smileyK Report post Posted January 2, 2013 Went over NAS to inform senior manager I've been in mental health crisis shouldnt have bothered! As she informed me into the fact of my funding to access their services Is not valid , been lost ,non-existent ran out and not being renewed so case closed just made me feel worse now maybe shouldn't have attempted to find out more but hadn't heard nothing since october time via email so am now starting to think is that why old pyschologist left due to service funding cut backs feeling deflated, let down disappointed ,again felt to pick up the pieces alone and scared such a sham! No where to go no-one wants to know to be honest senior manager advice was to go back to GP docs and pushed along re-referral back to adult MHT fed up of knock backs of funding so tired ,fed up and drained ... Even more so now! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
A-S warrior Report post Posted January 2, 2013 Say whaaa? you have to be kidding? That's really bad service. Can you not appeal? or go private? surely there must be something in place. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 2, 2013 Wish I was I'm so shocked myself hasn't sank in yet! My head literally spin really don't need this! Can't afford private wish I could! Haven't got the energy to appeal just be wasting my time! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JeanneA Report post Posted January 2, 2013 Hi smiley I'm so sorry to hear this, is there no'one you could speak to? do you have an advocate that speaks on your behalf at all? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 2, 2013 No don't have an advocate at all! I'm raging should be entitled but get nothing back! This so going to help my mental health issues right now! Stupid flipping cut backs due to government have no real life sense on reality! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JeanneA Report post Posted January 2, 2013 No I agree cut backs are awful something you don't need. I would think about inquiring about having an advocate it could be of help to you especially in situations like you currently find yourself in. It could be worth also going back to your GP and ask to be referred as an emergency case to the MHT? You do deserve to get the help you need and sometimes you just have to keep fighting for that help. :-) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 2, 2013 I feel like letting everything crave in .. Doesn't help feeling trapped by everything! I'm so sick of fighting my way through endless systems what for!? As comes to nothing but heartache disappointment adds to spiralling downwards crashing fall of depressive thoughts! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
A-S warrior Report post Posted January 2, 2013 If you had an advocate, these things will be much easier, and you would have someone fighting in your corner. You should be entitled to an advocate anyway because of your autisum. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 2, 2013 I feel so bad selfish moaning constantly as know lot worse of peeps than me out there being affected by government great good ideas not! How would go about getting an advocate through docs again? Don't think appealling complaining going to change anything around to make more comfy for me! Feel like doors systems services shut and slam doors in my face like no-one gives a damn cares really anymore whatsoever! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
trekster Report post Posted January 2, 2013 I feel like letting everything crave in .. Doesn't help feeling trapped by everything! I'm so sick of fighting my way through endless systems what for!? As comes to nothing but heartache disappointment adds to spiralling downwards crashing fall of depressive thoughts!  i know how that feels, i got so fed up waiting for the NHS to take responsibility for my MH that i made some lifestyle changes myself. 1, i went on omega 3 fish oil, within about 12 weeks it should start to work. i then added in a different supplement each week, if i felt worse i took it out and tried something else the following week, if it got better or no change i either adjusted the dose or carried on. i added in milk thistle, magnesium, taurine, b50s, calcuim (reacted badly so took it out), 5htp (at night for sleep), d3, A, C and a few others.  2, i went off all gluten, dairy, msg and aspartame. Due to my EDS im also off pineapple and bromelain. ive added in some good mood foods (AS warrior mentioned a few on another thread including dark chocolate) into my diet.  3, in bought a weighted vest for when im feeling overloaded, i put the vest on when really stressed and pull the cords tight until i feel calmer then i take it off.  4, i invested in some regular swimming to help with my joints, havent been due to the bad weather lately.  5, i play music in my car to suit my mood and try and learn the songs as i go along, i remember them so well that i can still keep an eye on the road.  6, i joined a MH survivors group.  7, i found an ASD counsellor privately and have telephone counselling, she also specialises in PTSD and trauma. i highly recommend her, she was found via the NAS list of specialist counsellors. Most charge around £30 upwards for an hours counselling and some do email, face to face in addition to telephone. Let me know if you wish to have her number (as 1 autistic to another). Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 2, 2013 can't afford £30 a session wish i could otherwise snap bite your hand off for the number honest i would! as only work p/t an hour a lunchtime thanks for the offer though much appreciated! hope win the lottery or going gala bingo tomorrow as free play fingers crossed so can now play for mental health support times are getting bad! didn't realise gone to this full extent looking back have a gut instinct feeling that NAS knew all along has suspicions that it was heading down this direction/route/path feel like i try help me but no-one else wants to know too much trouble to ask as i'm 'too normal' 'functioning in their eyes and don't warrant anything off services can i hit lower rock bottom right now everything seems so gloomy and miserable in sight! backing away from everyone /everything as overwhelming scared everyone going to reject /leave me i know how stupid,silly pathetic this sounds but i know it would end this way being let down ,disappointed once again great stuff! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
