What a day!!!

[Viper]

HI.

 

I've had the day from hell so far.

 

Walked kids to school and got soaked.

Got home and let the cat in, he then sh*t all over my living room carpet.

Cleaned that up and started to get the flashing migrian signals (colours flashing in field of vision) with migrain following.

Went out to collect Ben from school and DD said he had been crying and wanting me at lunch time. When he came out his teacher said he was desperate for a wee and had been since 12ish it was 1.15 had to walk 20 mins to get home with Ben crying in pain all the way, he wouldn't let me pick him up as he said it made it worse. Got home Ben had his wee.

walked into the living room and the dog had puked all over the carpet.

Thats poo,wee and sick, all I need now is blood and snot and I've had the complete set.

 

I know where I'd like to get the blood from, the head teachers nose who wont let Ben have nappies at school for just such emergencies. It makes me so ###### angry, they know Bens problems with the toilet and still they didn't call me early to bring him a nappy. He isn't doing full time yet until next week, I could have collected him early.

 

What worries me is how will he cope next week when he is doing a whole day?

Just when things were going so well too, I bet this sets him back and we will have the "I'm not going" mantra tommorow.

 

I despair of all this, I just don't know what to do. When I ask Ben why he didn't go in the school loo he said it wouldn't come out. He seems to have a complete mental block when it comes to other toilets.

 

Viper.

[DaisyProudfoot]

Hi Viper,

 

My Martin was exactly the same with the toilet thing when he started school. He couldn't poo especially because of his constipation issues - teacher said he could spend ages in there and nothing would come out, sometimes he would cry with the pain and there was nothing they could do for him.

 

He came home in a different set of trousers almost every day because he wet himself yet at home he was fully toilet trained with no problems.

 

He is nine now and can hold onto a poo for days - it's a good thing he has a high pain threshold because I don't know how he can hold something for so long. At school he still gets wrong for peeing up the wall instead of using the bowl but he doesn't have issues with other toilets anymore.

 

Woudl it be possible to have a quiet word with one of the more understanding teachers about the nappy situation - surely they can't let Ben suffer like that. If I were you I'd be shouting about discrimination against disability

 

Daisy

[Suze]

Viper <'> <'> , hope that migraine,s better.So sorry Ben is suffering like this.I agree with Daisy how can they let the poor soul suffer like this? Just another half baked idea of mine....here goes.My elderley pops is currently in hospital and I noticed yesterday them using disposable urinals(cardboard tubes that you wee into and dispose of).Could you try Ben with some of these ?It might be a way forward if he can move away from the nappy and you can quite easily carry them about with you for emergencies. Would that be something he could use at school?The thought of the little guy in pain like that is awful.Thinking of you <'>

[jools]

the school can't allow this happen!

presumably he won't be able to hold on all day (will he?) and if he isn't allowed to use a nappy then an accident might happen and that would be devastating for him.

 

as a ta i'm expected to clean up children who do have accidents and while i've never had to deal with a child in nappies i know our nursery will accept children in pullups.

 

is it an option for him to wear pullups that can be changed if needed?

or even leaving a supply of pullups at school that he can then be responsible for putting on and taking off?

[Viper]

Bens problem is a mental one. He is not able to go. He has never wet himself as he seems unable to do that either He says he can't do it. It seems the only place he can "let go" is in our loo or in a nappy. Almost as though he has been conditioned to only do it in these places.

 

I have spoken to his head teacher with a plan that my dd who is in the same school, can go over to the infants department and put a nappy on him then take it off when he is done,. This can be done at lunch time so would not disrupt her schooling and she is willing and very able to do it (she has done it many times and is 11 next week) The head however thinks that this is not an option and Ben needs to get more desperate to go and even wet himself before he can "learn" to use the school toilets.

 

Who's son is this? I was under the impresion he was mine and I'm sure I can remember being there whe he was born.

 

Viper.

[barefoot wend]

Viper

 

Sorry I have no practical solution to offer unless, perhaps, that you could go in at break/lunch to put nappy on????? - not ideal I know. I think school are being very unreasonable. As if poor chap doesn't have enough to contend with already!

