 

A lot of the time its just a simple thought. I can remeber doing a sponsored walk and going past a honda garage and crossed over to have a look at a white sports car with red racing bucket seats, I thought 'I will get one of them' it was no more complex a thought than that. There was no way at the time I could even think about trying to buy a car like that I didn't even drive and had just started to learn. Today there is a white sports car with red seats just like it sat on my drive.

 

I do think we have to find the dreams for ourselves what I do think we can do is to help people in work out how to get them, and for me these are the next pahse of the process it is where we can come in to help but I don't personally think we can light peoples fires, we might for a short time but then a bit of a breeze comes along and they tend to get blown out.

[robert7111a]

Actually there's 3 types of people: day dreamers, night dreamers and procrastinators. I seem to be the latter as I can't seem to motivate myself to do important work and research.

 

But there's one thing at present that I "am" motivated to do and that is I have decided to lose weight for fear of getting diabetes. I go for my gym induction tomorrow.

 

I'm always motivated to take photographs

 

But I often go through short depressive stages and motivation hits rock bottom.

[darkshine]

I'm impressed Robert with your honesty, I've been reading this thread and thinking about the points raised, but can't decide what to say... I struggle with motivation for my own benefit and tend to perform better under pressure, so it's a daily battle to just function to a somewhat normal standard, I'm trying to push those boundaries though, cuz since I lost half a stone (I'm guessing) with my eating issues, I figure it's best to keep moving while I have a bit less weight I've been for short walks the last 2 days - by myself!! Although it isn't motivation that is the issue there, it's my front door and the world outside - but I've tried anyway even though it isn't very easy, the walk yesterday wasn't bad,

Edited June 30, 2012 by darkshine

[A-S warrior]

 

But I often go through short depressive stages and motivation hits rock bottom.

 

i aint immune to that myself mate, at least 2 days out of the 7 i hate being alive. but i quess im like a beaten horse in that sence, i,ll keep going even if i feel beaten up. some pepole are like donkeys, they just collapse when theyve reached a threshhold. perhaps the donkey has more sence than the horse.

[A-S warrior]

i must admit when writting this topic i knew it was going to get a mixed reaction. episode 4 will be like blowing smoke through a key hole though.

[robert7111a]

Well on the subject of motivation, how about what motivates forum members and what doesn't?

 

Then Warrior I expect you to come up with ideas of how to motivate people who aren't motivated... ....ha ha

[A-S warrior]

go and buy a bottle of tequila, and all the rocky movies. then come back after a night of that combonation and tell me you arnt motivated

[robert7111a]

go and buy a bottle of tequila, and all the rocky movies. then come back after a night of that combonation and tell me you arnt motivated

 

Nope these will not motivate me. Some more useful suggestions would be great

[LancsLad]

I don't think its that easy to be honest, I find a lot of people can have dreams, goals call it whatever you like they might even be motivated to sart with but they fall down at the first hurdle.

 

I think one of the main issues they simply don't know what it takes. I am not having a go because in many cases why would they? I will use an example from my own past life. I was a cricket coach at a reasonably high level but chose to focus on the 13 to 14 age range and teams I coached and managed were regional champions. In the current Lancashire team who are County Champions 3 of them were in my under 13 team to give you an idea of levels, I have also had individuals who I have coached go onto international standard. I can remeber all of them aged 11 to 15. When they are this young they often dream of being professional cricketers or even of playing for England. But they havn't a clue about what it might take to get there, why would they unless mum or dad happen to be international cricketers then they might have an idea. I can remeber the reactions of these very same kids on the occassions we would go down to Old Trafford and have a session in the indoor nets. You can easily see the ones who want to learn. There would be international cricketers in adjacent nets and they would want to watch to get a feel about what it was like to perform at that level, others would be phased and retract into their shells. When touring teams like South Africa and Australia would come over here they would ask for bowlers to go to the nets to give them practice again we would send these 15 year old kids down to find out what is it like to bowl against a top player. All too often in life I think we have dreams or at least ideas of what we might like to achieve but we don't find out what it would be like to achieve those dreams.

