My ex was a heartless gold digger!

[Gold MD]

I had an ex-girlfriend use me for my money and mistreat me in various ways. I'll post more about it later, as right now I cannot be bothered to list every individual act she committed.

 

I basically never saw her for several years, but I found her again and got used. I have a condition called PDD-NOS in real life.

[Echo]

Hi Gold MD

 

So, you've taken the first positive steps - recognizing what's going on and deciding not to let it happen again. Now you can move on with your life.

 

Although I'm not very good at giving people advice, I do feel that a rant on this thread might do you some good (getting it out of your system once and for all).

 

Others on this forum may be able to offer better help and support than me (when they are given a fuller picture of what's been going on).

 

It's a shame to hear that you have been subjected to this kind of abuse and I do hope that things will get better for you.

[Gold MD]

I still miss her a bit, though.

 

We first met in 2005 when we were in a charity shop. She suddenly asked me out, which felt kind of odd. After that, when I went to her home to see her, her younger friends would harass me and whisper things to her, in order to to annoy me to try to drive me away. One time she said, her mates were grounded and I could go see her. I went there, but they were there. Because she lied, I never went back. Plus, all she really seemed interested in was my money.

 

A couple of years later, I went back to see her because my life was lonesome and she was gone. I posted on gumtree.com so hopefully somebody would reply and tell me where she was staying. Her old neighbor from some place said she was told I was looking for her. I also found her family and people who knew her on social media websites, like Bebo and Facebook, but they made out she wasn't interested. I'd even had a support worker pretend he knew her and wind me up in emails. I'm about 90% sure it was him, because he said things that gave himself away, plus he mentioned my support worker's name.

 

Anyway, I found Laura (my ex) on Facebook in 2011 and we met up again in 2012. She told me she was seeing someone already and that no-one told her I was trying to get in touch, but I persuaded her to leave this man and be with me. So she did. All seemed good thus far, as we asked one another how our lives had been since we split away.

 

After a week, I went somewhere to play Snooker with my autism group. Laura went with me and after a while, I was playing Pool with her in the area with the American Pool tables and she got in a bad mood.

 

We went outside and she said I promised to buy her an iPod. So I felt pressured into getting her it, on credit. Then she dumped me but stayed friendly and I lost my DLA because the claim ran out and I wasn't prepared for that at all. She broke that iPod by jamming the charger in the wrong way and I paid money to get it repaired despite the severe damage, even though I was still paying it up on credit until June of 2012. Sooner or later, she'd muck me around again and act nasty, so I broke into her Facebook. She also kept going back to this Mathew guy and some man apparently called Steven (unless she made it up). We also went for a walk once and she told me to wait some place while she went to her pal's house and use the loo. However, she never come back. Eventually, her excuse was that she had fell asleep.

 

Around August last year, she threatened me with police action. So I mentioned my DLA was returned and she acted nice again. Then I had already used the money on an escort and other stuff, to make myself happy. She hung out with me a while longer despite the fact I leaked this information to her, but she then maliciously said to me on the phone one time that she didn't want to see me again. So I went to her flat to talk to her. She refused me entry and threw a DVD I loaned her to the ground from her bedroom window and it was raining. She swore at me over the intercom, also making a fool of me for wearing glasses. I never hung about with her for months and one time her mother got money from me and paid me back, then asked for twice the amount and I never got it back. I actually seen Laura's family in the street one day I was going to go to her house with a support worker and Laura's mother briefly raged at me.

 

Then in 2013, around my birthday, we started hanging out again and things were better but far from perfect. I paid her way to the cinema on my birthday because she apparently had no money (again). I went to see a medium for advice in February and she says she doesn't love me. Not that long after this, I got Laura a PlayStation 3 on credit, but this time she was meant to pay half the cost. She took it away home after throwing a fit immediately after we removed it from the box and I never seen it again. Then she come back the following day, but quickly left and said her mother wanted to talk to her in private. Because I have a companion pass for the bus, I offered to go with her, but she made an obvious excuse.

 

Well, that weekend, she asked me to get her a pizza when we were on Facebook, and go with it to (suggested venue) and I said no, because she refused to give me her cellphone number. So she said to get the pizza, go home and then go back on Facebook to arrange to pick her up. I knew if I went there, she'd not show up. It was actually the same place she had me waiting at before, about a year prior to this. Then she started calling me nasty things again.

 

I was going to go to the small claims court, but eventually gave up because of the hassle involved. Laura agreed we didn't need to go that far and she promised me she'd visit me. To this day, she still hasn't turned up.

 

What a tool. Huh? She also called me her 'honey' in Facebook messages, but in person if we fell out, she would act like we were not together.

 

 

[Echo]

Hi Gold

 

You may not want to hear this, but this is what I truly believe (after having read your latest post). Any decision you make after reading this is yours. I do not intend to cause any offence/embarrassment or force you into doing something that you don't want to do, so feel free to ignore what I have written:

 

This is a vicious cycle that you really needed to break-out of because: (from what I can see) things were only going to get worse if you allowed this sort of behaviour to carry on. What you have written shows a destructive progression that would have ultimately: landslide even more out of control.

 

I also believe, that you were: putting yourself in a very dangerous position. Not so much in regards to money/DLA etc...but, in regards to the law (and what reads to be: a dangerous obsession, with her, your main point of focus -- at the time).

