in light of new information

[lupuscandenti]

Hullo All,

 

Been a while since the last posting as i have started my PG Dip at Uni. Wow it's really intense and have been struggling with a few things not least my ability to resist, deny or distort sudden changes. Part of my clinical diagnosis report said that i would find it difficult to change my view on something even in the light of new information. My question is: How do people react to sudden changes even if, deep down, you know there's nothing you can do about them?

 

Even when i have thought i have known something (static fact) and then some additional information comes to light and this fact changes it can often take me months or even years to accept this change. It's annoying the hell out of peers at uni right now and because we sit around in circles for hours on end they have had opportunities to tell me this.

I feel so confused because i thought i knew who i was and i now i haven't got a clue anymore, it really really hurts. Have had two major meltdowns in the last two weeks and my head aches from all the banging it against things. I really want to walk out of the course right now but something is keeping me going.......i wonder what it is?

[Sa Skimrande]

Just accept them unless you can prove different as there is always more than one way to look at a problem giving different results, but we live a society that demands logical reasoning and proof/fact and unless you can prove different just assign pending further investigation which is acceptance to a degree and a compromise.

 

But regards your circle conversations where a lecturer says something is so and you are struggling to accept, ask the lecturer to prove it, provide logical analysis as to why something is so, because often it is the logic that leads to understanding. As there is a lot to be said about people that will not accept just because someone says so.

 

What keeps you going is what many aspies are good at, sheer determination to achieve despite all against as it is true many aspies are survivors

Edited November 11, 2012 by Sa Skimrande

[lupuscandenti]

Thanks Sa Skimrande,

 

It was really good receiving your reply, i needed to know that someone had read my rant. thanks. I like your point about logic and i wish i could adhere it to this little problem. Unfortunately person centred counselling is not based on logic or fact and there is nothing measurable about it either. My main problem is relating to my peers on the course. I really like them all but i have major difficulties seeing other people's points of view. For example, i have a strong belief that i am special but it doesn't occur to me that other people might believe that about themselves too, it's come as a real jolt when they tell me this and i end up feeling stupid for not noticing or being aware. Maybe i've chosen the wrong subject to study because becoming a person centred counsellor is all about awareness. I'm definitely not giving up though, possibly to the annoyance of my peers right now. I'm determind to reach some sort of understanding and that means talking about it and possibly going through some painful relaisations.

[darkshine]

A big part of learning something new is by experiencing new things - its hard to start off with yes, very - but it gets better as time goes on, Sa Skimrande's idea is a good one in compromising, and it doesn't require pure logic because even awareness is something we can learn, but its easier to learn by doing and engaging in the process.

 

What I find is that I struggle, I stress, I worry, I feel stupid, I want to give up, I want to continue, I want to learn and carry on - but you know what?

 

We can learn, it might take longer, and it might be harder for some of us, but one day you will look at yourself and realise that all that effort and difficulty and striving will get you somewhere, one day you look back and you see that there's been a shift, a change, and you can't always put your finger on it, but then it things become clearer - until you realise there's other stuff to work on lol.

 

And the funny (in a nice way) thing is as much as you are finding this hard, you are showing awareness lupuscandenti - are really are - or you wouldn't even be talking about this stuff - if you had no awareness you'd have quit the course and given up - but you haven't done that have you? You are trying to work it through and understand.

 

Keep going - if this is person centred counselling is what you really want to do, things won't change overnight - but you know what? If this stuff was easy it wouldn't be worth doing would it? And the rewards later will be worth it and because of how hard it is now, you will really appreciate the rewards later, I know it. If anything, by the time you qualify you could well find you are more aware than most because of the effort you will put in to build your awareness over time.

 

Best

 

Darkshine

[Sa Skimrande]

Thanks Sa Skimrande,

 

It was really good receiving your reply, i needed to know that someone had read my rant. thanks. I like your point about logic and i wish i could adhere it to this little problem. Unfortunately person centred counselling is not based on logic or fact and there is nothing measurable about it either. My main problem is relating to my peers on the course. I really like them all but i have major difficulties seeing other people's points of view. For example, i have a strong belief that i am special but it doesn't occur to me that other people might believe that about themselves too, it's come as a real jolt when they tell me this and i end up feeling stupid for not noticing or being aware. Maybe i've chosen the wrong subject to study because becoming a person centred counsellor is all about awareness. I'm definitely not giving up though, possibly to the annoyance of my peers right now. I'm determind to reach some sort of understanding and that means talking about it and possibly going through some painful relaisations.

 

I wonder, is it your knowledge of the fact that you have autism that is blocking your understanding of others, not the actual autism ? If so how good will you be as a counsellor if you cannot accept other's views ? As to the thought that you are special, why think that, it achieves nothing and certainly nothing as far as a client is concerned as I will say as I am late diagnosed as an adult, I have actually degraded since I received my diagnosis perhaps through thinking I am special and no one is noticing or caring.

