I dont meet the criteria for help

[Paula]

Ive been posting on this website since my son was around 11 years old hes now 19 although i havent posted for a while.

 

My son has been at home with me as the maine carer since he left school 3 years ago.His 21 year old sister no longer lives at home his dad my husband lives with us but has to work i work 3 hours a week.

 

To cut to the chase ................ last night my son went crazy over basically nothing.He was simpley asked my his dad not touch his things to leave them alone.This was enough to set our son of into a rage.Hes a big lad over six foot and weighs 15 stone hes bigger than me and his dad were kinda powerless againest him physically.He went crazy shouting fing and blinding he attacked his dad and punched him his dad had to try to restraine him and told him to go upstaires and calm down.He went upstaires shouting swearing saying he fing hated us and was leaving and never comeing back.I was in tears and said theres no where for you to go just calm down and think..............he told me if i didnt move hed hurt me he then grabbed my wrists and threw me out of the way .I just had to let him go.

 

 

I phoned his sister who no longer lives at home and said what had happend and maybe he was heading her way id give it one hour and if he hadnt shown id have to call the police .

 

He did show up ranting raveing and slept on her couch overnight.

 

I phoned emergency social services explained what had happend............they talked all the talk about how i needed help.............this morning someone called me took detailes and basically said he doesnt meet the criteria for any sort of help...........i cant get respite,i cant even get help or support getting himto sheltered accomodation nothing.I just cant beleive it.

 

I said well what the hell am i supposed to do.

 

Saturday my husband was working and our son went into a rage in the street because hed tripped over he ran home and locked me out of the house and bolted all the windows.Id no key and no phone.Id to call the police to come and break the door down.I was in a right state.

 

The so called adult disability team or whatever they are have said if he doesnt return home today then they suggest i report him as a missing person to the police.

 

His sister says he was calmer this morning but in compleate denial over what had happend saying nothing had happend.

 

I feel so utterly helpless.Ive a 19 year old grown man with the mindset of an infant and the strenth of a all in wrestler.You cant reason with him,he totally dominates through intimidation and tantrums.

 

If you confront him on anything he kicks of to put it midley.

 

What do i do where do i turn it seems no one gives a toss.

 

Its just me me husband and daughter my parents never have been supported me sister doesnt get involved.

 

Life is hell.

 

Im on that many tablets for depression and anxiety.

 

Thanks for listening.

[oxgirl]

Oh Paula, I'm so sorry, what a cr&p situation you're in. How long has this been building up or was it out of the blue? Can you see any trigger for this behaviour? Does he have any contact with the mental health team or can you get your GP to get you an emergency appointment? What is your lad doing now, is he still in education or looking for work?

 

So sorry to only have questions for you and no answers. Once he's calm will he sit with you and talk about how he is feeling, what his frustrations and fears are? I do think you need to lay down the law firmly with him now though; any further outburts of aggression and violence won't be tolerated and you'll involve the police if it happens again, and mean it. The last thing you want is for him to feel this behaviour is acceptable and for him to escalate.

 

Sending hugs.

 

~ Mel ~

[JeanneA]

Hi Paula I really do feel for you, I can relate to what you have said as I've been through similar with my son. I agree with Mel you need to see your G.P. to get an emergency referral to the mental health team. I am just amazed that you have been turned down by social services regarding any support etc, I would have through with what has happened you would have more than qualified. I hope you do get the help you undoubtedly need. Thinking of you.

[Paula]

Yes hes calm now

 

Hes not in work

 

He attends one day a week a social group run by an outreach team for young adults with learning disabilities and he also goes to a sports group every saturday for a few hours againe for young people with disabilities.

 

He doesnt see anyone from mental health.

 

He wont aknowledge any of his behaviour hes in denial.

 

I tried to talk to him but he just shuts down and refuses to have conversations about it.

 

I just feel powerless.

 

I guess we just plod on till next time.

 

He can go weeks and be kind of ok ........ as long as nothing disrupts his routine cast in stone.Then the slightest thing and that can be anything can trigger him.

 

[trekster]

http://www.autism.org.uk/living-with-autism/benefits-and-community-care/care-and-benefits-for-children-and-families/carers-rights.aspx

 

above in the nas guide to carers rights.

 

By law they have to assess you, what does the report say that claims you're not allowed any help?

if necessary try your local carers centre or your MP.