 

I think at times we can get really stuck in a place of uncertainty and you are right Robert this leads to procrastination a lot of the time. We tend to blame ourselves and get frustrated because we are not motivated but a lot of the time I think it is simply a case of we don't know what to do next or if we do something will it be worth it. I think a lot of coaching is often about showing individuals what the next few levels up look and feel like. The people who are motivated will think I can do that, the ones who are not will say I don't think I can. At times I think we can also go a stage further and act as a more hands on guide.

 

I can think of one point in my life where I had got stuck. I had been rock climbing at the same level for about a year and had reached a bit of a platau. Me and a mate had met up with a Canadian climber in London who was doing some supply work and he wanted someone to go climbing with fo ra month or so and so we stepped in. On our first trip we went to the Peak District to do a bit of bouldering and a first stop was an area called the Roaches on the Friday night because it was easy to get to. It was imediately clear that this Canadian wasn't good he was ###### hot! We mucked about for a bit and he saw a crack which ran through a roof section an obvious route if ever there was. He said why don't you have a go at that it looks cool. I told him it was an HVS grade which made no sense to him and I said I don't think I can lead climb at that level not overhanging stuff anyway. What he did next was to solo the route, he was hanging by his hands on the roof section legs swinging below him shouting down these holds are rock solid believe me. You are easily good enough to lead this was his response.

 

 

I made the decision to trust him partly because we had a weekend ahead of us and to back down wouldn't have been a good start, and to be honest he did make it look easy. I think I was about as wobbly as the guy in the video and my reaction at the top was similar. At times I do not think we are sure about what we are capable of but people can show us the way, but we have to take the risks for ourselves.

 

If there is an issue for many in our society it feels like there are not too many guides around or things often feel like they are something of a closed shop to us. A lot of the time we feel we have to motivate ourselves in the abstract. In my own experience I find I need to have something a lot more tangiable than that. At one point I was thinking about moving up from a head of department role to that of a deputy head, so I asked a deputy head if I could shadow them for a day to get a feel for what it might be like. I also have a dream of owning my own yacht, in a similar way I know now what it would be it would be a Dufour 34, I did my research, walked around the boat show and looked at one but I had to go one stage further, I aranged for an owner to take me out on one for a half day experiece to see what it was like trying to handle the yacht single handed. I havn't a clue about how I might go about getting one at the moment but it might be another white car red seat thing for me, watch this space.

 

In my experience once you find people who do the thing you want to do they are often very open to sharing what its like as long as you are likewise open and honest. Sometimes this is a bit of a wake up call though. I can remember arranging to go an see a professional graphic designer when I was 18, I thought their work was really cool. I turned up at 8:00 a bit earlier than I thought suspected it was a 9 to 5 job. For the first half hour all he did was do warm up exercises on sheets of paper, freehand, lines then elipses and circle sheet after sheet. I asked him do you do that every time, he said go and look in the waste paper bin, and it was full of this exercise stuff. It made me think if this is what the really good people do every day am I prepared to do that, experiences such as that get me past procratinating about something and down to a simple question do you want to do this yes or no.

 

For me getting over these hurdles is a big step and the one place in the process I struggle with at times. Last year I wasn't quite sure if i was commited to my Ironman dream or whether i was getting very fit but procrastinating a bit. I made sure I went to the Uk event and positioned myself for a couple of hours on the most difficult part of the bike course and watched the pain etched onto the faces of the competitors as they struggled three times with the main climb. I made my decision there in the hard reality of the event. We then went to the equivalent point on the run course a hill they had to do four times I simply confirmed my thoughts. Going to the finish line was inconsequential for me its the palce most people would go to for motivation but I feel we often need to see the whole picture, not just the glory bits.

 

When i know what it is I have to do then I think motivation becomes a lot easier. When the kids I have coached have been alongside top players you can see the switch being flicked in their heads. In a similar way I would take 15 and 16 year olds around degree shows at university before they decided whether to come back in the sixth form, I wanted to show them this is what its all about, at the end of the day it is your decision, but now you are at least aware of what you might have to do was my approach.

 

Once we have made these decisions then I think it is about putting plans in place to make sure we don't loose our way as we travel towards our goals.

 

Just a few thoughts.

