I feel so Guilty

[pingu]

Hi Everyone.

 

Well ive sent him back to school, but now I feel soooo guilty !! He hasn?t mentioned school until last night, and then he burst into tears and started telling me all the bad things that happened to him in year 1, including the other kids pushing him into nettles, been smacked in the face, and the dinner ladies telling him to eat his sandwiches even though he felt sick.

To cap it all, he had a fall last night, and cracked the back of his head on the dressing table, he has taken a chunk out of it and it is like an egg, (not overly serious, but there was blood).

 

He finally got to sleep some time after 11pm, only to wake up again at 2.30am in a hysterical state. He stopped crying at 6.30 and went into quiet mode. He didn?t speak once we got through the school gates.

 

He must be so tired after little sleep and all that crying, and now im upset because I should never have sent him today, but if I didn?t send him, then he would get it into his head that if he woke up early each day he wouldn?t have to go to school.

And just to add a spanner into the works, the class he is in (with only 9 kids) doesn?t reopen until Monday, so they have put him into his base class with 27 kids, and Kieran doesn?t communicate with other children in an appropriate way, that?s how he was thrown into the nettles last term !

Oh help, im a mess.

I hope everyone else is ok, and if you are going through the same torture as we are right now you have my sympathy.

Take care

Shaz

[oracle]

Hi Shaz <'>

 

This could well be bad advice but I would be tempted not to send him back to school until he is in the correct class. Between now and next Monday things could really go down hill fast.

 

I think that the school had a duty to infrom you that his class was closed until next Monday - they should understand that a child like your son needs to feel comfortable in his environment and large numbers in his classroom will only add to this.

 

I would also tell my son that he was not going back until his class was open again.

 

You can probably tell that I am pretty radical in my opinions. Oh yes and outspoken to But I found that telling my kids, no matter how young, what I was doing for them and why, helped them to trust me.

 

I would also tell the school that you will not be taking him back until his class re-opens. I would tell them why and maybe iron out any other concerns that you have about him going back to.

 

take care and sorry to be so outspoken here

 

Carole

[Tylers-mum]

I ditto Carole on this one. I'd personally keep him home until Monday.

 

Thinking of you and (((HUGS))) <'> Please keep us posted on how his day went ok.

[Tez]

Hi Shaz,

 

I agree with Carole. He'll only be missing a few days school and the message that you will be giving is that you are there to protect him and help him sort things out not if he stays up all night he can miss school. Like Carole, I'm always abit controversial in the way that I approach the school but I'd like to think that over the years I've built up a relationship with the school's management that is built on mutual trust and respect. Equally, my son knows that I'm there to fight his corner but won't hesitate to let him know when I think he's out of order.

 

I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about, just do what you think is best for your son.

 

Take care.

[mossgrove]

I agree with everyone else. Sending him into a class of 27 people serves no purpose whatseover. He will be far too stressed to learn anything, and it could make him resistant to going to school.

 

I suspect he will understand if you tell him that you are keeping him off school until his class is open rather than because he woke up early.

 

Simon

Edited September 6, 2005 by mossgrove

[Guest flutter]

i agree with the others

it could all be messed up for him in a very short space of time

<'>

C x

[nellie]

Yes, I'm another who agrees with what has been suggested.

 

Shaz my thoughts are with you, it's such a tough time. <'>

 

Nellie <'>

[jools]

ditto all the above.

<'> <'>

[Viper]

I agree with the sound advice given.

 

My son is having difficulties settleing into school so I know how you are feeling. I always think I am betraying his trust by making him do things he doesn't want to do, I have been the person he can trust above all others and now I am sending him into something he hates. But in the long run it is good for them and we know that, hopefully they will too one day.

 

Viper.

[pingu]

Thank you everyone.

I didnt know until this morning that his class wasnt on, but on speaking to his teacher about my concerns, i was told that it would do him good as he needs to get to know his teacher, and also they are hoping to intigrate him before christmas into this class. Now i feel even more guilty because i just accepted this when told this morning, and if i hadnt been so tired i probably would have argued with her on the principle of it all. I will be talking to the school soon ( i hope) But ive got to agree with you all, im not sending him back !!

Thanks again, You are a great bunch.

Shaz

x

[oracle]

Shaz,

 

Intergration has to be planned. You should never operate a sink or swim policy with our kids because they will always sink Today was not a day to just put him in to a class of 27 and hope. If they plan to intigrate your son tell them you want input into the plan because you know him best.

 

Carole - outspoken as always

[pingu]

Well ive had a word up at the school. Thanks to the support here i felt strong enough to air my views. His teacher assures me that the intergration will be slow, (basically between now and christmas) But i still have doubts and have arranged another meeting with the autism inclusion teacher.

Once i had aired my concerns about todays class arragements, it was agreed that he will return to his nurture group on thursday instead of monday. And although he has been fine today, he hasnt spoken much since getting home. (the usual babble about james bond, but thats it. )

 

Anyway i thought i would just pop in and say thanks for your support this morning/afternoon. And carole i prefer you to be outspoken and share your opinion, than not give your advice, because as always your advice is good advice.

Take care

Shaz

[mrs q]

Pleased you had a word with the school

 

I had a word with my school today because my friend came out of school upset about her son ...so I went and spoke to them.

 

So they rang her at home....she is not happy....but at least she had a reply.

[streamdreams]

Shaz,

 

I am going to disagree with every one and say I think you did the right thin when you sent him and I think you are followin it up in a very responcible way. As part of my therapy, I have been doing a lot of research into my own back ground, including chronologically matching up events and with academic results and school reports, doctors letters etc etc.

 

The start of the term, especial a new year is a very sensitive time, any disruption can cause disaster for the rest of the year. In the years when I did not return on time my academic results crashed. This was also true for the year my son was late to start.

 

The start of term is when the class bonds, when the teachers have most energy and are most tolerant. Introducing a child, especially an AS child later, is disruptive to the class and un settles the group petentuals bring resent ment , bot children and potentualy teachers ( sorry but some are more Human than others). The child do not share the beginning of term experiences or the bonds. Change is traumatic for an AS child, Ath the beginning of term other children are looking to them selves, but later new comers are more likely to get picked on.

 

So all in all, yes despite not being ideal, I believe you did the right thing.

 

 

 

J

Edited September 11, 2005 by streamdreams

[streamdreams]

I should add that my academic results were an exact reflection of my mood

 

J

[nellie]

Change is traumatic for an AS child, Ath the beginning of term other children are looking to them selves, but later new comers are more likely to get picked on.

 

J,

 

After considering all points we decided to delay my sons college start this week to enable him to have a home visit for his birthday. This is a very good point you have made and one we failed to consider.

 

Nellie xx

[lil_me]

J's comments are similar to my reasons why I stood my ground with my son starting the first week regardless of tears and tantrums, heartbreaking as it was I believed it was important

Edited September 11, 2005 by lil_me

[elaine1]

i would say yes if he was in the class he is meant to be in, but i dont see how it helps putting him into a class of 27 kids he dosent know from adam.

I say keep him home <'>