feeling overwhelmed

[mirry]

HI, Have just found this forum in my desperate search for people who understand.

 

My 11 year old son has AS/semantic and pragmatic language difficulties/Asthma and multible Acute food allergies and seasonal rhinitis.

 

My son has started big school and is statemented however he came home after his first day saying he doesnt know who he has to ask for help ?

I asked him has his LSA introduced herself to him and he answered no. He has life threatening allergies and has to carry EPIPEN injections with him where ever he goes (yet he doesnt know how to administer them) his last school kept them with his LSA.

I am worried because he told me he got lost in the big school and ended up outside the building and a big boy took him to where he needs to be ? My son forgets where he is going constantly ,so this is a huge worry if he needed medical help and he could be taken advantage of so easily.

 

Another problem is at home, he constantly talks about his obsessions until its driving us mad, he tortures his younger sister mentally and she feels down alot at 7 years old. He is either very high or very low (usually low) he gets so angry and looks into everything we say......we cant talk to him with out him holding a grudge for ages questioning me CONSTANTLY why did you tell me off, ALL DAY!

I have taken ILL with Panic disorder and the doctor says it is stress, i am finding it hard to leave the house with out panicking.....its turning into agrophobia.

I have lots of Disability forms to fill in again and i just dont know how to begin, i feel so overwhelmed there is so much to say and i just cant explain how difficult my son is to live with. Today my son was saying he doesnt know how to talk to the other children and everyone else has friends, I am finding it difficult knowing what to say , I feel he is very unstable and I worry alot for his future.

 

sorry to go on, feeling lost.

[oracle]

Hi Mirry

 

Welcome <'> This is a great place and you will get lots of support and help here.

 

First of all I would start by ringing the school tomorrow morning and ask them what is going on? I think I would ask for a meeting and insist that it has to be soon.

 

Your son NEEDS to know who he goes to when he needs help and where they will be. But even more important they NEED to know that he gets lost easily so really help needs to go with him, at least until he knows his way around the school. His allergies are a major issue and they should be addressing them as such.

 

I think that there should be a photo of him pinned to the staff notice board letting all staff know the allergy situation and what needs to be done if he goes into shock. I know that many schools do this. Really all of this needed to be sorted before he began school. Do the school have a Pastrol Care Head they must have a SENCO ask to see them to.

 

I have two sons with ASD one 18 and one 8. I know all about obsessions and talking about them it does get you down I also know that my two do this even more when they are stressed. My youngest sounds just like your son if we try to address anything with him then we are picking in him and he goes on and on about this for hours. He screams why why why all of the time. It is VERY hard to live with I know. However I have decided that I will not be questioned like this and will not enter into any discussions about 'why' I am telling him to do something. I just expect him to do it. You can just imagine how much fun I am having at the moment But I am trying not to give in.

 

Your son is older and hormones do play a big part in their emotions and attitudes. It's not a good age and changing schools is major.

 

I know you feel dreadful I get that way myself but if you do not fight your sons corner no one will. Do you have a Support Group or Carers Centre who could help you. Often schools listen to these groups when they do not listen to us. But do start as you mean to go on with the school. Be nice but remind them that your son has many issues and it's their duty to address them.

 

Sorry this has been a long reply.

 

take care

 

Carole

Edited September 4, 2005 by carole

[annie]

Hi mirry.

 

Welcome to the forum. You soon find out that there are lots of people here that understand <'>

 

My son is 16 this month, he is diagnosed with Asperger's, ADHD and semantic and pragmatic disorder.........I have the Asthma and Chronic Rhinitis though.

 

The whole picture you describe is overwhelming. It sounds like you need to take one thing at time. Put things in order of priority.

 

I think that firstly you really need to go into school tomorrow and make them aware of what happened to your son on his first day. You should make a point of telling them that they have a duty of care to look after your son. He should never have been allowed to be left on his own with his medical problems. Another question that needs asking is, where was his LSA? The school need to be reminded of your son's difficulties and medical history.

 

Constantly talking about obsessions, yep, I can relate to that one, and in the past my son has made myyoungest ones life a misery.