[darkshine]

I think at times we can get really stuck in a place of uncertainty and you are right Robert this leads to procrastination a lot of the time. We tend to blame ourselves and get frustrated because we are not motivated but a lot of the time I think it is simply a case of we don't know what to do next or if we do something will it be worth it. I think a lot of coaching is often about showing individuals what the next few levels up look and feel like. The people who are motivated will think I can do that, the ones who are not will say I don't think I can. At times I think we can also go a stage further and act as a more hands on guide.

 

I'd agree with that - I like to know what I'm doing and why, I like to know the point to it, I like to know what I will get out of it (this doesn't have to be purely selfish btw it can be for many kinds of reasons, some not selfish at all). I like to have an idea about what will happen or where I'm going with it.

 

It's hard just starting something without having some points of reference to base it on.

 

And common sense doesn't always play as good a role as it should.... take my agoraphobia and social anxiety - versus the fact I have let myself get out of shape and want to do something about that.

 

Common sense says "go out and do it" there's obvious benefits, the point should be clear - but I find I have a conflict because of the stress and anxiety - and common sense can go flying out of the window.

 

So why not get some gear and do stuff in my home? Well technically I have some stuff but if I wanted to sit in a room and do it I would have by now - partly that's motivation - but it's also partly because that gives me no sense of satisfaction whatsoever - when I was younger and before the world in my mind at least came crashing down round me, I was pretty fit, and pretty strong for my size, people would be surprised that I could do certain things because they didn't know what I was doing when I was out and about. Part of that strength and fitness was due to a high level of interaction in my environment, I didn't care about getting messed up, bruised or dirty, would just go for it.

 

I lost touch with that through moving to a completely different location that is not really to my preference and through my mental health problems.

 

In reassessing I realise that if I want to get past the problems then I have to get in touch or in tune, with not only myself, but with the area in which I live.

 

Motivation is part of this. Stuff in my mind is another part. And people are another factor. I know if I can reconnect things then I can get out and rebuild this type of connection, because I've had it before. I'm highly motivated in some ways to do exactly that, but this interference from stuff in my mind argues with it and not only leaves me doing very little, it also de-motivates me, making it at least a 3 fronted battle - which leaves me feeling dissatisfied and demoralised.

 

This is ignoring the fact that I am unfit, and that in itself will require a different kind of internal battle as I will have to go through degrees of pain barriers to sort it out - just like I did when I was younger - except when I was younger the world didn't impact me half so much until I had a breakdown and started the stupid road that led to where I am now.

 

I actually stand here, I stand and I stare out the window and I long to break through barrier one. Getting out of the house. Barrier two is being able to then do what I want to do outside of the house and not fleeing for the safety of brick.

 

Actually doing it, in comparison is not a problem - just got the barriers to break through first.

 

Which makes me then think of the social barriers - going out alone on a bike seems do-able compared with interacting with the social world again as I know that needs a whole new level of strength and fitness - and I find that a lot harder to work out.

 

It isn't just motivation. It's overcoming obstacles, issues, fears. So it's bravery too, it's determination, it's coping, and it's inner strength.

 

And when it all feels so impossible that is de-motivating.

 

Also, as in my first point, because there are so many unknowns, and because I can't work out what exactly it is that I have to achieve, I concentrate on the short term when I have to do a thing, so stamina is an issue too - it is hard to keep slogging on when there isn't a clear point/target/reason.

[A-S warrior]

