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Advice anyone?

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Last month I posted the following message:


Hello all!

I was wondering if anyone could help me.

When I first started dating my partner, he advised me that he believed he had Aspergers.

Having studied this myself through teacher training, and research on top of this, it is safe to say that he probably has. He has most of not all the symptoms I have read about.

My problem, or rather his problem, is that at the age of 29, he has never been professionally diagnosed. Do you think it would be possible for him to have it diagnosed now, at such an age, and if so, would it be beneficial for him?


I look forward to hearing from you.



May I firstly thank all of those who took the time to reply. It was much appreciated.


To keep you up-dated. My partner and I recently celebrated our year anniversary together. Something which I didn't believe we would succeed in!


The problem now is that over time I have started to become increasingly impatient with his behaviour. It may sound harsh saying so, and I am embarrassed to admit it thus. I do not want to 'give up' on him. Our relationship is important to me, and I love him. But the bickering has become arguing, and the arguing is on the verge of becoming an end to our relationship.


I was curious if anyone had any (foolproof!!) ways of coping with their loved-one's behaviour. If they have been able to find solutions in being able to keep their patience?


Help would gratefully be appreciated.


Little_Jem :D

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I'm sorry things haven't been going too well and pleased your not happy 'to give up on him'.


I'm not sure anyone will be able to offer a foolproof way of coping though. I think understanding is the key. Understanding AS and understanding your partner.


I would recommend the book Aspergers in Love: Couple Relationships and Family Affairs by Maxine Aston.


This link has further information.


AS / Relationships and Marriage, Information on family relationships.



If you have any specific questions, please ask. Hopefully someone will be able to help.


Good luck


Nellie xx

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Hi Shona -

I won't stay around too long, 'cos let's face it there are no easy answers to relationship problems 'cos every relationship is different and different people have different expectations of them anyway... Did just want to offer this, though:

Just celebrated your one year anniversary. This is a HUGELY significant event in terms of a relationship, regardless of any other considerations like ASD's etc. You'll have gone through the 'can't think about anything else' phase, you'll have gone through the 'can't keep your hands to yourself' phase, and you'll have started to see things about each other that the rose coloured glasses of the early phase kept firmly hidden. It's not a case of anyone falling OFF of any pedestals, more a case of the pedestals ceasing to be an issue, and its a tricky time even under ideal circumstances...

Hard to disassociate one thing from the other, i know, but if you can, try to think of the 'whole' rather than the 'parts'...In real terms, it doesn't matter a bit whether the annoying stuff arises from ASD or not, it's just a matter of how much they annoy and whether you can live with that.

Hope that doesn't sound oversimplistic or twee, and very VERY best with the relationship.



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i would concider what bads says

after a bit in a reletionship you begin to get sorely p""""ed off with many things your other half does at times.

i dont think this is a bad thing, it is just geting used to beign with someoene and not seeing them in the glow of love lol

i wonder maybe if you are having probs sorting out what is AS and what is not,


this is from someone who has been married for nearly 20 years , who had a pink fit :oops: last nite in public at the thought that if hub soon ear surgery is more extensive, he will be at home for 3 months

good luck and take care

C x

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MEN ARE FROM MARS WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS....would be a good book to read. :lol:


Arnt relationships great!


My other half hasnt been diagnosed with anything but he does my head in enough...although I think he has a touch of fishing fever...he spends more time with "old trouts" than me. :(


Joking apart.........love is unconditional........and it must be hard for him to sometimes convey how he's feeling in a "traditional" manner. Bare with it........there's worse out there I'm sure!


Better the devil you know...and all that. :devil:


All the best :thumbs:


Lisa x

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hi little jem,


i don't know what it's like to have someone with AS as a partner but i do agree with everyone else.


relationships are odd little things, they change and grow, then just as we've got them figured, either we or just our lifes' change, throws us into a spin again.....guess is stops us from getting bored :devil: !!


i do know what it's like to have a brother with AS and i must say, his girlfriend sometimes deserves a medal! but on the flipside, he is a wonderful person (when he's in the mood!) i think we all have our quirks and irritating habits, trick is to find a person who you love unconditionally even with their downright annoying habits!!


great big >:D<<'> for you hun


mary xx

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I believe that you love someone for who they are and having aspergers is just a way of being. I think if someone is displaying traits that you don't like, you should consider ending the relationship as people don't easily change and more so if they have an asd.

I hope I haven't offended anyone this is just my opinion.

My reasons are based on my parents 35 yr marriage, they are still together, but shouldn't be. :(

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