 

How an autistic could become a counsellor, I don't know through the very understanding of what an autistic is, ( check out the threads on here about self centered-ness, because by our diagnosis we are), but it is true many go into the medical fields regarding helping others to ultimately help themselves and it is known many if not all mental health practitioners are somewhat flakey themselves- I know depressives who work as counsellors and have known one psychiatrist who was so overwhelmed with their own issues they self prescribed from their prescription pad and also became an alcoholic.

 

What I described in my initial reply to you was from a self centred perspective, what I do, but I have been involved in engineering and art theory where it was even said I have made people very sure of themselves and their belief question their belief through my propensity to rip ideas apart and analyse them piece by piece, where it was said I have a great intellect, but it will be of no use because I fail to just accept, whereas I can't usually accept unless I understand a logical process to cause that acceptance.

 

But here's an idea, in your circle sessions how about treating each member as a client, dont judge them for their beliefs, just accept what they say in relation to them, because what they say from their perspective is from their perspective and so right as they see it ?

 

But what everyone even the learned professors have to understand is the subject of what goes on in the mind, really, we don't know everything yet and each individual approach to understanding what is in the mind is so; flawed and with that on comes new approaches as to understand if we knew how the mind worked there would be no need for many of the myriad ways of trying to interpret it.

 

That being until we know everything, there is always room for new thought, but in order to get to that new thought one must be able to separate thought and think beyond current limits.

[trekster]

"My question is: How do people react to sudden changes even if, deep down, you know there's nothing you can do about them?"

 

It depends on the change, whose making the change and how it is explained to me. i can vary from screaming at the person making the change to asking in a stuttery voice (i would choose the latter if i could) about the change.

 

Sometimes i passively go along with whats happening only to get overloaded and get very angry later.

 

Part of the problem is i dont know their knowledge about my ability to cope with the change at the time. Another part is a domino effect ie an ongoing problem that gets worse.

 

Lets take going in and out of the house for example, the steps are dangerous and we're all falling over them. Tonight i got very upset because they still haven't been fixed but there's a few problems, 1, they're steps to someone else's house, 2, that person doesn't wish to offend the person next door by getting someone else out, 3, hard to source materials when they are stuck into the ground literally. 4, unsure what's a reasonable price to pay.

 

This becomes a domino affect because im unable to go out as much as i would like to deal with recycling or get things from outside the house. Even going out to something i enjoy is so difficult because my ankles are that unstable.(from years of attempting to walk).

 

i guess if something causes me physical pain it is worse than mental pain.

 

I've had a few screaming meltdowns over the weekend. I'm so shattered im quite relieved the people causing these meltdowns (mainly caused my pressure for me to do something im unable to do. Family say they wont put demands on me to do things, then a few hours later go back on their word. Constantly being tied up in knots). i am attempting to move out via the Home Choice website but keep forgetting to chase them up.

 

Today deaf relative (another domino affect because she insists another autistic relative helps her get hearing aids then the job is left for months on end and still not done yet) thought my 'i was torn between helping you during the armistice silence and then risking you thanking me breaking the silence and leaving you to struggle picking something up, so felt i was unable to help you'. My specifics are very longwinded and she teases me about my lack of specificity even though she's NT and they have a reading between the lines translator in their heads but then misreads between my lines. She took that as meaning i didn't wish to help her and ignored me for most of the evening being cross. She didn't even say words to the effect of 'you dont wish to help me?' Then it took until 8 hours later for me to finally work out what the problem was, how the autistic is meant to work out the root of the problem when the NT is supposed to be the responsible adult is beyond me.

 

When i get upset about something someone has said, done, not said or not done they tend to walk off or pretend to listen to me (jumping to the wrong conclusions between my actions and intentions instead of asking is pretending to listen) or pretend to sleep, getting me nowhere into resolving the problem.

 

When people presume im enjoying being wound up and upset then it really gets me more wound up and upset. Also demands to calm down or take a pill especially considering i take 25 pills per day which haven't magically resolved any problems.

 

When you're own family refuse to read up or try and understand where you are coming from where else can you turn? 1 relative said i should go on antidepressants but also said that i dont need those stupid tablets. How can i go and not go on antidepressants? No wonder im having meltdowns/rages if im being told polar opposites of the same coin and shouted at to do those things!

[lupuscandenti]

Thanks Darkshine and Sa Skimrande,

 

Your words have had a positive impact on me and i'll be going into campus today with a shifted attitude and renewed vigour.

 

thanks again.

[lupuscandenti]

trekster,

 

Just read your post. Wow, thank you for articulating so clearly. It's funny (peculiar) how similar and how different we aspies are. Some of what you said really resonated with me especially the passively accepting things only to get frustrated and overloaded later on. I'm always doing this when i feel i 'should' do something because that 's what everyone else wants to do.

[trekster]

trekster,

 

Just read your post. Wow, thank you for articulating so clearly. It's funny (peculiar) how similar and how different we aspies are. Some of what you said really resonated with me especially the passively accepting things only to get frustrated and overloaded later on. I'm always doing this when i feel i 'should' do something because that 's what everyone else wants to do.

 

As they say hard to change a habit of a lifetime. Oh and i consider myself an autie or an autist rather than an aspie. Pleased i could help :-)