dd starting high school

[KarenM]

My dd is starting high school soon and i am so woried for her. It's not even as if theres load of kids from her primary school there as nearest school is rubbish so she's going to a different one. This morning she was very upset because she says she hates socializing and the place is huge. She also says she hates p. e because shes rubbish at it . Home schooling is not an option shes more intelligent than i am. Starting an new school is so scary for any kid never mind an aspie one. I feel so sorry for her. Has any one any thoughts on how i could make it easier for her please.

[fairies72]

Hi Karen , My son is also starting school in sept and im dreading it to be honest,though im sure he will be fine.He gave me his first positive comment last week since we started the whole looking for a school process and said he thought it would be good because you was treated more like an adult.This was quite a breakthrough for him as he wasn't happy with our choice of grammar school and was keener on the science tech that he was offered a place at .Unfortunately i thought the day of 7am till 530 would be too much for him and decided on the other option.

My son also isnt very good at sport and hates the taking part , but somewhere along the way they will find something they are good at and build on that and probably gain a load of respect along the way for that special thing.High schools seem to be a lot more aware of aspies now and are willing to make a few more allowances .Good luck to your daughter im sure she'll be fine!

Lisa x

[fairies72]

Sorry just wanted to add to that .Have you tried contacting the school and enquiring about finding a buddy that can be educated re-asperger behaviours.this would give an older child a lot of responsibility and reward and would be someone your daughter could turn to , if need be .They have a buddy system in my daughters primary school and she helped a lot with my daughter.

Lisa

[TuX]

My dd is starting high school soon and i am so woried for her. It's not even as if theres load of kids from her primary school there as nearest school is rubbish so she's going to a different one. This morning she was very upset because she says she hates socializing and the place is huge. She also says she hates p.  e because shes rubbish at it . Home schooling is not an option shes more intelligent than i am. Starting an new school is so scary for any kid never mind an aspie one. I feel so sorry for her. Has any one any thoughts on how i could make it easier for her please.     

KarenM,is it a mainstream high school she is going to?

You could ask teachers/yearhead/whoever is in charge on your daughters behalf permission for her to stay inside the school building somewhere at lunchtime,rather than be chucked out into the crowds of people on the playgrounds.

If she will be having cooked lunches there rather than bringing own lunch in,see whether she would be able to eat somewhere else as canteens are full of people=very noisy,or even if it would be possible to reserve dinner to avoid having to cue up with everyone else as well.

 

fairies mentioned the buddy system,I think they are meant to be a standard in schools now as part of their bullying policy,so they're more than likely to have one.

 

 

Make sure she has things to do at breaktimes and isn't left to wander the school aimlessly on her own as it's what bullies will always exploit-there might be some lunchtime clubs on that she would be interested in also,don't think they ever had these when I was at school.

 

If she will be using public transport to get there and back,school buses should be avoided-they are noisy,sensory overloading and packed with kids,even regular public buses are not as bad as they're a mixture of different age groups.

Another problem with them is there is often rebelious kids trying to cause trouble on them,such as smoking cannabis or regular tobacco at the back,fighting, spitting,graffitying or anything else of that calibre,and schools will put the blame on every child on the bus if the culprit isn't identified.

 

If your daughter cannot tolerate screaming/shouting,I recommend ear plugs for use on public transport-or anywhere else,but especially public transport as the noise is a lot more confined.

They don't block it all out but they take the severity of it away.

 

 

That's all I can think of up to now....

 

 

[Edit]

As usual,I forget to add something..

 

About PE,perhaps discuss the issue with the PE teacher-or form teacher-or year head?,

as some PE teachers can be prejudiced towards those not good at sports.

Edited August 28, 2005 by TuX

[KarenM]

Thank you for your posts. It is a mainstream school my daughter is going to. They have a pastural care thing so i will have to tell them all my concerns. Amazingly enough they actually had dd doing buddying in her old school with the younger kids.I suppose it would off stopped her sitting on her own to much. She only likes boys who share her interests in computer games (has to be nintendo though she hates playstations).So it would be good if she meets someone like that but i think as boys get older they may be more relluctant to hang roud with girls in case they get teased i will have to see.She has no interest in being friends with girls whatsoever. Karen

[Guest flutter]

karen i knows exactly how you feel <'> <'>

my daughter starts high school on friday.

she is goin mainstream, ( we dont have diag yet?)

but they are aware of some of her probs.

she is having to get on a bus to get there,

but the classes are small and it is a church school so like you am hoping for good general care

tc and loadsa hugs

C x

[mrs q]

Good luck to your daughter...and any other children that are going to high school

 

 

 

 

I have a few years yet before O starts high school does not stop me worry....

 

Mainly do we move to get him into the school his friends go to....or do we let him go to our local school...who education are better suited to his needs.....and it much better school with a sixth form....as I said a few years yet....and alot can happen in those years.....

Edited August 28, 2005 by mrs q

[elaine1]

god i was in your position last year, and am going there again next year!!!!!!!

I felt sick for the whole of the school hols cos i knew time was getting short. Its the only school hols ive not wanted to get over and done with quickly.