trekster Report post Posted January 2, 2013 i cant afford it either but i have to find a way to rejiggle my budget so i can afford it otherwise my MH would get worse and i can afford that less than the cost of counselling. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 2, 2013 (edited) Just collapsing under the strain where does system and services leave me now! No where! Even when desperate scared afraid isn't enough at all! Â *its like oh well attitude it doesn't affect me directly so what should it matter! ;( Â My whole life been full of this trailer trash systems services let down , disappointments time after time with an open mind.. This how gets repaid slap in the face did involvement work with NAS but I'm too much for them! How can not take this as personal attack situation?! ;( Â Mod Note: (Posts merged, please edit your previous post to add further comments if you were the last poster.) Edited January 2, 2013 by trekster Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
matzoball Report post Posted January 2, 2013 Sorry to hear about you being let down so badly.  However I must stress that you need an advocate to speak for you not only with NAS, but with a lot of your mental health and bdd needs. I feel this is a solution for you because you seem to be able to say everything you are feeling here, but not to people who can physically help you where you are. You need someone who will make you stick with things like appointments, and medications and trying to sort your life out.  You aren't annoying people on the forum, but it is very frustrating to constantly give you advice and then you ignore it.  http://www.actionforadvocacy.org.uk/  http://www.advocacyresource.org.uk/  http://www.mind.org.uk/help/rights_and_legislation/mind_guide_to_advocacy  http://www.u-kan.co.uk/  These are a few organizations that can help you find an advocate who you can form a relationship with and will then help you sort things out.  I am only training to be an advocate, and am in Scotland so can't help you directly, but these organizations are a start.  Please take this advice and stick with it. Things are hard right now for you yes, but I truly believe if you start helping yourself by letting others help you, then you really will be happy and healthy. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oakers Report post Posted January 2, 2013 Great post matzoball. I think you've hit the nail on the head there... helping yourself by letting others help you. Unfortunately I think sometimes this is one of the hardest things to do. Â If you're having trouble talking about things to an advocate or similar Smiley why don't you write things down? Like matzoball says you seem to be able to get things down in writing, and maybe that is the key to helping yourself? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 2, 2013 (edited) @matzoball - i feel i am now acting personally on advice made making positive steps in right direction to TRY access mental health issues support but isn't working out successfully feel this appointment/session with Adult MHT service is only going to be short-term basis! i'm not running and hiding liked used to on here facing up answering relying to all posts made however difficult /hard to reply too and find suitable and appropriate response  i know i ain't most easy / flexible person to take accept advice i'm first to admit this! when so scared/afraid all time /constantly all seems well don't know... i'm thought was trying to let others in to help me but not working that way like NAS and has been same in the past with Adult MHT if Adult MHT fails me lets me down i have no where to turn for true support that's practical! so suppose just have to accept suck it up move on however hard to digest!  i had faith in NAS but proven wrong enter all services/support network with open clear focused mind give it everything i got and more now look in more mess then when joined why do i do it to myself every single time set hopes up to be supported my needs the writing issues down have for adult MHT so see proof /evidence dont know where it will lead if anywhere at all! fingers crossed this avenue lead works and doesn't break down!  what isn't entirally clear from the advocacy links given is do you have to pay for this service or again is it funded ? and would i enquire at the docs about this?  am I doing the right thing going back to adult MHT do you think? i don't feel i can go without any support /service whatsoever cold turkey effect sounds weird/strange i blame being diagnosed in early teens for being such an issue to get access to any support services for then be turned round later and told no sorry not for you! like giving a sweetie and then snatching grabbing it away again! am i right to feel angry and hurt?  i feel more vulnerable than ever! would be entitled to social worker? but then i know they are Also high demand short supply due to again hiccup bump that keep getting in the way funding to access anything these days! it's made my personal issues that much deeper .... as along as government are achieving their pay back debt goals hey ho don't matter who pays suffers long term emotionally stuff them! i never felt raging like i do right now!  i never filled any tick box for any real successful help or service as reached too late on! is too late to access any support service now NAS don't want to know turned their backs on me where do i go what do i do what is next step? to find someone fight/battle on my behalf speak up for me? is this too far fetched am i over reacting slightly? or would you feel 'cheated' lied to???  XKLX  Mod Note: (Posts merged, please edit your previous post to add further comments if you were the last poster.) Edited January 2, 2013 by trekster Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
