Noskcaj86 Report post Posted February 28, 2013 yesterday (its 12.25) we had a MASSIVE meltdown in a shop, so big that people were coming and looking round the end of isles to see what all the noise was. It was embarrassing for me. Jacks brother (9) worried me though, he that when Jack does that he wishes Jack would die we explain that Jack cant help it and he says "i know, but i still wish he would die" not nice to hear. Poor Jack cant control his meltdowns (yet) and also feel sorry for my older son that he feels like that towards his brother. Such a shame Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
matzoball Report post Posted February 28, 2013 Sorry to hear that, hopefully as Jack and his brother get older it will get better. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JeanneA Report post Posted February 28, 2013 Yes I'm so sorry to hear of the experience you had. I also hope as the brothers get older things will get better. :-) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mike_GX101 Report post Posted February 28, 2013 Excuse me for taking the literal response but why do they always call it 'melt down'? When I experience them I seem to 'boil up' until I cannot contain it any longer and I explode with anger. Is this the same thing?!? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
matzoball Report post Posted February 28, 2013 Pretty much - they liken what happens to a nuclear reactor meltdown! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Noskcaj86 Report post Posted February 28, 2013 I just call it what ive heard others call it, its not a tantrum so i call it meltdown. I suppose he does kind of look like hes "Melting down" as he drops to the floor! lol I hope it improves to, my 9yr old really resents his little bro not how its meant to be! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mike_GX101 Report post Posted March 1, 2013 Thanks Matzoball - it makes sense now. And yes I've definitely been there many times. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shnoing Report post Posted March 1, 2013 ... Jacks brother (9) worried me though, he that when Jack does that he wishes Jack would die ... feel sorry for my older son that he feels like that towards his brother. Such a shame The reaction seems quite normal, for his stressful situation. Maybe he should spend more time where his little brother is not present (difficult to organize, but hopefully it helps). Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sesley Report post Posted March 2, 2013 Jacks brother is 9? Watching his brother in such distress will be very scarey for him,and says things like that because of his fear,of not fully understanding whats going on. Public meltdowns are tramatic as uncaring and ignorant staring,just ads to your anxietys. There is nothingt much you can do,only reassure Jack in a calm voice,because he will be scared as well.All you can do is make sure he is safe and can not harm himself or others and wait for all to calm. I know its hard but if you can stay calm then it helps recovery. If necessary inform the shop staff of his autism so that they may assist you in keeping all safe. Do you know what the trigger was? When Jack is calm maybe you can talk about it and see if you can come to a point of how to cope the same situation again. Hard i know because it can come out of the blue. Only can symapthise with you, because been there as well. In Tescos Perth when he was 10. over a computer game. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Noskcaj86 Report post Posted March 2, 2013 Thanks both, it was caused by me not allowing him to have a chocolate bar as hed recently had something sweet about half an hour before. So the meltdown started and i put him in to his buggy to keep him safe/stop him running off during his meltdown and that made it worse :/ so next time ill let him have the meltdown on the floor or follow him if he does run off during it! Glad people think my 9yr olds reaction is normal, it is worrying to hear him say things like that. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sesley Report post Posted March 4, 2013 the say they love you one minute then they hate you the next. don,t take what they say to too much heart. it sounds upsetting because its awful what they say,you have to rememeber they are scared and are just lashing out . its important that they know you are someone they can trust and are always there for them.. Its alright to say no to them even if they start swimming on the floor.They have to know were your boundarys are,when the tantrums start just stay as calm as you can and find ways to defuse the situation,like giving them your shopping list and finding the things they do like to eat, which are part of their diets .If you need to tie young one to buggy to keep him safe then do so, running around a busy shop looking for him is not a good ,All young children will test you and you need to make sure they know you are the boss even with the autism. The main thing is you stay in control. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Noskcaj86 Report post Posted March 4, 2013 I swear that shop causes him to have meltdowns, every time we go through the doors he becomes "more autistic"! Maybe its to bright, or noisy, or busy... but it definiatly makes a difference to his behaviour the moment we enter. He either becomes more hyper active or he has a big meltdown, or both! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lyndalou Report post Posted March 4, 2013 Is there any other shop you can go to if you think it's the shop itself that's making things difficult for Jack? Even if it's just to go to another store to see if the same thing happens there? I know someone mentioned internet shopping before as an alternative - do you think that could be an option too? I know that when I did it for a while it had it's pros and cons in that quite often you got stuff that was almost at the sell by date and you couldn't be on the look out for bargains but it was straight to the door with no stress of buses and walking for miles with heavy bags! