Had one of those moments today..

[Brook]

Hi all,

 

not really sure how to explain this, but I know that you'll understand what I mean.

 

We went to my sisters today, for a barbecue, literally just me the kids, hubby, my mum and my neice who's 14, she had a couple of friends there.

My son who is nearly seven (ASD) really trying to get in with them.

But all his conversation consisted of was, phrases of the tv, talking excessively about a playstation game he's got, and phrases out of a Simpsons comic he got this morning.

 

Although none of the kids laughed at him, I could not help but notice their expressions of 'what the hell is this kid going on about', he just comes out with these things in the middle of a conversation that is totally irrelevant, and sounds very precise and over the top.

 

I know it is his way of trying to join in, and lacks the skills, (language & social), but it really hit me in the pit of my stomach today, just watching and listening to him brought a big lump to my throat and yet again it hit me how hard he finds it, also if it had been kids his own age there he would have been laughed at.

 

When at home you dont bat an eye lid, but sometimes in these social situations it tugs at you.

 

Just makes me ever more determined to help him in any way I can, he is such a lovely kid, and I would walk to the ends of the earth for him.

 

Sorry for going on, just one of those moments today, I'm sure you can relate to it.

 

Brook

[hev]

yeah i can relate to it,when we are indoors we take no notice because we are so used to the behaviour,i often notice people looking at steve when we are in social situations,i find it upsetting,no one is nasty but you can see he is not quite like other children.

[Guest flutter]

<'> <'> <'>

shows just how much we luvs them

[BuntyB]

I do understand what you mean.

I don't know what level of learning your son has, but I firmly believe that social skills can be taught, just like any other skill we are not lucky enough to be born with.

 

My daughter behaves in exactly the same way as I did at school. At the time, I couldn't understand why people avoided me, and I desperately wanted to make friends!It took me 30 years to observe which were the popular members of the group, taking careful note of what they did and said and trying to imitate them!

 

Luckily I can pass on to my kids what took me all that time. I try to explain to my children what makes people want to be friends, what they like to hear and see, and what they don't. I hope, like your son, they will get there eventually.

 

I still feel sad though when other children come over to try to make friends and they unwittingly send them away

[Brook]

Thanks all <'>

 

My son has significant difficulties with social communication, and we work very hard on teaching him social skills, but because of his receptive language problems this obviously makes it harder for him.

 

When he first started school he was very willing to be sociable with the other kids, but as time went on, he could not cope with the demands on him, and his anxiety would rise because of not understanding what he was supposed to do, he had social skills class at school with ASD outreach team.

 

In the end he totally withdrew himself from all children at school, he would not sit any where near them in class, and wanted his own table at lunchtime, he would also say to me that he had no friends and that he did not want any.

 

Since taking him out of school, we have been working on giving him some positive social interaction, to re-build his confidence, he now says when he has had enough, and we leave on a positive note.

 

People see this very verbal child, and assume that he can hold a conversation with them, this then places the pressure on him and his anxiety rises.

 

Thanks all, feel better today,

 

Brook

[CarerQuie]

Yes,it isn't easy.Every so often reality hits.my son has asked me why he doesn't have any friends.That's heartbreaking.xx

[mossgrove]

We have exactly the same situation with our 7 year old. He is is desperate to socialise nd make friends, but he lacksthe social skills and often ends up being rejected. Watching all this unfold is one of the hardest parts of his ASD to deal with.

 

 

 

Our 5 year old is also Autistic, but has no desire for friends. His social skills are even worse if anything, but it isn't as distressing for him or us.

 

 

Simon

[DaisyProudfoot]

Before my son was dx AS I was told by the Meds that he couldn't be AS because he is sociable and makes friends too easily. He does, that's true, but if you watch him all he does is copy what they do. For a while he got in with a bunch of bullies and became one himself just to fit in.

 

Thankfully he's not with them anymore - he has 2 main friends at school, one is dx AS and the other is very quiet, gentle and accommodating and I get the feeling he will always find his social peers among other Aspies (dx or un-dx). I'm scared stiff about his transition to high school, hopefully he'll just stick with these two lads

 

I was the same as a child and still am as an adult, I always felt I had loads of friends as a kid but couldn't relate to any of them really. I had a habit of always saying the wrong thing and getting their backs up - I know they laughed behind my back and it did hurt!

 

Even as an adult I really have to think about what I'm saying and it's still quite hard. We have a "quotes" book at work for people who say the daftest things - guess who's in it most!

 

I wish I had had somone there when I was a kid to guide my social skills but I learned the hard way. Our kids are so lucky to have understanding parents. Is there a book on how to practice conversation skills I wonder?

 

Daisy

[DaisyProudfoot]

Ignore my last comment about conversation books. Just discovered Tony Attwood's site has loads of making friends books - must catch up.

 

Sorry, quite new at researching the AS thing still!

 

Daisy

[elaine1]

gosh do i ever. There have been many times like that, and im sure will be many more. They do tear at yt heart but at least your boy is trying to fit in the only way he knows how.

Think how hard it is for him to strike up a conversation, and then think of the courage it took to do so. It is very hard for us, but even harder for them.