elainem Report post Posted July 27, 2005 Hi, I have twins 4.5 one dx ASD the other watch this space! Since they were 5 months I have carried out my employment as an Employment Law Consultant working 3 evenings a week. This suits me really well 'cos don't have to pay breakfast and after school club and one ds would hate it anyway. Also means I am available all school holidays. Other reason I don't work in the day is that there seems to be so much to do in terms of appts, letters, research etc for ASD ds that I don't think I could reliably attend in the day. Some of the superwomen at work have this knack of making me feel I should do more. I contract to 12 hours per week in the eve and term time I try to work on a Friday during school hours. I feel as though I am managing quite a good balance but have a niggle because of other's opinion. DH is not complaining. I know some moms work full time - but it scares me to death imagining my kids in pre-post school care they would hate it. What do you think, what do others do. I never stop but some people have a knack of making me feel like I'm skiving, if only Elaine Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
elainem Report post Posted July 27, 2005 sorry, absolutely no idea why I posted in education. might have been a little sip of Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nellie Report post Posted July 27, 2005 Elainem, You don't have a problem, they do!! I know it's difficult but try not to let other people's opinions upset you. They have no idea what your life is like. Skiving.........I don't think so!! Nellie <'> It's now in Help and Advice. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted July 27, 2005 Hi Elaine - Some of the superwomen at work probably pay somebody minimum wage to look after their kids for them and then moan because the carers 'don't seem to be rising to the challenge'... I'm very old fashioned, i know, but i do think that parenting is something parents should do - not nanny's, childminders or 'off the cards' neighbours. I know modern times force peoples hands sometimes, but if you are happy with the hours you do and there are no pressing money concerns - well, i think you're probably the best person to be caring for your kids. Tell 'em where to stick the additional hours! PS: I'm not judging 'working mums', so please don't take offence anyone, and I'm not endorsing 'A woman's place is in the home', but i do believe that if a couple have kids ONE of them should be doing as much of the parenting directly as financial and personal circumstances allow, otherwise i just can't see the point... I sort of feel that if you don't want to walk it, you shouldn't buy a dog. Oversimplification, I know, but fundamentally sound, I hope you'll agree. L&P BD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Brook Report post Posted July 27, 2005 Hi Elaine, I would'nt let them make you feel that way, they would have no idea what you have to do at home, let them spend a day in your shoes, they'll soon realise who the real superwoman is People that just look in from the outside have absolutely no idea how mentaly and physicaly tireing it can all get. I think its great that you have continued to work, I know I could not cope with a job as well at the moment. I have two boys with very different disabilities, and financially things are not great, but my husband is the earner and I am the spender that last bit was a joke obviously I would love to have a little job, just to be out of it for a while, and I'm sure I will in the future, I love my kids more than life itself, but I think you need a bit of an outlet sometimes. I think your doing a great job you know the reality of things, and not these women who can probably go home water their plants and put their feet up Brook Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Suze Report post Posted July 28, 2005 Hi Elaine, it sounds like your doing a fantastic job , if anyone is telling you otherwise send them to us . Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted July 28, 2005 Elaine <'> <'> There will always be someone out there who will make snidey comments...you just have to ignore them, although I do know how hurtful it can be I had to give up part-time work when my son was 3, and I only went back this Jan, when he was 15 and went to a residential special school!! I also have 3 other children... Yet for the 12 odd years I was at home, struggling with a child who self-harmed, etc, etc, there were always people who made me feel I should be working! Mostly, I have to say, relatives (my infamous sisters-in-law ) and even friends None of these people have any idea what our lives are like...perhaps if our children were wheelchair users they might be more supportive? But probably not...I actually think these people are transferring their guilt about their own lifestyles (secretly feeling they should be at home more?) onto other people. I think you are amazing working the hours you do As I said, I couldn't manage work until my son went away to school. Live your life in a way that suits your family, and yah boo to these silly people! Bid <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mossgrove Report post Posted July 28, 2005 We both work, me full-time and my partner part time because it is a financial necessity, and some time away from the children can be a vital part of staying sane as long as it's all kept in proportion. What I can't really understand is why you should work more hours if you don't want/need to. Usually this sort of pressure comes from mangers who believe anyone is who isn't full time isn't contributing properly to the company. It is surprising how often it is women who are putting this pessure on, this seems to be one area that does not conform to sterotype. You are doing an excellent job in balancing work and looking after your children, as long as your family is happy, giving in to pressure to 'keep up;' with the other women at work (Who almost certainly do not have your level of responsibilities) would be the road to a breakdown, I really think you shouldn't even try. Simon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
elainem Report post Posted July 28, 2005 Thank you all for your kind and wise words. Feel a bit better this morning. Sometimes just get's you down and don't need it on top of everything else. Prob school hols not helping Elaine Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jools Report post Posted July 28, 2005 elaine we both work out of necessity BUT i looked long and hard for the right job.......as you have done. you are working, you are coping and you know this is right for you and your family.....and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. i used to work evenings then i got a job working sat/sun and i now work 20 hours in the school, term time only. its the perfect job because the head is understanding if i need time off for G......i'm sure another school wouldn't be so accomodating. we are also lucky because hubbie works in a school and his head is also fairly flexible so hospital appts, kids sickness etc are always covered you are doing a great job! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
