How often does your child have a rage?

[Viper]

Hi everyone.

 

I am having a hell of a time with Ben, he has at least 4 rages a day and there is always anger simmering below the surface.

 

His rages are full blown punching, kicking and recently scratching attacks that last for upwards of half an hour. I have to hold him sometimes to stop him hitting me or trashing the house. I used to give him time out until he calms down but the only place I can put him is in the hall and he just runs upstairs now and trashes the bedrooms.

 

The smallest thing can set him off, I can say Ben have you finished your tea and he will scream at me "shut up" he tells me I am nasty and he hates me for no reason then he will punch me or kick me repeatedly. He told a friends father to shut up the other day, he was very good about it as he knows Ben has problems, his daughter kept saying "but dad he told you to shut up" and he said "well he is feeling upset".

 

It's getting very wearing and I feel exhausted by the end of a day. How often does your AS kid rage in a day?

 

Viper.

Edited July 26, 2005 by Viper

[smallworld]

As many times as I tell him 'No'!

Seriously we're probably taking about up 3 or 4 times for our dx 5 yr old, for our undx AS 9 yr old it's probably double that, and our NT 12 yr old daughter it's constant !

This is just day one of the summer holidays and I'm already thinking of running away and joining the circus.

We have been stuck inside today cos of rain and muddy garden, it's been a bit like a day of 'wet play' at school, I know this makes em all worse. They're definitely outdoor children !

We too have the problem of youngest two shouting back(my God, they're loud!) Eldest sticks to muttering 'fine ! or 'whatever '

Went to answer answer door this pm and youngest has lost my credit card !!!!

I am trying my best to remain low voiced and calm but the naughty step has been busy all day !

 

 

wac

[Kathryn]

We can usually get through the day reasonably peacefully these days: as long as my daughter isn't forced to do anything she doesn't want to do, computer and x box equipment aren't malfunctioning, and we don't touch on any awkward subjects. Sometimes I do take the line of least resistance for a quiet life.

 

When meltdowns happen they can still be spectacular. A disturbing trend is that she will make for the front door and try to run away. I don't know what to do in this situation: once she didn't come back for an hour and she had no shoes on. Her dad went to look for her and found her in the field outseide our house - she hadn't gone far - but it was a worry. The other thing she will sometimes do is run into the kitchen, grab a knife and hold it to her face - on Saturday she did actually cut her face slightly.

 

I don't know if she does these things to cause a reaction because it's impossible to ignore this kind of behaviour. I don't think the professionals really believe she can do this when they see her quiet, articulate, pleasantly cooperative side.

[fiorelli]

how long is a piece of string?

 

Seriously, as with Waccoe, anytime we say 'no', or 'in five minutes' etc, he will have a major rage more often than not culminating in a trashed room/house, and someone (one of my other sons or myself) getting hurt.

 

One of the things that school has picked up on is the fact he cannot handle someone telling him 'no'. We also have problems with Louis running away from situations he doesn't like. Luckily for us though he doesn't yet go past any gates/fencing surrounding the building we are in.

[Suze]

<'> <'> ...Big hugs to all who have posted I am not enjoying the hols so far .My son has the rages but they don,t normally go full scale on a daily basis.He goes very insular and retreats won,t go anywhere do anything and shouts at the slightest thing. He has made the lounge and tv his domain the other kids can,t make any noise in there because discovery channel is on constantly he watches endless repeats over and over...........my treasure does,nt like change as much as he hates school he likes the whole routine.

[blue]

Hi!!

 

Seems my answer is the same as most........everytime I say no to something he takes it VERY personally...and so hates me...as I am not fair.....and I'm a faggot.....he wishes he wasnt born and then trashes his room! (faggot being his fave saying which dont go down well at school)

 

Sometimes this can happen so many times in the day I start to wonder if it is my fault!

 

BUT...coming here...and seeing that everyone has the same sort of challenges...brings me back to earth...and I know my son and I are not alone....and it isnt my fault...or his.

 

It's quite funny that he takes things so personally from me...and yet will let the kids in the area really hurt him....and it seems like water off a ducks back!

 

It's also hard as he shares a room with my three year old son......and he is getting his room ruined to...and is picking up things Joe is saying.

 

No advise I'm afraid...other than your not alone...so keep your chin up!

<'>

 

Lisa

[fiorelli]

It's quite funny that he takes things so personally from me...and yet will let the kids in the area really hurt him....and it seems like water off a ducks back!

 

It's also hard as he shares a room with my three year old son......and he is getting his room ruined to...and is picking up things Joe is saying.

Lisa, I once had the school nurse (who has many years experience with children with social communication problems) explain to me that at school, our children are not sure how far they can 'push' their teachers/friends, and so 'bottle' everything. Ready for when they come home.

 

She went on to explain that our children KNOW that whatever they do, we will never do anything bad to them (e.g. send them away forever), and that at school, they DON'T know this. Hence why our children have so many 'blowouts' at home - because they feel confident enough to 'let go'.

 

 

With regards to your children sharing a room - so do Louis, and our middle so, Lee. We had the same problems with regards to Lee copying what Louis does. We treated this in the appropriate way (ignoring/naughty step etc), as we would for any other behaviours. We are now finding that as Lee is getting older and getting his own friends in school and out, he is beginning to realise that Louis cannot 'help' what he does, and that his behaviours are not always 'right' or 'acceptable'.

[supersec]

Hi guys

 

Same for me whenever I say "No" or request that Julian does something that he does not want to do he goes into meltdown mode. Last night he did not want to come upstairs from our shop and my hubby put him in the hallway and closed the connecting door (he was being a pain in the shop). He then proceeded to pull my bike on top of himself and lay on the floor and scream.

 

I picked him up and checked he was okay - all the time he is hitting, kicking and trying to bite me and a very high pitched scream all the time coming from him. Put him in his room where he managed to throw everything around and about an hour later he came out as if nothing had happened! HOwever, i have noticed that once we have had one meltdown the rage/temper is bubbling away under the surface and ANYTHING can start him off again.

 

Glad I am not the only one tho!

 

Caroline

[tracey]

My teenage daughter can have a placid run for days

and then we have a week of walking on eggshell as stress levels

are so high anything can spark her off

totally one extreen to the other

T

[Jericho]

My youngest has a meltdown everytime he hears the word NO. My 5yr-old has far fewer meltdowns but I find that they are far more difficult to deal with and I'm also 100 times more likely to get bruised in the process.