 

With the Disability forms that you need to fill in. My Parent Partnership helped me fill mine in. You could try asking them, there are other people that can help you fill them out. I'm sure somebody else will be able to let you know who.

 

Please don't apologise for going on. The stress of it all does take it's toll at some point. Just remember that we are all here for you. Don't be afraid to ask anything that you are concerned about.

 

Annie

<'> <'>

Edited September 4, 2005 by annie

[mirry]

Thanks for the fast reply carole, you sound like you have your own problems to deal with so I appreciate your time.

I will go into the school tomorrow if i can face it, i get so anxious but i know its important. The problem is my son will never get to know his away around the school, he just cant remember things and it was taken up with his new school before he started we had lots of meetings so i am shocked this has happened.

I cant believe i even wrote about my concerns in the home-shool link book and got no reply!

 

WILL LET YOU KNOW HOW IT GOES, THANKS.

[mirry]

Annie just read your reply and it means so much "AT LAST PEOPLE WHO KNOW".

 

I am feeling much better now and will get in that school tomorrow and demand answers.

 

thanks for your support x

[annie]

mirry,

 

If you go into 'search' (top of screen), enter DLA or Carer's Allowance, if those are the forms you are wanting info on. There have been lots of posts about them on here.

 

Hope this helps.

 

Annie

<'>

[oracle]

Mirry if you feel that your son will never find his way around the school then they must act on this. Annie is right they have a duty of care and part of that care is understanding his complex and specific needs.

 

Carole

Edited September 4, 2005 by carole

[lil_me]

Welcome to the forum, there are some fantastic people on here who will listen and offer advice and support the best they can. It has been my lifeline since I found it <'>

 

The overwhelming feelings have hit us all I think, but I found it best to just take my time, write a list of what I needed to do and a 'flexible' plan on when I was going to go it. I agree with you on the school problems are the first issues which need sorting out, for his safety and your peace of mind.

[Elanor]

Hi Mirry

 

Wecome to the forum - you'll find lots of people here who really do understand how hard it is to deal with being a parent of a child like yours (I just had to stop typing this to break up a fight between my AS son and his younger brother - again!).

 

You have so much on your plate - no wonder you're feeling overwhelmed. You've had lots of good advice, I'd just add one more thing - perhaps you could visit your doctor about your stress, and perhaps look for a short-term fix just to get over this difficult period.

 

Hope things look up soon.

 

Elanor

[Mother in Need]

First, I would not allow your son to go to school till his care is sorted. His medical situation is a life-threatening one and constant care needs to be in place before it is safe for your son to be there! And by the way, don't forget that this includes the time that he is transported to and from school i.e. on the school bus.

Second, if you don't seem to get anywhere with the people you meet tomorrow, go straight to the headteacher and refuse to leave till he/she has talked to you and agreed on a clear plan of action. You by-pass anyone who seems to be 'in your/your son's way' that way, I am telling you from first hand experience it works and saves a lot of time and grief.

 

Try to tackle one problem at the time, so it doesn't get too overwhelming.

 

I have just finished my own son's DLA forms and would be happy to send you a copy of what I filled in. Saying that, I haven't had the result (from the DLA people) yet, so don't know if it is good enough, but I have had loads of experienced people look at it and they all say it is very good and clear. My son is 12, has AS, ODD, mild dyspraxia, dyslexia, and has insulin dependent diabetes. He has an appointment on Tuesday with the doctor to check if he has rhinitis as well as he always suffers from a blocked nose and sneezes loads and loads (bit messy that one). Although 12 I often introduce him to people as being a 2 year old toddler in a 12 year old body with a 16 year old brain. A combination that is not very helpful... Anyway, I think there are quite a few similarities with your son, so you might find it useful. Let me know! Have I mentioned his depressions yet... and NO he does not like to be told off or given an order. I find suggestions work better (though obviously they aren't always followed, but then, neither are orders). I.e. instead of saying 'please change your pyamas '(as they stink too much by now) I might say 'don't you think it is a good idea to change into clean pyamas some time?' This saves a lot of tantrums. What I am trying to say is, instead of telling him off, might it work better if you said something like 'might it be better if next time you asked your sister first, before taking her book out of her hands?' This might make him actually think about what happened in a more positive way, instead of him feeling attacked and feeling that he never gets anything right? He is feeling very insecure , and needs to hear from you that you love him and accept him whatever, loads of times, in words and deeds.

