A rant - Sorry long but it helped to tell someone

[fly62]

Hi I need a rant ...................

My son is 16 and has aspergers syndrome we have been going to the same church for the last 9 / 10 years and I felt until today that they understood Autism - however my feelings have now changed. !!!!!!

 

The vicar who Matt is very close to was leaving - his last service was this morning. Matt was very difficult throughout the service etc crying etc - not because the vicar was leaving but because everything was different - more people different service etc.

After the service we went into the church hall for drinks etc they were serving tea and coffee and after a presentation there was going to be a meal with wine and orange juice. We were in the queue for tea and coffee when the vicar came in and said he needed something stronger so poured himself a glass of wine Matt left the queue and went to get orange juice but was told it was not time yet for a drink of this table - he asked why the vicar had been allowed and was told because he was special. Matthew became very distressed because he did not understand why the rule could be broken for one person and not him - selfish I know but very Aspie. ( apparently if Matt had a drink everyone would have to have one and it was not time!!!!!).

 

I took Matt out because he was angry and upset. I got upset because Matt was being so difficult - and the church warden said to me "everyone is upset because the vicar is leaving why should he and you be treatred any different." and asked Matt if he would drink water to which Matthew replied yes - because he does. (answered the question if she had said will you drink water now he would have said no). I was told I was being unresonable.

 

Do they not understand anything !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Matthew had as much right to have been allowed to say goodbye in his own way as anyone else - after this we came home so Matt has missed out now. Matt enjoys church but after the way he has been treated I do not want to take him back to this church am I wrong???

[Viper]

Hi Fly.

 

I don't go to church but this could happen in any situation. Your poor son must be so confussed, and upset. Maybe with emotions running high the normal attitude to your son has been let slip a bit, everyone must be feeling sad and it is hard to stay rational at times of grief, although no one has died people are still grieving for the loss of a valued friend.

 

Try to explaine as much as you can to your son then let him decide if and when he wants to go back.

 

Hope that helps.

 

Viper.

[oracle]

I do not attend Church but that does not mean that I do not believe in something at least. I did attend Church for many many years and in my opinion you will find some of the most unbendable and Self-righteous people that you could ever meet in life, attending Church. Most are concerend in keeping up apperances for thier own agenda. Sorry but it's how I feel. If this were not so, and they were truly there to serve the Lord, then what happened to you would not have happened. Because they would know that the Lord would never of treat your son or you the way they did this morning.

 

Do they go to worship the Lord of themselves?

 

Carole

Edited August 28, 2005 by carole

[mrs q]

This week I was thinking I want to bring back to church.....

 

and then I read your story...and it gets me all confused again

 

I would say if Matt likes going....I would go....

 

Matt the important one....

 

If they do not understand Matt then it their problem not yours....

[CarerQuie]

In general,people aren't going to 'get it' all of the time.The general public don't and neither will everyone at Church.I say this as a churchgoer,too.

 

On the whole,all of the people at my Church are very good with my son but I am aware that things could go pear-shaped.I'd try not to blame them;they're only human.Just put it down to experience and move on.xx

[nellie]

I agree with CarerQuie,

 

It's very difficult for everyone to get it. Teach those willing to learn and try not to blame the rest.

 

Hope things work out.

 

Nellie xx

[UltraMum]

Churchgoers are human too! and as such will invariably get it wrong sometimes.

 

As Carole said:

in my opinion you will find some of the most unbendable and Self-righteous people that you could ever meet in life, attending Church.

 

Don't let one incident put you off - but do try and explain to one of the 'gentler' people how you felt about the incident - it will give you someone on your side who will then be looking out for you and yours.

 

<'> <'>