i think you have to be motivated for every aspect of your life, not just one thing or two. i get to a point where i want to make a better diner than i did the previous night, and then beat that one the next night, or like in the gym i dumbell pressed the 40kg dumbells for 8 reps one week, the next week im going for that 9th rep. its just a mindset to constantley improve on yourself day after day. yes we experience bumps in the road along the way, and set backs, but that takes me back to an eairler statment, 'a man is not judged by how the thrives during succsess, its how he bounces back from defeat that matters'. so in times like this, to get back onto a winning road again should be a motivating thought, if not for you, for your wives, and children, or even famillys. we are all trying to beat the clock in this life, anybody noticed how quickly a year go's? time wont wait for you to get motivated or to be ready, like darkshine said "i tend to perform better under pressure" thats a type of motivation, beating the clock. motivation comes in serveral forms not just the type were your feeling the buzz for 10mins while listening to a song. motiavation for me is like a quiet hummm, like a motor ticking over. just the thoughts of i want to be better, i dont want to fail, i want to be the best i can be, mainly for 2 things, to be accepted and to be good husband material, i dont want to live relying on my parents. the fear of failure is what motivates me, if your quite a succsessful person then maybe your just not hungry like pepole like me. maybe your sitting on the top of your montain with nothing left to prove and are happy with your life and dont want to go further. but pepole like me with everything to prove are young and frustrated and more than that hungry, and im looking to charge up that montain at the first avalible oppertunity. im an oppertunist, soon as i see even a glimer of an opening i,ll exploit that. and i will try and journey higher than you. and if after that your still happy with were you are, then i pitty you, beacuase the whole point of me even being awake in the day is to reach levels where no one has ever gone, albeit maybe unachiveable but i,ll still have that twinkle in my eye. theres my ramble, as i said several times in my post motivation cant be forced its up to you. my whole point to this series is writting things from my perspective.

[LancsLad]

Thought I might share a little thing I use a bit to keep me on track with my training and see if this might work for some people.

 

I have downloaded lego digital designer, which is a free bit of software in which you can build 3-D models out of lego bricks. I track elements of my training by building lego towers. For example if I do a five km run I put 5 lego bricks of the same colour onto my run tower. At first there is not much there just a few bricks. My run tower is rectangular and has 50 bricks on each level but this could easily be 20 and you can decide on what type of bricks, I choose ones with two studs but 4 stud bricks might be easier to get things going. At first I am motivated to finsh a side and then another and to then get onto a new layer. Some of my lego towers are pretty tall now and I have to zoom in and out of the model to put them on.

 

I think you could even do this in reverse by building a tower and set targets to take the bricks off which might also be motivational. If all else fails you can always waste some time building space ships or racing cars, not that I would use the software for anything as trivial as that.

 

Just a thought.

[A-S warrior]

i think elastic band balls are better, the bigger your balls the more you have accomplished no woman is going to want a man with small balls.

[LancsLad]

lol.

 

I like the elastic band ball idea but I can never ever find an elastic band when I need one. I know things like star charts work well with my son, so why should we drop ideas that work suddenly because we think we are all grown up?

[A-S warrior]

crazy isnt it? if it aint broke dont try to fix it. btw at the moment im starting a beard collection, everytime i trim my stubble i keep the hair, im going to see how much hair i can collect over the next year.

[A-S warrior]

question to all,

 

if you were told you have to do something that you find really difficult (something that makes you groan just thinking about it) and if you do that, then one of your dreams comes true, would you go through with the task that you hate? and if so how would you force yourself to do it? and if no, then why would you not at least try? and would you still be proud of yourself?

 

clearly ive not cut it with episode 3, so now its over to my critics to take it to the next level. i,ll just sit and eagerly await your awnsers.

[LancsLad]

Some good questions A-S Warrior.

 

Personally I would force myself to do it, I have been in a few self imposed situations where I have literaly put my neck on the line in reaching a goal, in adventure sports for example. I think one of the things I have learn't is that if it is a one off task a lot of people might make the jump into the unknown if the pize is visible and worth it in their eyes. I think the problem often is most dreams and goals are not reached by one off events rather it is often about consistent low level pressure in the right direction.

 

I will give you an example to try and highlight what i have found about people. Nearly all my garden and landscape design work culminates in a final plan of the site. I have my own style anyone who knows me in this context could pick my work out quite easily. I do all my plans freehand in black ink and I then render them up with markers. People often come up to me and say I wish I could do work like that and I always tell them its pretty simple. My style is like it is for a reason, I have AS! Whilst I can draw using rulers, templates etc... my super fine motor control is a bit compromised and it slows me down a bit and so I have focused on developing a looser style which is my own that plays to my strengths and not the weakneses of my condition, as a result its an easy style to copy. On a number of occassions I have given in to pressure and put on workshops to fellow students and professionals to show them how I go about things. I always start by drawing and rendering a tree drawn looking down on it. I always go through 7 stages and can easily get through these in under 30 seconds per tree or shrub when I am in full swing. I can guarantee with most people the third one they do will be as good as mine, or at least within 90% of it, and they sit there after 10 minutes feeling quite chuffed. I then always get them to draw a dozen pencil circles of similar sizes in a cluster and give them 10 minutes to draw and render up a cluster of trees. Without looking at the work I then say tell me which tree was it that you work started to fall to pieces and you got bored started to take short cuts and missed out one or more of the 7 stages. In other words how long did it take before you started to bullshit (cow poo) yourself.