[nellie]

Hi Mirry,

 

Welcome to the forum. It looks as if you have already found out that this is a great place for advice and support.

 

There?s not a lot to add to what has already been said.

 

A few tips. If you can find the energy, try to ensure that you keep records of all phone calls, meeting etc and record what is said. Get everything in writing. Try to get someone to attend meetings with you for support and to take notes. When meeting professionals, it helps if you write down all the points you want to make and leave them a copy if you want.

 

The Carer?s Centre that Carole mentioned is The Princess Royal Trust for Carers

http://www.carers.org/home/

 

Forum topics on DLA.

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=119

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.ph...topic=455&st=60

 

You can find invaluable DLA guides here.

 

http://www.bhas.org.uk/freeguides/index.shtml

http://www.cerebra.org.uk/

 

There's a very useful Jargon Buster at the top right hand corner of the page.

 

Remember you are not alone.

 

Good luck

 

Nellie xx

[lsw146]

welcome mirry,

 

the forum is a place where you can never say too much there is always someone too listen.

 

Hope it gets better with school. Keep fighting.

 

jo

[mirry]

THANKS EVERYONE.

 

I never imagined this much support!

 

I will look into the web links with interest tomorrow (feeling tired with it all).

Its strange as i read other peoples diagnosis I think oh yeah hes got that too,

its almost like hes been diagnosed with so many labels I cant remember them all, makes me feel like a bad mother. OK he also has dyslexia and mild dyspraxia.

I feel terrible dont even know what that means exactly ?

I do believe i have been hiding my head in the sand for many years hoping it all wasnt true and they got it wrong and he will turn out ok.

I know its the wrong attitude and I need to get the label out there for his own benifit. Even some of my good friends dont know how bad it is as they see me when hes at school and i never tell them any thing. Does any one feel this could be the reason for my stress being out of control ?

[phasmid]

Hi mirry.

 

Welcome to probably the busiest (is that spelt right?) ASD forum in the UK. You have an awful lot to contend with and I agree with whoever it was that said you need to do things one thing at a time. The highest priority has to be the school situation right now. I have a few suggestions that may help. I would ask the school to make him a booklet about the school showing him:

 

 

Photo's of his teacher/class tutor and TA.

Photo's of other teachers he has for lessons.

Photo's of other 'significant adults (head, school secretary etc).

A layout of the school (with the rooms he will normally use clearly marked).

A clear timetable (pictorial if it helps him undestand it better) showing him where he has to be at what time.

 

This ought to be a reasonable request that they ought to be happy to do. It shouldn't take too long to sort it.

 

Are they aware of the Eppi-pen? just because the old school was don't assume the new school are too. Explain to them that he does not know how to use it. Ask if any staff have been trained in it's use - if not they will need to arange this pronto. Again, not an unreasonable request - simply a matter of keeping him safe!

 

Take care of this first. Then take a deep breath and come back for more help. I always say don't look on diagnosis's as being labels. Look on them as signposts pointing you in the direction of help and assistance. One of them pointed you here! I haven't been on this forum for long, but I have been here long enough to know it is the place you need to be to get the help you obviously need right now.

Edited September 4, 2005 by phasmid

[annie]

Hi Mirry,

 

Please do not ever think that you are a bad mother. When you describe yourself as hiding your head in the sand, that sounds like that is the way you have been able to cope with everything, as well as not telling your friends. There's no right or wrong way of dealing with things, so please don't beat yourself up about it.

 

There are many things that seem to go hand in hand with Asperger's.......ADD/ADHD, Semantic and Pragmatic Disorder, Dyspraxia and Dyslexia to name just a few. Try putting the words in the search engine at the tope of the page.......I'll see what I can come up with too.

 

As sad as it is, the labels do help.

 

Annie

<'> <'>

[phasmid]

Dyspraxia:

 

is a motor disorder which involves an impairment or immaturity of the organisation or planning of movement, leading to motor impairment or performance below that of other children of the same age.

