I have too much Empathy for others and feel bad quickly - How to get over this?

[Testing_Manners]

Hello people. I am 19 years old and got diagnosed with Aspergers last year. My traits always seemed pretty obvious and I was surprised that no one caught on sooner - I had many assessments growing up when I went to schools with never any clear speculations to what I might have.

 

I hear a lot of people say including the doctor who diagnosed me. That people with Aspergers tend to lack empathy for others. But I have to say I am the complete opposite in that sense.

 

I see something on TV or read an article and it can really make my heart sink and feel bad because of what the other person is going through. For example I came across this article about how a Woman & Her Husband hired a Nanny to move into their house and how the Nanny & The Husband then began an affair - And how they both started being horrible to the wife. Here is a link to the article:

 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1085257/The-nanny-stole-husband-But-whos-really-blame-you.html

 

And it made me feel very down for months - Sometimes it would randomly pop into my head & I don't understand why. I know it isn't normal to think like this but at the same time I can't help it.

 

I feel really bad about what others go through and their level of pain is something I can really relate to. Is there any advice on how to lessen feeling like this?

[trekster]

Hello and welcome, im also one of those over empathisers and recent new scientist news September 2010 about 'aspergers theory does an about face'. ie we feel others too intensely to cope.

[Testing_Manners]

Hello and welcome, im also one of those over empathisers and recent new scientist news September 2010 about 'aspergers theory does an about face'. ie we feel others too intensely to cope.

 

Thanks Trekster. I don't think the 'lack of empathy' applies to everyone with Aspergers. With some it may work the opposite way (Like Us) -

 

My other Aspergers Traits are very strong. Such as my sensory issues. I even feel bad about those who have been bad to me. When I was around 13 years old this one kid started bullying me and starting a fight with me. I beat him up but felt really bad about it when I did.

 

It angers and upsets me how many normal people generally don't seem to have morals or compassion for their fellow human beings.

[atlantis]

Hi

The way it was described to me by the people who diagnosed me was that we feel empathy but may lack the social skills and body language to communicate it effectively. I think that's definitely the case for me, because like you both I seem to feel it more intensely than most people but other people still see me as cold and unable to empathise.

[trekster]

Im also upset by others lack of morals.

[Testing_Manners]

Hi

The way it was described to me by the people who diagnosed me was that we feel empathy but may lack the social skills and body language to communicate it effectively. I think that's definitely the case for me, because like you both I seem to feel it more intensely than most people but other people still see me as cold and unable to empathise.

 

 

I smile & laugh a lot consistently. Whereas some with Aspergers may come across as very cold. Some do genuinely seem to lack empathy - I guess it just depends really.

 

I really would like to know how to get over it though.

[Sally44]

I would say that sometimes my son can appear not to understand others feelings, but that is because he is not paying attention to what they have said or is not picking up on facial expressons, voice tone or gestures. If the situation is explained to him he tends to get over emotional and very upset. He also has OCD now, and so those feelings and thoughts can become obsessions that compel him to do certain things. So I also do not think that those on the spectrum do not have empathy. I think it can be too overwhelming for some people, or may not be obvious to others. Things can affect you on a much deeper level without it being apparent to anyone around you.

[Asun86]

Hi

The way it was described to me by the people who diagnosed me was that we feel empathy but may lack the social skills and body language to communicate it effectively. I think that's definitely the case for me, because like you both I seem to feel it more intensely than most people but other people still see me as cold and unable to empathise.

 

I think this sums it up for me also.

 

I feel bad that I cannot expressive it effectively as I don't want others to think I'm cold and heartless.

 

As for trying to lesser the emotions, I think it's just part of being human to feel such things but sometimes having too much empathy and compassion can get you caught up in things that you really need to walk away from.

I guess the only way to really lesser that kind of feeling is to live and learn.

[amberzak]

Hi.

 

I have always felt empathy for others. As a child my parents had to ban me from watching the news. As a child I was unhappily obsessed with the Dunblane Massacre. I sobbed about it for days. More recently I heard about a science teacher who hit a student over the head with a weight, and I felt so guilty for him.

 

I'm training as a teacher, and I get really upset when I hear about the horrible ways the kids I teach are treated. I find it really hard not to feel empathy for the kids I teach.

 

It isn't that we don't feel the empathy. It's that it's too strong to cope with. My friends think I'm cold because if they start talking about something that's happened, like for example that shooting in the elementary school in USA, I say 'I don't want to hear about it.' They think I don't care, but it's just I know I will become obsessed, in a not good way, with it if I hear about it so I have to block it out. I also don't know how to show sympathy without sounding cheesy. I'm a very practical person; if there is a problem I try to find a practical solution to help people.