 

She, (if she felt so inclined) could have hypothetically: presented the same information (from her perspective) to the Police (she has threatened this before).

Although technically, she was committing both financial and emotional abuse against you, you may not have had a leg to stand on (unless you have a valid form of proof that this has been happening to you) if she decided to press charges against you for stalking... (remember: you have given her ample "proof" that she can use against you in court, as: Facebook/Bebo... saves messages and her friends/witnesses will also take her side in any proceedings if they are called upon to say that you had been looking for her after she said she wasn't interested and had moved...).

 

So, as I said before: you need to stay out of this situation (for many reasons - even the ones that you haven't picked up on yourself yet).

 

It's a very painful process (believe me) but it really does sound like: you and Laura "aren't meant to be", no matter how much you miss her.

 

If you can get your stuff back - (small claims court- through someone else etc) - great! But, be extremely careful of your next move (as I've said already, she may have enough ammunition to turn this situation on its head).

 

Otherwise, change your phone number, don't let her into your house, block her from your social networking sites and move on - no contact.

 

I am sure that you will find someone who loves you for you, not for your money - someone who is fun, trustworthy ans shares some of your interests - It's possible!!! So, battle on soldier

Edited August 13, 2013 by Echo

[Tanya52]

Hi guys,

 

Thanks for sharing. Now my own problem seems a bit smaller.

[matzoball]

She seems a bit 'off' to me - best avoid under all circumstances.

 

My brother ended up in a very similar situation and was branded a wife beater and abuser (which he really really was not) by local social services as she was very good at manipulating the situation.

 

This girl sounds the exact same - cut her out of your life and focus on the good stuff.

[Gold MD]

Echo is right. I had a social worker involved at one stage. He actually was meant to stop working with me ages ago. When he learned she was back in my life, he stayed in the position longer to monitor things. Oh, he moved to another field of work way last year. He missed out on the PS3 drama completely. Even my mother said for years that she was just a money grabber. It's too bad I had tunnel vision for this atrocity.

 

She's a nasty one.

[Echo]

Hi Gold,

 

Don't feel too bad that you've let this happen to you (despite other peoples' warnings). From what I can gather (and from personal experience), people on the spectrum can feel really guilty, anxious and embarrassed when something like this takes a hold on our lives. So, stay positive and remember that: this is NOT your fault.

What she has been doing is a form of bullying. So, it will take some time for you to transition to a "place" (state of mind) where you can feel safe/confident again (able to leave the house without feeling anxious or ill - been there - actually, still struggling myself a little - but, that's another story).

 

SO, it's true to say that: I too have encountered the same kind of people throughout my life and have let situations like yours take place out of my own impulsiveness, naivety, immaturity etc...

For a long time I believed that no-one lies, have let people take my kindness for granted, persuade me into doing things I really didn't want to do etc...

 

Although this still occurs (due to my personality traits and lack of understanding of people to an extent), I do not let these situations escalate out of control anymore ("touch wood").

[Gold MD]

At the time, it was hard to see things the way others do, but I still knew what she was about. Looking back on it now, though, I can now see that I made the abuse become self-inflicted. Although nobody deserves that kind of ill-treatment, all I had to do was tell her to get to France and then she would not have come back. By allowing her to come back and award her for being a not nice person, this fed her ego all the more. What did I get from it all apart from money problems, insults, heartache and stress? Had she been forbidden from coming back, these subsequent issues would have been prevented. But I believe she believed I was gullible.

 

Every single time she did come back, it's because I talked her around. This ultimately proved to be a silly and costly cycle, because she would just use me again or be nasty when the friendship between us went downhill. She admitted before she didn't love me, yet I persisted. This is why it's classed as unhealthy to be chasing her, thinking about her or dwelling on things she did. If she wanted to, like you said, she could have easily been a rat and got the police involved. They did call me once. She was just emotionally toying with me. I mean, who the heck asks you to get a bus to their home / area and then not be there when you show up? That was obviously deliberate, because things were arranged and she'd be elsewhere. If she knew I was coming, why did her sister say she was away seeing Mathew? Her mother's partner also insulted me once. He asked me if I was deaf as well as blind.

 

None of these pointers indicate love. Sometimes, you need to pretend a friend is getting this done to him / her. That way you can think about what you'd tell your friend to do. However, it's maybe easier to give advice rather than accept the tips giving.

 

Edit: I think censoring words is bad.

Edited August 14, 2013 by Gold MD

[trekster]

^{I know how it feels to be messed about and used by friends, family and exs. I wish I didn't know how it felt tbh but I agree with what others have been saying here. Get rid of her she needs serious help if using other people for her own pleasure is her goal. If you can see if theres an ASD counsellor either from the NAS database to try and reduce the changes of being used again. I hate it when our social naivety is exploited. I really hope you can find some way of recovering from what she's done to you. Sounds like she was lying to you and messing with your head as well.}

[Gold MD]

She was that and more. But I think it's considered poorly to dwell on it now. After all, she's not worrying about my carcass anyway. Someone who won't respect back but demands respect really are just lost souls. That would be her to the 'T' then. I've not seen her in months. One of her common lies is to say she'll be back to see me, but won't do it unless I pressure her. She only appeared that one time to get her PS3 which was really 'our' PS3. But sigh. Some people never change.