 

Children with dyspraxia know what they want to do but may find it difficult to work out how to perform the activity. Associated with this there may be problems of language, perception and thought. Children who have an additional learning difficulty may have these problems to a greater extent.

 

(Taken from:Here.)

 

Dyslexia:

 

 

Has particular difficulty with reading and spelling.

Puts letters and figures the wrong way round.

Has difficulty remembering tables, alphabet, formulae etc.

Leaves letters out of words or puts them in the wrong order.

Still occasionally confuses 'b' and 'd' and words such as 'no/on'.

Still needs to use fingers or marks on paper to make simple calculations.

Poor concentration.

Has problems understanding what he/she has read.

Takes longer than average to do written work.

Problems processing language at speed.

Has difficulty with tying shoe laces, tie, dressing.

Has difficulty telling left from right, order of days of the week, months of the year etc.

Surprises you because in other ways he/she is bright and alert.

Has a poor sense of direction and still confuses left and right.

Lacks confidence and has a poor self image.

 

(Taken from:Here.)

 

Hope that helps a little. These diagnosis's should have been explained to you. They should also have triggered help at school too. Ask them for a copy of his Individual Education Plan (IEP), which should explain what support he is getting. You can alwyas post it here and we will check it. Likewise if he has a statement of SEN.

 

We're here to help, don't be afraid to ask - Nobody here is going to judge you. Nobody.

Edited September 4, 2005 by phasmid

[UltraMum]

It may help your son to produce a 'pen portrait' that he can give to his new teachers. There is a good example here. It's a pdf file so best to right click and 'save target as' to your hard drive.

 

There are a lot of useful materials at the Autistic Spectrum Disorder Transition Toolkit website. It may help to work through the Pupil Transition Workbook with your son, even though he has already started at the new school. It may help him to understand what happens at secondary school.

 

Hope this helps but here are a few hugs too <'> <'> <'> <'>

[phasmid]

Hi Mirry. How did you get on today with the school? Hopefully you have had some answers and have got things moving - let us know.

[Mother in Need]

Am awaiting with abated breath!

[baddad]

Blimey, Mirry, ain't they a fine bunch round here!?

Little left for me to offer apart from 'welcome' and <'>

One small suggestion: You've said yourself your feeling a lttle overwhelmed at the moment, and reading your post i can fully understand why. If there's any way you can, try to put some of these things on the back burner for a while, and go straight for the things that are causing the greatest problems and concerns... Sometimes it's hard to do that, i know, but i have found in the past that if you can, some of the 'back burner' stuff sort of solves itself as part of the knock on effect of the bigger things.

Very VERY best, and look forward to reading your update soon

L&P

BD

[mirry]

HI everyone,

 

I have been telling my mother about this great place and how lovely it is knowing i can chat to people in the same boat as me.

 

Sorry for the delay but this new school is keeping us all very busy!

I went into his school yest (monday) and was approached by the head of the LSAs (forgot her title) she told me that they never realised that my sons forgetfullness was that bad and that from now on they would get someone more on hand.

 

I stood there thinking they have spoken to me first before i could speak to them (remember I had written my concerns in his home school link book").

At the end of the day whilst i was waiting for him at his collection point a lady approached me and said hes done really well today and found his class all on his own .I told her this was not to be relied apon because he is not consistant at all! She looked at me like i was knocking his achievement but i wanted them to know how bad it can be. Anyway she left and i waited for him for 10 mins ??? Eventually he turned up with another lady who said "he was lost".

 

I just dont know how hes going to cope like this and he started telling me he was told if he forgets his PE kit he will get detention, now this is something that makes me MAD HOW ON EARTH CAN THEY PUNISH SOMEONE WHOS DISABILITY MAKES THEM EXTREAMLY FORGETFULL ? and now hes getting anxious over this and couldnt sleep last night because of it.

 

So today i went in and spoke to a PE teacher (not his because he wasnt there) and she told me that i could apply for a school locker for him for his stuff to be in the building.Along I went to the lady who does the lockers and she told me i need to put his name on a waiting list on THURSDAY and see if he gets one.They only have 100. In the meanwhile my sons getting worried about this and his homework all written down in a book for him to know when it needs to be returned( he cant read hardley).