 

HUGE thumbs up for your dd and willingness to help out. What a fantastic daughter.

 

I hope things get sorted for you.

 

Barefoot

[jools]

the head is being very unreasonable.

you have offered a solution that should be good for ben and not disrupt staff or other children.

i really can't see his problem <'> <'>

[katkin]

I didn't think that main stream schools were allowed to do this now ( sorry been a long time since I was in Mainstream) disability discrimination etc. In fact I was talking to the head at my daughters school; she was asking me about communication training plus other so was talking to me as a professional not as a mum. She is taking in a lad with Down's this term who is not fully toilet trained and wears pullups and she doesn't have an issue with the situation.

From what you say am I right in thinking that the head does not understand fully Ben's problems and thinks with a bit of strict handling and regular daily beatings he will get "better"? is it possible for you to explain again - or does he have an ASD outreach teacher who could help you?

Sometimes heads will take things better from someone whom they perceive as a fellow professional rather than someone who is just the boy's mum and therefore is not worthy of attention and therefore could not possibly have any valid or remotely professional opinion or knowledge about a person you have cared for 24/7 for 5yrs!! (sorry is my cynicism showing through??!!) love Kat

[Viper]

Katkin, you have hit the nail on the head. She thinks with time and regular visits to the toilet he wiil get used to it, see all the other boys and copy them.

 

If I gave her a razor blade and told her to cut her wrists would she physically be able to, I don't think so and that is how Ben is with the loo.

 

She said even if it means he wets himself so be it, but he can't even do that, if he could he most certainly would have today. He could hardly walk with the pain and still he held on.

 

I am getting to the point of exploding and she won't like it when I do.

 

Viper.

[Kathryn]

Viper <'>

 

This is a really frustrating situation for you. It seems to me that a child just starting school has enough to get used to without the addition of physical discomfort. Surely the toilet situation is best dealt with slowly over time - there is already enough novelty for your son to be going on with.

 

I can only echo katkin's advice to get someone else who is involved with your child to explain the situation - the head will then see that you are not just an overprotective parent.

 

K

[oracle]

This happened last year to a parent in our group, who is also a member here. She had a dreadful time with her little chap, who took this one stage further by holding on to his wee even when he came home

 

I fully agree going to school is a BIG issue in itself without enforced toilet training to make life easier for the staff

 

Carole

[Tensing]

I would be making a fuss now, this is discrimination, your son has a problem and school should be coping with it. Has he had his 5 year olds school nurse check up yet? I would get in touch with the school nurse and get her onside, and get her to put a care plan in to place, one that states he be allowed to wear a nappy for "x" amount of time at Lunch play or what ever.

 

I have to say if that was my 11 year old (fiesty little madam she is) she would just walk in and put a nappy on him, not the answer I know, but she would not be able to cope with knowing she could help her brother, and not do something.

[elaine1]

oh love, what a day. hope u get this sorted soon. best wishes.

I get those flashes of light before a migraine too, vile isnt it. does yr vision go too?

[something vague]

Hello,

 

I'm new here. I'm a teaching assistant in a special school. This sort of thing makes me furious. How can inclusion work, if staff wont take children's conditions into account!!!!!!!! When I was training as a nursery nurse and inclusion was just beginning to be considered, we had a 3 year old boy who used to soil himself every day. I was more than willing to clean him and make him comfortable but wasn't allowed. Each day the parent was called in to clean her child up. He was only in for 2.5 hour session. Needless to say his attendance was poor. I really hope that schools are more tolerant now but by your experience it sounds like some are still in the dark ages!

 

Viper, how would your son react if he used a different toilet but was allowed to sit on it with his nappy on. Maybe, if you tried this at a friends house or a relatives to begin with he might get used to letting go in a few different toilets and eventually try at school. Its just a suggestion, maybe you've already tried it.

 

I hope you get a solution to the problem soon. Its just not fair to your son.