matzoball Report post Posted January 2, 2013 What area do you live in Smiley - just give me the county and I will find what is available for you as much as I can. Â I can't answer all of your questions - only professionals can. But I do think you definitely need to get in contact with your local adult mental health team. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 2, 2013 I live in what used to be known classed as best support service NAS wise -northamponshire everything funding based cut backs and boxes don't fit into any! Shall I ring adult MHT tomorrow?! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
trekster Report post Posted January 2, 2013 Have you attended the ASD service user representation group in Northants? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 2, 2013 Nope I haven't didn't know existed! What it for attended purposes?! X Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Merry Report post Posted January 2, 2013 Hey Smiley K, I just HAD to respond to you you sound so sad. The real truth is that there isn't much help unless you're prepared to fight for it or can afford to pay for it. Unfortunately, when dealing with depression, fighting is the last thing you feel like doing. When i get depressed, my husband has to make me brush my teeth or i'd go for weeks without doing it! Wow what a thing to admit to but it's true. Just the basics are hard. Just existing, breathing, taking food or drinks seems too much. You become immersed in your pain. The only relief is being asleep. That's my experience...and sometimes, you need someone else to recognise that and step in. When i was under the mental health team in our area, it was such a blessing. They were so involved that at some point they would be checking up on me even if i did nothing to contact them...and if i did need them, my occupational therapist was only a call away. Then it all stopped at once. I felt as if i'd been set adrift. -Just left to live with it. The woman who lives downstairs from me has tried to commit suicide twice in the last 2 years and is so depressed she can barely leave the house, but they stopped her job seekers because she found it too difficult to get to the appointments, she can't get sickness benefits and her doctor won't sign her off sick, only offers anti-depressants. I'm sorry I really wanted to cheer you up, not depress you further, I so wish i could help you i really do. Luckily, on this site there are a lot of people like matzoball who have great and useful advice..those are the people you need to listen to. Obviously I don't know you but i want to offer my online support even though i have no way of helping apart from sympathizing. Huge hugs and blessings, Merry. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
matzoball Report post Posted January 2, 2013 http://www.voiceability.org/in_your_area/northamptonshire/total_voice  http://www.actionsupport.org.uk/advocacy.html  http://www.mind.org.uk/help/mind_in_your_area/169  http://www.peoplefirst.org.uk/train1.html  http://www.nnaa.org.uk/  http://www.actionforadvocacy.org.uk/contactServlet?action=display&contact=1946&borough=68&page=2  All of these services are free and will be able to help you.  You need to tell them you need someone to advocate for you to the mht and other doctors as you have a lot of difficulty in this area. Like I said I can't answer these questions for you. You need to take these first steps yourself. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 2, 2013 @ merry - have all daily living tasks take huge amount time and energy sometimes more often don't bother washing or brushing my teeth even saying it is yuk! Sorry! @matzoball - thanks for everything grateful! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Merry Report post Posted January 2, 2013 Don't worry about typing those things...type away. No one will judge you here, we've all felt like that at times. It's just your present mood talking. You know that moods change as life changes and it will pass. Just do whatever you need to do for the moment to get through it. Don't give yourself a hard time for feeling the way you do. Allow yourself to feel it and express it. Just give yourself a break for now....you just have to go through it sweetheart....it's okay. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
matzoball Report post Posted January 3, 2013 Smiley - you have to get help. You know you need help. I've given you plenty of links and advice that should get you started on the right road. Â You are panicking because it seems hard. It is. But it's really worthwhile, I can't stress this enough. Â What you need to work on is managing your anxiety because it's obvious that's what is controlling you at the moment. Â Find things that you know will relax you. Walk away from the computer. Put on a movie you like, draw something, make something - even if it's a cup of tea. Â When you feel the anxiety getting to a point that all you can do is react then you know it's time to try and walk away from the situation. Go find somewhere quiet and dark, and just allow the feelings to wash over you. When you have calmed down you will be able to approach things more rationally and things won't seem so hopeless. Â It might be worth setting a no technology(phones, computer) rule in your bedroom after a certain time at night. That way it can become a refuge where your body will force you to calm down as it won't be distracted by anything - you will be able to lie down in there and breathe. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 3, 2013 Received a letter through the post today from adult MHT my god send letter I hope got an appointment next tuesday at 3pm for intial assessment session lasting 20/30 minutes and got to bring meds with me I'm on currently! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Suze Report post Posted January 3, 2013 Thats good news Smiley, Can you take someone with you to the appointment?........I would suggest you do this.Matzoball has also given you some excellent advice there, thankyou Matzoball. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Merry Report post Posted January 3, 2013 I agree. What a fantastic post Matzoball. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