This morning he woke crying about his pencil collection he calls it his

" TALL competition " he collects them to see whats the biggest pencil and will know the whole pot of pencils order by size.

He realised he has left them at his nans house and is going on and on and on about it so much we are going to have to drive over to her house (miles away) to collect these stupid pencils!

Still got the DLA forms sitting here and feel ive messed them up already, havent a plan just wrote with out thinking (not a good idea).I had a panic attack yest on my way back from the school and realised its like I am the school child because every single thing they tell him to remember and to do ITS ME who has to do it all for him.

HOPE I HAVENT BORED YOU WITH ALL THAT INFO.

and thanks for all the links

 

mirryx

 

Baddad ? you seem to nice to be bad ?

[mirry]

SORRY forgot to mention he came home with his school PE shorts under his trousers after the staff had been searching the whole school for them.

 

MIRRYx

[oracle]

Hi Mirry,

 

You feel like the school child because you are trying so hard to make sure that everything that 'he' needs to be doing is done. I know how that feels and it does wear you out. As a Mum we try and fill in the gaps before the gaps appear. It's blooming hard work.

 

There are still outstanding issues here and they still do not appear to have fully grasped the situation. I would try and see a VIP within the school before Thursday, and when I went I would take a list of things that need to be addressed. Get it all down in writing if you can. If you have someone who could go with you I would take em. Where do you live? Being passed around from person to person rarely works and this school need some positive joined up thinking and working here. I think that you will probably have to be the person who insists that it happens. Try not to worry if they look at you as if you are crazy. You are not. It's someting we all have to do, grow an extra thick skin.You need to try and be assertive and do not let them fob you off. If you can do this now then, hopefully they will realise that you will not be fobbed off and they will get their act together and keep it together. I am sorry if I am being too assertive here because I do realise how fragile you are yourself, but having been there and done it, I know that if you can make the effort now, it might just ease your pressure sooner rather than later. <'>

 

thanks for updating us.

 

Carole

[Mother in Need]

Mirry,

 

One thing at the time, remember? Maybe you can put those horrible DLA forms aside for just now, till you get the school sorted a bit more. The payment will be backdated to the date you requested the forms anyway, so whether you fill them in now or in two weeks, it won't matter for the payment. It will take a little bit of today's pressure off though!

 

Do take someone with you if you can when visiting the school! If you don't know anyone personally who can help, try a local parents help group, carer's support worker, or a parent partnership person.

And yes, dealing with one person at school (preferable as high up as possible, I myself have 'attached' myself to the deputy head of my son's college) helps a lot, and keep pestering them, again and again. Don't worry about what they think, they'll help you just to get rid of you in the end, but at least it gets the job done. (Sod them for the rest )

 

Remember too, it is still very early days and school should realise soon what he can and cannot do (well, some of it anyway) which should put them to think.

 

PE, oh yes, how familiar that all sounds...long live the shorts eh!

As for detention, my son had one once for forgetting his PE kit several times, and this was held during lunch time which meant he was late in eating his food. He is diabetic!!!

So I wrote them such an angry and upset letter that I don't think they'll ever dare to give him another detention again! It provided a good opportunity to make some issues clear.

 

My son doesn't like to use a school locker as it means he has to run from one end of the building to the other to pick up his stuff and then back again to the lesson.

I have a copy of my son's timetable and check with him in the morning if he has all he needs (like that PE kit etc). In the beginning I packed his bag for him but after some time he began to do it himself, bit by bit. You could also use a list that mentions which items he needs on which day, that he can tick off. I.e. pencil case, maths book, calculator, PE kit, history notes etc. School should help make a basic list, as they know what is needed and then add to his home-school book if there is anything else he needs to bring (the amounts of times he didn't have something with him because I didn't know as I hadn't been at the lesson...)

 

Dont' forget to take care of yourself too!!!! When he is at school maybe there is a chance to put your feet up, take a bath, visit a friend, or whatever, to keep your own life and morale up and refresh yourself ready for when he comes home.

Councelling might be useful also.

[mirry]

Great replys

 

I have checked his home/school link book and all the concerns i wrote in there on the 1st of sept havent even had a reply, a huge concern this is.