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Noskcaj86 Report post Posted March 4, 2013 (edited) I quite like going there though, it has a nice cafe and Jack likes the cakes there. But it does seem to cause a lot of issues with him. I wonder what it is that triggers him to get hyper there. Hes not as bad in other shops of the same size. I think he enjoys going there, so gets hyper and over exited. That causes him to run off and miss behave, he then has a meltdown. Luckily i mainly go while hes in school so its not very often he comes with me shopping. Â Also he always wants a new toy car or a cake... of course he cant have one every time he goes so that causes big meltdowns too. Im thinking the more he goes, the more he will learn how to behave there or in similar situations. I stay calm and talk to him and explain why he cant have a cake or car or explain why he cant scream and run around in the shop, and i hope he will eventually learn from it all. Although if he is having a full blown meltdown where i cant console him like he did the other day i have to leave as quickly as possible! Edited March 4, 2013 by Noskcaj86 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lyndalou Report post Posted March 4, 2013 He's maybe associating the shop with new cars and cakes and anticipating it before he goes. Although you stay calm and explain to him at the time that he isn't able to have those things, he might not be able to understand this. Last year while on our holidays (in Wales!) my son had a terrible meltdown in the street. What set it off was that his dad had allowed him to climb onto a wall and have a walk around it so a bit further down the road he wanted to walk on another wall but as it was a garden wall we wouldn't let him climb on it. He was already struggling as it was a new town, we'd dragged him around the shops and he was a bit tired and now we wouldn't let him climb on a wall. He didn't see the difference between the walls and it didn't matter when we tried to explain the difference. These days, I try to anticipate these types of things and provide warnings or tell him what is going to happen ahead of time if I can. It also helps that he's now a little older! Maybe you can 'transfer' the idea of a car or cake to another 'treat' if you go to the supermarket and talk about it before you go, even as early as when he gets up so he gets used to the idea. Something like you will go to the park or he can have a nice pudding at dinner but change the 'treats' each time. This might break the habit that's been formed....just an idea!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sesley Report post Posted March 4, 2013 he will learn,it will take a lot of patience and consisitancy. Does he have sensory issues for flashing lights,noise smells? and of course large crowds. I know how difficult it is for you,but be persistant. Or do you have a friend or relative to leave him with why you go out with Jack? When you go to the cafe have a packet of biscuits or cakes he likes with you then he can have his peice with his juice but not at cafe prices.Toys just get him to say you get those when you have say 4 gold stars. make a star chart he can see for when he is good when you go out. or the birthday fairy if its near birthday,or Easter bunny anything.He won,t have much sense for time so mark on a calender when he can get a toy,then he can see when its possible for a toy.Maybe a social story of going shopping when you go into the shop,what you need to buy and when you go to the cafe,avoid the toys section if possible,let him help you follow your shopping list,with pictures. sometimes just being in a chaotic place like a supermarket is enough to send most people into meltdown,so if you can give him a way he can understand what you are there for with the socials stories and pictures.It might help with coping. Mine is older now i leave him at the computers section playing with the i pod tablet things, though he is 13 now,and collect him when we finished shopping, but i did get him to find his yoguts and mars bars and he took charge pushing the trolley,when he got a bit bigger,yours is younger so you can,t leave him yet,Its finding things that work for you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Noskcaj86 Report post Posted March 4, 2013 He does have sensory issues with smell, touch and noise. not sure big browds bother him much though as he will happily run off in one if i let him (which i dont) and we are trying reward charts, if you get 3 car stickers you get a new toy car (they are just small cars that cost about £1) but it hasnt worked yet... He gets a bit confused and says "can my have a car now, my done a wee" But he hasnt done a wee on the toilet, its in his pull up or on the floor!! So still trying to get him to grasp the reward for weeing on the toilet system. Im sure if i persist he will eventually learn, and the more chances i give him the better i hope. Although i know it might take years before he fully understands. But thats ok i guess. For now im going to just keep on trying to stay calm when he does have a meltdown Thanx for help Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Noskcaj86 Report post Posted March 5, 2013 Huge meltdown on the way home from the library today, had to put him on reins and got home as quick as we could, he screamed, hit, kicked, ounched and licked me all the way home. People of course were glaring... I stayed calm until we were 2 mins from the house when i just coculdnt stay calm anymore and shouted back this was after 30ish mins of being screamed at and hit though, he was testing me to my limits as i had no one to help. He was also saying things like "im going to kill you mummy" so onlookers were horrified, very embarrassing for me indeed! i must look like the worlds worst mum, and Jack must come across as the devil child Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sesley Report post Posted March 5, 2013 you are not a the worlds worst mother. you care and love them,people staring are because they are thinking glad, its you not them. Poor you. Do you have a chocolate draw,dare I say it a nice glass of wine,when they are in bed?Just remember they are just being naughty and pushing the boundarys and proberly one feeding off the other,finding which of your buttons to push. Little one with autism needs the strong discipline as much as your other children. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Noskcaj86 Report post Posted March 6, 2013 Thanks Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shnoing Report post Posted March 6, 2013 Huge meltdown on the way home from the library today, had to put him on reins and got home as quick as we could, ... Even if it sounds weird, I sometimes take my 9-year-old in the car for distances of about half a mile, because I have the feeling that he'll "misbehave", e.g. in the GP's waiting room. The ride in the car seems to calm him down somewhat. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Noskcaj86 Report post Posted March 6, 2013 I would do the same if I could drive, His dad drives but I dont so I dont have the option unfortunately. I hope to be able to drive soon! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
