Knowing when to say sorry

[Isobel]

I did something wrong at work which hasn't got me into trouble, but my other colleague was afraid that it might get her or me into trouble. She is not one to hold grudges and doesn't hate me for it, as we are talking to each other etc, but my manager said I should apologise to her. I'm sorry but perhaps as an aspie this doesn't occur to me? especially when my colleague has not mentioned it since and is showing no signs that she hates me for it?

[Special_talent123]

what exactly happened?

[Sa Skimrande]

I did something wrong at work which hasn't got me into trouble, but my other colleague was afraid that it might get her or me into trouble. She is not one to hold grudges and doesn't hate me for it, as we are talking to each other etc, but my manager said I should apologise to her. I'm sorry but perhaps as an aspie this doesn't occur to me? especially when my colleague has not mentioned it since and is showing no signs that she hates me for it?

 

Personally if I know I have done something wrong I apologise for my wrong action, as to what others display that is irrelevant to me, I go by my own feelings.

[justine1]

Personally if I know I have done something wrong I apologise for my wrong action, as to what others display that is irrelevant to me, I go by my own feelings.

 

Thats good advice. I think as you say in your opening comment that you did something wrong then I think you should just say sorry. I don't hold grudges either and I don't always tell people when something they have done has upset me, but I do tell family or friends when I think someone else was in the wrong and that they have'nt apologised. So prehaps although your colleague has'nt said anything it may still play on her mind or not, but its worth apologising anyway.

 

The only time I will not apologise is when I have said something that I really mean,something that has been building up,it usually upsets the other person but I cannot be sorry for expressing my feelings. It has happened a few times with my mother, she gets upset and storms off but I try and persuade her not to leave without me having to say sorry...does'nt always work though.

[Isobel]

I had to leave early from work to get a minor fault on my car fixed. I told my work partner (whom I was going to do a specific job with that afternoon) that I was going, and he was fine with it, then I let my female colleague know and put it in the work leave diary (for H & S reasons). She said I should have really have phoned my manager to let her know, but as she was off sick, I didn't see the point in doing that as I'd already made sure the job was covered. This was last Thursday and when I came in on Monday, my female colleague was normal and chatty so didn't feel the need to bring the subject up anymore.

[Special_talent123]

that wasnt your fault she was of sick. But u did tell someone, but was there an assistant who u could of told?

[trekster]

sounds like you haven't done anything wrong. you could ask the colleague when they're better what you could do next time.

[Isobel]

it was my manager who was off sick. she's come back now and she's the one whose asking me to apologise. Its a good thing she's not taking this any further cause I could go above her head to the union if I really wanted to.

[Lyndalou]

I personally can't see what you did wrong. It sounds ike you covered all the bases to me. I think that the only reason you would need to apologise to your colleague would be that your decision caused her some concern. If your manager was off sick, was there someone else you could have told or does she accept calls at home when she is off sick? I can't see too many bosses who would be happy with you doing this. You need to check what the procedure would be next time - it sounds very picky to me.

[Isobel]

well apparently I should have called her mobile number. To me, that doesn't seem right. If a manager is not in, I'm perfectly capable of taking matters into my own hands. The manager has been very picky lately over other things too, I'm thinking of starting to document these things so I can go to my union rep if I have to.

[Lyndalou]

well apparently I should have called her mobile number. To me, that doesn't seem right. If a manager is not in, I'm perfectly capable of taking matters into my own hands. The manager has been very picky lately over other things too, I'm thinking of starting to document these things so I can go to my union rep if I have to.

I think documenting incidents is a very good idea. If you think your boss is in some way bullying or harrassing you (and being very picky comes into this category in my book) then if you are able to keep a record of things they say to you or actions they take that you think are unfair and fall outwith what is in your work contract you can at least seek some advice in the first instance. There are many times looking back when I was treated differently to colleagues and in retrospect I realise this was a form of bullying. I was experiencing other forms of bullying at the same time, so often 'pickiness' didn't seem important at the time however, like any form of bullying, it erodes your self confidence and makes you question your abilities. Before it gets to that point, it is probably sensible to be proactive!