He had spanish homework all written in spanish! He doesnt know what the words mean and I certainly dont .Apparently he will get detention if he doesnt complete it and another evening of worry was had by all.

To me its like asking a person in a wheelchair to run about at PE or he will get detention, they are asking the impossible of him (he is disabled and they dont take any notise)

I like the idea of putting my feet up in the day and to be honest the computor is my little bit of freedom as i suffer with bad anxiety going out, I am going to phone my dentist now as got bad tooth pain (3 weeks) and I am taking all your advise and sorting out things one at a time.

Later think i will phone for help on filling in those DLA forms.

You all have been so great and everything you say tells me you have been there and know exactly where i am coming from,

THANKS <'>

[oracle]

Hi Mimmy,

 

Sorry to keep throwing info your way but re the Spanish. OFSTED have said in their report about behaviour in schools, that where kids like ours are concerned if they are attending lessons, which could trigger outbursts or cause anxiety, then schools must ask if the child really needs to attend that lesson? I have the report should you need it. Does the school have a link with an ASD Outreach Officer? Maybe if you ring the LEA and find out who it is? I have given the OFSTED report to our Outreach worker and I know that she has used this is quite a few schools to hammer home a point.

 

It's just a thought.

 

Carole

[Tez]

Hi Mimmy,

 

Carole's advice is good. My son's school used to ignoreall phone calls and comments that I made in his homework diary so I started sending them emails and resending them when I didn't get a response stating that unless I got a response by X date I would make an official complaint to the Governors. I then started to get a response. Be persistent cover everything in emails so that at a later date you have evidence if you need it.

 

How do you approach so many problems? Well, I had some advice from a friend which I took and it really helped. She suggested that I took a sheet of A4 (or in my case A3) paer and draw columns on it. Col 1 - List the Problems that need solving eg. DLA forms, medical problems, finding way around school etc.

Col 2 - mSuggested resolution - If you have a resolution to the problem list it if not leave blank

 

Col 3 - Agency responsible - EG Doctor, School, Social Worker etc - may be more than one

 

Col 4 - Timescale/ Priority

 

 

Having done this you will have a really clear idea of what the problems are and the priority in which you need to tackle them. Now email a copy to the school and ask for an urgent meeting to go through it and to discuss resolutions and responsibilities, alos email a copy to any other agencies involved.

 

Try to identify a champion within the school who will help both you and your child. At Junior school one of my son's champions was a cleaner who looked after him in the cloakrooms after school and saw that he wasn't bullied.

 

This is only a suggestion but it worked for me. I continually update mine, sometimes things work sometimes they don't.

[mirry]

HI ,

 

Carole yes please i would love to see the ofstead report on this matter as it may come in use the way things are going.

Tez I am going to do the list like you mentioned and see how it goes.

I never imagined id get this much support..... FAB!

Never got round to those DLA forms again, working next 2 days so who knows when this will get done

 

bye for now

[phasmid]

Mirry, those forms will get done in a few days time when you have had the chance to get things at school sorted a bit first. Don't even think about them for a few days. One thing at a time! We'll keep saying it!! I like the idea of the priority list. Might be a good idea.

[Mother in Need]

My son has been taken out of language lessons due to his anxiety. He spends the time in the learning support unit instead, where a LSA helps him with his homework. Any homework that does not get done during those hours, he does not have to do!. Homework was a major problem for us, and it sounds like this is the case with your son as well, so maybe that might be one to ask for: no homework!

[UltraMum]

HOW ON EARTH CAN THEY PUNISH SOMEONE WHOS DISABILITY MAKES THEM EXTREAMLY FORGETFULL ?

The same way that they make someone with no legs walk around the school and not use their wheelchair. I DON'T THINK!

 

[UltraMum]

SORRY forgot to mention he came home with his school PE shorts under his trousers after the staff had been searching the whole school for them.

 

MIRRYx

Serves them right!

[mirry]

Got a reminder through the post about the DLA forms saying I need to get them filled in and back to them ! I am really getting panicky now..........want to contact someone to help me fill them in because i just cant think what to say.

 

Can i really demand he does no homework? This would make things more managable.