Tom had a hard time for the first few months, it took a lot of work from us and the school to get him settled, but he is ready for his yr8 in september now.

 

He found it hard getting from class to class with all his stuff plus coats and pe kits too, but he's done it, and hes doing very well.

all i can say is keep the lines of communication open at all times and never feel as if u cant phone them even for a small thing.

 

Good Luck !

[KarenM]

It makes me cold to even think about it. I can imagine her standing in the yard by herself with all them kids around her its awful i can't wait for them to get something in place for her so she can have somewhere to go if she needs it. :our children are so painfully vunerable. I wonder if there are any AS people who have had a ok time at mainstream school. Karen

[Elanor]

Hi Karen

 

I'm in the same situation - one week to go, and he's getting worried. My son knows 2 kids in the whole school, and doesn't like one of them!

 

Last term we met up with the SENCO twice, once with the educational psychologist. We have suggested some interventions (eg they will have a room for him, where he can escape to during breaks, and even in class-time), and so far I've been pleased with the school's positive attitude. My son doesn't have a statement, has never had any real help in his primary school, and this is a mainstream high school.

 

After the last meeting, my husband and I wrote a long letter (very long) setting out our son's history, his strengths, problems, the best way of handling him and specific ideas/issues for certain classes (eg PE). The SENCO really welcomed this, and promised to circulate it around all our son's teachers. If he doesn't, I will!

 

I suggest you get in touch with the SENCO in the first week of term, and take things from there. Hope things go well for your daughter!

 

Elanor

[KarenM]

Thanks Elanor , I will find out who the SENCO is and talk to them . Good luck to everyone's kids starting a new school. Karen

[Patch]

Hi Karen, fairies, flutter and Elanor

 

my son is about to start Year 10 and I thought you might be interested in his experiences. He has had a statement from the age of 6, attended a mainstream primary but with no inclass support worker. He has only occassionly enjoyed school. He was alone in the playground. He has Aspergers and is the quiet nervous no trouble into trains boy. I did not think he would cope with secondary school but chose not the local school just round the corner but one about 3 miles away. It has no stairs, they had had experience with Aspergers before, the SENCO was sympathetic and most importantly they have a room where vunerable youngsters can go at break and lunch. The LEA provided taxi service (no escort) and advice to the school from INSCAPE (ongoing and invaluable).

 

Overall I am happy with the school. On transition he visited the school before the holidays and for the first 18 months was escorted to lessons by his support worker. Gradually being encouraged to become independent. He only recieved in class support for things like cooking, woodwork and science experiments. School were very good in allowing him to drop PE after 6 months because he really struggled - went to the base to do work by himself instead. He has coped really well, SENCO has retired, he has changed support worker, timetable structure has altered three times and numerous teacher changes. He was allowed to drop the second language Spanish in year 9 so ended up with 4 free periods a week in the base allowing him more time to concentrate on his SAT subjects. For his GCSE he is only taking two choices instead of three to again give him more time to study in school. They were brilliant about his SAT exams - he was allowed to sit them in a room by himself and had extra time.

 

On the negative side - whilst the SENCO, his support worker and people in the base are very supportive and understanding some of the teachers are less so. A training session at the start of year 7 was very poorly attended and some do not appreciate how he struggles with the work. Quite often he doesn't understand what is required for homework. They don't always watch out for him in class, issues have had to be raised through his support worker. Lots of supply teachers too (although they have given him a pass this year so he is allowed to go to the base instead ). The main issue is the other children. I have an older daughter so I know it happens to all children but it has been something of a roller coaster! From the lad who tells him to tip water over his head so he does it, to the telling of lies to supply teachers, to the exchanging of e-mails with a friend, to the chatting with an older boy which he so enjoyed. The hussle and bussle in the corridors, the noise of chatter in classrooms he finds these difficult. There have been good and bad times and I often worry that I made the wrong decision.

 

I am not assertive myself so the support from INSCAPE has been vital. At primary school I did take in books for them and they had input from a support service. I provide a lot of support at home with schoolwork, organising homework and the first two years packing his bag. In year 7 I escorted him to and from school - now he goes by himself and I go to school in the afternoon to come back with him.

But really he has become a different boy (or rather young man) I don't know if it would have happened without secondary school. At primary school he had very little interaction with the family, spent most of the time in his own world and didn't like to be touched. Now he joins in conversations and he is growing into a kind and thoughtful person.

 

On that positive note I will close and wish you all the best.

[nightingales]

Hi Patch and welcome (I'm fairly new here myself),

Your description of your son's time at secondary school just brought a tear to my eye. You say you're 'unassertive', but it sounds like you've done so much to help him settle in. I hope I can do the same for mine in a couple of years.

 

Lovely, thoughtful young people? Yes, they can be, and I'm starting to get so cross with the assumption that autistic and Asperger's children must be uncaring -- if anything, my son puts far more effort than most kids his age into trying to consider other people's feelings (gets it wrong a lot, certainly, but he really tries!). Good for him, and good for you!

Umm, time for a coffee before I come over all emotional again...

Lins