Ashamed of parents-Suggestions please

[Alli]

My son is !5 and AS. He will go into town to hear music and over a period of time he has made some "friends". They often meet on the bus going in or at the venue but this is purely accidently. He never actively rings them or arranges to meet.

I am pleased that he has social contacts but we have never met any of them. He refuses to bring any of them to the house as he thinks our house is c**p (its really nice!) and he certainly doesn't want anyone to meet us.. He feels really ashamed of us. I recently insisted that he give me a phone no. of someone who is going definitely to each gig ( using examples of people who had gone missing, my legal obligation to protect him etc ) He was livid but now accepts it as one of the only preconditions to going out.

 

Any suggestions to how I could help him to get over these worries, have his friends over etc.

 

When my friends come over he often tries to monopolise them when he should really be inviting his own friends over.

Alli

[call me jaded]

Is he worried you might talk about his diagnosis?

[baddad]

Hi Alli -

A fifteen year old ashamed of his parents! Well I never!

I suspect you're just hitting the 'Kevin' years - he should grow out of it when he's about 25 In the meantime, buckle up 'cos it's likely to be a bumpy ride...

Two quick thoughts:

Jaded's suggestion might be part of it, and expanding on that he might just think you'll unintentionally reveal other stuff ("Ahhh, look at this lovely photo of him naked on a rug in front of the fire...we took that last Christmas..." etc etc

The other thing that occurs is that he may feel a bit guarded about his friends, either because of how you might perceive them, or perhaps because they might be (as his not contacting them suggests) very 'casual' and he is unsure of how to approach things...

Whatever's going on, he seems to be doing OK for himself, so it's probably best to take a back seat other than just letting him know you're there if he needs you.

In any event, hope you get to meet up with them all soon, and if you do, keep the photo album in the sideboard!

L&P

BD

[hev]

i had to reassure steve that i wouldnt tell his friends or their parents he has aspergers so it could be that but mainly i agree your son is going through the kevin phase!!steve looks at me with disgust when his friends are here and i get the impression its nothing to do with aspergers!!

[bevalee]

My son isn't going through the 'Kevin' stage.

 

He is KEVIN !

[Lisajb]

My husbands Kevin!

 

Always has been!

 

Lisa

[niki]

my littlun is kevin but he is 8 on saturday!

[Alli]

Thanks for all your replies yes I think there is a touch of the Kevin's about this. He thinks we are so wierd, stupid and he would be embarrassed for people to meet us.

I spoke to him about inviting friends over. He now says they don't live nearby

and he thinks I have a real problem in that I have strange notions of what I think people "normally do" in certain situations!!!!!!!!

Alli