[Tez]

You can negoitiate that he does no homework. We did and the school accepted it.

[lynyona]

hi mirry nice to meet you.

 

The one thing i know by being a member of this board is you always get loads of good advice and support so i cannot add anything that as not already been said and as for obsessions i get that constantly from kieran who is now 19 and also his younger sufers from it as well a bit less now we have been able to give them seperate bedrooms . lynn

[oracle]

Mirry you could negotiate homework as Tez has said. You could even suggest that until he has the chance to settle it would be a very good idea not to give homework as this is adding to the pressure he already feels under?

 

Then in a few weeks you could review the situation. But many professionals now recognise the difficulties that ours kids have with homework.

 

Carole

[Mother in Need]

Mirry, do you want a copy of my son's DLA forms? I'll send them to you if you want. Some other parents did that to me and I found them soooo helpful, as it gave me such a clear idea of what to write (and to be honest, I copied whole parts of them). Let me know and I'll email them to you.

 

As I said, my son does not have to do any homework, and you can request/insist on the same.

 

My son is not settling into school at the moment either (he is now year 8) and the school has jsut today come up with a plan to ease him into lessons more slowly over the next few weeks instead of having to plunge in fully as they've attempted (againast my will but he created such a fuss today that they've decided to listen). I'll hear more about it on Monday apparently.

[mirry]

Hi everyone , Sorry its taken some time to get on here I finished the DLA forms and sent them off (before i knew about your offer to look at your forms SORRY).

The parent partnership people were RUBBISH, I phoned them up and they basically left me to do all the talking and when i said i think ive filled in the forms ok but I am not sure they said "Ok phone us if you need help" they couldnt get me off the phone quick enough I expected them to go through it with me?

 

My son has been SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO angry lately.

Every night after school he ruins the whole evening causing trouble in anyway possible, he will argue over anything AND I MEAN ANYTHING, he cries so much too and theres no reasoning with him - making us all feel Drained.

I am on antibiotics for a saliva enlarged gland and last night felt so ILL, he couldnt care less about me "ZERO EMPATHY" he kept saying why are you angry ? and I kept saying Im not i am ILL.......he went on at me all night

 

love this site ,you are such nice people <'>

[Mother in Need]

Hang in there Mirry! ~We honestly know how you feel!

 

Strange about the parent partnership, I had my first meeting with them today and the lady was absolutely wonderful. Maybe somehow you came over to them as coping and on top of it? Maybe you could ring them again and say that there seemed to be a misunderstanding and yes please you would like them to come round your place and talk to you and can they please help? You've still got to deal with that school, and from what I've heard from that lady today, that's exactly what they're there for.

 

Oh yes zero empathy. My AS son hit me rather hard on the head the other night with a stick, and while I was seeing stars my first reaction was to say 'ow, that hurt, watch what you're doing' HE was the one that started crying feeling misunderstood and sorry for himself....my youngest though went and got a damp cloth and put it on my head while I tried to comfort the AS one, AND he asked first thing in the morning how my head was. Such opposites!

 

I have found that the tension of school really has a strong effect on my AS son's behaviour, and that lessening his stress levels at school (easier said than done I know) really helps him a lot and hence improves his behaviour. He HAS to have control over somthing in his life, so if it cannot be the important things than at least something little makes him feel better. Hence the arguing I think, his attempt to be in control and have things the way he wants them to be. I give in when it doesn't really matter and only put my foot down over important issues like not jumping out of the upstairs window and having to catch the bus to school.

 

Patience! Patience! Patience! Even when I don't feel like it I try to pretend, as losing it makes it all only so much more difficult.

[Elanor]

Hi Mirry

 

You seem to be getting somewhere, but you still sound overloaded.

 

Your son sounds overloaded too - I've been in the situation you describe, and believe me, you will get through it - even though it will take a long time.

 

Your son sounds incredibly stressed - he's clearly having more input than he can cope with. Can you do anything to reduce the load on him - even taking time off school (if you can bear it) to give him a break? Poor kid, and poor you - he's only taking things out on you because he feels safe at home, and he must have an outlet for the stress he's under.

 

It will get better as you gain control of the things in his life - take care.

 

Elanor