 

When I have to do a plan I can work out for example what the density of trees will be give myself a target a tree every 30 seconds and can quite accuratly write into my daily time plan sheet 12 and a half hours work to render the trees and shrubs in a schematic plan. I simply get on with it. In workshops people can't believe this so I ask them to try and find one tree on the plans which is not drawn properly and I have taken a short cut, I can go for a cup of tea for 20 minutes and can come back and know they will not have been able to find one.

 

Of course I do not expect everyone to be like me, in fact a lot of the concentration and perfectionism is about AS as well and it would be unfair to expect the same of others. What I do say is this in my workshops. If you practice drawing 5 trees today, and 6 tomorrow, the day after that 7 and so on. You strive not to let the standard drop, if you can't draw 7 good ones then don't move onto 8 untill you can concentrate long enough you will make progess. In your own example you will start to build an elastic band ball.

 

I think the problem for a lot of people is they firstly dont know what the task is rather they simply want to be something . In my experience individuals want to be for example a garden designer on the telly and famous amongst their friends, they don't want to produce good garden design plans! I can show them what it takes to produce good garden design plans, but I can't make them into Alan Titchmarsh or one of his TV chums and for most of them this highlights they only like the 'idea' they do not like the idea of what 'work' is involved.

 

In my experience I often have had individuals who have come back to me excited the next day and said I worked on this for 2 hours last night what do you think, and every time they have made significant imporvements in the standard of their work because there was some knowledge and a thought process behind it, possibly for the first time. Even so their reaction is 'i could never be able to do the big stuff like you do'. I can see where they are coming from, I always say do you think I could always do the big stuff. The next stage is I have a series of pieces of work over a 10 year period which show my style developing. I lay them out in timeline order and get them to put thier own work into the timeline, decide on what standard it is at, and very often I will say look I have given you a 4 or 5 year start on where I was when i first started doing this stuff. This often shocks them.

 

The only think left that I could show them is how I time manage myself how I keep the natural motivation levels on track. In my second year away at university in the room next to me was a student one year below me on his course. He always said I was both the biggest gift and his worse nightmare all rolled into one. We would have breakfast and then i would set to work and say i will see you for a cup of tea at 11:00 the break time on my daily plan, and the rest of the day would be the same up to the point I reached designated bonus time. He knew at any point if he knocked on the door he would get a 'yes' open the door and I would be there engrosed in the task at hand, the focus was always there. I often think this is the hardest thing to get across, you can see it, I know what it feels like but I have yet to find a single means of being able to teach it.

 

I can go up to a good kid in a cricket coaching session and ask without looking where did the ball hit the bat and they can more or less tell me. I ask them how did they know and they can describe the point where it went from view and passed under their eye line a fraction of a second before impact. You can go to other kids with a lot of natural ability and they can even remember seeing it past half way somewhere down the wicket, in my experience this second group only gets so far in the sport.

 

If things don't require focus jumping out of plane on a parachute jump comes to mid, its a spontaneous act, then most people have a good chance. Some of these spontaneous acts can be pretty amazing. I can turn up to the start of an Ironman event at dawn and see individuals struggling trying to get in a wetsuit because lets face it they are overweight and you would say what chance have they got of even getting around a 2.4 mile swim let alone the 112 mile bike ride and 26 mile run and you wouldn't give them a chance, then you see a partner and kids giving them a kiss and a hug and wishing them well and I think I will look out for you on the finish line. 15 or 16 hours later they come into view a complete mess but at one of the best mental places in their lives. I am completely honest I havn't a clue how they can do that because my personality and make up is not the same. I am not the type of person to get pumped up by pep talks at rugby for example rather I need to go into my zone and then execute my plans. Its how I think but that is just one approach as I see it.