A-S warrior Report post Posted January 3, 2013 I'm really impressed with matzoballs work at the moment. fantastic stuff. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JeanneA Report post Posted January 3, 2013 Fantastic news smiley, so pleased you have got an appointment come through. Well done matzoball for all your very valuable advice to smiley :-) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 3, 2013 Just added to list of thanks matzoball well best friend work shifts as support worker so unlikely shell b able to come with me! My mum too emotionally involved to take with me! Know the questions going to be hard tough! Not looking to that at all! As scares me hearing everything! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JeanneA Report post Posted January 3, 2013 Have you a social worker that could go with you? If not is there anyone else you could think of that would go with you? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 3, 2013 (edited) Wish I had one - a social worker but again lack of funding doubt I be entitled get one now as been rejected everywhere else! Xxx  No one else I'm afraid don't want to involve my friends into my mess wreck of life!  Posts merge  "You dont need funding to get a Social Worker but do have to satisfy certain criterion. Fair Access to Care Services. These are subjective, vague and difficult to understand, with your mental health as it is you should qualify for critical or substantial needs which your local authority have a duty to provide you with help.  Asking for a Community Care Assessment in your area  http://www.northamptonshire.gov.uk/en/councilservices/social-care/adults/pages/am-i-eligible-for-help-from-the-council.aspx  NAS parents and carers group in your area  http://www.autism.org.uk/directory/search-results/pg=1/resources/11291.aspx  NAs services in your area  http://www.autism.org.uk/northamptonshire  Also the "taking responsibility report" and "a guide for professionals assessing those with ASDs" (unsure of the exact wording of the 2nd report.  HTH Edited January 3, 2013 by trekster Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 4, 2013 So glad tuesday is not long away now as feeling really "unwell" in my head each day which passes which scaring me how long I can grip on?! Grin and bear it with fakeness and pretence of being when falling apart inside my head! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 4, 2013 * thanks for the links trekster! Got gut instinct that any care or support ill require it be down for me to pay for out of own pocket! As direct payments funding is running dry going real thin! leaves me feeling hopeless and despair on my future ahead close my eyes brace myself I suppose is best protection to being hurt,let down,disappointed etc? As don't know how can keep coming back rejection after rejection ready to fight back remain strong , level headed just doesn't work plan out right at all!;( everyone around me tells I'm be ok,fine,keep my chin up,keep energy to fight back I feel so emotionally weak/crushed especially when here statements such as these so freely expressed /used! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Special_talent123 Report post Posted January 4, 2013 I never knew NAS even had a mental health service, because they have only ever gave me advice to go to these peoples that are recommended but not part of NAS Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 4, 2013 @ special talent - I know of NAS services don't include psychology support service sessions within the general NAS service it offers and provides clients! But I think the local area in which I live (don't know) if was the only existing support service of that kind or rarity not seen often I unsure of exact details! Change of subject slightly fed up sick of forever ever lingering lasting depression cliches seem to follow you around - " stick like glue" proper madness! ;( Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Merry Report post Posted January 4, 2013 I can relate to the `stick like glue` thing you said...so down lately and not even any reason for it...i know i can barely afford to feed my family, can't afford to have our heating on and we're stuck with a baby in a 1 bedroom flat and everybody always thinks that's depressing, but that's nothing new and doesn't usually get me down. Just can't seem to shift this low feeling. Get a good few hrs sometimes and think i've come out of it...but all it takes is one little thing and i realise i'm still in depression, as much as i try to hide it. When i'm with my baby you'd think i'm the happiest person ever....but as soon as she's having her nap i fill up with sadness....you know that feeling in your throat where you're pushing down the tears.....and there's no reason for it. I find myself making up reasons to tell my husband why i'm upset...but they're just excuses. I have no idea at all. Up and down and up and down....! But it most definitely will pass. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smileyK Report post Posted January 4, 2013 (edited) @ merry - back at you can empathise relate to "pushing emotions shoving back down" within your inner self feel like constant yo - yo emotional rollercoaster! I also make up endless reasons/excuses to grab at / find to back it seem justified to be feeling way you do all time! X Â * I could burst into tears for no apparent reason trying to force pretence on myself be joker just makes feel trashy worse! Try to hide run away from parents spending money haven't got my savings for rainy day on clothes in the sales! Feel bad guilty for reality spending money haven't got! Everything could make me cry! Â Feel like going to bed right now pulling covers over me! Everyones irritating /annoying me lot! Laying on my bed with my snuggie blanket just to escape gain some peace alone time! Bring on tuesday! If I manage to hold on til then!;( (posts merged) Edited January 13, 2013 by trekster Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Merry Report post Posted January 5, 2013 You sound like quite an expert at getting through these times..just like me, even though it's horrible. You'l make it. The days still go by...time still passes...it'll be tuesday before you know it. Just keep doing whatever it takes to get yourself through the days. x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