 

A-S Warrior I don't think you have any critics here in fact would say the oposite there are few fans myself included, just putting it from a personal perspective thats all based on my own experiences.

 

Best wishes.

[robert7111a]

One thing that I always feared was going to the gym. Until yesterday, I hadn't been for many years. I think the problem was feeling self concious: i.e. the "fat one" against all the fit men and women pumping iron etc. Fortunately I'm not that fat but need to shed a few pounds.

 

My main purpose with the gym is weight loss and I will burn calories - whatever it takes. Over the years, I have picked up a few social skills which makes me feel less self-concious now in the gym situation. I had my first session yesterday and loved it. I don't want to get diabetic and this is driving my motivation. I have set my mind on a task and plan to execute it. I wish I could use the gym every day but too many work commitments means I can only go about 3 times a week.

 

But once I have achieved my goal, I can't see myself continuing with the gym (but never say never...)

 

 

[A-S warrior]

One thing that I always feared was going to the gym. Until yesterday, I hadn't been for many years. I think the problem was feeling self concious: i.e. the "fat one" against all the fit men and women pumping iron etc. Fortunately I'm not that fat but need to shed a few pounds.

 

My main purpose with the gym is weight loss and I will burn calories - whatever it takes. Over the years, I have picked up a few social skills which makes me feel less self-concious now in the gym situation. I had my first session yesterday and loved it. I don't want to get diabetic and this is driving my motivation. I have set my mind on a task and plan to execute it. I wish I could use the gym every day but too many work commitments means I can only go about 3 times a week.

 

But once I have achieved my goal, I can't see myself continuing with the gym (but never say never...)

 

 

the gym is a lifestyle, not a prescribed medicene, by the way, when i started the gym i just wanted to lose weight at first, then i got into bodybuilding. been doing it 4 years now. so dont rule out the possibility of leading into something along those lines.

[A-S warrior]

@lancslad. good post with some key points, that backs up alot of what i say.

 

fan eh? well im going to start producing A-S warrior teeshirts, mugs, hats, glowsticks, and bobbleheads. also a signed picture with each, lol care to place an order?

[robert7111a]

the gym is a lifestyle, not a prescribed medicene,

 

Erm actually, for people who are really obese and need gastric bypass etc, the gym IS a prescribed medicine. Fortunately I am nowhere near that stage and don't want to be!

 

Once I've got down to my target weight, then I will take stock and review. With respect Warrior, gyms are not cheap and I have a family to support so I certainly cannot call it a lifestyle option.

 

I "have" to do this for myself before I fall down the slippery slope

[A-S warrior]

 

Once I've got down to my target weight, then I will take stock and review. With respect Warrior, gyms are not cheap and I have a family to support so I certainly cannot call it a lifestyle option.

 

not so fast there slick, there are many places out and about that you can use as your gym to (at the very least) maintain your weight once you got down to your target, i quite often on my inbetween gym days, head down to the beach and use beams and bike racks as pull up, and dipping stations. i sometimes go walking through the woods and that can be quite demanding as you have to pull down branches and move heavy logs to clear your path. and theres always good old walking, and dietary tactics like intermittent fasting (really effective) and most of this stuff you can do while shopping or at work.

[robert7111a]

Warrior, believe me I am no sloth. When I was 15 -16 y o, I was doing 10 - 15mile hikes, at your age I was doing long walks along the cliffs etc and to a lessor degree in my 30s when I was courting. My wife is not a walker so I haven't done my long walks etc since we've been married. I don't eat much rubbish, I walk when I can and when I'm doing my photography, I am often walking/running around etc. Having need for a car for work etc hasn't helped my weight either. I have just let myself go a bit.

 

But you might get away with it, but for a bloke in his 40s doing beams and bike racks as pull-ups would be considered very odd behaviour...

[A-S warrior]

But you might get away with it, but for a bloke in his 40s doing beams and bike racks as pull-ups would be considered very odd behaviour...

 

lol, come down to brighton, no one judges here anything goes.

[robert7111a]

I'm a fairly regular visitor to Brighton so my face might well be known!